Why People Who Have Every Reason To Be Happy Are Often Miserable

Why people who should be happy are miserable and how to change it.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who should be really happy and proud of himself and his accomplishments. He loves what he does and works in a multi-billion dollar industry. However, he’s often miserable and beats himself up because of his personal story and how he defines success.

He has assigned dis-empowering meanings to the great circumstances of his life. I explain what he should focus on instead. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a guy who’s got every reason to be happy. He loves what he does. He’s a video game designer. He says he loves his work and he’s also written a couple of books for like one of the largest IT book publishers in the world. You’re probably thinking, “Who wants to read a book on it?” It’s a thing. He’s very successful at it. However, he’s got a personal story that he tells himself. Despite the fact he has all this success, he has a ton of reasons to be happy and grateful for where he’s at in life, he often feels guilty and he’s not completely in his masculine because he designs video games. He thinks because, again, his personal story, “Well, this is kind of a waste of time. What are women going to think of this?” It’s interesting because I have people that I’ve coached over the years that their original goal was to get into the game designing business, which they later did and are very happy and very successful that they’re doing it. So this guy is in the same place. He absolutely loves his work, but his internal story that he tells himself about his life, the tape that’s playing in his head all the time, is very negative, very dis-empowering.

One of the things that I learned, and I also wrote about this in Mastering Yourself, when I was at Tony Robbins’ Date with Destiny seminar 20 something years ago at this point, he takes you through a process because all of us have a primary question, that everything that’s going on in our lives, we’re always asking ourselves this question, and for most people it’s a very negative, dis-empowering question. When Tony took us through this process that I discovered about myself, was the question that I always asked. Say I started dating a girl that knocked my socks off, or I got to drive an exotic luxury car that I always wanted, I bought a nice Rolex, I had a nice house, my business took off and did well, there was always a question that I would ask myself when anything happened in my life, good or bad, and it was this: “Why am I still not happy? Why am I still not happy?” I get this nice badass vehicle. Then in my mind, the question is, “Why am I still not happy? I’m traveling all around the world, staying in nice places. I got nice watches, nice clothes, nice house. Why am I still not happy? Dating a badass woman. Why am I still not happy?” I didn’t even realize, this question is going on in my head, and I was like, “Ahh!” Once you become aware of that, then you’re able to do something about it. You’re able to redirect your mind to focus on positive things, because whatever you focus on, expands. For most of us, we have a very negative, dis-empowering primary question that we’re constantly asking ourselves no matter what’s going on in our life, whether it’s good or bad.

If you think about it, “Why am I still not happy?” If you’re asking yourself that question, what is your brain going to do? “OK well, let me come up with reasons not to be happy.” My English girlfriend at the time, this is where I met her, Katie, if you guys saw the videos from last year, she had the same exact one. “Why am I still not happy?” She was a high achiever, always achieved everything she went after. “Why am I still not happy?” Once you become aware of that, then you can catch yourself. Obviously something like that is going on with this particular emailer.

Something that’s always really good to do, and I constantly have to remind myself of this because I’m not good at it, but it’s to get up every day and maybe spend the first couple of minutes when you’re awake asking yourself, “What do I have to be grateful for? Or what can I be grateful for in my life or about my life?” If you ask yourself that kind of question consciously, obviously your brain is going to look and come up with reasons why you should be happy. It’s like the same amount of work to be happy or miserable. It’s the same mental effort. If you’re not aware of the negative thoughts or the negative questions that are running around in your mind, and they’re always kind of going on there, then no matter what happens in life, like I said, this particular guy’s got every reason to be happy, to be grateful, to be excited about his life, because there’s a lot of people in this world that don’t do what they love for a living.

