Why You Should Never Get Butt Hurt Over A Woman’s Contradictions, Testing Or Trolling

Why you should never get butt-hurt over a woman’s contradictions, testing or trolling.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who tends to get butt-hurt over a woman’s contradictions, testing and trolling. He comes unglued and comes off as butt-hurt and angry instead of amused and calm. She canceled a date at the last minute and he’s convinced that she’s really insecure. He went no contact and moved to another city. Then she reached out a month later, he set a date at his place and they hooked up.

He mistakenly started pursuing her again and then she canceled another date. He got pissed off and lectured and scolded her like a Karen about the value of his time. He hasn’t heard from her in over two months. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This email is from a guy and he started dating a woman and you could tell he gets mad, he gets upset, he gets frustrated with her contradictions, her seeming inconsistencies, her testing him, her trolling of him.

This is what women do when they sense weakness in a guy. They’re going to test you. They’re going to troll you to see if you get butt-hurt because masculinity is calm. What she’s really testing for is, are you calm? Are you playful and fun and calm, or are you a jack-in-the-box that gets upset? You can tell he gets pissed off and he gets upset with her and he’s just doing himself no favors.

It’s a good email just to really help clean up your game and not to do and say things that are constantly communicating that you’re getting butt-hurt and you’re a jack-in-the-box. If you do this enough, you’re going to talk a woman out of liking you and being attracted to you and respecting you.

Viewer’s Email:

Dear Coach,

Thank you for the transformative knowledge you’ve been sharing over the years. Your dedication to helping others navigate the complexities of relationships is truly inspiring. Since discovering your work in mid-October last year, I’ve listened to the audio version of your book, now for the tenth time. But it became clear that the best strategy is to use the audio-book to speed up the reading.

Well, the best way is to put the audio-book on two-speed and follow along a digital or physical copy.

Now to my story.

Before I forget the we’ve recently launched the new members paid content on YouTube, Spotify and my website. I’m filming extra video coaching newsletters for paying members. We have the full podcast questions with the girls where we answer viewer questions. You guys have been saying, “Hey, where’s the full podcast? Where we can watch you guys answer a bunch of questions? We usually do 12 to 15 of them at one time.

We also have a new study group that I’ve started with Caroline, Chunky and the girls, and eventually we’re going to do one for Mastering Yourself, where we really go page by page through the book and pick apart the book. Right now, at this stage, we’ve already done three of the study groups with Caroline and the girls, and I think we’re like at page 30 after over three and a half, four hours of coaching. So when all is said and done, we’re going to really pick apart the book page by page to give you an additional learning tool. The links for subscribing to the members only content are going to be in the description below.

Me and “Jane” began greatly. Yet her insecurities quickly surfaced. She expressed skepticism towards long-term relationships, said she didn’t like the fact she is attracted to men and admitted to a pattern of slowly cutting people off her life instead of addressing issues.

Yeah, that’s not really a great thing to hear. She’s pissed. She doesn’t like that she’s attracted to men. That sounds a little bit like the feminazi virus, as Doc Love used to call it, where she’s a little too feminist, doesn’t like the fact that she’s attracted to men. She’s probably got some daddy issues. She’s probably angry, pissed off and upset with men. That would tell me her mindset is automatically going to presuppose the worst, and she’ll act from everything, assuming that it’s a slight on her ego, or you’re rejecting her, or you don’t care about her. In other words, her reality filter is, “Everybody’s trying to screw me over. I don’t trust men. I don’t like men. I don’t like the fact that I like men,” is what she’s saying. So keep that in mind because that’s a red flag. We got to pay attention to that.

On her birthday, she missed my call but called back. I missed her call and sent a message saying I was taking a shower. Then I tried to call her again but was left unanswered.

After that, I noticed that she removed me from her close friends on Instagram.

