Whoever Cares The Least, Has All The Power

Why whoever cares the least in a relationship has all the power and leverage.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 54 year old guy who was with his 58 year old ex-girlfriend off and on for about 8 years. He’s been following my work for about 4 years, but only read 3% Man, 3 times. So he’s a cherry picker who is doing the complete opposite of what I teach. He cares way more about her than she does him. She’s ignoring him and he keeps chasing, but is surprised he’s getting nowhere. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Whoever Cares The Least, Has All The Power.”

Well, this particular email is from a 54 year old guy, and he was with his 58 year old, now ex-girlfriend, and they were off and on for about eight years. Things been rocky the last several years, he says. He’s been following my work for four years, but yet he’s only been able to get around to reading The Book three times so far. So he’s obviously a cherry picker. And then when we look at what he’s doing here, he’s doing the complete opposite. So they’ve broken up three times and gotten back together.

I guess this is the third or fourth time, um, that they broke it up. Now she doesn’t want to talk to him and he keeps he keeps sending these long letters and stuff to her, and she’s saying, no way, no way, no way. And you could just tell. The part of the problem here is that he’s focused on his interest in her. He’s not really paying attention to her low interest in him. And since he’s just kind of cherry picking in videos and looking for quick fixes, he’s not really getting anywhere other than just kind of spinning his wheels because he’s really not taking the time to learn The Book and the philosophy because he’s basically most of his behavior is unattractive.

And therefore the breakups, when you go through it, it looks like the breakups are because she’s got low interest and he’s trying to use logic and reason to talk her into treating him the way she would treat him if she had high romantic interest. Instead of learning The Book and being attractive and cleaning up his behavior, he’s trying to make it all about her, showing him attention and affection, despite the fact he’s doing a lot of really unattractive and unmasculine things that are turning her off.

So let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach Corey Wayne,

I hope you are doing well. I really need your help and advice. I dated the most amazing woman for about eight years, and it ended about three months ago. For the third time.

So they’ve broken up three times now. First two times they got back together.

No one has ever turned me on like her.

Well, rejection breeds obsession.

She’s super-hot and amazing in bed. I’m 54 and she’s 58. I’ve been following you for about four years. I bought your book, and I’ve read it about three times, and I’ve watched a lot of your videos.

So I wonder if that means he just now got The Book, or he got The Book many years ago when he first started following me, read it a few times, but never really took it seriously. This is why I tell people you got to read The Book 10 to 15 times if you really want to understand the philosophy and the mentality of what an attractive man does and how he thinks, his mindset, and most importantly, how his actions reflect that. You got to read The Book 10 to 15 times. It’s the only way you’re really going to get to know it well enough to clean up all of the unattractive behavior.

And if you’re just not going to take the time to do that and you’re going to half-ass it and you’re lazy, you think it doesn’t apply to you, then you’re going to be like this guy chasing and groveling after a girl who’s basically ghosted him and ignored him and blocked him. And yet he’s kind of seems to be surprised that his chasing and pursuing and begging and pleading with her is not getting him anywhere.

During year six with her, I walked out of the relationship, leaving her a letter on her counter. She was exceedingly difficult to talk to. We lived in separate houses.

So if you’ve been with somebody for six years and you’re not really cohabitating, they’re not that into you.

The letter stated that I wanted to work on some things with her and it also said that I loved her. I also moved my clothes out of her place to get her attention.

So you broke up with her to get her attention? Seems great logic there.

I felt like my needs were not being met, and everything was about her. She reached out to me after three or four days, we talked and were back together the next day.

So you notice the first time he walked away and said, this needs to change. He left her a letter. She reached out to him. Now the next two times it’s the complete opposite.

A year later, year seven with her, I continued to feel the same, like my needs were not being met.

More than likely, he’s probably upset that she doesn’t want to have sex with him. Instead of looking at himself in his own behavior, he’s pointing the finger at her and going, “oh, you don’t want to sleep with me. You don’t want to have sex as much as I do. You don’t call me as much. You don’t spend as much time with me.” And so those are the actions of a guy that’s focused on his interests and her, and he’s completely ignoring the fact he’s with a woman who has low interest.

