How a simple mindset change can change your focus from wondering why your life is not working, to being filled with optimism and enthusiasm for your life, and what you can accomplish over time to create a great future for yourself.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss three different emails from three different viewers. The first email is from a viewer who feels like nothing can work out for him in life, and he’s a total loser. He shares some of the disappointing results he got on a recent date with a woman he says likes him, but when asking questions and trying to be interesting, she seemed to lose interest and shut down.
The second email is a success story from a guy who is ending his 2-year marriage after his wife was unfaithful. He shares how my work has helped him to turn his life around, delete toxic people and focus on creating a new business on the side, while he still works a job he hates, so he can eventually be a full-time entrepreneur. The third email is a success story from a guy who shares how my work has helped him to take personal responsibility for his life and turn around his failing relationship. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the bodies of their emails.
First Viewer’s Email:
You know what? I’ve applied your teachings, but on a date it seems boring. I ask her questions, as you gave in examples, and she looks at it as interrogations or stuff like that, and answers shortly, not because she doesn’t like me, but because there are not many memories, etc., like we are simple people go to work, to school, have the same troubles, etc. How do I become interesting? (If you really care about this girl, you really like her and and you’re really fascinated by her, you’re going to want to know everything about her. But if you’ve memorized a bunch of questions, and you’re barraging her like it’s a job interview, it’s not going to come off well. I can tell you haven’t read the book 10-15 times. You didn’t prepare. If a woman is giving a short answer, obviously she wasn’t digging the question you asked. Remember, you want to ask the kind of questions that she’s going to enjoy answering. If you aren’t sincere and authentic, you’re going to come off like a robot, which is what you’re doing here. Think about your level of enthusiasm. Try to strike up a conversation with any random person that doesn’t really want to talk to you, and you don’t want to talk to them, and see how well that’s going to flow, versus talking to somebody you really like and are really interested in. It’s going to be a completely night and day experience. Too many guys get focused and fixated on their physical attraction to somebody, and they ignore the fact that the conversation is not flowing, or they are kind of bored and not really excited to talk to the person in the first place. With the people in your life you like to hang out with the most, you don’t run out of things to talk about. What’s there in those great interactions is enthusiasm. When there’s a lack of enthusiasm on your side or her side, it’s not going to flow very well. Too many people are focused on their interests, projecting them onto the other person and ignoring the fact that they’re getting short, one-word responses. The fact that she’s giving short responses means you’re asking boring questions, coming off like a robot or being insincere.)
I do hiking and other crap, like dancing, etc., but how does it help on dates? (If you’re with someone who also enjoys hiking, maybe you can join a hiking club together. The idea is to do things you enjoy doing, not because you’re hoping to meet somebody, but because you just want to go out and have fun with other like-minded people who like the same kinds of things. In those environments where there’s mutual enthusiasm, it’s very easy to carry on a conversation. If you’re struggling in your interactions, you’re probably interacting with people you shouldn’t be spending any time with.) Since I am to ask her questions, what makes a guy interesting for a girl? (The whole reason why I teach in my book that the guy should be asking questions the girl will enjoy answering is because a lot of guys tend be in the mindset of, how do I prove myself to this girl? How do I get her interested in me? But if you’re fascinated in this girl, obviously her looks got you interested, but her personality and attitude is what will keep you around. A lot of guys are forcing things by trying to tell stories and be funny, and it comes off as not being authentic, because it’s coming from a place of trying to prove themselves, instead of, I want to know everything about this girl. Again, it’s about asking the kinds of questions she’ll enjoy answering. The same goes for job interviews. As I discuss in my article and video, “How To Get Any Job You Want,” you don’t go in there trying to prove yourself to an employer. You go in there with the attitude of, why should I choose this place over the other three or four places I may want to work? If that’s your attitude, you’re asking questions. It’s a completely different mindset. People in a scarcity mindset will be trying to prove themselves, talking about how much they have and listing their accomplishments. An alpha male or female doesn’t have to prove themselves to anybody.) I understand that it is the mystery, but how do I keep it? Like when she asks me a question and I joke about it, she thinks I don’t want to answer and shuts down. (The idea is not to blow it off or laugh it off, but to answer her question. If you’re being evasive, it’s going to cause her to feel like something is off. You’re going to come off as somebody who is playing games, and she’s going to think, something is off with this guy.) Seriously Corey, I am a loser, and it seems like nothing can work out for me. (You’ve completely given up. By thinking this way about yourself, you’ve already lost before you’ve made the date. You should think, how would you be if you had plenty of something. If you have abundance in your life, you’ll be asking questions, so you can make a decision. If you have a scarcity of things in your life, you’ll be trying to prove yourself and force things. Your biggest problems are your attitude about yourself and the kind of people you’re dating. The right people are easy to be with. Everything flows, they’re easy to get along with, they’re great communicators and there’s mutual respect on both sides.)
