Why It’s Always The Man’s Fault When A Relationship Ends

Why it’s always the man’s fault when a relationship ends.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email update from a previous newsletter titled, “She lost feelings, will she come back?” He accepts total responsibility for the breakup of his relationship and admits his mistakes and what he did to cause her to break it off and eventually start dating another guy. He took extreme ownership of everything, which enables him to be honest with himself and fix what he’s doing to turn women off. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. In the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “why it’s always the man’s fault when a relationship ends.

So this particular email is from a guy. It’s an update from a video newsletter I did a while back, I think, fall of 2024. The title of it was, “She Lost Feelings. Will She Come Back?” And so what I like about this guy’s email is that obviously they broke up, she’s now dating a new guy. And, I guess he went through some health challenges and just completely got away from being the man that she fell in love with. And as he admits, he turned her into his mommy and his therapist.

And like I’ve said many times over the years, you typically get about 6 to 12 months with your girlfriend or your wife to just flail around and not take care of the things you need to take care of as a man before they start looking for the exits, potentially. In other words, they’ll put up with it for a period of time. You flailing around, being depressed, feeling sad about health challenges that you’re having, or a business that failed. But at the end of the day, you’re supposed to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, dust yourself off, and get back in the fight.

And if you don’t do that, eventually she’s going to leave. I’ve done phone sessions with guys that have been together multiple decades with their wives, and they go through a period of about a year, year and a half where they’re depressed, or they have a hard time, or they’ve got a health issue and they’re just really not doing anything to help themselves. And eventually their wives or girlfriends lose respect, lose interest and start looking for the exits.

And that’s usually about the time that they get in touch with me to turn it around. And so this guy just goes through all the things that he realizes now that he’s screwed up. And so And so it’s a good email because you can’t solve problems unless you can talk openly and honestly about them. I mean, all you got to do is look at Donald Trump and when he calls out a problem, people absolutely freak out about him calling attention to the problem. And then they do everything they can to try to get in the way of him solving it.

And so there’s a quote that I want to read, and I’ve read it many times. I’ve included it in my books. It’s one from “Unlimited Power” by Tony Robbins. It’s on pages 75 to 76 of that book, it’s a good book. You should definitely read it. And so here’s how it goes. Because again, if you don’t think that anything is your fault, there’s no blame to accept. There’s nothing to fix.

And especially when it comes to your intimate relationships, if you keep making the same mistakes and then you blame women, or you say modern women, or you get involved with the with the Red Pill retardation stuff, it’s always a woman’s fault, never the guy’s fault. It’s just modern women in general. Well, you’re going to continue to get dumped for the same reasons over and over, and you’re going to screw up good opportunities over and over.

Because if you’re absolving yourself from any blame, there’s nothing to fix. And if you’re doing and saying things like this guy did that were extremely unattractive and turned his girl off, and you don’t think it’s your fault, well, eventually you’re going to become single again, whether you like it or not. So the quote says, and you know, if you guys have ever listened to Jocko Willink, he’s got a great quote that I absolutely love that is extreme ownership.

You take extreme ownership for your life. In other words, everything that’s going on, every person in your life, you invited them in, the girl you dated that you’re having problems with, you asked her out. You decided to stick your dick in her. You’re the one to put a ring on her finger. It was your best thinking at the time. And if things go sideways, you can’t just sit there and point the finger and say, “it’s all her fault.” I mean, at the end of the day, you selected her.

You invited her into your inner circle. And so if she dicks you down or she does you dirty, well maybe you have to reexamine your vetting criteria to make sure you can spot that kind of behavior, or those red flags next time around, so you don’t end up inviting the same kind of woman into your life. Because a lot of people find out is that the person may physically be a different person, but emotionally and mentally, it’s like they keep attracting the same people over and over and over again. And that’s the way the universe tends to work until you’re able to spot the issues, overcome them, make adjustments, and transcend them so you don’t have those same problems anymore.

And so the quote says, “Achievers tend to believe that no matter what happens, whether it’s good or bad, they created it. If they didn’t cause it by their physical actions, maybe they did it by the level and tenor of their thoughts… If you don’t believe that you’re creating your world, whether it be your successes or your failures, then you’re at the mercy of circumstances. Things just happen to you. You’re an object, not a subject.” ~ “Unlimited Power” by Tony Robbins, pages 75-76.

In other words, you’re not in control of your own destiny. You have no power and are powerless to shape and change your destiny. And if that’s the way you view yourself, or you blame everything on women, there’s nothing to fix. You’re going to continue to have the same problems over and over and over again. As they say, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

Thanks for your video response it was really helpful and made me further realize the fuck ups I made during the breakup. I am the 22 year old student from Norway who got dumped in September, my topic was, “She Lost Feelings. Will She Come Back?” It has now gone three months since the breakup, I have read your book once and am on my second read right now. Reading your book, I realized even more how much it was that I did not know and started seeing all the mistakes I made.

