Failure to date your wife or girlfriend will eventually lead to her cheating on and/or leaving you for someone who does.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who failed to continually date and court his girlfriend of one and a half years. When he got upset with her, he simply ignored her for a week or more at a time. He says she was incredibly insecure, has had numerous plastic surgery procedures and is desperate to get married and have a family since she is now twenty-eight years old.
He believes he did everything right and got cheated on, but the reality is otherwise, despite the fact he was dating a woman who belonged to the streets. Now he says that he wants to get her back, and she is ignoring him and has blocked him on social media. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
So I’ve got an email here that for most of you guys that are real familiar with my book, How To Be A 3% Man and my work, it’s going to be like a Captain Obvious type of moment as we go through this particular guy’s email. But his girlfriend of about a year and a half, he’s twenty-six, she’s twenty eight, what he does say is that he would get mad at her, she would be disrespectful and he would just ignore her for a week or more at a time.
He’s like, “I did everything right, I acted masculine,” all these different things, and doesn’t seem to want to take any personal responsibility for his actions. Then come to find out, she started sleeping with a guy who is a doctor that’s her age and she still was sleeping with him. He’s like, “What’s the deal? She’s dating this guy that’s a beta male. He’s chasing her.” And yet, he still wants to get her back.
You’ve got two things going on. Obviously, you have to date and court your wife or your girlfriend properly. You can’t just neglect her. And when the chips are down, when things aren’t going well — because every guy is going to get busy, complacent, whether it’s a job, or career, or kids, or maybe he’s got somebody in his family that’s ill that he’s got to take care of — things are going to happen. Life is going to happen. And if you have a good woman, she’s going to communicate with you in a loving way and let you know that she’s not happy with the way things are going.
But if you’re dating a chick who belongs the streets, it’s going to create a lot of problems. In the long run, this isn’t a good kind of situation because, especially for you guys that want to go and get married and stick a ring on a girl’s finger, before you do that, you want to know, what’s the integrity level of the person that I’m dating?
Hey Coach Corey,
I’m a student, 26. Girlfriend’s 28. Been together for 1.5 years. I always acted independent and focused on my goals (exams, hobbies). I acted manly, was unreactive, never jealous, confident and sometimes even needed a week to respond to her when she behaved disrespectfully.
Dude, that’s one of the dumbest things you can do. If you’re having a problem in your relationship and you’re like, “Oh, I’m just going to ignore her for a week and teach her a lesson,” that’s passive aggressive behavior. That’s purposely trying to hurt and punish the other person, and it’s never going to end well in the long run, which obviously you’ll see.
Regardless of the fact of whether or not she belongs in the streets or not — like these sweet mugs that you can get from Spring, in the Coach Corey Wayne store, to remind yourself — a lot of guys I see, that I talk about, especially when I do phone sessions, they just made a bad quality choice. They’re trying to make good wine from bad grapes, and the wine is going to taste like shit. That’s the reality.
She always chased me/initiated contact. But she thought I didn’t care about her and thus, she was often insecure.
Well, it’s not so much that she’s insecure because she thought you didn’t care about her. It’s just, obviously, she’s insecure in general, which you’ll see as we get a little further down in the email.
Also, she never said she loved me but complained that I didn’t tell her first.
So, what this looks like to me, after I’ve gone through this guy’s email, is that he’s obviously been cherry-picking. He really hasn’t taken the work seriously, hasn’t learned things, and so he cherry-picked, gained some tips here and there, but overall, he didn’t really change his behavior in how he interacts with the women in his life. He’s probably got some of the same bad behaviors that he had from his previous relationships.
For the last months when I studied for my exams and had little time to meet her, she met a doctor her age and started cheating.
See, notice how he phrases that, “Oh, I just had a little time and she met a doctor and started cheating.” Well, he goes a little more in a depth.
One week before she cheated, we had sex and she told me how much she missed me. This guy is a submissive beta male. He bought her flowers, presents and made her ridiculous compliments from the beginning. He said he might want to marry her.
So, the thing you’ve got to keep in mind is an insecure woman who belongs to the streets, often they make a Frankenstein boyfriend. So, you were the guy hooking up with her, you were supposedly her boyfriend, but when it came to actually caring about her and spending quality time together, you were not romancing her. Obviously, if you don’t date your wife or girlfriend, eventually some other guy is going to come along and do that.
