Why Chasing After Getting Dumped Is Futile. Do This Instead

Why chasing after getting dumped is futile & what you should do instead.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is new to my work, but is cherry picking information from videos and hasn’t read 3% Man yet. So he’s confused and bamboozled as to what to do with her mixed signals and behavior. He’s chasing and she keeps stalling on deciding if she wants to reconcile. She said she thinks they are done. It’s a good email that illustrates why you should never chase after getting dumped and what you should do instead to potentially get her back. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, “Why Chasing After Getting Dumped Is Futile. Do This Instead.”

Well, this particular email is from a viewer who’s new to my work, and it’s pretty clear that he’s cherry picking. He got dumped by his girlfriend a couple of months ago, and yet he’s just trying to cherry pick things and videos and look for the quick fix. Says he’s going to read the book, hasn’t gotten around to it, and you would think that somebody that’s trying to get his girlfriend back would take this seriously. But no, he’s half-assing it and being lazy.

And what’s really why the reason why I picked this email is because it really does a good job of laying out exactly why everything is the way it is. In my article and video I did many years ago. 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. Why you don’t chase. Why you don’t run after a girl. Why you don’t go to her house. When you’re trying to set dates after you’ve broken up. Why you go No Contact. Why she has to be the one to break No Contact.

Because it just again, if you’re not following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back and you’re doing what this guy’s doing, you’re going to be as frustrated as he is because what he basically does has done is she rejected him. He’s continued to pursue after she dumped him. And she’s, as he says, giving him mixed signals. Sometimes it seems like she wants to get back together. Other times she says no. And so months have gone by, but it’s probably more than likely what’s going on is she’s dating somebody else.

She’s not sure if that’s going to work out yet. So she keeps this guy dangling, twisting in the wind, basically. While his life is on hold, thinking he’s making progress, going to get her back. And meanwhile he’s making it really easy for her to move on. So everything I’ve laid out many years ago when 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back is because I went through it, I did what this guy is trying to do, and I learned the hard way.

It doesn’t work and I learned what did. And over the last 20 something years, perfected it. People all over the world have used it. It works. It’s going to give you the best possible chance to get the girl back. But if you do what this guy does, all you’re really going to do is chase her into the arms of another guy and make it really easy for her to move on. While she kind of keeps you as a beta male orbiter or her backup plan.

Viewer Email:

Corey,

I just found you on YouTube and I’m planning on reading your book now, but I’ve been going through it lately. My ex broke up with me about two months ago and I was blindsided.

Well, that’s the experience of most guys. They didn’t see it coming.

I got complacent in the relationship and I knew immediately when she broke up with me what went wrong.

So typically what happens to most guys is they stop dating and courting her properly. They don’t make her feel heard and understood. They kind of become roommates, she complains, “We never do anything. You never take me anywhere. Oh. I’m trying to save money.” And eventually she recognizes that just nothing’s going to change. He makes excuses. He wants to argue and use logic and reason. And all she hears is the status quo is going to stay the same and nothing’s going to change.

And eventually she either taps out or some other guy starts dating and courting her properly, and then she runs off with him. And I suspect that’s probably what’s going on here, is she’s got another guy she’s talking to and hanging out with, but she’s not sure that it’s going to go well. So she kind of keeps this guy in the back burner because he keeps breaking No Contact and reaching out and going to her house. Again, this is why the woman’s got to come to you to make dinner at your place in the evening.

That way you don’t get jerked around and be sitting on the fence with your thumb up your butt for several months like this guy is. Because this is not a fun place to be. Because he’s just twisting in the wind, getting mixed signals, as he said. But what he’s really doing is making it easy for her to move on. He’s communicating that he’s put his whole life on hold, waiting for her to decide whether or not she wants to give him another chance.

I asked if we could go to dinner in a few weeks and she agreed.

So he’s in the mindset, “I got to get another chance with her.” When in reality, as 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says, she unilaterally ended the relationship. Therefore she fucked it up. She’s got to fix it. She has to earn another chance with you, not the other way around. She broke it off after all. She fucked it up. Therefore she’s got to fix it. She left. She’s got to be the one to come back. And here he is, begging for her attention, treating her like a celebrity. “Oh, please spend time with me, Your Highness. Please give me some attention. Or can I kiss your feet, Your Eminence.”

