Why She Chose The Other Guy After Dumping You

Why a woman will choose another guy after dumping you even though you still hook up.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 24 year old guy who got dumped by his ex-girlfriend 9 months ago. They were still hooking up until about 2 months ago and she has been seeing another guy at the same time. He kept pushing to get back together while she dated both of them. She chose the other guy, offered him friendship, but he’s confused as to what happened. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Why She Chose The Other Guy After Dumping You.”

Well, this particular email is from a guy, he’s 24 years old. He got dumped by his ex-girlfriend about nine months ago, but they were still kind of hooking up, friends with benefits, up until about two months ago. And she was also seeing another guy. And so he made the mistake of constantly pushing to get back together and get back into a relationship. I assume he’s come to me or he’s brand new to my work after he kind of ruined things for good. So he went into No Contact and then I assume she breaks it.

They hang out, have fun and hook up and then he goes right back into pursuing again. And I had some of these discussions the other day on Friday’s Live Stream. We’re doing Live Streams with myself, Chunky and The Girls every Friday at 1 p.m. EST Eastern Standard Time. That’s the same time zone as Miami and New York. We’re also doing one on Thursday, which is more of like other topics, life coaching topics. We’ll talk about some politics. We we’re talking about the tariffs last week and real estate; answering a lot of other questions. Those tend to be at 2 p.m. Eastern Standard Time on Thursday.

So hopefully you guys can join us on that. But in one of the Live Streams that we did, there was a guy that was just asking this and it was same thing. One of the Video Newsletters I did last week, the guy was was doing that. He broke up with his girlfriend. He goes, No Contact. And then when she starts contacting him again, he starts hanging out, having fun and hooking up. But usually what happens is these guys are a little neurotic. They’re a little impatient, and they fall into what I describe as “The Illusion of Action”, thinking they have to do something to get her to like them more.

And what ends up happening is she comes back after No Contact initially with her interest and her sexual anticipation heightened. And they just chase her right back out of their lives all over again. And I suspect that’s probably what this guy did. But now it looks like she’s kind of serious with the other guy because she cut him off from access to the box about two months ago, and yet he keeps hanging out and she’s tried to friend zone him. And he told her he wasn’t interested in being friends. And then she said, you promised we would always be friends.

And so now he doesn’t know what to do. He’s kind of distraught. But he basically chased this chases girl, his ex-girlfriend, into the arms of another guy. So this is a good email of what not to do. This is what happens when you don’t exercise self-control, when you can’t control yourself. Or I should say, you refuse to control yourself and you keep chasing you keep pursuing. You keep trying to keep somebody who doesn’t want to keep you, especially if there’s another guy.

Because the best way to handle this is if she. Because most guys do this, I did the same thing, you guys that have read 3% Man. If you’re new here and you haven’t, you can read it UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the free email newsletter. But I did the same thing. It’s like I pursued and pursued. And then you get the girls flaky. She’s like, “works crazy.” She can never make time in her schedule to see you. And then meanwhile, she’s hanging out with Chad Thunder Cock getting her back blown out every weekend.

But she sure likes chit chatting with you on the phone and making sure you’re still there if things don’t work out. And so in these cases, especially when you’ve been together and you’re in a relationship like this, No Contact is what you should do, because she’s offering platonic friendship and blue balls basically, while you hear about her going out on dates with another guy. And no self-respecting man is just going to put up with that. He’s going to say, “well, I’m not down for this. Call me if you change your mind. I’m not interested in being friends.”

But guys, I don’t know any better. They keep pursuing. They keep chasing because that’s what they see in the movies. and eventually in the movies the girl ends and they live happily ever after in real life. What happens in this email is what typically happens, which is you literally drive her into the arms of another guy. So the one thing you got to understand about these situations is that the guy’s got more time with the girl, so she’s going to be emotionally bonded to him.

Whereas the new guy she starts seeing what this guy basically did is he facilitated her monkey branching. And when things really looked good with the new guy, she dipped on him. In other words, stopped sleeping with him and started exclusively sleeping with the new guy while she kind of kept him in a backup position. And it’s real simple if you follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back the Article and Video I did many years ago that you can Google, she messed it up.

She unilaterally ended things. She unilaterally changed the terms of the relationship. And so when that happens, you stop moving forward 100%. You don’t call, you don’t text at all for any reason. If she reaches out, you invite her over to make dinner at your place, and as long as she comes over three dates in a row where she’s initiated contact first, then you can meet her out and pick her up on the fourth and the fifth date. But you still got to let her do 100% of the pursuing.

Because what happens is if the new guy is in the picture, or if you have chased and you got dumped, your girlfriend dumped you or friend zoned you, and there’s another guy she’s talking to, if you stay engaged and you stay pursuing her, you make it easy for her to monkey branch. But when you walk away and you go, No Contact and you tell her, “you’re not interested in friendship”. And you never lift a finger to reach out to her ever again for any reason. 100% of the pursuing has to be done by her because she unilaterally ended it.

She unilaterally changed the terms of your relationship, and when she feels that you’ve completely stopped moving forward, then what happens is she backs off from the other guy as well, and then typically he’ll start pursuing. And when he starts to pursue, then he literally will chase her into your arms. But this guy didn’t do that. He kept chasing. He kept pursuing. He couldn’t disengage. Or I should say, he wouldn’t disengage, chose not to disengage. And now she’s with the other guy. And on top of that, she’s giving him a hard time because he doesn’t want to be friends with her.