There’s a lot of people that would love to be a game designer, but because their story that they tell themselves, they don’t have it. The reason why people don’t have what they want in their life or their the reason why their lives aren’t the way they want them to be, is the story that they tell themselves about why they can or they can’t have it. It was like Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or you can’t, either way, you are right.” So if you believe you’re capable of amazing things, you’ll take action in spite of your fears, in spite of failure, setbacks or things not looking like it’s ever going to work out because you have positive expectation. In other words, you have empowering meanings that you assign to the circumstances of your life. This particular guy is going through life, and he’s constantly assigning dis-empowering meanings to all these great things that are going on in his life. So he’s constantly feeling less than, miserable and unhappy when, quite frankly, he should be elated, excited about life and enchanted by all the things going on. I go into depth into this stuff in Mastering Yourself. That’s some of the stuff that we discuss in the 3% Man Study Group weekly podcast that I do with the girls, where we literally go page-by-page and discuss these particular issues like that.

Let’s go through his email and see what’s going on. This guy sent some pictures along with it. Even there’s some cute girls in the gym that work out in his gym because he’s taking a picture of himself, looks like he’s doing dead-lifts or about to do dead-lifts. Plus he lives in Brazil. As the saying goes, “Brazilians do it better.” I had a Brazilian girlfriend, once upon a time, and I gotta tell you man, it’s like everywhere you go, there are beautiful, beautiful women, not only physically beautiful, but they have incredible bodies because there’s hills everywhere and they walk everywhere. So they have nice calves, they have nice thighs, they have beautiful bodies, beautiful nice round butts. Just beautiful everywhere. You could throw a rock and hit a hot girl in Brazil, Sao Paulo or any of the other big cities. I was absolutely amazed at how many beautiful women there are in Brazil. They’re everywhere. So this guy is in the land of beautiful women, he’s surrounded by beautiful women, he has his dream job, and yet he’s constantly looking for reasons to be miserable, unhappy and feel like his life sucks because he’s asking himself shitty questions. Whatever you focus on, expands. The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the quality of the questions that you consistently ask yourself. If you’re miserable all the time, you got to stop yourself and ask, “What is it I’m always asking? What is my mind presupposing about myself, my life, my chances to accomplish something or be something or become something?”

Viewer Email:

Hello Coach,

Thank you for the awesome work you’ve been doing. I already got in touch with you, I’m the guy from the video “Why You Should Never Get Butt Hurt Over A Woman’s Contradictions, Testing Or Trolling.” I’m on my third read of the book, though I already listened to the audio-book numerous times, I stopped counting after the 10th time.

After 28 years as an atheist, my life made a 180 turn and I got baptized and began a two-year journey of exploring and embracing Christianity. Before this journey, I also delved deeply into stoicism, psychology (The genuine understanding of hormones, emotions and how the brain and body muscles create a memory storage of our life experiences and use them to navigate us through life) and self-improvement.

Coach, I have two main concerns I’d like to hear your thoughts in a video, feel free to pick one or both if you feel like it:

1. I feel disconnected from the real world. I’ll explain this one in the next paragraphs.
2. Despite my knowledge, I struggle with personal growth and emotional stability. As seen in the other video I mentioned, I get easily upset by certain things, especially when I feel disrespected, leading me to cut people off quickly. This reactivity, rather than pro-activity, in handling emotions is troubling.

Well, if you grow up in an environment where your dad had no self control, or dad wasn’t there to teach you to be calm or to calm down, as dads like to say, when we’re emotionally hijacked, if you will, this is something we have to learn, and there are good therapists out there that can help you if you have trouble regulating and processing your emotions. If you grew up in a household, I mean, the other thing about Brazilians, they tend to be very emotional, very passionate. It’s just part of the culture, but as a man, that’s incredibly unattractive to women. Masculinity is calm after all, and we’re always going to do our best work when we are relaxed. So anything that you can do to put yourself in a peaceful and relaxed state, that’s one of the reasons why I’m a huge advocate of network chiropractic care and because of what it can do.

I did a video years ago called “How to Become More Confident and Sure of Your Actions,” where I go into detail and explain what network care does. Just to kind of give you a rough idea, if you haven’t heard me talk about it before, one of the things I would highly recommend if you struggle with it, it’s on my YouTube channel, Coach Corey Wayne, there are the Consciousness Exercises playlist. There’s 12 videos, stage one through 12, with Dominick and Gracie demonstrating these. If you find yourself getting emotionally hijacked, I would say at least once a week, you should do all 12 stages. You can put the videos on your big screen TV, lay down in your living room. Some of them are standing exercises, some of them are laying down. Just do the exercises and you’re going to feel better. If you can find a really good network chiropractic doctor that practices level three care in your country or that’s near you, I highly recommend you go do that.