Second Viewer’s Email:
I just wanted to give you what I consider a success story, although everyone else around me believes it to be a failure story. (Well, just remember, they’re giving you their story, not yours.) My marriage was already over and done before I started watching your videos and reading your book several times, almost 10 times, and I really started “getting it.” (That’s why I say to read it 10-15 times, because it becomes instinctual. If you’re just thumbing through it, you’re not going to be successful.) Reading your book, I realized that I had done many things wrong that turned her off, so in an attempt to rescue my marriage, I started courting her again and dating her like I used to when we first met, but to no avail. She was done. Your book made me realize that the relationship was over and why. I blame no one.When she left, I started going to counseling and kept reading your book, which helped me tremendously to focus on my self and my purpose. I’ve heard you talk about focusing on our purpose, so I’ve been doing that: I started working on my side hustle, I started working out, eliminating toxic people from my life and pretty much only spend time with people that show me appreciation with actions, not words, and basically my happiness level has been consistently high. (You’re focused on your mission and purpose in life, focusing on making your life and lifestyle better for yourself, not for anyone else. If you don’t love your life, it’s going to be impossible to convince somebody else how great you are to be with. Being successful with members of the opposite sex is really about yourself and how you view yourself.)
It’s been 6 months since she left, so last month, I went on vacation for two weeks to a place I always wanted to visit, and I’ve opened myself up to the possibility to start a new company with my brother and to eventually leave my shitty-ass, toxic, passive-aggressive, manipulative, and psychological abuse-filled job. I already have 4 clients lined up, which I will serve after hours. This whole time, I’ve found lots of things out about my soon-to-be ex-wife, and I’m not 100% sure, but there is a high probability that she was unfaithful while she was still living with me. And since you have mentioned that some girls are only faithful as long as it suits them, but the second their needs are not being met, they say, “fuck it!” and cheat on you, I believe this is the case with “Jessica.” (That’s why it’s so important if you want to be married or in an exclusive, monogamous relationship, you have to be in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t have a history of cheating on their previous partners. Somebody who places a high value on loyalty, communication and commitment.) I’ve also heard through friends that she’s been spreading lies about me, saying that I was the one who kicked her out and threw her stuff out on the street in a fit of rage, which never happened. (Liars and cheaters tend to play the victim, because they can disassociate from it and get sympathy from others.) I lost friends because of these lies, except for a few that actually know me and know that I would never do such a thing. (It sounds like you found out who your true friends were, and your fake friends sided with the ex.)Lately, Jessica has been texting me, putting herself in my orbit, saying that she has been dreaming and thinking about me. If I wanted her back, that would be a great opportunity to make a date on the spot, making an opportunity for sex to happen, and rekindle things, but you might agree that at this point with all the information at hand, there is no reason for me to even consider taking her back. (Good for you dude. You’ve got to do what’s best for you.) I have no desire to sleep with one eye open for the rest of my life. I know I will find someone else who sees my value. In the last week, I have been getting legal counsel to have our 2-year marriage legally terminated.
Anyway, now I live a drama-free life thanks to you, and I have mastered the art of making myself scarce when I feel taken for granted by friends or family. Even with my mother, I’ll stop visiting her when she starts giving me shit or attempts to manipulate me. I can immediately identify it and withdraw. (When people treat you properly, they get your greatest gift, which is the gift of your time. When they take you for granted or mistreat you, they get the gift of missing you.) Thank you for all you do and the amazing purpose you serve. You definitely have helped me figure out what I want, what I want to do for a living, what type of relationships I want, and also what is not acceptable. This is why I consider it a success story.Sorry about the long post, but I just couldn’t help myself. I’m sure your amazing assistant will compress it down to an acceptable length.