So this is a good email on what not to do.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach Corey,

I’m a male, 24, and my ex, 23. She and I broke up 9 months back. We still remained physical till two months ago, she was still exploring options.

Well, that’s why you got to let her do 100% of the pursuing, because what happens is you’re not doing any pursuing, and then you start meeting and dating other women, and she can feel you’re making no effort while she tries to find somebody else. You’re continuing to fade away completely. And the only way you don’t fade away is if she reaches out to you and she pursues you.

That’s why you have to let her do 100% of the initiation. And you just make dates. It’s because this was her idea. She’s the one that ended it. She’s the one that wanted to create the conditions where she could potentially date you, or go back to you and date the new guy that she’s talking to. But like I said, this guy did not do that. He couldn’t control himself.

And then she suddenly shut down everything suddenly pushing for a more platonic relationship.

So when she does that, when she doesn’t want to see him romantically anymore and just tries to friend zoned him, that means she’s gotten serious with the new guy. And so she doesn’t want to sleep with you anymore. And so now the door is basically slammed in your face and you’ve got to walk around, or walk away, I should say.

I retaliated by telling her I either want a relationship or nothing.

In other words, you say we can be friends with benefits. We can be sex playmates. But I’m not going to be your platonic friend.

She can only expect the bare minimum from me.

In other words, you shouldn’t be making any effort, dude. And that’s where you went wrong. You kept pursuing a woman, so you made it really easy for her to kind of hold on to you and keep you in the background as a backup and then when things really look like they were going to work out with the new guy, she chose him and then blew you off. That’s what happened here.

She lashed out blaming that we were friends, and that I ruined it by bringing in relationship, and I broke the promise that we’ll always be friends, she panicked, cried, had an anxiety attack, then got very calm, called her new guy and they got even closer, and told me that we’ll never be together and I’m pushing her options by demanding what I am.

In other words, you shouldn’t be trying to lock her down to a commitment, it should be the other way around. She should be trying to get another chance with you. And instead you gave her all the power. You did all the pursuing, and you chased her right into the arms of this new guy instead of just moving on and just saying, “well, you know, call me if you change your mind. Call me if you want to see me.” She reaches out, invite her over, and as long as she comes over three dates in a row, just like I talk about in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, then you can meet her out and pick her up.

You’ve still got to let her do all the pursuing, and she’ll test the shit out of the new guy. And since she’s emotionally bonded with you because she’s known you longer and been with you longer, you have more leverage in this situation. But when you act like this guy did, and you act like a needy, insecure jackass. You act like a girl basically, you ruin the sexual polarity and you turn her off, and you make it really easy for her to dip and move on. And then you’ve got to deal with the consequences of that.

Before that she was keeping me in dark about the guy.

I could just imagine, this guy’s obsessed. What’s going on with this guy? What’s he doing? Where are you at?

By saying things like, “I can’t love anyone else, but I don’t want a relationship with you either.” 

When somebody says that to you, you never try to keep somebody who doesn’t want to keep you. And that’s another place where he went wrong. He kept pursuing. He kept engaging. She’s telling him, “I don’t want a relationship with you either.” Then you don’t make any effort. You stop all forward movement. It’s your indifference and your inaction that makes it attractive. But this whole time he was needy. It even looks like since the beginning, it looks like he converted her from a friend into a girlfriend.

And then it became a friends with benefits. And now it’s just platonic friends again. Because he just basically acted totally unmanly. And that’s why you’ve got to read The Book. You’ve got to figure out what you’re doing and saying that’s turning her off, and The Book will lay that out for you so you can figure it out and get some awareness of it, and then stop all that unattractive behavior.

Since then she has planned a trip with her new guy and got intimate with him, which is unique for her within two months.

Well, you made it easy. You chased her into his arms and he acted more like a man than you did. So now you’re on the outside looking in. I don’t know how you’re knowing that she’s taking a trip and having sex with him. Unless you’re probably still calling her, and reaching out and trying to change your mind.

Is there a way to get her back? Or is it all gone completely? Please help.

Well, first and foremost, you’ve got to read The Book. You’ve got to start learning the fundamentals. You’ve got to clean up your unattractive behavior and figure out what you’re doing and saying that’s turning her off. We know you’re clearly over pursuing because you got dumped, and yet you continued to engage and pursue. And then once she found your replacement, she blew you off and got serious with him.

That’s why everything’s laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back the way it is, because pretty much all guys do the same thing. I did the same thing. I used to do the same thing when I was younger, and I didn’t know any better. So the sooner you learn this stuff, the sooner you fill in your knowledge gap. This kind of shit will become a thing of the past.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

If you haven’t already signed up for our Paying Members Only Content in the video description of this Video, there are links to join on YouTube or you can join on Spotify or our Website UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just click the “plans” tab when you get there. And with the Website you also get the Email Analysis that goes along with these Video Newsletters. Plus, there’s Videos on the Website I just can’t put on YouTube because there are just things you can’t say and you can’t discuss here.

So if you want me full breach either Spotify if you just want to watch Videos, or the Website if you want the Email Analysis. Plus with the Website, you can do a seven day free trial and check out what content you get for your money. And if you choose an annual plan, you get a 25% discount for paying the whole year’s premium up front. So go to UnderstandingRelationships.com.

Click the “plans” tab at the top of your screen on any page, and sign up for a seven day free trial for our Premium Members Only Content. You can also sign up on YouTube just keep in mind there’s going to be Videos that are not going to be there, and if you want to sign up on YouTube or Spotify, the links are in the video description of this video. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.