Why Disrespectful Women Are The Biggest Red Flag

Why you should avoid disrespectful women at all costs and never date them.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is new to my work. He was dating a woman for about three months until she started showing her true colors and being disrespectful towards him. He quickly got turned off and she doubled down on the disrespect.

He’s trying to fix a woman who is purposefully trying to make his life difficult. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a viewer who’s kind of new to my work. He was dating a woman for about three months. He said everything was great. Then she started showing her true colors and being disrespectful and kind of passive aggressive towards him. He quickly got turned off, called her out on her behavior, she became even more disrespectful and then she broke things off. Now it kind of looks like he’s thinking he’s going to use the book to fix her and change her to be the way he wants her to be.

I say it all the time. You want a girl who’s nice to you, who’s easygoing, easy to get along with, good attitude, communicates like an adult. That’s what you’re looking for. Not a woman that’s just constantly making her life’s mission to make your life difficult and get you back because she’s mad, she’s pissed off, got daddy issues or whatever. So as a woman said so well a few years back, guys want a woman that will make their dicks hard, not their lives.

In this particular email, it sure likes looks like this guy chose a woman that’s going out of her way to make his life difficult. This is the exact opposite of what I say you should be looking for. You shouldn’t be thinking, “I got this magic book. Now I can fix this girl’s issues and undo all the bad parenting that she got in childhood.” Nope, it’s not how it works. You got to see reality as it is, not better than it is. Not be Captain Save-A-Hoe to the rescue.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I’ve been following your videos and read your book listening to the audio-book five times in the past three months, and I have a nuanced question for you to help me with please.

In a video you made titled From No Contact To Friends With Benefits To A Relationship, you mentioned that women take a long time to fall in love and take a long time to fall out of love too.

Well, this is detailed in the book. You claimed you went through it five times already. So just the way you kind of talk about it, it sounds like something maybe you don’t understand, but it’s pretty simple. If you follow what’s in the book, typically from the time you meet till the time she’s in love and wants to be exclusive, it’s usually about between six to eight weeks, just depending on how tight your game is and how high her interest starts out in the very beginning. If it takes time for her to fall in love about two months, if you’re doing everything right and obviously you’re in the same city, you’re not like doing long-distance where you see each other every couple of months, this is a real normal relationship with somebody that’s in your city 10 to 15 minutes away from you, it takes about two months for a woman to fall in love with you.

Most guys, what happens is that over time, the woman kind of fades away. She loses interest. She becomes less available. She becomes less open to having sex. That’s what the average guy tends to experience. So what happens is most guys, like one of the biggest complaints women have about men is that they’re romantic at first, and then like after the courtship is over, they feel like they’ve won the girl. Then they just stop dating and courting her. They’re like, “Oh, that was just the beginning stages. I don’t have to do that anymore.” That’s a fatal error that a lot of guys make. They stop the courtship, usually because they’re trying to save money, pay down some bills, that kind of thing. The woman complains, “We never do anything,” he says, “But babe, you know we’re trying to pay off these credit cards. We’re trying to pay this off or that off,” and all she hears is he’s not going to do anything to date her. Eventually, if you don’t date and court your girl, somebody else will come along and do it for you.

So women fall out of love slowly. It happens over usually many months. So if you are in a situation like that and then you’re trying to take corrective action, obviously you got to start acting attractive again and doing the right things so she’ll fall back in love. So it’ll take time for her to fall back in love. It took two months to fall in love, took three or four months to fall out of love, and your game is really tight. When you clean it up, it’ll take about two months for her to fall back in love and get things back to normal. That’s typically what happens.

So what do you make of a woman I got to really enjoy, who had lost her father when she was eight, and definitely has that insecurity lingering over her head, who said she loved me by our third date together…

OK, if a girl tells you she’s in love with you on date three, come on. That’s typically an insecure girl or somebody that’s love bombing you. A woman’s not going to be head over heels in love you by the third date. It’s typically not going to happen.

…Where our relationship went really hot and heavy real quick for three months, until I screwed up and went judgemental on her when she decided to say, “Maybe we weren’t made for each other” for a second time when I called her out on acting controlling and manipulative when she cancelled our plans when I decided to go to the gym and do my exercise instead of staying on a phone call with her when she said in a sort of laughing voice that, “What? You can’t handle me playing on your nerves?” 

So they have a date set up. She’s on the phone about something. He’s like, “I gotta go work out. We could talk about it when we get together.” So a passive aggressive person is, “Oh, I’m gonna fix this little red wagon.” “Oh, yeah? Well, I’m gonna cancel our date,” which is what she did.

So what is she doing? She’s making his life hard, not his dick. She’s being disrespectful. On top of that, she said she basically trolls him, tells him, “Oh, it bothers you when I fucking jerk you around? Oh, take that!” That’s just not good. A girl who’s raised right is not going to do that shit. A girl who grew up without a dad, yeah that’s kind of par for the course. It looks like you’re dating a girl from a broken home, had no father, grandfather, stepdad that was able to step in and be what she needed.

When I called her out on it, she said it was because she thought I was losing love for her that I got off that phone call, and then I got even more judgemental saying that she should work on that insecurity of hers.

So she presupposed something again because her dad wasn’t there. She presupposed she wasn’t going to get the love that she wanted because again, her dad wasn’t around. So she grew up and that’s normal. She clearly got triggered by that.