And so that’s the beginning of awareness. To become aware of the things you did, the mistakes you made, the unattractive behavior that you displayed. Because if you don’t figure that out, well, when the next girl comes around that you really like, you’re going to make the same mistakes and you’re going to turn her off and drive her away for the same reason.

Specifically, regarding the relationship stuff, I saw that for the first two years of the relationship I did most things right. However, in January 2024 I got some health problems which largely affected my confidence.

Well, remember, what is the number one strength characteristic that women love in men? Confidence, it comes right out of their mouth. The girls I have in the podcast, we talked about this many times. It’s one of the first things they say that they notice in a guy is confidence, and how much they like it. And when you stop displaying that the biggest thing they were attracted to you to begin with is now gone. That’s going to cause attraction issues, whether you think it’s your fault or not.

Reading your book, I realized I made her my mommy and therapist, became needy and stopped being the leader in the relationship.

The word lead means to go first, and you can make your woman, your mommy or your therapist for maybe six, maybe 12 months. And then she’s going to start looking for the exits because you’re just not the same guy that she fell in love with. She doesn’t even recognize you. That’s why a lot of women will break up with a guy and say, “you changed.” Because they literally did.

I stopped dating and courting her and we stopped hanging out as much as we used to.

Well, if you don’t date and court your wife, eventually some other guy is going to do that for you. And depending upon the character of the woman you’re with, determines how nice or how nasty she’s going to be about that. A low character woman will just start fucking other guys and have the attitude of, well, you know, you snooze, you lose. A high character woman is going to end the relationship, take some time to heal, and then when she’s ready, she’ll start accepting invitations for dates once again.

And again, who you ended up with all depended upon how good a job you did vetting her. And we make our decisions based on our emotions. And then we use logic and reason to justify that. And if there are red flags, then you ignored them because you were Goo Goo Gaga over her. Well, when you get burned, when you’re looking back on it, you realize you just can’t ignore red flags and pretend they don’t exist. You can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.

Things just went to shit. Coupled with me also pushing the topic of moving in together, the relationship was destined to end. Since the breakup, my fuckups however didn’t stop.

So in other words, he’s looking for validation and reason to keep pursuing this woman who’s already pushed him away and asked for space.

I talked to a friend and he said that I should talk to her and basically get closure. Big mistake now I realize, that was about two months after the breakup. I also got some books from her which I had at her place. We laughed and had fun and talked about things, she said it was nice to talk to me and see me again.

However, since then we have had no contact. Her birthday is early in January and I managed to remain in no contact for all of Christmas, new year’s and her birthday even though it was hard. At this time the twelfth of January, she is in a new relationship with the guy from the first email.

So as this guy said, he stopped dating and courting her, and then some other dude came along and did it for him, and now he’s no longer with her. Can you just say, oh, it’s modern women? Well, if he did everything that was the opposite of what caused her to fall in love, and everything he did was to act unattractive. Well, from a sexual polarity perspective, he’s going to absolutely repulse her and drive her away.

That’s as predictable as the Sun coming up in the East and setting in the West. You ruin the sexual polarity in your relationship, and this is across the board. Heterosexual relationships, gay relationships, and lesbian relationships. The end result is always going to be the same with the masculine one getting dumped. It’s just inevitable.

So, now I am focusing on my studies and reading your book and moving on. I am assuming that I probably won’t hear from her again and even though it’s hard I realize that at the end of the day it is my fault.

And that’s why you’ll be able to transcend this and overcome it and become a better man and attract, eventually, a better quality woman. It’s also possible that this girl comes back and it doesn’t work out with the new guy. Or it might not. It might work out great and they live happily ever after. But it’s usually pain, especially when you’re in a situation like this guy is. These are the kinds of life events where you realize you’re just sick of it. I’m tired of this shit always happening.

Instead of, “oh, why does this always happen to me?” You start to realize that obviously your approach is flawed. You had a knowledge gap that you need to fill in, and you got some behaviors that need to change. And again, if you can’t be totally honest with yourself and why your relationship ended and you got dumped and your girl met somebody else and rode off into the sunset with them, well, the next girl that comes along is going to leave you for exactly the same reason.

You will turn her off for exactly the same reasons. And that’s what I see over and over, especially with the Red Pill guys. They’re just very nihilistic. It’s always the woman’s fault. It’s never theirs. Just modern women. Because it’s easy to blame them. It’s easy to say, “it’s not my fault.” It’s hard to take extreme ownership and do the work on yourself so this shit doesn’t ever happen again. You guys that have read my Book, it’s Free To Read in the Members Area at UnderstandingRelationships.com.

