Why Being More Into Her Than She’s Into You Leads To Rejection

Why being more into her than she’s into you leads to rejection.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who recently got rejected by a woman he had been seeing because he made it obvious that he was way more into her than she was into him.

She told him that she needed to focus on herself because he was too much into her and she just came out of a long term relationship. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

I discussed this quite a bit, especially in the last couple months. I’ve been discussing this concept a lot because I’ve been seeing this in a lot of the emails. This particular emailer here, he got rejected by a woman he was seeing because he made it so obvious that he was way more into her than she was into him, that she had all the power and the leverage. On top of that, she had just gotten out of a long term relationship, so more than likely, what he did was he smothered her. He made her feel smothered to the point where she broke things off because she could tell that he’s way more into her than she’s into him.

Again, this is why you read 3% Man 10 to 15 times, so you can take proper measured steps and go slightly slower than the woman is. When you go faster than the woman does, which is exactly what this guy did, then this is the kind of thing you run into, especially if you just started dating a woman that is going through a divorce or just left her boyfriend or significant other or just got out of a multi year relationship. You have to let women in those situations come to you at their pace, because you have to assume that the ex is probably because remember, 75% of the time the women do the dumping, so you have to assume that the ex is probably the one that got dumped and he’s trying to come back. If you start smothering her and chasing her, you’ll literally chase her right back into the arms of the ex. Now, it doesn’t mean that she won’t come back or can’t come back, because the reality is, if it didn’t work the first time around, it’s probably not going to work the second time around, and maybe three to six months when it doesn’t work out again, she’ll probably be back. That’s why you don’t burn a bridge, because you don’t know her, she doesn’t know you. You don’t really know what was going on in that relationship, but if you smother her, you’re going to chase her out of your life, and that’s what unfortunately most guys tend to do.

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey,

I would like you to have a look at my situation and maybe give some advice.

Started to date this girl in February but she was studying abroad and only was in our country every 4-6 weeks.

Went on like five dates and had sex on two of them.

At some point she even before we had sex the last time she pulled away and I got too needy.

Yeah, because getting needy is constantly communicating that you don’t feel like you deserve to be there. In other words, you got her pedestalized a little bit, you’re kind of treating her like a celebrity. Women are most attracted to the number one strength characteristic, which is confidence. Neediness is the opposite of confidence. When you’re needy, you need reassurance that she still likes you because mom and dad didn’t give you enough strokes as a kid. So you’re reaching out often comes from a place of, “I can feel her slipping away. Does she still like me? I got to do something to get her to pay attention to me.” That’s not what somebody with a healthy self-esteem is going to do.

Remember, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. You get too clear, especially with a woman who just got out of a relationship, you’re going to probably spook her and chase her away, and she’ll just dip because she doesn’t want to deal with your emotions. She doesn’t want to deal with a needy little boy. She wants a man that’s an escape. She just had a breakup after all.

I scheduled a date, but she canceled 15 minutes before and then for the reschedule told me, “We need to talk.” I met up with her and had a short conversation and she was saying, “I feel like you’re too much into me,” “Need to focus on myself,” “I’m coming out of a long relationship.”

I love the, “Need to focus on myself.” That’s so classic. Women all over the world, even though they speak different languages, they say that same fucking thing. Women in Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Russia, China, it doesn’t fucking matter. They all say the same thing.

I was a little bit upset and caught me off guard because she was kind of being a little bit deceptive because her texts and acting towards me swayed all the time from being affectionate and into me to pulling away.

So you’re getting all wrapped up in her emotions, and you don’t know the book well enough. You probably haven’t practiced it enough either.

I handled it not too well when she told me that, but I didn’t beg plead or anything, but I think she could tell that I was upset and my ego got hurt.

Yeah, getting upset and butt-hurt, again you’re just showing that you don’t have the confidence, because the ideal place you should come from is like, “What are you talking about? Why do you feel that way?” Especially when she’s like, “I need to focus on myself. I feel like you’re too much into me.” It’s like, “What do you mean? Why would you say that? We can back off or slow it down a little bit.” Masculinity is calm and you have to not freak out about these things or get super worried, and what happens is she confronts you and you didn’t expect this at all, you thought, “Hey, I got this! I saw some Corey Wayne videos! I’m the man!”

