Why Men Who Act Like Women Get Rejected

Why men who act too soft, indecisive, emotional and like women get rejected.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who read my book How To Be A 3% Man twice back in 2019 and 2020, but never went back and read it a full 10-15 times like I recommend. He started taking dating advice from a female coworker who only made things worse because she told him to act like a woman and he did. She lost interest and broke it off.

He went back and read the book for a 3rd time and realized all of his mistakes. He wants to know if there is any chance to rekindle things. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Part of the problem is, this guy put this girl on a pedestal and basically became her emotional tampon. And it’s so predictable that she lost interest, because he stopped acting like a man. This is typically what happens with guys. He recognizes he fell into old patterns. You’ll see things start off well, and then as soon as he started caring, he went right back to his old self because he never spent the time learning the material.

If you’ve been following me for awhile, the best success stories are always from guys that read the book 10, 15, 20 times or more. These are serious students. They learned the material. The same thing when I do phone sessions. I talked to a guy yesterday who hadn’t even read the book once and he’s trying to keep his family together. You’ve got to learn the material. You can’t cherry-pick a few things from videos here and there and expect to turn things around when you’re basically still acting like a chick, because it ruins the sexual polarity.

It’s our differences that attract men and women to one another. The feminine woman feels more feminine, and safe and comfortable to be feminine, when she’s with a masculine guy. And the more feminine a guy acts, the more masculine she has to act to make up for his lack of masculinity, and then they become like roommates. They become totally turned off. So, it’s a good email, because you can really see how she goes from increasing interest, and then it kind of drops off a cliff and he doesn’t realize it until it’s too late. So, the goal is to use this email as what not to do.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Coach Corey, 

Thank you for all that you do. I read your book in 2019, and again in 2020. I put a card in the book to read it at least 10 times, and the dates that I read it. I now understand that reading it twice was not enough. 

Come on, man. It says right in the beginning of all my books, 10-15 times. It even explains why you read it 10-15 times. You’re only going to retain things 8-10%. I have another guy I was talking to the other day I was dong a phone session with, and same thing; he read it a few times, started getting some great success and great results – a very smart, high IQ type of guy, very successful – he’s like, “Oh, I don’t need to read it 10-15 times,” and he’s having all of these problems. Now he’s dating a woman he really likes, and he’s second-guessing himself constantly because he has something to lose now.

And same thing, in the phone session I was constantly pointing out things he was doing and saying that he didn’t even realize was coming out of his own self-talk. This is what I listen for when I’m talking to people. They don’t realize it, but their limiting beliefs come right out. I point them out and how their mindset is screwing them up, and how reading “3% Man” 10-15 times helps to undo that. Because if you only read it a handful of times, then you start acting kind of robotic, because you’re trying to think, “What’s the right line? What’s the right thing to say? Do I just ignore her? Do I not call her back?” And then, everything becomes a game of manipulation, instead of being instinctual – seeing how she responds, seeing what she says, and responding appropriately.

Fast forward to March 2022, and I dated this girl I met online. We went on dates every weekend for about 5 weeks. Weeks 1-3 were 1 date per week, and weeks 4-5 around 2x/week when she started to pursue me.

So far, so good. Still, by week four or five, you should have been seeing each other about three times a week. And that’s assuming it’s a normal, healthy woman and that he’s following the book to a T, but obviously we know that he didn’t.

We really hit it off. Her attraction level was up to an 8, but I was not cognizant of it falling down to a 7, then 6 on week 5. I fell back into old patterns. I also took advice from a female coworker, which ended up backfiring, because it portrayed feminine energy.

Come on, man. I even say this in “3% Man,” don’t take dating advice from a woman. Something that’s comical to me is, in a lot of the videos I’ve done on YouTube, maybe you’ve seen some of the ones where Jennifer has been in some of the videos, and Jennifer knows my work – she’s taught both of her daughters a lot of this stuff – yet, when I ask her questions, (and guys that know my work have pointed it out in the comments), a lot of time she kind of reverts back to acting like a chick and doesn’t think in terms of what’s logically in the book.