Just subscribe to the email newsletter. I went through all this shit. I got to the point in my life where I was tired of blowing good opportunities, because it’s the same thing kept happening over and over and over and over again. I would start dating girls that I really liked, and who definitely, I could tell liked me. And then 3 or 4 weeks later, they typically wanted nothing to do with me. And I had no idea when I was younger what the hell I was doing. It was incredibly frustrating. I didn’t have a book like mine. There was no YouTube channel to go to where I could learn this stuff.

There was a lot of trial and error, years of heartache and heartbreak, spinning my wheels beat my head against the wall. And so you guys that have the opportunity to learn after I’ve figured all this stuff out 25 years ago and connected those dots, you can learn the stuff that took me decades to learn in a matter of months in just a few years.

So it behooves you to take extreme ownership for your life and admit that you got to get better, you got to do better, and you got to fill in your knowledge gap. Because again, if you don’t think it’s your fault, there’s nothing to fix, you won’t do any kind of self-examination, and the same things will keep happening over and over and over and over again.

That’s what you see again in the Red Pill Community. Guys just think all women are the same. That’s what they believe. They act the same way, they attract the same women. And it predictably ends in heartache and heartbreak and messy situations. And so from their perspective, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s not their fault. It’s the woman’s fault. The same thing happens over and over, so they naturally assume it’s just all women. And until they change their belief or their story about their lives, they’re totally powerless to shape and change their destiny.

And the breakup was inevitable really, since I knew so little about relationships and women. My friends tell me that her new relationship probably is a rebound. My question is what is your opinion on getting back an ex after a rebound?

Well, say it doesn’t work out. There’s a good chance she’ll probably be back in touch. And if you want to date her or see her again, ideally you want her to find a more attractive version of you, the guy that she originally fell in love with. And then you can determine whether or not you want to take another trip down memory lane with this particular girl. Again, if you want to just blame her and say it’s all her fault, you’ll probably not get involved with her again.

But when you lose a woman and you chase her out of your life and then you become a better man, you have better experiences. Six months, a year, two years later, whatever it happens to be, she comes back. It sure feels good for your ego when she comes back and she falls in love all over again. And then maybe you’re the one that decides the second time around that you don’t want to stay with her. Or maybe you do.

One of my friends is pretty Red Pilled and he thinks basically “fuck her, never take her back etc.”

Yeah, because what they always say is, well, if you took her back, you’re her second choice. That’s how a loser thinks. Instead of the way a winner thinks is, “You know, I acted like a bitch. She treated me like a bitch. I flailed around, I stopped dating and courting her. I did everything that Corey’s book told me not to do. And she predictably got turned off to the point where she wasn’t attracted to me anymore. And another guy came along that she had a clean slate with, and he did more things right than wrong.”

And this guy continued to do unattractive things when he was trying to attract his girl, and all he did was chase her into the arms of another dude. So if you can accept personal responsibility for what you did, then you can become the kind of guy that not only would attract her back, potentially, but also a better quality woman down the road. My goal is to put you in the position where you have all the leverage and all the cards, because quite frankly, that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

You’re the man. You’re the one with the penis. You’re supposed to be the leader after all. Now, whether you want a date or not in the future, that’s up to you. It’s your life. I’m not here to judge. I’m just here to give you the tools and the abilities and the knowledge and the wisdom that you need to reach your full potential and create the life and lifestyle you’ve always wanted.

However, I feel like that is just one perspective, you could also say that she blew off the rebound to be with me instead.

Yeah, so there was a little back and forth between him and the new guy, but he just didn’t get his shit together quick enough before he, in essence, ran her out of his life. And then once her emotions were engaged with the new guy and she was emotionally bonded to him, that was pretty much it. But it doesn’t mean that that relationship is going to last forever, because that guy might turn her off for exactly the same reasons. Maybe he dates her for a period of time, and he stops dating and courting her, and then she breaks up with him and she’ll probably get back in touch.

So what are the odds? Flip a coin, it could go either way. But what you should do is assume it’s over forever, and you’ll probably never hear from her again. Move on with your life. Apply what’s in The Book. Improve your skills so you can have more choices and more options with the ladies. And if she does come back, she’s going to really have to work hard to win you back over. And either way, that’s going to be good for your ego.

I would love to hear your opinion on it, but I try not to focus on the “ifs” because it really does not matter to hold on to hope.

Yeah, you got to see reality as it is, not better than it is, or worse than it is. But as it is and as it is. You have to assume she’s gone forever and she’s not coming back.

So now I am focusing on reading your book, finding a happy place again and moving on.

Thanks again for your content.

Bob

Well, thanks for taking extreme ownership of your life and doing what’s necessary to shape and change your destiny instead of becoming a bitter bitch and blaming women because again, then the same thing would happen over and over and over again. And if it’s not your fault and you don’t improve and this girl does come back, you’ll turn her off for exactly the same reasons. So it would behoove you and anybody that’s watching this video to learn what’s in The Book. Again, it’s free at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the email newsletter.

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