A woman who has integrity is going to sit down and talk and communicate and try to work things out. And she’ll do this on a number of occasions, but if you just continually ignore her and don’t make the effort and nothing changes, she’s either going to come to a conclusion at some point that you don’t know what you’re doing, or you just simply don’t care. Or maybe you’re just an emotional zombie, and she’s not going to want that. And then she’ll end the relationship, take some time to heal, be single. And then when she’s ready, she’ll get back in the dating world and then find somebody else.
A woman who belongs to the streets is just going to be like, “He’s neglecting me, he’s ignoring me,” and so whatever you’re not giving her, she’ll go and find it from some other guy. And so, she probably knew the doctor and he started talking to her, and she started complaining about the boyfriend and how he wasn’t doing this and that. Obviously, the guy liked her, and so he started filling in the need that the boyfriend was not. So, she’s got a Frankenstein boyfriend. She stays with the boyfriend she’s having sex with, and the communication and the compliments and showing that he cared is done by the doctor.
With him she says she feels loved, appreciated and validated.
That’s part of courtship. And if you’re all, “I’m too busy with school to see you,” it’s like, come on. You’re not that busy, dude. You can have her come over and stay the night. Say, “Come over at 10:00 o’clock. We’ll have a glass of wine or whatever and talk and catch up and spend the night. I’d love to wake up with you naked in my arms.” That’s the kind of thing you’re going to want to say. You’re not going to just ignore her for a week like that. It’s like, come on, dude. That’s just stupid. You’ve got to participate in your own rescue.
When she told me about it, even sent me pictures with the dude, I kept calm and took days to respond because I thought that was disrespectful.
Again, this is more passive aggressive behavior. Granted, no guy wants to get pictures of his chick with some other guy, but she’s basically saying, “Hey, I’m going to leave you for this other dude, because he’s doing what you’re not.” And your solution is just more passive aggressive ignoring. That’s just stupidity. That’s asinine stupidity.
She wanted to see me again to talk about the relationship. She also cut contact with the guy. But because I acted unreactive, she thought that I didn’t care about her and she cheated with the guy again when he came spontaneously to her house, (because he was afraid he might have had offended her).
So, she started ignoring him. He went full on over-pursuit. And this guy is neglecting her, and so she’s already distraught emotionally, so she’s in a weak place, and on top of that, she’s a weak, insecure girl who has no integrity and who, she belongs to the streets!
She asked how I felt and if that upsets me. I said yes and told her some of my bad feelings about the situation. I also said I care about her.
Well, you don’t show a woman that you care about her by ignoring her for a week.
She wanted to meet again. She messaged and called daily but always blew off the meeting.
Because, at that point, she knows what it’s like with you, because nothing really changed. She’s like, “Hey, I’ve got this other guy,” and you’re like, “Eh, I think I’ll ignore you for another week.” So you, again, communicated that you didn’t care.
Mainly because she was anxious about “the talk.”
That’s his assumption.
Especially when I said I preferred to talk in person, she became upset.
Yeah, because things are going well with this other guy, because he’s doing all of the things you were not. So, you shouldn’t be surprised. You’re kind of like in a backup position at this point.
She told me that she acted badly in order for me to end the relationship because she couldn’t do it herself.
And so, that’s so true. Typically, 75% of the time women are initiating the divorce and the breakup. But oftentimes what women will do is they will pick a fight, they’ll cause problems in hopes that the guy ends it. Because, again, women don’t want to take responsibility. They want the guy to be the one to do it. But after a while, if you just keep her lingering around and it’s tearing her up emotionally, eventually you get what this guy got.
The next day, she told me she didn’t want it to end. Regularly, she changed her opinion/contradicted herself.
A woman who changed your mind, that’s a big shock. That’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind. Because you’ve got to remember, women go based upon what they feel, just like Mother Nature. Some days it’s nice and sunny out, some days it’s cloudy and rainy. You can’t let it bother you.
Also, she became increasingly disrespectful by the day whatever I did.
Well, keep in mind, she’s hoping that you’ll just end the relationship. So, that’s part of her picking a fight, because a lot of times this is part of the strategy for women. They’ll pick a fight and cause some drama so they can break up with you, and then go and date and be with the other guy. And she told you about the other guy because she’s hoping that you’ll do something about it and you’ll fix the relationship. But instead, you ignored her.
Finally, I asked her to meet at a certain day, (when the other guy would probably stop at her house). She blocked me partly on social media, and told me she wants to end the relationship. Now no response. This doesn’t make sense, because the guy is moving to a different state in a few months, so she won’t have a relationship with him anyway.
