Why Men Get Dumped & Never See It Coming

How to avoid the common mistakes men make that lead to unexpected breakups.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 36-year-old viewer who got dumped by his 24-year-old girlfriend of two years. He didn’t see it coming and got upset and stormed off without really listening to what she said. It’s now been two weeks and they haven’t spoken.

He worries the way he left will prevent a reconciliation later. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a 36-year-old viewer who got dumped by his 24-year-old girlfriend of two years. He didn’t see it coming and she was giving her excuses. He’s like, “I don’t agree with this,” and he just got pissed off and stormed off. Now he hasn’t spoken to her in two weeks and he’s kind of worried that the way he left will prevent a reconciliation later.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey, 

I’m a 36-year-old guy and I was in a relationship with my girlfriend (24) for about two years. Overall, the relationship was loving and close. We spent a lot of time together, our families knew each other, and I genuinely believed the relationship worked. We had good connection, affection, and plans for the future.

Over the last week or two before the breakup, she seemed to pull back emotionally. When we finally talked about things, she said things like, “We’re too different,” “You did nothing wrong,” and “I tried.”

That’s basically her saying, “Hey, it’s not you, it’s me.” In other words, what she’s really saying is, “You dried me up, turned me off, and I have no romantic feelings for you anymore.” In other words, he just displayed too much unattractive behavior for too long. So ideally, dude, you should be reading the book. It’s free to read in the Members Area of my website. Put your name, your email address, create a password at UnderstandingRelationships.com, and it’ll open up right in your web browser. You got to fill in your knowledge gap, especially when you’re trying to save a relationship, you got to figure out what the hell you did to turn her off in the first place to cause her to say, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

When a woman says, “It’s not you, it’s me.” What she’s really saying is, “It’s you. You turn me off and my feelings are in the toilet. I don’t want to be with you anymore.” When she says “I tried,” probably she was complaining about the same thing over and over, and you’re one of those guys that just didn’t take it seriously. “I didn’t think she was serious. I didn’t think she meant that. I thought she was just being emotional.” When women complain about the same thing over and over like they do before they break up with you, that’s one of the first things I ask when I’m doing a phone session with a guy is like, “What did she complain about all the time?” I know things that she complained about over and over, and then they tell me it’s like, “Well, that was obvious.” Then I say, “Well, why didn’t you do anything about that?” He says, “Well, I didn’t think she was serious. I didn’t think she meant it. I didn’t think things were that bad. I didn’t think she was that unhappy.” In other words, she expressed her concerns and got dismissed. A lot of guys, they just do that. They think, “Oh, she’s just being emotional.”

It felt like it came out of nowhere for me because things had been good for most of the relationship.

Well, good on your end, because most guys assume, “Hey, she’s with me. She must like me. Everything’s great.” If she complains about things, it’s like, “Well, she’s not dumping him. She’s just bitching,” and women like to bitch.

During that conversation, I became overwhelmed and emotional. I felt like the decision was already made and I said something like, “This isn’t my decision.” Instead of staying calm, I ended up storming out and leaving the conversation abruptly without really listening or finishing the discussion.

Well, Elvis had left the building already, and at that point, it doesn’t matter what you say. All you can really say is, “Look, I don’t agree with this. If you’re just going to tap out, well I guess it wasn’t that important anyway. So you got my number. If you want to reconcile, you want to talk, or you just want to hang out, hit me up. If I’m still available, we can go out on a date,” and then you ride off into the sunset. Never call, never text again for any reason. No birthdays, no nothing. Follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.

I regret that a lot now. Since then we have had complete silence for about two weeks.

Well, she dumped you. She ended the relationship. Therefore, she’s got to fix it. You don’t chase after women that break up after two years. You read the book, you fill in your knowledge gap and figure out why she got so turned off and didn’t want to be with you anymore. After reading your email, it’s pretty clear you have no idea why, and you’re shocked. Just in her words, you basically turned her off to the point where she lost feelings and interest. So that’s why you got to read the book, fill in your knowledge gap, and it’s free. Just subscribe to the newsletter. Again, your name, your email address, create a password, and it opens up right in your web browser. Then later on, once you see it works and all the light bulbs go off, then go buy the audio-book, paperback, hardcover, or digital version.

The bottom line is, you got to get this information into your mind, into your head, in case she does reach out, you know what to do and you know how to respond. And you should be reading the article and video, 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, and following it.

