Why Continuing To Chase After She Asks For Space Prevents Reconciliation

Why you should never chase a woman after she’s asked for space.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who got dumped by his girlfriend due to his continuous needy, neurotic and jealous behavior. She asked for space and he kept contacting her anyway until she blocked him everywhere. Once she unblocked him he started chasing until she blocked him again and told his mother she wanted him to leave her alone. He thinks more chasing, begging and pleading will fix this. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Why Continuing To Chase After She Asks For Space Prevents Reconciliation”.

So this particular guy didn’t know any better. He got dumped by his girlfriend, but he’s had this continuous problem of displaying needy, neurotic, jealous, insecure behavior. And eventually his girlfriend had enough. She asked for space, and then he noticed that the very next day she removed all their pictures from Instagram. So he did the same thing. He started freaking out.

He started blowing up her phone, saying, I guess he said some nasty things to her as well. And of course she blocked him everywhere. And so once he noticed that she blocked him everywhere, he backed off for a few weeks, noticed that eventually she unblocked him, and then he started barraging her again. She reblocked him back, and then I guess reached out to his mother and said, “I really just want to move on. I want your son to leave me alone.”

And so now, I guess it’s been a month or two since they last spoke. She’s not really talking much to his mother anymore, so it kind of looks like she’s moved on. Probably already met somebody else. Especially, you know, when she removes all the photos like that the very next day after asking for space, which she’s basically saying in this case is that she probably met somebody else and he’s already blowing her back out in the bedroom.

So, and on top of that, it seems like you get to the end of the email it almost looks like he’s just still thinking more, chasing more, pursuing more begging, more pleading is going to make her like him, even though that’s basically what got him blocked everywhere. You know, if you keep pursuing a woman after she’s asked for space and blocked you and you harass her enough, that’s how you get a restraining order against you.

You never try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you. And it looks like he just talked, texted and chased this woman out of liking him and she asked for space. Just wanting to get away from him, and he’s not going away. And if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll continue to get what you’ve always got. And this guy just, he’s like a Jack-In-The-Box.

He doesn’t exercise self-control. He blows up. He loses his shit constantly and just creates bad problems for himself. And on top of it, his girl, It’s like Elvis has left the building. She’s gone, and he doesn’t want to admit it. So what he should be doing in the meantime is reading 3% Man cover to cover, 10 to 15 times.

Get to know it so well he could teach a class on it, and start meeting and dating other women, practice, and get to know what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. So if he does hear from her, he can invite her over to make dinner. But quite frankly, from her actions and the fact that he just kept barraging and kept chasing when she said, “I need space”, because she needs space because you don’t exercise self control.

And instead of giving her the space, he continued to demonstrate he had no self control to the point where she blocked him. And again, if you keep doing that with a girl that wants space.

Women like guys that are confident and calm in their masculine, and a dude who’s needy and neurotic and saying nasty things to a girl always blowing up at her, is not a guy that’s masculine, that’s a Jack-In-The-Box. And that scares women. And so they’re going to flee from you when you act this way.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

Dated a girl We were together for about a year, and throughout the relationship we had constant petty arguments.

Well, men who understand women don’t argue with them. And if you haven’t read the book, or if you’re new here, it’s free to read at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the Email Newsletter and it’ll open up right in your web browser.

Usually happening monthly. They weren’t about major issues, but repeated miscommunication, insecurity, jealousy, and emotional escalation slowly wore the relationship down.

So more than likely he was always over pursuing. And if she didn’t call him quickly enough, she didn’t text him quickly enough. He assumed something was bad. He’s probably like, “What’s wrong? Why haven’t you texted me back? Why are you taking so long to reply?” Just constantly getting upset, constantly acting needy and neurotic. And it’s very unattractive. The number one male strength characteristic that women love in men is confidence. And he’s displayed the opposite of it continuously.

And when you do that, when your girl finally breaks up with you, usually she leaves you and she’s just over it. And especially when you continue to behave the same way, you just cement in her mind that you’re never going to change. And this is the way you always are. And so she’s not going to return to you. So when a woman asks for space, you say, “No problem, babe. Hit me up when you miss me.” And you just leave it at that.

When we broke up, she told me, “I still love you, I care about you, and I am sad—but that doesn’t mean I need to stay. We’re no good together.”

Again, you can only blow up at her and have so many arguments which basically stem from you needing attention and validation and basically treating her like your mommy. Like you need some kind of attaboy all the time, that you’re a good boy and that she still cares. Your self-esteem and your validation comes from being with her. And that’s not healthy. That’s not masculine. You’re acting like an insecure girl.

She made it clear that feelings alone weren’t enough to continue the relationship.

Well, because the reason being is her feelings were low. That’s why it was easy for her to move on. And you made it easier with your constant barrages of pursuing and seeking attention and validation.

After the breakup, I did not give her space. For about two weeks, I kept reaching out even though she wanted distance. Some days I assumed the worst and reacted emotionally, saying hurtful things out of fear and jealousy.

He’s probably cussing her out. You fucking bitch. You’re terrible.

Other days I sent long paragraphs begging for her back, apologizing and trying to convince her.

Well, one day you’re like, “Oh, honey, I’m really sorry.” The next day you’re like, “You’re a fucking bitch.” That’s a Jack-In-The-Box. That’s an emotional Jack-In-The-Box. You’re an emotionally hijacked man. This is really unattractive. This scares women. And if you do this with women in general, you’re going to chase them all out of your life for exactly the same reasons.

I even contacted her from other numbers. Because of this, she eventually blocked me everywhere.

It’s like, come on man. Dating is like tennis. As I talk about in the book, you hit the ball over the net and you’ve got to wait for her to hit it back and if she says, “I need space”, you give her space. Even that means you never talk again. That’s what No Contact is. It’s a permanent state of being. It means unless she reaches back out, you’re never going to speak again as long as you live.