And if she’s got low interest and he’s not willing to address his own behavior and become more attractive, well, things are not going to get any better just because you demand that she fucks you more. That’s not how this works. If she doesn’t want to touch you, then you have to figure out what you’re doing and saying wrong that’s causing you to repulse her, instead of attract her.

She never wanted to stay at my house.

Because she has low interest. And you’re probably just a booty call.

But I’ve always been so attracted to her.

So again, you’ll notice through the whole email, he’s focused on how much he likes her, how much he likes the sex, how he can’t control himself, how he’s so into her. But he’s completely ignoring the fact that she has low interest in him. And so it’s like he read The Book a few times, but he’s really looking for things to basically point the finger at her and say, it’s all her fault. Because it’s much easier to do that as a man and say, “hey, it’s modern women”, or “it’s just women in general”, like a lot of the Red Pill guys do.

Then you absolve yourself from any personal responsibility for fixing your unattractive behavior, and then therefore, you don’t do anything to address the symptoms of her low attraction to you. And so she stays in a state of low attraction. If you’re with a woman for six years and she doesn’t want to stay at your house, she doesn’t want to live and cohabitate together; you’re a booty call.

It’s not really a girlfriend. And so she probably kind of kept him at arm’s length because he was obnoxious, needy, neurotic, and then complaining about it. It’s just, that’s not going to work. That’s not how you attract a woman to you. That’s how an amateur behaves. And despite the fact that he’s around my age, he acts like an amateur.

I’ve always been so attracted to her, so I choose to look the other way about certain things.

Yeah. You talk yourself into continually doing unattractive things, and then you just look the other way. Because it’s not pleasant, it’s painful to recognize that you’re screwing up, that you’re doing and saying things or giving off the wrong vibe that makes her repulsed.

However, it all started to build up again and I started to believe that she had a lot of narcissistic traits.

It’s quite possible she does. However, when a guy is obsessed over how much she likes or doesn’t like him and how much he’s into her, and he’s ignoring the fact, just like he said here. Because he was so attracted to her, he looked the other way when he saw the signs that she wasn’t into that. And again, if you’re with a woman for six years and she never wants to stay at your place and you’re not cohabitating together, if you’ve been applying what’s in The Book and you’re with a normal, healthy woman, she’s going to be all over you like white on rice.

“When are we getting married? When can we move in together? When are we going to be a family? I miss you, I want to see you.” I seriously doubt these things are things that this guy has ever heard from this woman. It’s mostly, he’s acting like a chick, and she acts like a strong, masculine, stoic dude just because he acts like a girl most of the time.

However, it all started to build up again.

And this is where he says she has narcissistic traits.

Which really scared me. So, once again I decided to leave in the same manner, left her a letter telling her that I thought she was a covert narcissist, and that I was sick of being used as a door mat.

So the fact that he says that “oh, you’re using me as a doormat.” Well, if a man recognizes that he’s being used as a doormat or a woman is not respecting him, he’s going to set and he’s going to enforce healthy boundaries. And if it doesn’t change your behavior, then he’s going to give her the gift of missing him. But he didn’t do that. He didn’t pump the brakes. He didn’t back off. Instead, he kept moving forward, trying to shoehorn himself into her life. And it looks like she just kind of tolerated him because, again, he was really just a booty call.

She blocked me on everything. The problem is, after I left her, I started to think I made a mistake within two weeks and stared to reach out to her. This time she wouldn’t talk to me for over a month, then we had a meeting, and she proceeded to yell at me and tell me that she wasn’t interested in getting back together.

So now he’s chasing her attention and validation and acting like a little lovesick puppy. You never try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you. And so what he did was a lot of guys that don’t know any better. He got mad at the lack of sex. He got mad at the lack of intimacy. He got mad at her lack of effort. He got mad at her lack of closeness. And again, I mean, he says he’s been through The Book three times, but it’s pretty clear he pretty much dismissed what was in here. If he even learned anything at all, if he actually went through it three times.

