Why Does She Want Space After We Broke Up But Made Up?

Why a woman will want space after you make up after a breakup.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who recently broke up with his ex. They dated for a year and were only exclusive for the last two months. She dumped him after they had several arguments over religion and some differing perspectives. He later apologized and they made up, but now she says she needs space.

He’s confused as to why she needs space if they resolved their differences. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

So this particular email is from a viewer who recently broke up with his ex-girlfriend. They dated for a year, but they were only exclusive for about two months. I assume he’s new to my work. The thing that immediately jumps out about that is if you knew the book and you’re applying it, you should be exclusive after the first two months, but the fact that they dated for 10 months and became exclusive for two months, and then she dumped them after they had several arguments over religion and differing perspectives? What it seems like is once they got involved in a relationship, that he started trying to impose his religious values onto her and trying to make her behave the way he wanted because he’s like, “Hey, we’re in a relationship now. You got to do what I tell you,” basically.

He says he got back in touch with her, he apologized, they made up, but then now she’s like, “Oh, I need space,” and he’s going, “Well, I thought we made up. Why do you need space?” This guy’s gotta read 3% Man, because he has no idea what the hell he is doing. He’s clearly got no game, and if he doesn’t learn this, fill in his knowledge gap with what’s in the book, this is not going to last. She’s going to blow him off and dump him again.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

Do I got a situation for you! Firstly, thanks for all the hard work and dedication you put into helping us gentleman.

I recently got broken up with by my ex who I dated for a year and became official bf/gf for two months. I moved back to my hometown (Closer to her) after getting approval from my job. I’m 23, we’re both young with degrees, she’s doing a lot of preliminary work to go to PA school…

I don’t know what PA school is. A physician’s assistant, maybe?

…And I’m working full-time as an analyst making pretty good money.

She’s Indian, and I’m Hispanic. I come from a Christian background and she’s agnostic.

Well, something that you got to consider is typically you got to have the same religious and spiritual values, because if you don’t, you’re probably going to have some conflicts around raising kids. So that’s something to kind of keep in mind. It’s something that you’re going to have to discuss, especially the longer you’re together, because maybe your parenting styles differ. If she’s super religious and you’re not, she and her family may expect that you raise the kids a certain way in their religion, or vice versa. If you’re super religious and she’s agnostic, like in this case, and you expect things to be a certain way, she may bounce on you like this particular girl has.

I kept my beliefs out of the picture for almost the entire time knowing her until a month ago. I’ve had some trauma due to an early onset drug addiction in my teens and leaned into my faith to get clean. I’m four years sober and gained weight, hit the gym, became confident, and have had success with your book and women.

OK, so he says he has read it. I don’t know how many times he’s read it, but the fact that he’s going, “I don’t understand why she says she needs space,” tells me he’s not that good of a student. He’s probably another cherry picker we got on our hands here.

This started to come out a lot in some issues that were stemmed in fear and guilt.

So if you’ve been following me for a period of time and you dated a woman for a year and only became exclusive after 10 months of dating, maybe they were long distance for a while, so that may have kind of thrown a wrinkle in it, but that just tells me if you guys are in the same town, or at least were maybe when you were in school or something, then all of a sudden she’s bounced on you that you were not showing up. Again, if you knew the book backwards and forwards, she should have been in love with you and wanting to be exclusive after two months. Instead, it was only the last two months that you were together, and it was once you started trying to impose your religious values on her after keeping them to yourself for a year that she bounced on you. So you may have some religious value conflicts there, and she’s just not going to jive with the things that you want, which it clearly looks like that’s a big part of what led to the breakup.

Some issues included: Wanting to know my body count, wanting to be posted on my social media (Barely post), wanting to go to specific bars, etc.

Again, I’ve talked about body count and wanting to know exactly. I mean, you’ve been together for a year, and now all of a sudden she wants to know what your body count is? Something just sounds off there.

After only about two or three arguments (I know) about my uncomfortableness with certain things because of our differences in perspectives, she said she couldn’t do it anymore. I blamed a lot of those issues on my faith and past and it was difficult for her to understand those very deep personal struggles. She cried for hours as I held her and told me she couldn’t continue because she was afraid that these issues would become bigger in the future (Valid). She felt an uncertainty about our future and that made her afraid. She said she still loved me deeply and didn’t want to break up but felt she needed to.

Women don’t dump men that they’re head over heels in love with. They dump men that they’ve lost respect and attraction for, or men that they never really had respect and attraction for.

I believe her. She’s one of the special ones you talk about in your book.

Over the next two days, I reflected and discussed with my friends and family. And I realized that my mistakes. I kept bringing in my personal beliefs in matters that didn’t really need to be. Although I said things in the comfort of a person I loved, my delivery was terrible. So I reached out and told her to meet me, she did. I told her how I recognized those mistakes, had a commitment to stop being afraid and that I’ve finally let go of my past traumas and the fear and guilt that got in the way.

So when you say a statement like that, when you’re talking about, “Oh, my past traumas, my fear, my guilt, my issues and my addiction,” these are not things that make you look attractive and masculine in her eyes. They’re basically you showing up and saying, “Hey, look at all my flaws. This is why our relationship ended, because of my flaws.”

At the end, I gave her flowers.

