Why Displaying Weakness Invites Aggression From Women

Why displaying weakness invites aggression, testing & mood swings from women.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who got dumped by his girlfriend of four months. He displayed too much weakness by over pursuing and acting like a woman. She became moody and disrespectful because he didn’t act like a man consistently. However, now that he’s willing to let her go, she spent the whole weekend with him making love and is having a hard time staying away.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a viewer who got dumped by his girlfriend of four months. He basically displayed too much weakness, he over-pursued, he just basically acted like a woman too much, she became moody, disrespectful because, quite frankly, he didn’t act like a man consistently. Women resent it when you’re not in your masculine because it forces them into their masculine, and it’s not their natural essence. They don’t want to be the man in the relationship. The more indecisive a guy is, the more he’s all up in his feelings, the more he pursues, the more he smothers a woman, the more she’s not going to feel safe, she’s going to be disrespectful. Especially if he allows her to continue to disrespect him, she loses more respect and is even more disrespectful.

So what’s interesting is that she wanted to break things off because she basically wasn’t feeling it, he let her go, because he didn’t like how she was treating him with her disrespectful behavior and he was sick of the mood swings and everything. She ended up staying the whole weekend. They ended up making love the whole time. Now she’s kind of having a hard time staying away. So obviously he wants to know how to keep her attracted.

Obviously, first things first, he’s got to start reading the book, taking this seriously, and filling his knowledge gap because he’s doing and saying things that are really unattractive and he’s driving her away unnecessarily. I know he says he’s read the book, but one time is not sufficient because he’s still exhibiting the same behaviors and putting out the same vibe that drove her away in the first place. However, he is starting to right the ship, just judging by the fact that they spent the whole weekend together, despite the fact she supposedly broke up with him.

As the book says, the man’s job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. To hang out, have fun, and hook up. Not be in a relationship or get back together. It’s just when she misses him, he invites her over and they hang out, have fun, and hook up. As far as the relationship or not, it doesn’t matter. Only thing that he cares about is creating the opportunity for sex to happen. When she wants to be in a relationship, when she’s emotionally ready, when she feels safe, she’s going to try to convince him why he should be her boyfriend again. So if he just focuses on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up when she reaches out to him, then things will go pretty simple.

Viewer Email:

Dear Corey,

I hope you’re well. I’ve read your book and I follow your videos with interest. I’m Italian and have been living in NYC for the last five years. I’ve generally done well dating, but I’ve also run into some cultural differences, and I’m trying to understand American dating dynamics more clearly through your lens.

Well, it’s really through the lens of masculinity, because this stuff is actually innate to us. Once you really learn the book, it feels easy and natural because it’s what masculinity is, and women will respond accordingly because you’re setting the tone. At the end of the day, you’re the leader, it’s your party. You’re driving the fun bus and she’s a guest there.

I’m writing to ask for your thoughts on a situation with my Chinese American ex-girlfriend. We dated for about four months starting in November. Early on, things felt great. She even described it as a “honeymoon phase.” I asked for exclusivity after about three weeks…

Which he shouldn’t have been doing, but I assume he’s found me after all this happened.

…And she said she was thinking the same. From the beginning we were spending 3–4 nights a week together. She was very available, the chemistry was strong, and the relationship felt easy.

So you could tell in the beginning the power was a little more balanced. Even though he was pushing for a relationship, he got away with it. However, you’ll see over time, as he became more emotionally invested and focused on his own feelings and interests, he started pursuing too much and acting too emotional instead of centered, playful, and indifferent, having a “take it or leave it” kind of attitude. You don’t get butt-hurt or upset when the kitty cat wants to go do something else that doesn’t include you. As a matter of fact, you actually like to encourage that. Gives you time to get caught up on important things.

Over time, she became moodier and started oscillating hot/cold, which destabilized me.

Your woman should never destabilize or diminish you in any way. You chose to get destabilized. In other words, you chose to be chaotic in relation to your girlfriend’s behavior that showed that you couldn’t handle her mood swings, emotions, or her not being in a good mood when you were in a good mood. So since she was in a bad mood, you allowed your mood to be affected. That’s what turned her off. A woman can never destabilize or diminish you as a man. You just cannot let it happen that way.