And his behavior hasn’t changed. As a matter of fact, his behavior has gotten worse and more unattractive over time. Because after the first time he broke up with her, he still had the power. She came back, they worked things out. Now he’s like, “oops, I made a mistake.” And then he goes back and he’s chasing her now.

She said leave me alone and give me my space. Which I did and she ended up calling me about a month later and we talked about a bunch of stuff and went on our first date a month later. So, we got back together after about four months total.

So you notice what he did. He finally just backed off and left her alone. Because again, he was acting needy and neurotic. This is not the behavior of an attractive man. That’s the behavior of a beta male. So you could read The Book a thousand times, and if you continue to do the opposite of it, you should not be surprised that your woman is disgusted and repulsed by you and doesn’t want you to touch her or be around her, and doesn’t even want you calling her. I mean, this one came right out and said, “leave me the fuck alone”, basically.

Things were really good for about eight months until my daughter started to interfere in the relationship, and it ultimately led to the relationship ending again.

So more than likely now you’re allowing family members to cause drama between you and your girlfriend. So that’s going to make any woman not feel safe, like you can’t protect them. And if you’re too much of a pussy to stand up to your girlfriend and put her in her place when she’s out of line, then you’re probably too much of a pussy to stand up to your daughter and put her in her place and tell her that, “you need to apologize to my girlfriend and not interfere in our relationship.” But he didn’t do that, and he allowed his daughter to drive a wedge between the two of them. And then that became the impetus for her dumping him this time.

I think my ex thought I picked my daughter over her.

Well, again, if you didn’t stand up for your girlfriend to your daughter, that’s on you. Again, these are things you would have learned if you had taken the time over the past four years to read The Book and take it seriously. But you didn’t.

Now that we’ve been apart for about three months, I still want to get back together with her again. This woman has a spell over me.

Well, rejection breeds obsession. She doesn’t want you. And so now your interest is doubled.

It’s crazy, it’s like she’s a drug and I can’t get enough.

Again, rejection breeds obsession. This is very predictable. And it’s so obvious. You’ve been following me for four years. But you just act like you’re totally bamboozled like you can’t figure this out. The reason you have created this story is so you don’t really have to address your own behavior, and you just point the finger and say, “it’s all her. She’s a narcissist.”

She may as well be, but when I look at your email and I read the totality of your actions and your interactions with her, you’re acting like a bitch. And if you act like a bitch, women will treat you like a bitch. I know it’s harsh, but at 54, dude, at some point you got to grow the fuck up.

After a few conversations after the breakup, she told me this can no longer be fixed, I don’t feel safe or trust in the relationship and I wish you the best-always.

So she doesn’t feel safe. She doesn’t feel heard and understood. In other words, she doesn’t feel like he can protect her. So whatever happened between her and this guy’s daughter, he just sat back on the sidelines and let it happen. And since he never stood up for his woman to his own daughter and put a stop to it. He’s not being the man in the relationship. He’s not the man of his household. And more than likely, his daughter probably walks all over him as well. And so he’s probably been going to his daughter and bitching and complaining about the fact that his girlfriend doesn’t want to sleep with him is not treating him right.

And of course, the daughter is going to take his side, but she’s not going to really understand the fact that most of the problems here are really due to his unattractive behavior and his unwillingness to stand up for himself and put her in her place and back off. You can tell this guy just keeps pursuing, pursuing, pursuing, pursuing. And this woman is always keeping him at arm’s length because he’s basically a glorified booty call.

Not really the guy that’s the love of her life. It’s like she tolerates him. Probably she enjoyed the sex with him, but it got to the point where she was sick of his neediness and his neuroticism, and all of his acting like a little boy all the time. You can’t treat your woman like your mommy and your therapist and thinks she’s going to stick around for very long.

I know this was more than likely her way of saying goodbye, but I still want to figure things out with her.