I immediately went into No Contact and was feeling pretty good about it.

And so he’s using No Contact as a technique instead of taking the time because he’s lazy and his laziness and his complacency is why she dumped him. And so he’s half-assing it, trying to get her back. Cherry picking things that make him feel good, but not really taking the time to understand why you do what you do.

No Contact means you want sex and romance, she says, “no thank you. How about friendship?”, and blue balls? So the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. And so you walk away forever, and you’re never going to look back. In other words, if she doesn’t reach out to you, you guys will never speak again as long as you live. Because again, she messed it up. She’s got to fix it.

Sure I thought about her every day, but I kept my cool. After a month I reached out and asked if she wanted to meet up and she agreed. We ended up going over to her place.

Again, this is why you don’t go to her if she’s trying to earn another chance with you. She’s got to do it on your terms. The farthest you’re willing to go to Sears, to go from wherever you are in your house to your front door, to let her in when she comes over. Plain and simple. But again, he’s cherry picking. He’s trying to get her attention. He’s groveling. He’s begging. He’s crawling to her. No leverage makes him look weak and pathetic.

And he’s constantly communicating. He’s waiting for her to give him another chance. And it just makes it easy for her to spend time with somebody else who stimulates her emotions more, who acts more masculine, more manly, and acts attractive. If he was reading the book, he would understand. He wouldn’t be doing any of this beta male shit.

We ended up going over to her place and talked for a bit. She just acted like everything was normal and never brought up anything about the relationship.

Again, this is why you make dinner at your place in the evening. She comes to you. You don’t talk about the relationship or getting back together. Because, as the book says, your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun, hook up. That’s it. So he goes over to thinking, “I’ve got to have the talk with her. I will talk her into getting back with me”, instead of just creating an opportunity for sex to happen.

I eventually said, “where are we at with this?”

Making her the man in the relationship once again. Which again is more beta male mindset, beta male energy, which is part of why he got dumped in the first place because he wasn’t leading and he wasn’t acting like a man.

And she just said she needed some time to sort out her thoughts and feelings, but she wanted to get back together in a few weeks.

She’s just putting it off. She’s stalling for time being because at the end of the day, what’s most important is she’s not feeling it. And women don’t care about what a great guy you are or how long you were together. They only care about how they feel about you. And so her interest is low. He keeps chasing. He keeps pursuing. He’s sitting around with his thumb up his butt, waiting for her to be his mommy and tell him what to do.

I left and went back into no contact for a few weeks until I reached out to schedule the second meetup.

Again, you should not be doing this. She fucked it up. She’s got to fix it. But he’s cherry picking. He’s continuing to pursue. This is the same mentality, the same kind of actions that got him dumped in the first place. So he’s doing more of the same unattractive behavior that caused her to boot him out of her life and probably start hanging out with Chad Thunder Cock.

She agreed and then reached out to me a few days later. We talked like normal for the night and then she double texted me the next morning, but it eventually fizzled out.

Well, the phone is for setting dates.

I reached out to her the next weekend, and the same thing happened, but we confirmed the date for the second meetup.

So again, he’s doing all the pursuing and what is he doing? Just spinning his wheels. So he’s puffed himself up.

I went over to her place with a lot more confidence than the first time, but she did the same thing and acted like nothing happened.

Again, this is why; it’s not her idea. This is all your idea. This is all you pursuing her. “Oh, mommy, pay attention to me. Oh, mommy, can I spend time with you?” It’s extremely unattractive. Unmasculine. And a man who loves and values himself is just going to move on and start dating other women. He’s not going to be chasing after a girl that’s sitting on the fence. And the reason why she’s sitting on the fence is because he’s acting like such a beta male and run into her.

I brought it up again, and she was giving me responses with a lot of “I don’t knows”. But I eventually asked her “are we done” and she said, “I think so”.

So here’s something from coaching I learned a long time ago when somebody says, I don’t know, they know, but they really don’t want to say. And so she’s giving him all these, “I don’t knows” about the future getting back together. And the reality is she knows but she doesn’t want to say. She doesn’t want to blow it up completely. Because whatever is going on with whoever else she’s seeing, she’s not 100% certain it’s going to work out.

So she’d rather not blow it up completely in case it doesn’t work out with the other guy, because then she can come back to this dude who’s basically sitting around with his thumb up his ass, waiting for her to tell him one way or another. That’s not what a man of value is going to do. A man of value is just going to go date somebody else.