If you have the financial ability, if I were you, I would go to Orlando and see Dr. Dominick D’Anna. His website is BeSimplyWell.com. Make sure you check obviously to make sure he’s in town. What I would do is go for two full weeks, fly to Orlando, get an Airbnb or a hotel that’s in Winter Park near his office. He’s open typically Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Go in the morning, get worked on once, go in the afternoon when he opens back up after 3:00-3:30, get worked on a second time and he’s also open on Saturdays. So in a week you can get seven entrainments in addition to doing any body connection exercises that he suggests, and do it for two full weeks because that will help get your body into a peaceful and relaxed state, because if you grew up in an overly emotional environment, you’re going to have that fear, that fight or flight response, the base of your brain, the reptilian brain, if you will, that’s going to be your reality filter in life.

Just reading this, this tells me more than likely, you probably grew up in an environment where there was a lack of emotional self control in the household. Maybe dad wasn’t around, or maybe dad just was constantly losing his shit and getting upset, or maybe he grew up in a single mom household, so dad wasn’t around to teach him how to be calm. So when things happen, he’s easily triggered, he’s easily emotionally hijacked.

Even if you’re not able to travel to the States to see Dr. D’Anna and there’s no doctors that are level three certified near you or within a reasonable distance, you can do the consciousness exercises any time of the day or night. The videos are there on the home page on my YouTube channel. I have the Consciousness Exercises Playlist. If you go to my YouTube channel at Coach Corey Wayne and scroll all the way to the bottom playlists, again just start playing them. They’ll play in a whole list, stage one through 12, and follow those along. You’ll feel better, you’ll feel more confident, you’ll feel more connected to your body and that will start helping to change your reality filter and kind of smooth out those rough edges and those peaks and valleys in your emotions. So that’s something that you can do immediately right now after you finish watching this video.

For context, I am a game developer and designer, working extensively with abstract and creative concepts. I am an entrepreneur and a good writer, having authored four books and been hired by Packt Publishing (The world’s 2nd biggest IT content publisher) to write another book.

I mean, I got four books. I know what a pain in the ass it is writing a book. I can only imagine what it’s like writing a book about IT, so I feel your pain. I hate writing, but that’s something that I have to do for my living, and quite frankly, people seem to like when I write for whatever reason, just because of how I organize and articulate my thoughts.

However, this focus on technology and abstract work leaves me feeling like I’m not making a tangible impact on the real world. I don’t feel masculine. I’m in decent shape, though slightly overweight (Photos attached), I am addressing this by going to the gym four times a week and adopting a healthier, alkaline diet (Following your advice) with lots of greens, cucumbers and lemons.

So what’s great, especially you guys that love to work out a lot in addition to your protein, your creatine and everything else, is adding alkaline vegetables, your greens, your cucumbers, dark leafy greens, things of that nature. Things like How To Make Corey’s Green Juice, which is also discussed in Mastering Yourself. There’s a video of Gracie making that from several years ago. We also have Corey’s Green Alkaline Smoothie, which is a really good one. I’ve since deleted the green peppers. What I noticed is when the girls were drinking the smoothie, they always get kind of bloated and kind of gassy, so we took out the the peppers just because it seems to upset a lot of the girls’ stomach. It is part of the nightshade. So if you follow like Dr. Gundry, he’s like, “Oh you shouldn’t eat those. If you are, you’re going to cook them.” It didn’t bother me either way. Like I said, several of the girls were like, “Man, I feel kind of bloated and gassy when I take it.” We took out the green peppers and it made a huge difference.