Well that is not somebody that looks like she’s getting closer to you. It looks like she’s moving away from you. I don’t know how long you’ve dated or how many dates you’ve been on, if you’ve been dating for three months and you didn’t even offer to do anything on her birthday or whatever, it was just a “Hey, happy birthday,” that tells me she probably thought you guys were closer then you actually were. So she’s reacting negatively. That’s not a good sign either. That shows a lack of intimacy and a lack of closeness between the two of you.

Upon reaching out to assess if something was wrong, our conversation led to planning a date which she later canceled, citing uncertainty about her availability.

Women don’t cancel dates with men they’re in love with and attracted to. They cancel dates with men they’re not attracted to unless, of course, they’re a fruit loop. It’s possible she’s a fruit loop.

I replied to the cancellation addressing some issues, highlighting her lack of initiative, her sending messages communicating interest, but deleting them before I read them, and the imbalance in our interactions.

You’re basically complaining like a Karen. Like a pissed off Karen. That’s not going to do anything to make her more attractive to you.

Despite my attempt to set boundaries…

If she’s trying to cancel, I would be like, “Hey, we got plans. What are you talking about?” Is it a last minute cancellation or did she try to cancel several days before? Did she mention reschedule? Women that want to see you, when they cancel, they’ll mention a reschedule. If they just don’t want to see you, they’ll cancel and not mention a reschedule.

…And shift the responsibility of maintaining our connection onto her…

What’s the point of that, dude? Hang out. Have fun. Hook up. It doesn’t say, hang out, be a Karen and then hook up. It’s not going to work.

…She responded with excuses for her inability to commit, citing her busy life and upcoming college commitments.

Yeah, you’re trying to control and lock her down. There’s probably other things going on there. Obviously we got the red flag that she might be a fruit loop, but this guy is not doing himself any favors by getting butt-hurt and upset. Maybe it’s something he just started dating. He just wasn’t clear on that.

She was the one always talking about me being her boyfriend, introducing me to her family, and our routines as Valentines, marriage and even having kids…

So that tells me it’s a little more serious than he thought or that she thought. Of you’re her if your Valentine, it sounds like she thought you guys were in a relationship and she’s talking about having kids. Here’s his response.

…(I told her, “Calm down, I don’t know you well enough yet, get a dog and let’s see if you can take care of it first).

Dude, what are you thinking? That tells you it sounds like a guy that’s been watching too much of that red pill shit. Like those guys get on those podcasts, and all they do is roast women and argue with them and get angry and butt-hurt and pissed off. It’s like, that’s not how you talk to women.

So this was a bit confusing to me.

Yeah, dude, it’s like you can’t talk to a woman. Like she’s a fucking child and you’re her dad.

After a month of no contact and my move to a new city, Jane reached out following the launch of a book I authored.

Either way, she’s blowing you off. I don’t know how long you were dating, but if she’s talking about locking you down and all that stuff, and you’re telling her, “Oh, calm down, go get a fucking dog,” it’s like, that’s got to be one of the dumbest things I’ve seen in a while.

I set up a date and followed the HHH principles. She went back home the next day saying, “See you soon, my little prince,” and went into silence for 12 days.

So if you went no contact because she cancelled dates and blew you off, and then she comes over after a month of no contact, she screwed things up. She pushed you away. She cancelled multiple dates on you and jerked you around. Or actually, she canceled at least one date at that time on you and was jerking you around. So a whole month went by. When she reaches back out, just like it talks about in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, the article and video that I did a few years ago, probably about ten years ago at this point, that’s what you should be following. You don’t start pursuing a woman that does that. She has to do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing, and then you just wait to hear from her and then you make the next date, but you didn’t do that.

I reached out to her on a Tuesday to set a date for the next Sunday 7 p.m. But she made a last-minute cancellation saying she would need to reschedule.

I would’ve just said, “Great, what do you want to reschedule for?” If she mentions a reschedule, your next response, as the book says, is, “When do you want to reschedule for?” It’s pretty rude to do last minute. Again, that just shows she doesn’t really respect you or your time, and you fucked up because you were the one reaching out to her, so it wasn’t really her idea to reach out to you.