She sent me a text after that breaking it off and saying I can’t handle her and she’s worked so hard on herself with therapy and I have no right to say those things to her, and she doesn’t like me anymore even though she still loves me.

Yeah, if a girl tells you she loves you on the third date, she’s not in love with you on the third date. She’s just not. That’s a fact of life, dude. Again, we look at her actions, not what she says. We look at what she does. Women don’t dump men that they are in love with. They dump men that they’ve lost respect and attraction for and that they have low interest in. That’s just life.

One conflict and she refused to let it go, but then came back a week and a half later saying she’s OK with friends with benefits and I was cool with that and went along with it. Now she barely texts me even though she always wanted me to be texting her good morning and good nights and “I love you’s.” 

Again, we don’t do good morning texts and “I love you” texts every night. We just don’t. We do it when it’s spontaneous and we feel like it. We don’t do it like a robot because then it becomes meaningless and then both people take it for granted.

So again, a woman who breaks up with you so flippantly when, as you said, she’s being manipulative, it’s manipulative to have a date and purposely cancel it to punish your supposed boyfriend or significant other. That’s just not the right way to go about it. It’s not loving. It’s not kind. It’s not easy going. It’s not easy to get along with. It’s just not the way to do it. So the fact that she just blew him off like that, it’s almost kind of using the breakup as a weapon, “Oh yeah, I’ll just break it off with you. See how you like that? Ha ha!”

Again, when you see this kind of behavior great, friends with benefits. That’s no girlfriend, no wife. She doesn’t qualify. So she’s just friends with benefits. You never call, you never text. She reaches out, invite her over, hang out, have fun and hook up. She wants to be in a relationship, tell her, “No. I like girls that are nice to me, and you’re just not. We can be friends with benefits until I find the right girl for me or you find the right dude for you.” I wouldn’t be giving her a second chance. That is not a good sign.

A woman that just jerks you around on purpose and then rubs it in your face as if you deserve it, it’s like, nope. That’s not a woman who’s capable of being your biggest cheerleader and fan. That’s a woman who loves to troll you because she’s got daddy issues. She clearly looks like she’s just pissed off at men in general.

What do you think I should do with this girl, because I would like to build up with her again and our young kids get along too and had so much fun together.

Well again, you’re not going to fix her with the book. You’re not going to undo the fact that her father wasn’t there for her. You told her what you wanted and she mocked you, she canceled a date on you, and then she broke up with you because you roughed up her ego. “How dare you talk to me like that? How dare you have an opinion?” It’s like, dude, you’re supposed to be the man of the household. That woman is not going to submit to you no matter how much you want. It’s just not going to happen. She’s out.

I am her third man, she was married most of her life and just recently broke up two years ago and had another boyfriend for just a few months who she did this break up thing with too. She’s 39 and I’m 44.

Thanks for any advice you can give me!

Regards,

Bob

Sounds like the husband probably just got to the point where he got sick of her bullshit and finally left. So she did that with the last boyfriend, again, that’s manipulative. If a woman is constantly using breakups as a weapon, or to get you to comply with her wishes or to modify your behavior, that’s not going to work. Statistically, those relationships don’t work. One or both people just get sick of it. If you’re in a relationship and you have an issue, you want to be able to talk it out and work it out, not get dumped, not get silent treatment, not have your dates canceled, not have to deal with passive aggressive behavior. That’s not loving. That’s mentally and emotionally abusive. That dog won’t hunt. We don’t do it. We just don’t.

So if I were you, I wouldn’t do anything. I wouldn’t call her, wouldn’t text her, wouldn’t do nothing. If you hear from her, invite her over, hang out, have fun and hook up. I would keep my kids away from her and her kids. I wouldn’t have anything to do with that. Just treat her like a friends with benefits. Again, if you start applying what’s in the book and you let her do all the reaching out and you just set dates that can lead to sex at your place, at least for the first three dates in a row, she’ll probably start to fall for you again, and she’ll be nice. This is how she behaves when she’s pissed off. It’s not loving. You got to be able to check a woman on her behavior and have her take it in and go, “You know what? Maybe I was a little bit of a bitch. Maybe I shouldn’t have done what I did,” but that didn’t happen in this case. She basically had the attitude that “You deserved it,” just because.

Again, this is not easy going, easy to get along with. This is a girl that looks like she’s screwed up, or I should say a woman that’s screwed up. It’s not your job to fix her. I mean, she did the same thing with the last guy, and that only lasted a few months and she did the same thing to you. That’s not normal behavior. Again, it’s passive aggressive, it’s unloving, and most importantly, it’s abusive. No one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do. You don’t need a woman treating you and berating you like this, especially in front of your kids, because then your kids are going to grow up and think that shit’s normal and it’s just not.

So if it was me, I wouldn’t reach out ever again. Make dates when you hear from her. If she wants to be exclusive, just say, “No, thank you. Friends with benefits is all I can offer you. We’re not compatible in a long-term relationship. You don’t have a communication style or value system that jives with mine. If I got something that my woman displeases me on, I got to be able to call her out on it and not have her get upset and just break up with me because she’s mad. That’s just not going to work.” I just don’t see this as fixable. I don’t see her changing. Again, she’s almost 40 years old. This is the way she is. She did it to the last guy again, probably made her husband miserable, and he finally just said “Check, please,” and he dipped on out of there. Don’t be Captain Save-A-Hoe. Find a girl that shares your goals and values and is nice to you. This is not nice. This is not loving, the way she’s treated you.

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