Why Chasing After Being Dumped Leads To Frustration & Being Stuck In Limbo

Why you shouldn’t chase after you’ve been dumped & what to do instead.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who used my work to successfully attract his last girlfriend. However, over the past 2 years he regressed into the opposite of what I teach. He became reactive, got jealous, argued and make her feel unsafe. He got dumped, but has continued pursuing for another chance. They’ve hooked up a few times, but she says he shouldn’t get the wrong idea it will lead to anything. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Why Chasing After Being Dumped Leads To Frustration & Being Stuck In Limbo”.

Well, as I discuss in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, if for whatever reason you’re dating a girl and you end up chasing her out of your life or turning her off, or she friend zone you or tells you there’s no chemistry or something’s missing, or she lost that spark or she needs space. It means her attraction has dropped and you’re pursuing too much. And so, as 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says, if she breaks it off and you want to stay together, well, you’re not going to try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you.

So you’re going to tell her, “Hey, hit me up if you change your mind”, and then you never call or text her again for any reason as long as you live. And if she reaches out after that, you assume she wants to see you and you make the next date. And then from that point forward, She’s got to do all the calling, all the texting, all the pursuing. She has to earn another chance with you, not the other way around, because she screwed it up.

She caused the relationship to end when you didn’t want it to. Even though you displayed too much unattractive behavior. So by reading the book, filling in your knowledge gap, and cleaning up your unattractive behavior, if she does reach back out and you follow the script that’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, then over time, she’ll become more attracted. Her feelings will creep back up on her.

She’ll call and text more, she’ll FaceTime you more. She’ll want to come by and see you more, and it’ll get to the point where it’s her idea to get back together. In other words, she wins another chance with you, not the other way around. So this particular email, this guy used my work to successfully attract his last girlfriend. However, as I think he said, he read the book 15, 20 times. 15 times, he said.

And he was like, I got this, totally mastered it. And he probably didn’t go back to it every six months. And after about a year and a half, he realizes that he completely regressed and started behaving exactly the opposite of what I teach. He says he became reactive. He got jealous. He was arguing with her all the time and constantly made her feel unsafe. So she dumped him and he continued reaching out.

And they’re still hooking up. But she says, “Hey, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea just because we slept together.” And so he really wants to get her back, but he’s really afraid to implement what’s in the book. But he notices the more he pursues, it sure looks like she’s kind of fading away.

And this is why, if you’ve been dumped, you don’t keep pursuing a woman that’s tried to friend zone you or dumped you even if you are hooking up. Because what happens is it’s your idea, not hers. And the more you pursue after she’s dumped you, the more it makes it easy for her to move on and date somebody else, instead of going into No Contact and letting her feel, most importantly, feel what it’s like to have life without you.

And if there’s still interest on her part, it’ll creep back up and she won’t like the thought or the feelings of not having you in her life. And she’ll come back even harder and she’ll reach out. So let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey,

Before this relationship, I was solid. I’d read How to Be a 3% Man over 15 times. I wasn’t needy, reactive, or insecure. But once I started dating my ex-girlfriend, I slowly lost that center. Over the last one and a half years, I turned into the opposite of what you teach. I argued, got jealous, made her feel emotionally unsafe.

If a woman doesn’t feel safe, she’s not going to want to be in a relationship or sleep with you.

She never had to deal with yelling or insults — but I was constantly challenging her, getting defensive, being a pain in the ass over small things. That wore her down. She told me she was always on edge around me, afraid of when I’d get triggered again. I don’t blame her. About a week ago on Saturday, she told me it’s over. That same night, I went to pick up some stuff from her place. She didn’t invite me — I just went, and somehow I ended up staying the night. We had sex.

Well, obviously it’s good dick dude. You’re good in bed. And she likes having sex with you. That’s the important thing. So there’s that. You’ve got that going for you, right Elon.

Next day (Sunday), I realized I’d forgotten something.

Sure.

Went back — again we ended up being intimate. Same thing Monday. I called, asked to meet. She said yes. We met. We hooked up again. I asked her to get back together. She said no.

Again, this is why 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says if she’s ditched you, if she’s rejected you, you tell her you’re not interested in friendship. You’re not interested in being broken up. She’s got your number, to hit you up. And then you give her space. You give her total radio silence so she can feel what life is like without you. And if there’s still interest.