She has notifications silenced and we have not spoken. I feel extremely guilty about the way I left because it was not respectful or mature.

Well, what’s done is done. At the end of the day, she didn’t want to be with you anymore. You never try to keep somebody doesn’t want to keep you. She didn’t want to keep you. She wanted to end it. So hasta la vista, baby! What’s done is done. You want to give her the gift of completely missing you and experiencing what life is like without you. That’s the power of no-contact, because then she starts to doubt herself and wonder, “Can he just walk away like that after two years? Is he really not that bothered?”

At the end of the day, I wouldn’t have done what you did, but it’s going to end the same way, which is you broken up, so you got pissed off, you got upset. It doesn’t really matter. She broke the relationship up. Therefore, she’s got to fix it. That’s why 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says she’s got to do all the calling, texting, and pursuing.

I care about her a lot and I still believe the relationship could work if we handled things better.

Well, you’re going to have to clean up your behavior because if you try to get right back into dating or without reading the book and filling in your knowledge gap, you’re going to turn her off and drive her out of your life for exactly the same reason.

Right now, I’m unsure what the best move is.

Nothing. Read the book, read and watch the video 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back and start applying what’s in there. Go meet and date other women. There’s a good chance that your girl met somebody else already, is already talking to him, and is hanging out with with him. So all’s fair in love and war. She dumped you. She wasn’t willing to give another chance or work through it. So you ride off into the sunset. It’s her job to fix it. She messed it up.

Part of me wants to reach out to apologize for the way I walked out and say that I regret leaving like that.

It doesn’t matter. The only thing that women care about is how they feel about you. You apologizing is going to do nothing to move the needle as far as her emotions and her feelings. That’s why you just give her the permanent gift of missing you. If she doesn’t like what life is like and not hearing from you for several weeks after being together for two years, at some point she’s going to reach back out. Then like 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says, you’re going to invite her over. You’ll be like, “Hey you! I’d love to see you. Let’s get together and make dinner at my place. What’s your schedule like?” Let her tell you, invite her over, hang out, have fun, and hook up.

There are other objections. If she’s trying to keep you in the friend-zone or she’s not sure, she says things like, “Oh, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” then 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back lays out how to handle the objections, why she must come to you, and why you don’t go to her. You don’t go pick her up, you don’t meet her out, you don’t go to coffee, you don’t do a group date with mutual friends. You don’t do any of that shit. She’s got to come to your place in the evening to make dinner together or no deal. Again, the objection responses are listed in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.

Another part of me wonders if reaching out would push her further away…

It would.

…And that I should stay in no-contact…

You should.

…And let her reach out if she wants.

Yep, that’s the correct response. She messed it up. She’s got to fix it.

My questions are:

1. Did storming out likely destroy attraction or make her feel unsafe with me?

Dude, you had already destroyed attraction and she already felt unsafe. She didn’t want to be with you, and she didn’t want to sleep with you anymore. She was just informing you of a decision she had already made. So now you’re giving her the consequences of her unilateral decision, which is life without you. Meaning no birthdays, no Merry Christmas, no Happy Groundhog Day. Nothing. Unless she reaches out to you, the two of you will never speak again as long as you live.

2. Is it better to reach out with a short apology to clear the air or remain in no-contact?

Remain in no-contact. Again, this is all listed in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.

3. If I want the best chance of reconnecting, what would you recommend doing now?

I still care deeply about her and would like another chance if possible, but I also want to handle things in a calm and respectful way.

Thanks, Corey.

Bob

Reading the book, watching the video, and reading the article 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. Start applying the book. Start meeting and dating other women. If your girl met somebody else and is happy with him, you’re not going to hear from her again. There’s a 50/50 chance of that. She’s got her story silenced, she’s not watching your stuff, she’s trying to stay away. So let her experience that. Let her experience the silence. You should assume it’s over and you’re never going to hear from her again. Therefore, read the book. Go apply it. See how great this stuff works. Then if she reaches out in a month or two or a few weeks, you filled in your knowledge gap, she finds a cockier, more confident, more charming version of you. The kind of version that she fell in love with. Then you can invite her over to make dinner together. It’s a very simple situation to fix, but you got to put the work in. You got to take the time to learn the material and you got to participate in your own rescue.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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