She starts talking and thinking like a woman would think. I’ll call her out on certain things, and then she’ll laugh at me pointing that out. But as immersed as she’s been in my work – she’s edited all of my books, including “3% Man,” listened to it a bunch of times, has watched hundreds, actually thousands of my videos and articles at this point – and still, as a woman, she just goes naturally to where she is.

So, a woman who has studied my work that much and knows it well enough, but then you start asking her something, especially about her own life, she reverts back to thinking like a woman thinks. And that’s why, when you look back over the last hundred years or so, it’s been so hard. Especially Sigmund Freud couldn’t figure out women. He said, “The one question I have not been able to answer in my life is, what does a woman want?” It’s because when you’re asking women for advice, they don’t understand how attraction works. Even when they’re studying my work, they struggle to explain it and give proper advice to a guy.

It ended 2 weeks ago, and I haven’t spoken to her since. It prompted me to read your book for a third time. I realized I made all of these mistakes: we would talk on the phone daily 30 minutes to 1 hour.

That’s one of the big things in the book. Because if you spend all your time talking on the phone, what’s the point of getting together in person? She knows everything that’s been going on. You basically become the gay male girlfriend or her emotional tampon over the phone. So, if she’s calling you, you should be making dates to get together, so you can talk and hang out and have fun in person.

Which took the anticipation away from the weekend dates. I would share a lot of personal information, which took away the mystery.

Me, personally, I don’t want to talk on the phone forever, and I also don’t like texting. I don’t want to sit and text. I’m a busy dude. I’ve got things to do, places to go, and people to see. I make appointments and I keep them. I don’t have time to chit-chat or send a million texts back and forth. Guys that do that, all they end up doing is talking women out of liking them. Especially the younger guys think, “Oh, you don’t understand, Coach. In my generation, this is what we do.” It’s like, yeah, that’s why you’ve got blue balls.

I would talk about our future together, which ensured we did not have a future together. I made it very clear to her how I felt about her, which lowered her attraction level. When she started to pull away on week 5, I began to call her more.

Yeah, this guy just totally became unglued.

All very cringe-worthy. I appeared weak. I was not in my masculine.

Eventually she texted me:

Her: I’ve been feeling different lately and I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I am no longer in a position to really be dating.

What she’s really saying is she’s not in a position to be dating you, bruh.

Her: I think you’re great, it’s just not the right time for me.

Women don’t want to hurt your feelings. But the reality is, she doesn’t recognize that his behavior is what’s totally turned her off. She just doesn’t want to hurt his feelings. So, guys that don’t know any better hear that stuff and go, “Oh, that sounds logical and reasonable.”

Me: I understand. Thank you for this gift.

Come on, man. You can tell you really liked this girl and pedestalized her and kissing her ass and treating her like a celebrity, and guess what? She treated him like a fan.

Her: I appreciate that. Thank you as well.

Since then, I started going on other dates with other women, but they are just not as attractive as her. I did not communicate to her if she changes her mind to call me. I read your article “7 Principles to Get an Ex Back.” This YouTuber, “Your Wingman” reviewed your video and suggested that I send her a message like this:

I don’t know who that is, but this message is fucking vomit inducing. The idea is, what “3% Man” does is help you display your natural masculine qualities that women are naturally drawn and attracted to, even when they say they’re not attracted to it. The bottom line is they’re this way. Just like in one of the videos, Jen’s like, “Oh, I like nice guys.” I was like, she hadn’t dated one fucking nice guy. They all got fucking friendzoned and blue balls from her, but she’s like, “Oh, I like nice guys.”

And like, how many videos on nice guys getting rejected have I done over the last seven or eight years she’s been working for me? “I like nice guys.” But I called her out on it and she’s like, “Yeah, you’re right. I haven’t gone out with any nice guys.” Don’t ask women for advice.

