Why Are Girls I Meet Through Online Dating So Flaky?

Why girls you meet through online dating are so flaky and unreliable.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who usually meets women in person that he dates. He recently decided to try online dating to get more prospects. However, he’s surprised by the amount of flaky behavior he’s seeing. He says the women expect him to jump through hoops and blow him off if he doesn’t comply. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Why Are Girls I Meet Through Online Dating So Flaky?”.

Well, I think most guys that have been doing online dating in the last several years have realized that there’s a lot of flakiness, a lot of wacky girls on there. And so this particular email is from a viewer. He usually meets women in person, but he thought, “Hey, I’ll get on the dating apps, get some more prospects.” And right away he noticed that he’s just getting a lot of flaky behavior.

He’ll make a date. Like one example that he puts in here. I guess the woman probably lives a distance away. She’s not like ten, 15 minutes away. He probably opened up his search area to women that maybe are an hour or two away thinking, “Hey, I’ll meet the right girl if I spread my search area.” So he makes a date with this particular girl and picks out a place to meet up.

That’s like halfway and convenient for both of them. And then before the date, she’s basically. “Yeah, I don’t know if you’re not willing to drive all the way here, you’re not really worth making the effort for. You’re not going to make the effort kind of thing.” And he’s getting kind of frustrated already, even after a week of being on there. And I’ve talked about this a bunch.

Is that, you know, this day, I mean, even 20 years ago when I was doing online dating back then, you’ve got plenty of fish, you’ve got Match.com. That was way before Tinder or Bumble or Hinge or any of the current ones that are fairly popular, even came along or were invented. And I remember going out with a woman that she was originally of Russian descent, very beautiful.

And I remember her telling me that after as soon as she got on Match.com, she had like a couple hundred messages. And I was the only guy that she met. Only guy that she talked to. And she was the one that reached out to me first, because I had put together a dating profile like the one that I referenced in 3% Man, “Attracting Beautiful Women Easily… How To Create The Ultimate Online Dating Profile”, How To Be A 3% Man (Part IV: It’s Not All About You, Meeting Women on the Internet, p. 93).

Where you create a profile where you basically spell out, “Hey, this is what I’m looking for. If this is you reach out, maybe we can meet up for a drink.” And I like I said, I was the only guy that she ended up meeting and what she noticed is because so many of those, I mean, she got like 200 emails or messages within like 24 hours of making her profile live, which was really overwhelming to her.

And then as she’s going through the messages, she got guys that are pissed off that she hasn’t replied quick enough, sending nasty messages to her, and she completely got off the dating app just because of shit like that. Guys getting upset. She was very beautiful, but at the end of the day she picked me to go out with and it made things easy. But I was just surprised back then.

Again, this is going back 20 years ago, and even then there were way more dudes on the dating apps than there were women. And even now you’ve got the same issue is that most of the people that are on the dating app are guys. And so women just have an all you can eat buffet and they can pick and choose.

And since they have so many choices and so many options, they can’t go out with every guy that’s willing to go out and date with them or date them. So they got to screen them out. And just the slightest little thing, they go, “Oh, that’s it, he’s gone. That guy’s gone. That guy’s gone.” And so from a leverage perspective, you’re in a really weak position of leverage.

And so if you’re going to be on the dating apps, I would recommend that you create a profile like I’ve laid out where it creates the conditions, where a woman reads through the profile and goes, “Oh, he’s describing me. Let me reach out to this guy.” And since she’s reaching out to you, she already has high interest and you’re going to get much better results because guys who’ve done it notice that you send lots of messages you get very few replies.

Just because again, you’re competing against a sea of other dudes that are much better looking, maybe more charming, better in texting. And again, you might make a date. That’s why I did a video one of the Members Areas over the weekend where a guy was basically misapplying what’s in the book.

He’s taking strategies for when you meet a woman in person and trying to apply it with online dating, like setting a date a week in advance when he hasn’t met the girl, barely talked to her, maybe just texted with her, and when the girl’s on the app constantly and she just gets so much attention from guys, they don’t know you.

It’s not like you met at a barbecue or through work, or where there’s social pressure to basically hold people accountable. So in other words, if you go over to a friend’s house over the weekend like especially we’re in the NFL playoffs this time of the year.

And they’re like, “Hey, we’re having a watch party for the playoffs. Come on by. We’re gonna have a bunch of people over. So my fraternity brothers are gonna be there with their wives and girlfriends. My wife girlfriends going to be there, and she’s inviting some of the cute girls from work. I think you might like a few of them, so you should definitely come.”