Again, what he’s doing is he’s displaying weakness, “Oh, she destabilized me.” In other words, he can’t deal with the hot and cold behavior, and he allows it to diminish himself, which is in other words, he allows the chaos to take over instead of having a more masculine attitude. “I’m driving the fun bus. I’ve decided ahead of time that I’m going to have a good time, no matter what she felt.”

She said she felt “flat,” and attributed some of that to mushrooms we took together.

What she’s really saying is her feelings are flat. In other words, she knows you’re a great guy, but she’s not feeling attracted. That’s usually when women seek to withdraw when they feel that way, and you just got to let them be. You can’t be bothered by it. If she’s moody, you say, “Wow, you’re in a good mood today.” If she’s disrespectful, you say, “Don’t talk to me like that. It’s not very loving or kind. You got to be nice to me.” If she keeps doing it, you just say, “Well, I’m going to go home. I’m going to go for a drive. I’m going to go hang out with the guys, have a beer. When you are ready to be nice, hit me up because I don’t appreciate it.”

A woman should make your dick hard, not your life. You can say that to her. It’s like, “What you’re doing right now is making my life difficult and you’re disturbing my peace.” All men want to come home and have peace in the home. They don’t want a woman with boss girl energy that’s constantly trolling us or trying to get under our skin. We deal with enough in the world. We don’t want to come home to a woman who has been waiting all day and stewing all day to make our life difficult, because she’s unhappy for whatever reason. She’s got to exercise control as well.

During the Christmas holidays we spent time together, and in a sweet moment I asked if she wanted to be in a relationship (I know, I shouldn’t have). She said it felt too soon for her to commit…

See? It wasn’t her idea. It’s always better if the woman thinks that she likes you more than you like her, but when you over-communicate your interest, you’re too emotional, you’re trying to lock her down, you’re basically acting like a girl. That’s why it’s so repulsive. He’s unable to tell that she’s not emotionally in the same place. She’s not bringing it up. She’s not hinting at it. More than likely, he’s only trying to lock her down because he’s fearful of potentially losing her. Probably because he really cares too much. So there’s a lot of downside risk. He’s going to get his heart broken.

…She’s mid-30s and I’m early 40s, and she wanted to be sure. She said we became serious too quickly.

Again, when a woman says that, it’s like you can’t be bothered. It’s like, “Well, maybe you should go chill out by the pool, contemplate, have impure thoughts about me, and then call me when you miss me.” You just can’t ever let that get under your skin or be bothered or perturbed in any way. I mean, it should be amusing to you because this is all stuff that goes on internally inside of her. It shouldn’t affect you, it shouldn’t affect your confidence, shouldn’t affect your swagger.

That made me more insecure, and things started to slide from there.

Again, you chose to lose your shit and not exercise self control. Again, I’m assuming this all happened before you came across my work, so I can’t break your balls too much. It’s probably what led you to to coming here.

I struggled to stay relaxed and playful.

Again, you can’t allow a woman to diminish you or grab the wheel of the fun bus and drive it right off a cliff.

She did most of the texting and calling, but in person we often felt tense.

That’s because you were not at ease. If you’re calm and relaxed, she’ll be calm and relaxed. If you’re tense and anxious, she’ll be tense and anxious. She’s looking to you for leadership. If you’re anxious and you’re tense, she’s not going to feel safe. She’s going to resent it. You’re supposed to be calm. Masculinity is calm, after all, and you’re exhibiting chaos, which is feminine energy. That’s the issue here.

She also began criticizing small things and her mood continued to swing, sometimes warm, sometimes distant.

That’s basically in reflection of you being masculine and sometimes acting like a chick. Sometimes she’s nice and sweet when you’re centered, but when you act like a bitch, you get treated like a bitch. Just like, what’s his name? Clavicle? There was a video going viral of some hot girl that goes up to him in the club, and she didn’t like him. She thought he was a bitch. She saw him for what he was and she smacked him. Obviously she had a couple cocktails, but women don’t like that. They don’t like those pussy boys. She smacked him. I think he called the police on her or whatever. I mean, she shouldn’t have done that, but at the end of the day, she treated him like a bitch and she grabbed him by his pussy because he was acting like a pussy. Women don’t like weak men, especially weak men that associate with ratchet, low character people, i.e. the Tates and everybody else that hangs out with them.