The point being is when you get these additional greens in your body, you’re making it easy for your body to maintain the acid alkaline balance without leaching calcium out of your teeth, your bones, or pulling minerals from your cells and weaken your immune system. This is why I never get colds, I never get sick, I don’t get the flu, I don’t have hay fever anymore. Now, if I go away on a vacation, I drink and I eat a lot of crap, yeah I’ll get a runny nose and things of that nature. Years ago, as I wrote about in Mastering Yourself, when I was a kid, up until I was 30, 31 when I started juicing, and I came up with this juicing recipe that I’ve been doing for over 20 years at this point, both my nasal passages opened up, I didn’t have skin problems anymore, I didn’t get the flu. I used to have hay fever all the time I get around dogs or cats, my nose would always start start running and I’d just be messed up for the whole day. When my diet is strict and my health is good, that stuff just doesn’t bother me at all anymore. Makes a big difference. Cats still kind of bother me a little bit if I’m in a closed house with somebody who’s got a bunch of cats, but other than that, I’m usually pretty good around animals. Whereas when I was a kid, it messed me up, my eyes would get all puffy, itchy and stuff like that, but not getting the colds or the flu or all that stuff that everybody else gets, because I would get sick several times a year and all that stuff went away. So I highly encourage you to add these greens and some of these things I talked about in Mastering Yourself to the diet that you already have.

A lot of professional athletes add the green juice and the smoothies into their diets. When it comes to when you look at whether it’s guys in the NBA or guys in the NFL, that last quarter, quarter and a half, when everybody’s gassed because as Vince Lombardi said, “Fatigue makes cowards of us all,” the green juice and the alkalinity gives you a boost, it keeps you sharp and it puts off you getting fatigued longer, and you’re playing football in the fourth quarter makes a big fucking difference. You’re in the fourth quarter of the NBA, same thing. You feel like you’re in the beginning of the third quarter. The hockey players, when they’re in that third period, they still feel like they’re in the early second period. That’s the night and day difference between winning a game and losing a game is, can you maintain that peak performance through throughout it? Like I said, the greens are their paradigm shift.

It sounds ridiculous, but when you actually do it, just look at somebody like Tom Brady. He was real anal about his diet and greens and other things he got into. Healthy fish, healthy meats, things of that nature. He’s not partying, wasn’t drinking and eating tons of sugary crap or any of those things, he really kept a balanced diet, and that’s why he played as long as he did. Most of the other guys in the NFL were like, “Oh yeah, that sounds great, Tom, but I’m going to stick to my working out and drinking beer in the weekends.” It’s like they don’t care, even guys that play at the highest level. Very few people will do these things. If you’re doing them, it’s a paradigm shift. It sure is nice not having a stuffy nose all the time and being able to breathe through both my nasal passages, because for like 30 years of my life, I always had one closed up. Now for the last 24, 25 years, what a night and day difference. It’s a gift having that health.

When you put these things in your body, it’s just body chemistry. It takes 80 parts alkalinity to neutralize 20 parts acid. So if you’re not getting these greens in there, it’s got to take it from your tissues, your bones or your teeth. When you get these things in your body, you’re making it very easy for your body to balance the pH naturally without just sucking you dry of minerals, vitamins and things that the rest of your body needs. That’s how you play longer, you play faster, you have more energy and you’ll outlast your competition, especially in those third and fourth periods when everybody else is fucking gas, you’re smoking by them. It’s amazing to me how how few professional athletes are even willing to do those things, but it’s like the ones that do, that’s that’s why they win. That’s why they win the big championships.

I often feel that those in construction or other concrete jobs leave a more substantial legacy. Even placing one brick atop another contributes more to the physical world than I feel I do.

So that’s a story. That’s a story that you’re telling yourself. I have a lot of clients in India, and in Indian culture, a big part of what the families are, you got to be an engineer, you got to be a doctor. There’s a lot of pressure to become that. Over the last 20 something years that I’ve been doing this, I’ve had a lot of clients from India that they don’t want to be a doctor, they don’t want to be a lawyer, they don’t want to be an engineer. They have other things that they’re more passionate about that they would work harder at, but their families really discouraged them. They have a hard time going for the things they want because their families, in essence, they want the best for them, but they’re working against them. So when they succeed and they do really great down the road, obviously the family’s like, “Hey, we’re so proud of you.” That’s why it’s important to choose emotionally compelling goals for you that excite you and light you up.