Then you go over and you hang out and you get introduced. You meet a girl, you click, you spend 3 or 4 hours hanging out, watching football, having cocktails, laughing together. You’re going to get her number. And in a case like that, you not only do you get her number, but you’re going to go pick her up because you know her indirectly through your mutual friends. That gives you social proof.

And on top of that, she’s not going to jack you around because she’s going to hear about it from her coworkers or the friends that introduced you at their party. But when you’re doing online dating, you don’t know her, she doesn’t know you. And it’s very easy for a woman just to get the attention of some other guy who’s maybe he’s available quicker, she goes out on a date with him, hooks up with him, doesn’t even remember your name because you’re trying to set a date a week in advance and you barely talk to her.

So those are not the kinds of things that you can do. But if you are going to set a date, what I typically always did and seems to work best for clients of mine that do this as well, is send 3 or 4 texts back and forth, send to your phone number, say, “Hey, give me, you know. Hit me up, give me a call sometime, let’s chat. And maybe we meet up for a drink and or you just send me your number and I’ll give you a call, and we can chat.”

And sometimes the women will call you, but more often than not, they’ll send you their number and ask you to give them a call. And so you’ll talk for maybe ten, 15 minutes, see if the conversation flows. Do you like talking to her? Is she nice? Does she have something to say? She’s not fucking boring you to death on the phone. And if the conversation flows and it goes well, “Hey, we should get together for a drink. What’s your schedule like?”

Make a date and if it’s 3 or 4 days in advance, or maybe it’s a week just because your schedules don’t line up. Again, if you’re a busy professional and you’ve got a full life, friends and family, plus you’re trying to work out and take care of yourself and keep your hobbies and your interests going. You may have 1 or 2 nights a week that you’ve got available to meet a girl.

And with the kind of flaky attitudes that you get with these girls, just because they got so much attention from other guys, to prevent getting stood up and just making a date and then showing up when you haven’t even really talked to the girl for that long or met her, is that on the day of the date, say you’re supposed to meet at seven, you can send a text around two in the afternoon.

“Hey, I’m running late at work today? Can we push it back to 7:30? Does that work for you?” And if she was planning on blowing you off, or completely forgot or got caught up and talking to some other dude, she’ll say, “Oh, I forgot about it. Oh, I can’t make it.” And then, you know, you can dip on out and flush the number and move on. Because if a girl was going to blow you off and or acts like she forgot about it, or “Hey, you hadn’t texted me in a day or two.”

It’s like, which is absurd. At the end of the day, you’re looking for a woman that’s like, “Hell, yeah. I’d love to go out with you.” You want enthusiasm. And it’s just going to be much harder if you’re doing the dating apps, because, again, there’s just so many other guys and the women have all the leverage and they have all the choice, and they’ll just reject you because maybe they wake up in a different mood that day.

They’re in a different headspace. They go, “You know what? I’m not really crazy about that guy.” And they don’t think anything about blowing you off. Plus, you’re going to have a high incidence of girls on there that don’t have friends or they came from a broken home or they’re messed up. And so normal women typically, they come from a good family are just not going to be on the dating apps. (It’s 2026. Everyone is on dating apps. That’s how most people meet today.)

They go on there and they’re like, this is a fucking cesspool. And then they get off and they’d rather meet guys in person. And if they’ve got a good, active social life and lots of friends and family in the area, they’re just not going to be on the dating apps because they get plenty of attention from their social circle. That’s why you’re always going to have better results when you meet women in person, especially you younger guys that were raised with iPhones and iPads and tablets and digital devices.

Whereas like when older generations, like my generation was growing up, it’s like this was before the internet, you know, we played video games, but when we got home from school, we were outside playing football on the street. We were riding our bikes around, jumping ramps, climbing trees, making tree forts, playing chase, having water balloon fights in the neighborhood, just riding our bikes.

Going to the 7-Eleven, getting big glass bottles of Pepsi and some snacks. Maybe playing some video games at the 7-Eleven. And we’re just like latchkey kids. And now it’s like, you don’t have to leave the house. You can get DoorDash, everything can show up and there’s always something online. I mean, the stats are pretty crazy for younger guys. In other words, 30% of guys like 18 to 35 have not even asked a girl out in the last year or gone out on a date.

And when you look at how much people are having sex, like for my generation, which is Gen X, up through the millennials, and now Gen Z, what you’re seeing it’s women are still having about the same amount of sex as they were, you know, back when I was younger. But the guys is like a third of the guys are having no sex at all. And a lot of them just don’t have any interest. They’re playing video games or smoking weed. They’re living in mom’s basement.