After she told me that we talked a lot more about where we were at and I told her I wasn’t moving back home for my job, which I think was a factor in the breakup.

The real reason she dumped you is she lost respect for you and lost attraction because you act like a bitch. Simple as that. I know it’s harsh, but you’re being lazy and you’re half-assing it and you’re not really doing what’s necessary to correct your behavior that got you dumped. And so I’m giving you a wake up call, even if you don’t like it. Because this, your approach does not work.

When I told her that I noticed a vibe shift and she became flirty. I got up to leave and she hugged me, said I smelled good, and I kissed her on the head.

Like a friend. Instead of kissing her like she’s your girl, you kissed her on the forehead.

She said she would walk me to the elevator because she needed to go get something out of her car. When we got in the elevator I put my arm around her, and she reciprocated and started rubbing my back. When we got to her floor she was walking out and looks back at me right in my eyes and I felt like it wasn’t over.

Well, that’s because you’re focused on your feelings about her, and you’re completely ignoring the fact you look like a supplicating, groveling beta male that’s totally pedestalize this girl and treating her like a celebrity. And so as you leave, she’s giving you the little palm wave goodbye. Thank you for coming by and kissing my feet. I’m the best. You’re the one of the little people. It’s pathetic, Dude.

I left and got back to my place. A storm came through and knocked out my power.

And of course, he’s got to continue texting her.

I texted her and asked if her power was out and she said “no!!! Is yours?!” I said “yep”, and she said, “well if you don’t feel uncomfortable you can come stay in my guest room”.

And he was like, [imitating a giddy monkey clapping his hands.] “the guest room!”

I went back over there and stayed in the guest room.

He stayed in the guest room cluck chair.

She was going on a trip the next day and I told her I could drive her to the airport if she wanted me to.

Oh, your Highness, can I please drive you to the airport? It would mean the world to me.

She agreed and said she would cancel the Uber she scheduled, but I told her to wake me up. I woke up.

And so what do you think is gonna happen? He’s not driving her to the airport.

I woke up to a text telling me to sleep in and I can stay over there as long as I wanted, but she got an Uber and didn’t want me to take her to the airport.

Because she didn’t want to be around you. Because she was disgusted and repulsed by your extremely unattractive and unmanly behavior.

Now I’m going back into no contact, but I feel like she is super confused, and I don’t know if I still have a chance.

Thank you for all you do!

No contact means No Contact. It doesn’t mean use it to try to manipulate her. It just means all she’s offering is friendship and blue balls. And you’re not interested in that. The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. And you’re too much of a pussy to mean it. But this is what happens when you keep going back and you keep chasing. This is why everything is laid out the way it is, and 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back it’s because it prevents you from getting into this situation with your ex, and it prevents her from wasting your time and keeping you as a beta male orbiter, or a backup.

If there’s another guy in the picture, and you’re in constant No Contact and radio silence, she wonders because she’s not hearing anything from you that will cause her to start testing whoever else she’s talking to. And oftentimes they’re flailing around, and then that guy will start chasing her and he’ll chase her back into your arms. But when you act this way, you just make it easy for her to move on. But I feel like she is super confused and I don’t know if I still have a chance. She’s not confused at all, Dude.

She has low respect, low attraction, low interest because you don’t have the balls to actually walk away and mean it. And you’re being a shitty student. You’re lazy, and your laziness and your complacency is what caused you to get dumped. And quite frankly, you haven’t been willing in the two months since you’ve been dumped to spend the time with the book because you’re trying to cherry pick in videos. And you’re only doing things in videos that make you feel good. But at the end of the day, cherry picking doesn’t work. I say it all the time.

I say it in just about every video. And I know you’ve seen me say it a bunch of times, but you’re doing it anyways. And it’s like, how does the blue balls feel? How does it feel to have your personal life stuck in limbo land? It fucking sucks. I was there once, a long time ago, and this shit that you’re doing does not work. That’s why 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back is laid out the way it is and why the things are set up the way they are.

So a woman cannot jerk you around. She’s either in or she’s out. And that makes it easy for you to either rekindle things with her as she pursues you and does all the calling, texting, and pursuing. Or you don’t hear from her again and you move on with somebody else.

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