Third Viewer’s Email:
I’m Bob, 27 from the UK. Hope your day is as fucking awesome as you are. Right… Success story time!
Pretty much a year ago now. I found myself in a dirty, deep, dark, fucking horrible place, after finding out that my girlfriend at the time had been playing away, whilst I was out of the country for 4-5 months, returning once every 6 weeks or so. Whilst I was on my travels, I heard from a friend the dirty truth days before I was returning home for good. At this point, I said fuck it. Not a chance in hell I’d go back there. I’ve never forgiven anybody for anything like that before, and I’m not going to start now. Though against every wisdom I had, I agreed to talk to her. At this point, I was an amateur. Not aware of how a woman’s mind works or any of your materials. I was green. I kept thinking and telling her, it would never work or be the same again. She persisted, openly honoring and admitting her mistakes and saying she would do anything to prove to me her worth. Unconsciously, I did the right thing, I backed off and put myself in an unattached position, gradually just hanging out, having fun and hooking up. I had her on the chase 24/7.I never admitted it, but after analyzing the whole year’s scenario, time after time again, against my wisdom, I began to grow feelings again, but at the same time this was killing me inside. I began searching for answers. I stumbled across your YouTube channel, and after watching countless videos. I was hooked from the relief of your wise words about so many matters. I thought, this guy knows what he’s talking about. (As I say all the time, even if you think I’m full of shit, you can go to my website right now and read my book for free. All you have to do is subscribe to the email newsletter. Then you can apply it. When you get to the point where you realize, this guy really does know what he’s talking about, then you can get the audio book. The reason I have a successful business is because, what I teach works.)
I bought the fucking book. This is where my life would turn around! I look back now and remember that day as the one I began working towards my future self. I read it a few times, and everything began to click. How I wasn’t there for her when she needed me, and what drove her away. I took on some of the blame as I realized I wasn’t meeting her needs the way I should be. (Great fucking job. You have to admit where you fucked up. Once you admit your mistakes and your flaws, you can fix them.) After a long rocky road rebuilding myself, I’ve found myself in a position now where she loves the fact of how much I understand her, listen to her and am totally present with her. Being a fucking rock/mountain that doesn’t move when she’s like the weather battering against me with her feminine moody essences. I told her this analogy, and she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. I told her all about what I was doing and reading your book countless times.
After all this time, we’re in a fucking great place now, that whole situation tore me down completely and I rebuilt my structure as a man should be. Naturally, I got complacent after awhile thinking, I got this shit down, (It happens to a lot of people. It happened to me), until she backed away and stopped putting out. This was a moment of, “Oh fuck, Corey was right. Indeed, I need to keep reading that book,” so I did and pulled it straight back, being fully present in communicating my needs to her in a loving manner. To my surprise, she completely agreed with me, and we took the immediate steps to put things right. (Great job dude.)
So it’s just continuing the journey from here on to see where we end up, but I want to convey my deepest thanks to you. It’s amazing how a stranger and somebody you’ve never met can change your life so dramatically for the better. (I gave you some information, and you changed your life with successful application of it.)So a message to others, this guy knows what he’s talking about. I have recommended him to my friends, who are also reading the book and changing their lives. It really does work. I haven’t tested the dating strategies yet, but there are so many guys that have gotten their tackle wet because of this man! Get on it! (As long as you treat your girlfriend right, she will be faithful and happy. But with her nature, as soon as you get complacent, she’s going to start pulling away, and she’s going to start looking for other dudes. It’s up to you to decide whether or not that is acceptable behavior to you. You have to keep in mind, that’s the way those kind of people operate.)
From my heart to yours Corey,
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“In order to be successful and get what you want in your personal and professional interactions, you must have enthusiasm, confidence and a purpose for your interactions that is outcome focused. A lack of enthusiasm communicates that you lack confidence and don’t expect to succeed. Winners expect to win and act like success is inevitable, even if success is delayed. Losers expect to lose and consciously and unconsciously sabotage their success. When you don’t believe or don’t feel you deserve to win, other people can sense and feel this. If you are unsure you can win, it’s always better to make your best effort and be happy with any and all results, since doing your best and trying to get better is all that matters. The more you practice things you are not good at, the better you will become over time. Everyone starts out as a novice. Nobody is born an expert. Experts achieve mastery only through time and repetition.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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