Maybe somebody in your family said, “Oh, you got to be a builder. You got to do this. You got to do that.” Or maybe there was pressure to go into a certain career and you went against the grain. At the end of the day, everything you build in this world, everyone you love, everything is going to turn to dust eventually, in a long enough timeline. Even these buildings that are built are going to turn to dust. As long as we don’t have some major EMP, when you’re creating things in a digital world, they technically can last forever. I mean, people a thousand years from now will be able to play your video game still, if the technology exists, I assume we don’t blow ourselves to hell. I don’t think the aliens will let us do that, but that’s still a possibility. You know, any house, any building that’s standing today is probably not going to be around in a thousand years. It will have been long since torn down, and something else will be built in its place. It’s just a matter of time. So that’s just kind of a silly dis-empowering belief. Maybe you should contemplate on where it came from because it’s something that somebody or society gave to you.

So listen to this next statement:

I love what I do, Coach. Seeing my creative ideas come to life as games and watching people engage with them gives me immense satisfaction.

If you think about it from this perspective, you build a house, who’s going to appreciate that house? Maybe the family that lives there, maybe some of their neighbors and friends, maybe a few dozen people will really appreciate that house. If you build a video game that millions of people play, well you’re bringing happiness to millions of people. Quite frankly, there’s a lot of people that make a lot of money playing video games for a living. It actually can be a very lucrative career for people that really take it seriously. Plus, I got a lot of friends that are vets, and playing games like Call of Duty and other things, it really helped them with their PTSD, so without those games, without that outlet, they’d be in a lot worse shape. Probably some of them wouldn’t be here anymore. Again, it’s all how you look at things.

As Wayne Dyer said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” If you’re feeling shitty and you’re feeling miserable, “What is going on in your mind?” Ask yourself a high quality question. “What do I have to be grateful for?” So when you wake up in the morning, maybe you should even write this one down and put it on a poster there, because it’s so beautiful the way you put it: “I love what I do, Coach. Seeing my creative ideas come to life as games and watching people engage with them gives me immense satisfaction.” The important thing, it gives YOU immense satisfaction. The reason you design games is because it brings YOU immense satisfaction and because you love it, and you’re so good at it, other people get to enjoy that. If you were selling baseball cards, baseball gloves or candy bars, whatever happens to be, you wouldn’t be as excited and as passionate about those things as you are the games, so you’re doing what you’re exactly supposed to be doing and put on this Earth to do. Sometimes people meet in the chat rooms on games and then they start dating, they form relationships and they become married because of it. You’re helping to bring people together. People meet through video games and form relationships and have families because of it. They change countries, they move across the world for one another.

Again, it’s all how you look at it. “What do I have to be grateful for? What can I be grateful for in my life?” Well, you’re one of the lucky ones, as we would say, but it’s not really luck, you took action. You knew what you wanted, you had an emotional compelling reason on what you wanted, you came up with emotional compelling reasons why you wanted what you wanted, and then you took action to make it happen. I’ve had clients that have come to me when I first started to work with them, and they wanted your job, they wanted to do what you’re doing. They struggled and they went through a long period of striving and proving themselves. Now they write code and design video games for some of the most popular game companies in the world. You’re living your dream job. Most people are not, so you should be grateful for that, because success is being able to spend your life in your own way, and you’re spending your life doing something that gives you immense satisfaction. So focus on that. Remind yourself of that. Ask yourself high quality questions about that and why and what you have reasons to be grateful for.

I aspire to become the greatest game designer in Brazil, believing that games and, “Game thinking” (Abstracting life challenges as systems of incentives toward goals) can help people achieve their dreams.

Well another thing, there’s a war going on right now and all those gamers, people probably that have played your video games in the past, they’re using it to fly drones into the Russians and vice versa. They’re loaded with explosives. That was something that 10, 15 years ago people wouldn’t have thought of, but now when people get conscripted and sent into the military, their gaming experience is not only saving their lives, but the lives of their brothers in arms.