Because she wants space to see if her feelings return, and then you just keep barraging her and blowing up at her. There’s a time limit on that. You know, at some point the woman is going to become so disgusted and so turned off. You’re just going to drive any emotional attachment and feelings that she had for you into the ground. And then it makes it really easy for her to move on with Chad Thunder Cock.

After being blocked, I finally stopped and went into no contact for three weeks, the longest I’ve ever managed. After those three weeks, I noticed I appeared to be unblocked on iMessage when I called and the phone rang fully that gave me hope. I reached out once to apologize, taking responsibility for not respecting her space and for the hurtful things I said during those first two weeks. I meant the apology sincerely and left it alone for the rest of that day.

But did it end there? Of course not.

The next day around 5–6 PM, my anxiety took over.

So in other words, I chose to lose my shit once again. This is, you know, he’s being totally undisciplined, no self-control. He’s promises that he’s changed. And then when she doesn’t reply, he blows up again. And this is why she doesn’t reply. Because she expects you to blow up again. Because that’s what you always do. And you’ve been doing it for the whole time you’ve been together. So you can’t tell a woman, give a fake apology and then continue to behave the same way and be shocked that she doesn’t ever reply to you.

Seeing no response made me spiral. I sent follow-up messages like: “Please don’t give me false hope”, “You didn’t unblock me just to ignore me”, and, “Can you please say something?” Shortly after that, she blocked me again.

Masculinity is calm and you’re not calm. You haven’t changed one bit.

When my anxiety escalated, she texted my mom, saying she didn’t want to hear from me.

It’s like the next step is a restraining order from the police. I would stop if I were you, dude. It’s over. The damage is done. You’re not going to fix that.

Since then, she has not replied to me for almost two months. She doesn’t communicate with me directly at all. The only contact she’s made has been through my mom, and only when she feels overwhelmed. That makes me wonder if she avoids replying because she knows engaging with me would pull her back in emotionally, so going through my mom feels safer for her.

Well, she’s just hoping your mom can talk some sense into you and to get you to leave her alone, because she’s being nice. But again, if you keep doing it, if you will not leave her alone, you’ll eventually get a restraining order, and the popo will show up at your door. I’m telling you to leave her alone.

And the judge will make it so you have to leave her alone, or they’ll put you in jail. So this doesn’t work. You cannot behave this way. You can’t tell a woman you’ve changed. And then 24 hours later, go right back to being a Jack-In-The-Box, emotionally hijacked and freaking out.

Since the breakup, she’s taken up golf, a completely new hobby she never did before.

Well, maybe her new boyfriend likes golf.

She hasn’t followed any guys back since we broke up.

You can just see he’s obsessing over her social media. This is not healthy, dude. This is not masculine. This is not how men behave. This is how beta male behaves.

She doesn’t reply to me and has mostly stopped texting my mom, but it feels like she communicates indirectly through music, posting emotional songs and lyrics about letting go, healing, and not going back.

So she’s trying to move on. And the more you chase and the more you pursue, the more it makes it easier for her to move on with somebody else.

My biggest questions are, does no contact help her move on faster, or does it allow her to finally feel the loss fully and miss me?

Well, obviously she’s getting to experience life without you because you tried barraging her and you got blocked twice. That doesn’t work. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. So at some point, you should look at the fact that she reached out to your mom saying, “Hey, please tell your son to leave me the hell alone.” That’s her being nice and saying, “Well, maybe his mother will talk some sense into him.”

Because she’s totally over it. So, you know, this is kind of like, you know, Dumb and Dumber. The Jim Carrey part where he’s chasing after, I forget her name. He was actually married to her in real life for a few years in the 90s. I can’t think of it. And she just rejected him in the nastiest way that just said, “Dude, if you were like, the last guy on earth, I wouldn’t date you.” And he’s like, “So you mean there’s a chance?” And it’s like, ah.

So that’s kind of the way this guy is. He’s delusional. I know it’s not anything you want to hear dude, we feel for you. But at the end of the day, this is not healthy. This is not masculine. This is going to turn every woman off that you meet when you behave this way.

This is why you need to be reading the book. You need to be applying it and getting better so you can cut out all this unattractive behavior. Because if you don’t cut it out, every single woman that you meet in the future is going to leave you for exactly the same reasons.

And does her silence mean she feels less.

Yep. It looks like she’s moved on, dude.

Or that responding would emotionally pull her back into something she’s trying to detach from?

The reason she hasn’t replied is because she’s given up on you and she’s left the building. She’s trying to get over it and she doesn’t want to talk to you. She told this to your mother. And so the problem is, you only pay attention to your interest in her, and you’re ignoring the fact that she’s basically pleading with your mother to get you to stop. And you’re not listening. You’re looking for reasons to continue pursuing while you ignore the fact that all this pursuing has got you dumped and blocked multiple times.

Does her not replying for 2 months give her an advantage of feeling less? 

It means that she doesn’t want to talk to you dude, she said so. She said to leave her alone. She asked for space. You refused to give it to her and you kept barraging her and then she blocked you. She even reached out to your mother to plead with your mother to convince you to stop chasing. It’s over dude. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but you’ve got to move on.

You should be familiar with 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back the Article and Video that I did many years ago. It’s on my website. 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, you can Google it. It’s very famous video and article. And that’s going to give you the best possible chance. Who knows, maybe in a few months she reaches back out, but if she reaches back out and you freak out on her again, she’ll be like, “That dude’s never gonna change.”

So you’ve got to fix this for yourself. Because this behavior is so unattractive, you will lose every single woman that you’re with if you don’t cut it out. And I don’t want to see you get a restraining order, or worse, end up in jail because of this, because it’s not worth it.

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