And so, here’s the message. This “Your Wingman” who reviews the video, and obviously he’s a fucking amateur. This is the message:

“You know what, I am sorry for being a needy insecure idiot. I realize that was such a major turn off. I did a lot of things that a female friend told me to do, and I realize it was a mistake not being myself. If you want to give it another go and keep it light and fluffy, then I would like to, if not, then I completely understand. Have a good life, and I wish you the best.”

That sounds like a fucking chick wrote that. These people with these fucking garbage takes. So, what leads him to go and watch that video? It’s because he’s cherry-picking. He’s just not following the things that work. He’s looking for the quick, easy fix. And what happened was he totally screwed up something that he could have completely avoided.

And the reality with dating new women, it’s going to take time until you find somebody you really click with. Because, if every day you could fall in love with a new person or meet a new best friend, we’d all be a bunch of psychopaths. We wouldn’t be attached to anybody. We wouldn’t have any close relationships. And that’s what’s beautiful about life is good people that are good to you, good for your soul, they almost never come along. And it’s really not until you’re older and you have life experience and you’ve been through a few ups and downs in your life that you realize who’s really on your team, and who really cares, and who really sticks it out with you decade after decade.

But when you’re young, you don’t know any better. And when I look at my demographics, like my YouTube channel, 25-35 is the majority of the age of the people that are following me. And so, people that young, especially the 25-year-olds, it’s like, they’re barely out of college and barely have a few years of living on their own, (hopefully). And so, they just don’t have the life experience to recognize this.

You know, when I was in my early twenties, a lot of people who were in my life I thought were my friends, we all went to high school together. And as I got older, I realized that very few of them were on my team. And now at 52, I can count them on one hand that are good, tight friends – that if things ever went bad for me, I could pick up the phone and call them. But you don’t realize that until you get older.

Is it a good idea to send this message or not?

Come on, man. Does anything in that message sound masculine? You’re still kissing her ass like, “Oh, please pay attention to me, your highness. Oh, please pay attention. Please pick me, pick me!” It’s a bad way to go, my man, I wouldn’t do anything. What’s done is done. Even you’re a goodbye message, “Thank you for this gift.” Your highness, I’m not worthy! She probably dry heaved when she fucking read that message.

Chalk it up to experience. I mean, at the end of the day, if she starts to regret it, she’ll reach back out. And then invite her to your house. Follow “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” – the article that I read and wrote in the video that I did, not this fucking “Your Wingman” douchebag who tells you to write a groveling, ass-kissy message. God, it’s so fucking vomit inducing, but whatever.

I think I ended it maturely with the “I understand. Thank you for this gift,” and walking away, but I still can’t get over her.

Well, it’s only been a matter of weeks, dude. It’s probably going to take several months, maybe six months, to get over it. It’s going to sting, because you liked her, you cared. You got a little attached, and that’s what happened. You had your composure in the beginning, and then you started to care, like the client I was talking about earlier that only read my book a couple of times and he’d been following me for a couple of years, as well. When you really start caring and you get attached, then you revert back to your old ways, because you’re now afraid of losing her and you’re trying to force things. And all that does is cause a downward spiral.

I finished reading the book the 3rd time and know where my faults were. I plan on reading it 10-15 times. 

Thank you if you read this far, 

Bob

Well, if you’re a serious student and you don’t want to have these problems anymore, you’ll read it 10 to 15 times. But if you’re lazy, you’ll read it once or twice. You’ll start dating a new girl, things will go well. You’re like, “I made mistakes the first time around, I won’t this time. I’ll be good.” And then what happens is, months down the road, like I was trying to impress upon this other client who was dating this woman he really liked – out of all the women he’s dated the last several years, the only one he really liked. Like I said, it won’t matter for four or five months until you get into the thick of things in a relationship.

And if you don’t take the time to read it 10 to 15 times, when you need those relationship skills, you’re not going to know it. Then you’ll fuck it up and you’ll totally turn her off, and then you’ll literally chase her right out of your life and turn her off. She won’t feel heard and understood, and eventually it will be done. But pain is life’s change agent. When you hit the wall with things like this, that’s when you realize, the way you’ve been approaching things is not the right way to go about it.

If you’ve got a question or a challenge you’d like to get my help with, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.