Everything has a purpose in life, even as horrible as war is because of all the gamers in Ukraine, when you look at it now, they have an advantage over Russia and that’s helped keep the Russians at bay, is their gamers have, in essence, kind of saved the country from completely falling into the hands of the Russians who, when you watch Russian TV and you listen to Putin in interviews and the commentators on Russian TV through the translated clips, it’s pretty clear that, especially when you think about, Russia was founded in Kyiv, that’s where Russia came from. To Vladimir Putin, the place where Russia was founded isn’t even part of Russia anymore. That’s why they all say it’s not really a country, because they want the whole thing back. They openly say it and talk about it, and they definitely don’t want NATO coming in there taking over and having what used to be the heart of where Russia was founded is now part of NATO? Of course they don’t like that or want that. That’s why they’ve been threatening for years that a red line is Ukraine joining NATO for Russia. They didn’t invade because of NATO, but they certainly didn’t want NATO to take over Ukraine or it to become part of NATO, because again, the way Vladamir Putin and a lot of the Russian elite think is Ukraine is part of Russia, and it always should be part of Russia. He’s even said it in many speeches. So to him, he wants to take it back before it completely falls into the hands of NATO and the World Economic Forum and the rest of the people that kind of are anti-human, when you look at the World Economic Forum and depopulating the world and all this other crazy shit that these lunatics are into and trying to push on to the rest of us. So to him, he probably thinks that he’s saving Ukraine from eventually being destroyed by DEI and all the other silly nonsense, because he also talks about all that stuff.

If you guys saw what happened with the opening ceremony at the Olympics the other day, you got some dude with his nutsack hanging out, leaning over a child on television, it’s like, “What the fuck, dude?” If that was my child and some dude is leaning over my child with his nutsack hanging out, I’m going to rip that fucking thing off. If it was me, it’s like, “Get the hell away from my kids.” It’s a lot of perverted shit going on. All that stuff’s been scrubbed from the internet. All the videos they file copied, the DMCA requests to take it down. That’s totally inappropriate. So when Putin talks about this stuff in his speeches and when he looks at those things, the West is committing suicide in his eyes, so might as well grab Ukraine now because you got a guy that’s a dementia patient that’s running the country and who didn’t do anything the last time he took part of Ukraine. Weakness invites aggression, so why would he think otherwise? I know I went on a whole other diatribe about that, but this is all part of the thing here. Guys that are designing games, you get people that become really good at games, virtual reality and flying drones, and they’re helping keep the Russians from completely taking over Ukraine and then just raping and pillaging like invaders have always done. Again, it’s all how you look at things in life. You can look at it as very positive and empowering, or dis-empowering.

Yet, I’m troubled by the abstract nature of my work and the stereotype that men should do concrete things, build, shape, and transform the world physically.

Well, they actually are. They’re fighting wars with the stuff that you design, the skills that they develop, articulating those little controllers around. If you ever watched any of the videos, those guys got the goggles on, they’re hitting their vape pens and they’re just flying drones all over the place, it’s saving their lives, it’s saving their country. Basically, you got the oligarchs and the elite that have sent all the flower of Ukrainian youth and Russian youth to basically die in this war that should have never happened, but it’s always the little people that end up dying in these wars. So your life’s work is helping in some small way to contribute to skills that are being used in the battlefield.

This makes me feel insecure about my masculinity and concerned that women may not understand or appreciate my work due to the stigma around games being seen as childish.

Again, this is warfare of the future. If it wasn’t for guys like you, Ukraine would have probably fallen by now.

Can you envision a woman marrying a man who spends his days typing code and drawing abstract shapes on a computer? It’s hard to imagine that as traditionally masculine, right?

Well, I think Elon Musk is doing pretty well and he’s an engineer, he writes code and he does all of these things, so he’s done all right. He’s the world’s richest man. Look at Jeff Bezos and what he’s done. I mean, he’s one of the richest guys in the world, all based on a technology company that he built.

Elon Musk has got, I don’t know how many kids he got, 10 kids now? 10 or 12 kids by four or five different women. He’s spreading his seed far and wide. How is he not winning? He’s building rockets that land themselves. He’s building artificial intelligence that is driving these cars and eventually that will be rolled out to other car dealers. That intelligence, that AI ,eventually is going to run robots, and those robots are going to get to the point where they’re so cheap that everybody’s going to be able to have a robot. It’ll cook, it’ll clean for you. If your house needs to be painted, it’ll paint the house. If your landscaping needs some touch up, it’ll do the landscaping for you. It’ll wash your car for you. It’ll do all those little things that have to be done.