When you’re the one that gets dumped, when you’re the one that gets blown off, when you’re the one that gets cancelled dates, when you’re the one that gets ghosted, you don’t start pursuing that woman again, even if she reaches out and you hook up with her. This is right out of 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. Instead, what does he do? He goes back into full Karen mode.

I asked her “You accepted to cover someone’s shift knowing we had a date set?” she explained the situation and I replied, “It’s fine, but I made a reservation and my sister lent me her car… Anyway let me know when you have less chaos in your schedule.”

Sounds like you got other problems, dude.

She replied saying I was taking things personally…

Which he was.

…And I sent a voice message explaining my stance: “I don’t like that you took a decision that would affect my time without consulting me, we could have talked and gotten to a consensual outcome. I don’t think you did that on purpose, you have no reason to hurt me. But, you’re right maybe I’m overreacting.” She said she, “Super understood.”

People that use the word super, “Oh, I’m super excited. I fucking love you guys.” People that are overly flowery with the compliments, it’s like that’s something that a bullshit artist does. Those are phony and fake, people that talk like that. Just another little caveat there.

I invited another girl, we hook up casually over the past three years. She posted the date on her stories and I shared them, which I think Jane saw.

Whatever. Were you doing it on purpose? Are you trying to rub another girl in her face?

Jane and I never talked ever since, two months of no contact.

What do you think, Coach? I want to ensure that I am better prepared for future relationships. Especially with a woman I dated three years ago and after some back and forward led me into your work. I know she will come back, so I must be prepared.

Sincerely,

Bob

Yeah, you got to read the book and you got to be smoother, dude. Take the fucking stick out of your ass.

Love is playful and fun. It’s not butt-hurt. You always got to come from the place of assuming the best. What’s the best case scenario? Instead, you’re kind of like her. You automatically assume the worst, and you think by lecturing her and being a Karen that that’s going to change her attitude.

Again, I pointed out where you went wrong. You should have never reached out and tried to set a date. That’s typically why I tell you not to do that instead of getting an ex back. Because she came back, it was her idea. You hooked up and you should have been like, “Hey, call me later,” whatever. You should have waited to hear from her and then made the next date. Instead, it was an unpleasant thing. You started to pursue, you started to come on strong and then poof, it goes sideways on you.

So what I would do is I wouldn’t do anything. I wouldn’t call or text her because again, this girl’s been disrespectful. There’s a couple red flags. It looks like she might be a fruit loop anyways. You really need more experience with applying what’s in the book, because your game is pretty sloppy and you’re doing and saying things that it’s like, for the kind of woman you really want, you really deserve, you got to be calm. You can’t be turning into a Karen. You just got to kind of bottom line her actions. “If she really wanted to see me today, she would have kept the date. If she really respected and valued my time, she would have kept the date.”

Again, that’s why you should have never reached out. Even though she came over and you hooked up, because it wasn’t her idea. If you just let her be and she would have reached out and then you would have set the next date, she probably would have kept that.

Again, there’s a couple of red flags here. Like I said, it should be a more easy and more effortless. I could just tell this girl just doesn’t really seem to give a shit. You got to clean up your game because every time you meet a girl you really like, if you behave this way, if you turn into a Karen and you start lecturing her and and scolding her, that goes over like a lead balloon.

Love is playful and fun. It’s charming. It’s like, you can’t talk to women the way these clowns do in these red pill podcasts where they’re berating these strippers or sex workers or OnlyFans girls and think that’s how you’re going to talk to a woman and that she’s going to want to sleep with you after the fact. Plus these guys are like, “Hey, you can only come on my show if you sleep with me first.” So you’re taking advice from guys that are basically behaving like Harvey Weinstein. It’s like, come on, they don’t have any fucking game. Any of these guys that are on these podcasts, they’re being angry and berating women is like, they don’t understand women. They don’t have charm. They don’t have charisma. Yeah, it’s great viral content, but it’s not going to help you in the real world.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.