Because at the end of the day, the only way to reconciliation is possible is if it’s her idea. And you’re the one trying to lock her down, which is you’re basically acting like a girl. You’re begging and groveling for another chance. And the more you continue with that act, the more you’re going to drive her away. Because you’re seeking her approval. It’s not masculine to seek a woman’s approval and treat her like your mommy.

Because the only thing that really matters is how she feels about you. So by going No Contact, she gets to experience life without you and wonder what you’re doing, what you’re up to. Then maybe she goes out on a couple dates that don’t go well with new guys. She still hasn’t heard from you and she thinks, “Wow, it sure seems like he moved on. Doesn’t seem to miss me too much. Maybe I screwed up. Maybe I was too harsh.

Maybe I should have given him another chance.” And then she reaches out, and then you make the next date, and then it’s her idea. Your job, as the book says, is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun, hook up. The relationship part is the woman’s department. And when you focus on a relationship like he’s doing now, you just spin your wheels and you get nowhere.

And what he’s doing is basically chasing her out of his life, making it easy for her to move on. Because even though she’s still sleeping with him, she’s saying no to get back together. Now she’s got an abundance mentality. So she’s got you.

She always knows she can have you, and then she can go out with Chad Thunder Cock from the office or, you know, one of her beta male orbiters or some other guy that she’s met because she always knows that you’re going to be there because you’re continually pursuing her. She needs to come to a place where she fears losing you, that you’re going to ride off into the sunset with another woman.

Wednesday, we saw each other again. This time, nothing physical happened. She was clearly distant, cold even. She told me she’s afraid I’m getting the wrong idea, that I still don’t understand this is over. She was right again.

So just because she’s sleeping with you doesn’t mean she wants a reconciliation. She’s realizing that you’re getting attached, and it’s making it easier for her to move on. And what she worries about is when she does find another guy, when she decides to move on and goes, “I told you it was over. Not to get your hopes up. Don’t get the wrong idea.” The more he creates stress and drama, and the more it starts to look like he’s going to cause her problems, the quicker she’s going to dip.

So whether he realizes it or not, he’s making it easy for her to move on. And again, 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back has been perfected over the past 20 plus years, and I learned this in my own life, and I’ve seen it confirmed thousands and thousands and thousands of times. Because you’ll see, when we get to the end of the email, he’s having a real hard time sticking to the principles because he’s got “The Illusion Of Action”, he’s worried about losing her.

And he’s literally chasing this girl out of his life, even though she’s slept with him a few times, because they’ve also been getting together lately and haven’t slept together every time. So he’s friend zoning himself by his unwillingness to back off.

Then Saturday night, she replied to one of my Instagram stories. I asked when she’d be free to meet. We met, hung out, no intimacy. But she was calm, friendly. Still, she made it clear, “Don’t get the wrong idea.” And here’s the truth. For the last six weeks, I’ve actually changed. No arguments. No emotional reactions. I’ve been calm, present, grounded. Because I’ve gone back into your material. I’ve reconnected to what I knew before.

Well, it’s not your job to prove yourself to a woman. Your job is just to demonstrate what is in the book. And we know you know how to do it because you did it in the beginning, that’s how you got her. That’s how you got her to fall in love. And so you have to become the guy that is a challenge. The guy that she has to win over. That’s why No Contact is so powerful.

Because the more you chase her, you know, the first few times you got back together you hooked up. And now you hung out, no sex. That’s what typically happens. And the more you hang out and you have no sex, the more she’s moving on and you’re stuck in friend zone. Hey, don’t do that on the metal. Got a deer antler banging the computer stand here.

But none of that matters to her. She just sees the guy I’ve been for the last year and a half.

Because quite frankly, your pursuit is still beta. So you’re making it easy for her interest to continue dropping and to move on and go date and sleep with somebody else. Because the more you do this, eventually that’s what’s going to happen. She’s going to say, “Hey, I met somebody else and I can’t see you anymore.” And then she really will be gone.

The one who made her feel like walking on eggshells. She said, “How would this time be different to previous three breakups” And she means it.

Again, you’re trying to convince her of something that is totally contrary to her feelings. That’s what matters. Doesn’t matter what a good guy you are or how much you’ve supposedly changed. The only thing that matters is how she feels about you.

So here’s my question. How could a woman possibly believe the change is real when everything in the past tells her it’s not?