It doesn’t matter. So, you’re thinking logically, but you’re not thinking in terms of, how is she thinking? She’s obviously very emotional about the situation and her emotions change based on what the other guy is doing, based on what you’re doing, based on how she’s feeling, based on the fact that she’s just a woman and women are prone to change their mind and contradict themselves. It doesn’t mean they’re horrible people, it just means, as a man, you should be unperturbable. But you don’t ignore your girlfriend for a week. That’s just asinine stupidity.
What to do to get her back and to get rid of that guy? Whatever I do seems wrong.
Well, I mean, at the end of day you’ve got to admit to the fact that she belongs to the streets. Granted, you shouldn’t have ignored her for a week at a time, and that’s your fuck-up. It’s also your fuck-up for not dating and courting her properly. The other guy was just simply a better boyfriend, if you will. He was the sidepiece that became her primary piece, and now she’s broken up with you.
And so, if this guy is a beta male, like you say, and you’re not just labeling him that because you feel insecure, at the end of the day, you should cut all contact. She broke up with you, she blocked you. Assume it’s over. Assume you’re never going to hear from again. Get back in the dating world. Start hanging out, having fun and hooking up with new women. That’s the only thing you can really do at this point.
I would let her do any calling, texting and pursuing. You should be following the script right out of “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” But the other question is, why would you want her back? The other thing is, if you really love a girl, you’re not going to ignore her for a week. That’s just stupid. That shows that you weren’t that into her to begin with.
And why are you with a woman that you just have mediocre interest? Because this is all about the woman of your dreams, not some average, mediocre chick. I mean, most guys are average dudes and are going to date average women. That’s not what I’m about. I’m about peak performance. I’m not about how to be mediocre. And it seems like you had mediocre interest in this girl who, quite frankly, you didn’t do a good job of pre-qualifying to begin with.
Btw, she’s very insecure about looks, (had countless operations), and needs much validation from people.
Dating incredibly insecure women is just a bad way to go, because they behave exactly like she’s behaved. She can’t stand the thought of being alone, so whatever she’s not getting from you, she’s going to go get from another guy. And when she feels like that’s progressed enough and she’s given you enough of a chance to turn things around and you don’t, she’ll just monkey branch from you right to the other guy. And it sounds like that’s exactly what happened here.
Also, she has this fear recently that she needs to move in with a man and have a family because she’s 28.
Thanks in advance.
Because she’s hit the wall, so to speak. The peak sexual market value is in decline, she’s getting older and she’s going to want to have kids or a family. So, her her window of opportunity is closing, where us men, we can pretty much have kids most of our lives, basically, as long as we’re healthy.
So, if I were you, I’d say good riddance, dude. But if you’re crazy enough to want to get her back, it’s like you’ve got to think about, why were you ignoring her for a week? If you really loved this girl and cared about her, and the fact that she never said “I love you” to you, that tells me that you probably weren’t following what was in “How To Be A 3% Man.” Because ignoring a woman for the week, obviously, this is probably how you were behaving throughout the whole entire relationship. Again, you were cherry-picking. You didn’t mention anything about reading the book. You’ve just been following me for a while, so you probably cherry-picked a few things here and there.
So, a couple of things. You didn’t you didn’t date in court properly. Number two, it sounds like you made a bad choice. You didn’t pre-qualify her properly. You had a girlfriend who, quite frankly, should have just been an occasional fuck buddy or sex playmate. And if I look at the context of your email, that’s kind of how you treated her. You didn’t really treat her like a girlfriend. You just treated her like a fuck buddy. So, if you’re fuck buddy decided to go get serious with somebody else, you shouldn’t be that surprised. I want you to be with somebody that knocks your socks off, not some average mediocre woman.
So, again, if you haven’t read “How To Be A 3% Man,” go to UnderstandingRelationships.com and you can read it for free. All you’ve got to do is subscribe to the email newsletter. Obviously, you can read my latest book, the quotes book, “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations,” that’s available on Audible, iTunes, everywhere. And obviously my second book, “Mastering Yourself,” which you can also read for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com.
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“A woman knows that when a man cares for her, he shows her through his actions by dating and courting her properly. He takes the time to show that he cares and listens to her concerns and communicates with her like an adult. A man, who cares, makes the effort to continually date and court her properly. A man who doesn’t care neglects and often ignores his woman. A man who is dating a woman that belongs to the streets will get cheated on when they ignore or neglect to date and court her properly. She will line up his replacement when they are still together and then when the time is right, pick a fight, end the relationship and leave for good. If you want to see what the real integrity level is of the woman you are dating, see how she reacts when you fail to date and court her properly.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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