Gotta read the book, because you’re missing the little subtle nuances of pursuing too much and not enough. This guy probably is just cherry picking videos, hasn’t even gotten around to reading the book yet because he thinks he’s going to outsmart and cheat the system. Don’t cheat the system, dude. There are no shortcuts to success. If you try to cheat the system, if you try to half-ass this part of your life and say, “I don’t need to read Corey’s book 10 to 15 times, I’m super high IQ. I make 100 million a year,” it’s like whatever. You’re going to be on a fucking phone session with me sooner or later going, “Oh no! I lost the love of my life.” Trying to head off the pain at the pass. I know not everybody’s going to listen, but if I just get one extra person to listen when I break your balls a little more than normal.

So he’s getting all wrapped up in what she says, what she does, but at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is what a woman does. If you can tell she’s not into it, and especially if she just got out of a breakup, you got to be going slower. If you’re pursuing her to the point where she’s like, “I need to focus on myself. You’re too much into me,” that tells me you’re acting like an insecure little girl, you’re not acting like a man, you’re not acting confident. Women need confidence in a man. If you’re acting like a little boy and you treat her like your mommy, well she’s going to kick your ass to the curb.

She also came out of a long really serious relationship and she did not seem emotionally available.

Again, this is discussed in the book. This is why you have to go slower than she is, so it’s her idea.

I didn’t initiate anything again, and because our relationship hasn’t been serious, I’m not sure if I’m able to re-attract her by just staying away and doing my own thing.

So in other words, he’s saying, “Coach, I want to continue to chase and pursue, even though I’ve over-pursued to the point where she’s basically pushed me away. So more of what got me pushed away at, that will definitely be the solution.” No, you’re still acting like a needy little bitch. That’s what you’re doing. You’re not acting like a man. This is why you got to read the book, and you got to have some other women that you can practice this stuff on so you can get better, because if you don’t get better, you’re just going to push her away again for the same reasons. The next girl that comes along, you’ll chase her right out of your life as well.

What do you think? Is there a way to get the attraction back up to a point where she would reconsider?

What does that tell me? His mindset is, “Oh, I hope she likes me. I hope she pays attention to me.” That’s not the how a man acts. He doesn’t think like that. He’s got the attitude of, “Ahh, she just got out of a long term relationship. I really want a girl that’s ready, willing, able and open to dating. She just backed off, so I want to see what else is out there.” That should be your attitude. “Is she good enough for me? Is she mentally healthy and balanced or is she a fruit loop? What have we got going on here? Does she have her shit together or not?” That’s what you want to know.

You should be skeptical. You should be selective. It’s like you’ve already decided that she’s won the race and you’re ready to give her the Stanley Cup or the trophy that, “Hey, you’re the girl for me,” and she said, “You’re way more into me than I’m into you.” Women like you more if they think they’re more into you than you are into them. If you’ve got a room full of 50 women together, it’s like, “Oh no, it’s gotta be 50/50, Corey. I like it when a man tells me his intentions.” Well, he just drooled all over her and she’s like, “Yeah, I need to focus on myself.” That’s what really happens.

We still follow each other on Instagram.

Thanks in advance!

Regards,

Bob

I wouldn’t do anything. I just wait to hear from her. What you need to do at this point, let her do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. Then when you do hear from her, just make a date. I’d be following the script that’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, the the video and article I did several years ago. If you hear from her, assume she wants to see you, invite her over to make dinner at your place, hang out, have fun, hook up. It’s that simple. That’s all you got to do. She’s got to come to your place three dates in a row. As long as you hang out, have fun and hook up all three dates, then you can meet her out, pick her up, those kinds of things. You can’t be chasing after her, drooling all over her like this because it’s just very unattractive and it’s not manly.

You have to let women come to you. Especially women that just got out of a breakup. So when you’ve been pushed away like this, all forward movement must stop permanently, and you’re going to have to let her do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. Then you just make dates when you hear from her. She comes over three dates in a row and you hook up all three times. Then you can meet her out and pick her up, but you got to let her do the contact initiation. That way she initiates when she misses you, when she’s thinking about you. Therefore, she’ll be more submissive, she’ll be more flexible, she’ll be more excited to go out with you, she’ll be more affectionate on your dates, she’ll be more excited, she’ll be wetter when you have sex. These are all the things that you want, my man.

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