There’s just so much stuff. Or they’re watching porn, or they’re sending their money to OnlyFans girls, stuff like that. And they’re just they’re not even trying. They’re not even in the game. They’ve just completely checked out. Which I mean, the stats are really crazy as to, you know, just a third of the dudes are just not even participating. They’re not even trying.

So again, if you’ve got a date set up, and you’re worried about her standing you up, which again because they’re just you’re going to see this it’s best to push the date back 30 minutes, tell her you’re running late. Because if she was planning on flaking or blew you off or completely forgot about you, then you don’t waste your time going to a restaurant or a wine bar or wherever you plan to meet and get fucking stood up.

So you’re just going to have a lot more flakes. You’re going to have to go through a lot more girls. You’re going to have to swipe more, and most of them are not going to go anywhere. But all you really need is one good girl. But you can’t spend a lot of time swiping because with the dating app companies do is even if the woman is no longer available, they leave her profile on there.

Or if she’s got her height set to six feet and above and you’re like 5’8 or 5’9 you’ll see her profile, but she’ll never see yours. And the reason being is that they’d rather have a lot more women on the app, even though they’ll never see your profile. And it’s like just, you know, a couple months ago, we were doing a live stream, and one of the girls was saying, she got on, I think it was Hinge. And I was like, how many likes you got? And she’s like, within 24 hours she had over a thousand likes.

And when I asked the audience, which was mostly guys in the live stream, it’s like, how many likes do you guys get over the course of a month? And they’re all saying that, “I get 3 or 4 likes a month, maybe one a week.” And here one of the girls is literally got a thousand likes within 24 hours of being on the dating app. So, I mean, that just shows you that the numbers are so far out of whack and it’s like you’re pissing in the wind or throwing darts in a blizzard, hoping that you’re going to link up with somebody.

That’s why if you develop your social skills and you’re a social person and you get out of your house and you go and you mingle with other like minded people that like doing the same kinds of things, you’ll meet a lot more people that you have more in common with than trying to find somebody on a dating app. And on top of that, the last time I was on a dating app was back when I was living on South Beach, around 2017, 2018.

What I noticed is that there were a lot of girls on there, especially younger girls that were strippers and hookers and sex workers, and they’re trying to catfish guys because there’s so many horny, desperate guys on there that have got more money than common sense. They start chatting with a really beautiful younger woman, and then she says, you know, what she’s really looking for is, you know, a guy to invest in her. “I want to be a business owner.

I’m looking for a man to invest in me.” And they want like a couple thousand dollars for one night a weekend. And if you want to spend more days with them, they want more. And they’re basically hookers and prostitutes. So you think you’re chatting with a girl, and in reality, she’s getting to the point where she can exchange numbers with you, and then she’ll delete the match, because once she tells you what she’s really looking for, in essence, that she’s a hooker.

Some of those guys are going to get pissed off. And so in order to avoid getting their dating profile reported to dating app company where they get blocked and banned, they will as soon as they exchange numbers and start chatting with you off the dating app, they will block your profile in case you’re one of those guys gets pissed off about it. They don’t have to get their dating profile torpedoed because it’s completely gone.

And once they block you, you don’t see it anymore. So there’s that. But if you’re willing to go on there, you know, like I said, I would do things like that. Again 3 or 4 texts. Give her your number or tell her to send you hers and you’ll call her. Spend 10 to 15 minutes talking on the phone, and if you really click and the conversation goes well, then say, “Hey, we should get together for a drink.” And then meet up for a drink.

If you’re not a drinker, “Hey, we should get together for a cup of coffee and maybe an appetizer somewhere.” And go someplace. And if she’s down to meet, she’ll be serious about meeting you. Plus, you’ve got other women that go on there, and we’ve done this in the videos that I’ve done with the girls over the years. If something didn’t go well with the guys they were talking to, they’ll turn their dating app profile on, get a bunch of interest.

Have no intention of meeting any of those guys and then hide their profile again just to soothe their ego a little bit because they got rejected or a guy they were hoping to date flakes on them or blows them off. So there’s that. It’s just so there’s a lot of garbage on there that you have to weed through, and it’s a huge time investment. It can almost be like a second part time job, especially if you’re on multiple places and just trying to get through all the women that you swipe through on a weekly basis.

It’s a lot of work for very little rewards when women literally have a whole buffet and they have all the picks. So why go compete against where the odds are not in your favor versus just meeting women as a side effect? Because you get out of your house and you go live your life. So let’s go through this guy’s email and see what he’s coming across. Because again, lots of guys, I just see the same thing happening over and over again.