So it’s a bribe for sex and a relationship. Typically a lot of guys do that. They have a breakup or she’s mad and they’re like, “I’ll buy her flowers. That’ll solve everything!” Bro…

Again, I see things like this and I go, “He’s not been a good student of the book.” Maybe he thumbed through it, cherry picked, but trying to buy flowers when you’ve had a breakup, thinking that that’s going to solve the problems? Not a good way. Not a good look. Looks like a bribe.

She couldn’t let go of me. Kept kissing me. Gazing into my eyes. It was like our first date all over again. Spark was back. But she said she still needed time to think since it had only been two days since the breakup. But I felt a lot of confidence and hope that she’d give it a second chance. I’ve made an effort throughout our relationship to ensure she knew I was a guy who kept his word. Actions over words.

It’s been two days later with me having no contact.

Again, what this woman has said is, “I need space. I got to process my feelings,” so you just got to let her be, because you just vomited your feelings all over her and vomited all your traumas and your weaknesses. In other words, you told her a bunch of things that were unattractive about yourself. Again, as I talk about in the book, if it’s not going to make you look more attractive and confident like you have your shit together, then you should keep it to yourself. You had a very heavy conversation where you talked about addiction and all these other things, so you should expect a pullback because again she’s breaking up with you. She’s ending the relationship because she doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Even though she knew you were a great guy, her feelings were that she didn’t want to be with you. So you’re, in essence, telling her a story or your excuses, if you will, for why your relationship didn’t work out.

The bottom line is she still feels what she feels, which is she didn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. So even though she was holding you tight and she appreciates the explanation, we’re still dealing with a woman whose feelings and attraction have been lowered significantly to the point where she wanted to dump you and break up with you. So this is kind of the equivalent of, “Hey, I don’t really want us to be broken up. I want us to stay together,” and she’s saying, “I want space,” so she knows you want to work it out. Like it says in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, it takes two to tango. She has to want to make the effort to fix things, and right now is that you went chasing after her after she dumped you because you’re like, “Oh, now I realize my mistakes. Please take me back.” So this is not surprising at all.

She reached out and said that she still needed time to think, hoping I’d be patient with her.

So you have to be infinitely patient. You have to give her the time and space away from you to follow through on her plans and commitments, or to disappear from your life forever. She says, “I need time to think,” so give her an infinite amount of time to think, because now the ball has been hit into her side of the court. You have to wait for her to hit it back. She may hit it back, she might never hit it back, she may come back and try to friend-zone you and give you some excuse, but that’s why you should be paying attention to what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back and preparing yourself for those potential objections, because the way she is right now, she may call you back in a week or two and just say, “I’ve given it some thought, and I’m pretty firm in my decision. I don’t want us to get back together, but we can be friends.” Then I would be prepared to say, “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way, but I can’t be just your friend. I want us to be together. If you don’t want to be together, then you need to let me go so I can find somebody else and you can find somebody else.” You can both take time to heal, “But I’m not going to be your pal. I’m not going to have a platonic relationship with you. That just doesn’t work for me. It’s not what I signed up for.”

“I’m interested in romance and rekindling things, but if you don’t want to work to fix things, then there’s nothing I can do. I wish you all the best. Give me a call if you ever change your mind. If I’m still available, we can go out on a date. If not, it’s really been a wonderful year. I have memories with you that I’m going to cherish for the rest of my life, and I have nothing but good intentions and I wish you all the best. I hope you find what you’re looking for. I’m sorry you didn’t think what we had was valuable enough to give it another shot. Like I said, unless I’m with somebody else, you’re still welcome to reach out if your feelings change in the future, but I’m not interested in being your friend. I’m not looking to have a an ex-girlfriend as just a female platonic buddy. That doesn’t work for me.”

She said she needed space to think about this. I’m giving that to her with no plans to reach out. I’m wondering your perspective on this. I know the obvious answers but wanted to hear some dialogue from your expertise. I’ve always had the impression that women don’t wait. Women go for what they want. If she really loved me, she wouldn’t need to think. What are your thoughts?

Thanks,

Bob

Again, she was dumping you because her feelings had changed, because she had low interest. Then you basically went chasing after a woman that had low interest trying to change your mind. So this is as predictable as the sun coming up in the east and setting in the west. Of course, she’s going to want space, so the only thing you can do is nothing. I would assume it’s over and you might never ever hear from her again, but just like 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says, she might get in touch and then try to friend-zone you or get you to go along with that, so you have to be ready for that, to deny it to her.

Again, all of the potential objections that she could have are answered in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, the article and video that I did many years ago that’s on my website. So I would check that out and get prepared and be reading the book, because if she does come back, you got to clean up your game and you got to fill in your knowledge gap and figure out what you were doing and saying that was turning her off so much.

I don’t know exactly the way you were behaving that last month. I mean, you dated this girl for 10 months before you became exclusive, so you should have become exclusive the first two months that you were dating. Maybe you guys were long distance and you didn’t see each other that often, but again, I’ve had long distance relationships where we got serious right away, and these are women that were in another country that I literally flew to the country to meet and hang out with them. Then we became exclusive over the weeks that I was there. So the fact that you spent 10 months long distance? Something’s off in your game. Definitely you need to clean it up, you need to read the book and you got to fill in your knowledge gap, because if she does come back, what’s going to happen and you don’t take the time to to figure out what you were doing wrong in the relationship, you don’t fill in your knowledge gap, you’ll start making the same mistakes all over again, and you’ll turn her off for the same reasons. Then guess what? She’ll dump you again for exactly the same reasons. So take the time, put the time in with the book. There are no shortcuts to success. You got to be a better student than you’re being.

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