After a few fights, we broke up about a week ago, more or less mutually. She said she wasn’t convinced, and I wasn’t happy with the constant mood swings.

Oh, she’s making your life hard instead of your dick, and that is obviously partly her fault.

She was supposed to pick up her things on Friday, but we ended up spending the entire weekend together instead. Great sex, a road trip on Sunday, and overall a very sweet, calm weekend.

Yeah, it sounds like you acted like a man. See how easy it is? She responded to how you showed up.

She said she could be that way because there was “no pressure…”

In other words, you weren’t acting like a girl because you were cool with her staying or going, her saying she’s going to break up with you, but at the end of the day, you still plowed her strawberry fields

…And she wasn’t thinking about our problems.

That’s because you were calm. You set the tone.

When I drove her home with her things we both cried, but she ultimately said she needed space.

I would be like, “Call me when you miss me, babe.”

Now she’s realized she left a few items at my place.

Of course, she did that on purpose.

I told her she could pick them up next weekend, and she replied, “I don’t have the strength to not cuddle with you if I come up,” and “Before I know it, I will have spent the whole weekend there.”

So when she says something like that, “Yeah, you should definitely get your cute little ass and come over here and cuddle with me. Stop torturing yourself.” She says, “No, I need space,” it’s like, “Alright, babe. Call me when you miss me and you’re tired of the space and you want my sexy body again.” Then next time she reaches out, assume she had enough space, “Are you coming over?” “Well, I was thinking about it, but I don’t think it’s a good idea.” “I think it’s a great idea. Obviously you called me. Obviously you texted me. Obviously you want to come over, so just get your ass over here.” Simple as that. It’s so easy to fix.

I’d like to try again under different circumstances, slower pace, less pressure, because I think we are compatible, but also both need a reset.

No, you just need to act like a man consistently. She still may be too crazy to date, but the more you act like a man, the more you’re not going to be bothered by her craziness, and the more you’re likely to put her in her place and tell her to knock the bullshit off. “Babe, make my dick hard. Not my life. What you’re doing right now is making my life hard and it’s not attractive. It’s making my dick shrivel up. It’s giving me shrinkage. It’s making my balls go back up into my abdomen. That’s not good for a man.”

I’m familiar with your 7 Principles and I’m not texting her.

You shouldn’t. She broke it off. She’s got to fix it. You should be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. She reaches out, that means she’s had enough space, invite her over.

My two questions are: For the belongings, should I have her come up to pick them up, or leave them with my doorman to keep it clean? How should I behave?

You shouldn’t do anything. Your job is to create the opportunity for sex to happen. If she wants to pick her shit up, she’ll bring it up, but she may call you and say, “I need to pick my things up.” I would be like, “Great! Bring a bottle of wine over and I’ll help you bring them down. I’ll help you pack, but let’s have a glass of wine in the meantime.” Hang out, have fun, and hook up. She’s chasing you. She’s not dumping you.

More broadly, given this dynamic, what would you recommend I do next?

Nothing. Just wait to hear from her and invite her over. “Hey, sexy! I want to see you. I want to see you naked in my bed today.” “Oh, I can’t make it today.” “Well, when can you? It’s like every day you stay away, you’re just torturing yourself. I don’t understand why you want to do that to yourself. You should come over and get some kissy-poo and some cuddles.” If she’s talking about cuddles with you, it’s because she wants to cuddle with you. So make the cuddles happen.

Thank you in advance for your time, and congratulations on the program, funny and genuinely informative.

Kind Regards,

Bob

Well, I said your situation is so easy to fix. You just stop thinking like a girl and acting like a girl and act like a man, and all the rest of the bullshit goes out the door and you’ll be fucking her brains out all weekend all over again. If she talks about, “Oh, I don’t know if we should be together. What are we going to do? How are we going to make it work?” It’s like, “Have I told you how great you look naked? You look amazing naked.” Why is it always got to be about sex?” It’s like, “Well, have you seen yourself naked? How good you look naked? Like come on, what am I supposed to do?”

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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