And now you got AI coming online, and dudes are going to get getting catfished because of that. And I think in probably the next ten years, people are going to start to gravitate away from the dating apps just because of all the trash that’s on there and the fact that it’s so slanted against them.

Guys that are willing to develop their personalities and their social lives and meet women in person are going to have their pick. Because those younger guys never developed their skills, never waited tables or tended bar. And they’re not good in meeting people face to face. They’re going to continue to be on the dating apps.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

You have answered a few of my emails which have been greatly appreciated and have got great traction on YouTube and that’s clearly from your words of wisdom and truth that you speak. I have a question as to why so many women flake with online dating?

Again, like I was talking about just the numbers. There’s just way more dudes than there are women, so they have their choice. So again, if you’re setting a date a week in advance because that’s the only time your schedule meets up. Maybe there’s another guy that’s available sooner or whatever his matches hers. He’s better looking than you. She’s going to go out with him and hook up with him. And then she won’t feel any remorse about just completely blowing you off, or standing you up. You know, she doesn’t know you and she don’t care.

I am a face to face type of guy who rather approach a women in person with better results but for the past week from I have been online dating it’s been no problem bagging a date but then they come up with some bs excuse such as, “I really don’t know Bob whether to meet you or not as you set the tone for meeting halfway and that proves to me you don’t want to place in that much effort from the get go which I am unsure about.”

So in other words, unless he’s willing to drive all the way to her and she doesn’t have to do anything, she’s just like, “Ah, I’m not going to meet you halfway.” Flexible, easygoing, easy to get along with. Is she nice to you? No. So you’re going to have to go through a lot more rejections and a lot more nonsense like that. He thought he had a date.

I replied, “No problem I didn’t even think of anything like that I just thought it would be handy and convenient for us both being halfway. I won’t jump through hoops for any girl as I did that years ago and what you see is what you get with me, I do not want a pen pal or flakey behavior and I am sure you have plenty of other men who will jump through hoops for you and walk around egg shells but that’s not me darling. I was looking forward in spending some of my time on you and to get to know you more in person but here we are we move.”

I have never had this much flakey behavior online and I don’t have the emotional or mental energy to text them all the time as I am busy and rather meet in person so if they don’t bag a date I just don’t want the hassle giving them more free attention online which is what they want it seems, I have the opinion of “Lets meet up and catch a vibe face to face or just don’t waste my time.” 

Well, like I said, she was flaking on you, so you did the right thing by blowing her off. I wouldn’t have gone on that long diatribe. I would have just said, “You know. I want to see mutual effort. I want to see you willing to make the effort. I’m not going to put 100% of the effort, and you do nothing. So if you’re not willing to meet me halfway, then I’m gonna pass. And I wish you all the best. Hit me up if you change your mind.” That’s probably what I would’ve said.

Any feedback on advice to stop flakey behavior and bailing on dates Coach?

It’s like, well, dude, that’s par for the course. I hear it from every single guy that I talk to that’s doing online dating. They just have to go through a lot of garbage. And if you’re patient and you’re willing to do it and you got the time, then that’s fine.

I take it as low interest as majority of women have the pick of men in their DMs, so I don’t want to add to that unless I see them in person and take things from there.

Thanks for keeping it real.

Bob

Again, that’s why it’s better and it’s less frustration, and you’re going to have better results and you’re going to spend less time if you create a dating profile that has the same philosophy as “Attracting Beautiful Women Easily… How To Create The Ultimate Online Dating Profile”, How To Be A 3% Man (Part IV: It’s Not All About You, Meeting Women on the Internet, p. 93), which I wrote many, many years ago, and it still applies today.

Because again, when a woman reads the profile and she sees the things that you’re looking for she’ll reach out to you. And if she reaches out to you, she already likes you, she chose you. And she’ll be much more flexible and easier going. Easy to get along with. Because again, she likes you and she picked you and that’s why she reached out.

And so when it comes to exchange of phone numbers and getting on the phone, she’ll do that. And if you make a date, more than likely she will keep it. But you’re going to be talking to way less women. But you won’t be talking all these time wasters that you know are just getting their ego stroked and getting lots of attention and validation from random guys because they didn’t have a father in their life.

So like I said, you have a much better experience if you do things that I suggest. But you know, if you want to beat your head against the wall, or any of you guys that have are doing online dating, maybe in the comments you can post some of the things that you’ve done or that you see, or maybe you’ve got some funny stories you can drop in there.

Because again, a lot of guys, everybody pretty much having the same experience unless of course you look like Brad Pitt and you’re super handsome, then it’s like shooting fish in a barrel. But that’s not most of us average looking dudes like myself.

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