Doesn’t fucking matter. The only thing that matters dude is how she feels about you. And so you acting like a beta male and chasing and pursuing and now hanging out with her in a platonic way because you’re no longer fucking anymore. You’re making it easy for her to move on. You’re acting like an unattractive man.

You got dumped because you displayed too much unattractive behavior, and you’re continuing to pursue her and now hang out with her when the sex has stopped. Is unattractive. That’s what a beta male orbiter does. So that’s what you’ve done, is you’ve become her beta male orbiter with blue balls now.

She didn’t reach out. She didn’t ask to meet. She just didn’t resist it when I did. Now I know not to chase or convince. But I also don’t know how walking away now is supposed to change anything if her mind is already made up.

Again, the mind does not matter. The heart and her feelings is what matters. And it’s not so much you’re walking away, you’re just stopping your pursuit. So a few days, a few weeks can go by, maybe a month goes by. You know, if you stop calling and texting her and you don’t hear from her for several weeks, that tells you how low her interest is. So what you should be doing is reading the book and meeting and dating other women, because I assure you, she’s doing the same thing and you’re making it really easy for her to move on because you’re doing the opposite of what I teach, and you doing the opposite of what I teach, which you admitted to in the beginning of the email is why you got dumped in the first place.

If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’re going to continue to get what you’ve always got. And what your mind is struggling with and rationalizing is you want to keep pursuing her, because you’re afraid if you don’t pursue her, she’s gone forever. But what you’re ignoring is the fact that now that you’re hanging out with her, she doesn’t sleep with you anymore. You’re making it easy for her to move on, and you’re firmly cementing yourself and friend zone because you’re not acting like a masculine man anymore.

Is there any way to let her feel the difference, or do I just accept that I killed her trust for good?

Again, none of that shit matters. The only thing that matters is how she feels about you. And the only way to change how she feels about you is for her to feel what life is like without you. Wondering what the hell you’re doing, where you’re at, who you’re with. If she will ever hear from you again. If a couple weeks go by, she hasn’t heard from you, then she’s going to start thinking, “Did he meet somebody else. Did he lose interest? Does he not want to try anymore. Did he give up that easily? Did he not really care about me?”

Remember, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. And remember that Thích Nhất Hạnh quote, “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” And so by you pursuing doesn’t make her feel free. And that’s why you dried her up and she stopped sleeping with you because you started acting like a beta male. This whole thing is turned into the way it has turned into is because you did the opposite of the book.

And now that you’re broken up, you’re basically looking for justification to continue chasing and pursuing her. And I can pretty much tell you’re scared to do that. You’re scared to go No Contact. You’re just letting her be. Remember, you’ve got to give women the time and space away from you to wonder about you, to think about you, to miss you. And you never want to. You never try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you.

So unless it’s her idea, you’re not going to get back together. It’s just not going to happen. You’ve tried pursuing her since she dumped you. She slept with you the first few times, probably as a mercy fuck. And probably because she liked having sex with you but now you’re not having sex when you hang out. So if you keep doing that, then you’re going to become the gay male girlfriend and the emotional tampon, and then you’re going to find out she’s actually sleeping and dating somebody else, which will be soul crushing.

So if you want to give yourself the best possible chance to get her back, you’ve got to stop moving forward. Don’t call, don’t text. Wait to hear from her. When you do, invite her over to make dinner at your place, follow the script that’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. This is a really easy situation to fix, but the number one issue here is you’re just not following the book. You admitted to it in the beginning, and even after you broke up, you continued pursuing and acting unattractive, and her interest has just continued going down.

Because she doesn’t get any space away from you. She doesn’t get a chance to miss you. She doesn’t get a chance to wonder where she stands with you. In other words, none of your behavior has changed. And so therefore, not only have her feelings not changed, her feelings have actually decreased because again, she stopped sleeping with you now. So follow what’s in the book. Follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, let her reach out to you.

And then for at least the first three dates, she’s got to come over. As long as you hang out, have fun, and hook up all three times, then you can meet her out and pick her up. But you’ve got to let her do all the contact initiation, and then you just make dates that can lead to sex. Very simple. And when she’s ready and she feels it, most importantly, then she’ll bring up being exclusive again.

It’s a process. You did it the first time to get her to fall in love with you. You already know how to do this, but you are scared because you completely strayed from the book. The book is what got you here, and the book is what will help you turn this around, dude. And if you’re new and you haven’t read the book, it’s free to read at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the Email Newsletter as soon as you arrive.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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