Just imagine how much time, a Tesla robot you pay maybe $30,000 for, will be able to take over all those things. You’ll be able to take over housekeeping duties, they’ll be able to work in factories and there will be lots of jobs that are dangerous that people do that the robots, quite frankly, will do much better and it’ll be safer for humans. So that’ll free up humans to do other things, to do other things maybe like what you’re doing, instead of slaving away, building some kind of widget or something they’re not really excited or passionate about. Guys like you, quite frankly, are building the future world. It’s like everything that’s done with gaming goes into architecture, goes into warfare. It goes into everything that we do these days.

I have hobbies like playing the bass and piano, writing and spending weekends in parks, and I’m also passionate about cooking, but I often feel like I spend too much time in my head, immersed in abstract thoughts, and not enough engaging with the real world. Activities like hiking feel alien to me.

Well, you should definitely spend more time in nature, because that will help you. Maybe meditate in nature. Go to where there’s trees or stream. There’s so many beautiful places in Brazil you can hang out in nature.

Besides that, I do have a good social life. I went to a jazz festival yesterday and interacted with friends who work in the festival and even met new people (No woman this time, though).

So, my question is: How can I develop these masculine traits and engage more with the real world while continuing to pursue my passion for game design and development?

Thanks in advance, Coach.

Best Regards,

Bob.

Well, you got to change the meanings that you’re giving to the circumstances of your life, because you’re asking yourself very dis-empowering questions.

Here’s a simple exercise: Write down all the emotions that you’ve experienced in the past week. Everything you can think of. Anger, sadness, whatever it is, every single emotion, write them all down. Maybe pause the video, write them all down, and then start playing the video again.

So did you do it? Did you make your list? I’m assuming you did. Now that you have your list of all the emotions that you’ve experienced in the past week, now note how many of those emotions are positive and how many of them are negative. For most people, they’re like, “Wow, most of my emotions were negative.” It’s because the questions that you’re asking yourself suck. So ask yourself good, positive, empowering questions. “How can you be more masculine?” What is masculinity? Purpose, drive, mission, succeeding, accomplishing, breaking through barriers, overcoming challenges, doing things that men do, focusing on your purpose and mission, leaning more into that and being grateful for doing that, getting out and participating amongst humanity.

As a guy who is in your head a lot and probably work on a computer, maybe you work remotely, you have to force yourself to get out of the house, to go to lunch, to go to dinner, to interact with and mingle with other like-minded human beings that like to do the same thing. Spend time in nature, do masculine things like shoot guns, train with pistol and rifle and learn to be really good with it. Dangerous, fast and lethal. Self-defense is part of self-reliance. I know people on the left get all butt-hurt and upset about it, but making yourself weak is not going to do anything to discourage criminals or strong people from attacking you. Weakness always invites aggression. That’s why Russia invaded Ukraine when Biden was president. That’s a fact of life. Vladimir Putin wanted Hillary Clinton to be president. He didn’t want Donald Trump, even though that’s what the media tried to convince us of. That is a hoax. The fact of the matter is, he wanted Hillary. When you got Biden in office, it’s like, what’s the guy going to do? I mean, he was shocked by the reaction of NATO and all the weapons and everything we sent to Ukraine, and all his FSB told him that, “Hey, Ukraine is going to fall in three days,” but it didn’t, and all the javelins and the other things that Trump sent to Ukraine when he was in office helped them stop their advance on Kyiv, and they had to turn around because their supply lines, their logistics, were overstretched.

Again, it’s all how you look at it. Do more masculine things. Maybe train with jiu-jitsu, join a club, join a men’s club or something that you can do, go rock climbing. Do masculine things, hang out with more human beings, because if you’re a technical guy or you work remotely, you’re going to have to force yourself to get out of your house and interact with other human beings, because you’re going to feel a little off and a little weird if you’re not getting outside of your comfort zone.

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