Well, it takes two to tango. And your tango partner has taken off, bro. At some point, you should pull your head out of your ass. Take reading the book seriously and start acting more like you did after the first time you broke up with her, which is, just leave her alone. Because the more you pursue and the more you chase, all you’re doing is further cementing in her mind that thank God I dumped this guy and got away from him.

Since then I’ve written her letters, texts and emails.

So he’s groveling and begging and pleading. Again, this guy says he’s been following me for four years and he thinks groveling, begging, pleading, sending emails, sending texts, sending letters, basically acting like a stalker is attractive. It’s not. It doesn’t work.

All of which, have gone unanswered.

Duh. That’s as predictable as the sun coming up in the East and setting in the West.

Then, I wrote her another text.

Come on, Man. Have some self-respect, Dude. Seriously. You never try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you. None of this should be happening. But yet he can’t control himself. Because she rejected him this time.

Then, I wrote her another text saying maybe you need more time, maybe you don’t and maybe I need to just except the fact that this is over, and I should move on!

She probably is not even going to respond.

That night I noticed she unblocked me on Instagram. Then I sent her another message on her father’s birthday, he passed about three years ago. I said I was thinking about her.

She knows you’re thinking about her, bro. I mean, you’re like that close to getting a fucking restraining order against you. What are you thinking?

And I know how hard this day was for her. She wrote back and said thank you, and that is it. My question is, what do I do?

You do nothing. Read The Book. Stop this. This is not working. This is the opposite of what I teach. So you shouldn’t be sitting there going, “gee, Coach. I don’t know what to do. This is such a mystery. It’s an enigma.

I know she said I wish you the best, but she hasn’t said anything since then.

Because she doesn’t fucking care. That’s why. I know it hurts. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but I’m not going to sit here and blow sunshine up your ass because you need to pull your head out of your butt.

And or in response to my last message about me moving on.

She doesn’t believe you’re going to move on because you’re obsessed over her. Barraging her with texts and letters and emails, and all she does is ignore you. Because she doesn’t respect you. Because again, you act like a bitch. And if you act like a bitch, women will treat you like a bitch. They’re harsh like that. You’re supposed to be stronger than they are. You’re supposed to be more masculine than they are. You’re not supposed to be behaving this way.

She could have said, yes you need to move on like I said a couple of months ago.

She doesn’t need you. You’re not listening to her anyways.

Do you think there is still a chance to reconnect with her?

Flip a coin. It could go either way. But I promise you, if you keep barraging her, she’s going to block you. And maybe eventually she’ll get a restraining order against you. Maybe that’ll wake you the fuck up.

She also asked my mom recently if I was dating anyone.

That’s why you should stay in No Contact and leave her the fuck alone.

She seems curious about me dating and she unblocked me. It all feels like games, but I still feel like there is a chance.

Did you ever see Dumb and Dumber? Jim Carrey’s character just gets rejected in the most obvious way. She just, body slams him and he’s like, so you’re saying there’s a chance? It’s like, “mhm, not if you keep this up.”

What should I do?

Nothing.

Go into No Contact, wait for her to reach out and keep dating other women? 

Thank you,

Bob

Yep. Follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. But it’s like, you know, at least the email was entertaining for the audience. Because there are guys that are probably already doing what you’re saying. They just found my work, and they’re listening to this going, “man, even I’m not that pathetic. I feel better about my situation.” You never try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you. This is so obvious that it ends this way. For years you’ve been following me.

You’ve been through The Book three times, and you think blowing up her phone and writing constant letters to her, calling her, texting her is going to get her to want you back? Come on, Dude, seriously. Have some self-respect. Follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back it’s very simple and actually take The Book seriously. Because if you don’t, guess what? As soon as you start dating her again, then you’ll start complaining about not getting enough pussy.

And that’s all a direct reflection of the fact that you act like a pussy with her. You act more like the girl in the relationship. So of course she’s not going to want to sleep with you. As she said, she don’t feel safe with you, and she doesn’t feel safe because you don’t act like a man. You’re not attractive to her. You’re not behaving attractive. You’re not acting like a man is supposed to act.

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