Why She Keeps Pushing You Away

Why a woman will continually pull you close only to become cold and distant and push you away again.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who was dating a woman who ghosted him after about six months of dating. He says the pursuing was about 50/50, which is obviously way too much. Then she came back six weeks later and instead of letting her do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing like my article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back” instructs, he went right back to 50/50 pursuing and she once again backed off and became totally cold and disinterested in getting together.

It doesn’t seem like he has read my book 3% Man, and is just cherry picking videos because he is lazy. Unfortunately he is paying the price. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, I’ve got an email from a guy who I assume he’s relatively new to my work. I can tell because he doesn’t even mention it. He hasn’t read my book 3% Man yet. He’s just cherry picking videos, and he’s making a lot of really unnecessary mistakes. You got to remember, as Confucius said, “Success depends upon prior preparation, and without said preparation, there is sure to be failure.”

He was dating this particular girl for about six months and he was doing the pursuing was 50/50. Whenever I see it’s 50/50 or I’m in a phone session and I asked like, “What percentage are you reaching out first?” Versus her reaching out to you first? I hear 50/50. I already know at some point in the story that he’s telling me about what happened, he’s going to get to the point where he’s like, “She friend-zoned me.” If you do 50/50 of the pursuing, and if you get a room of 100 women together and you ask them like, “Hey, don’t listen to that guy on YouTube. It’s got to be 50/50.”

When you do 50/50, there’s no chemistry, there’s no spark. “I feel overwhelmed, I need space. Hey, I just think of you as a friend. There’s something missing.” That’s what you get. It’s as predictable as the sun coming up in the east and setting in the west. So he’s doing 50/50 here, the pursuing. Literally after six months of dating, what happens? Poof! She totally ghosted him. Just disappeared, ignored him, and then six weeks later, she came back. Then when she came back, instead of being prepared by reading the book and studying the 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back and actually applying what it says.

Maybe he saw it, maybe he didn’t, but he went right back. The same exact behavior, a 50/50 pursuing. Again what happens? She backs off, gets flaky. “I’m overwhelmed.” It’s like, nothing changed. He didn’t hear from her for six weeks. She came back, and he’s exactly the same needy over-pursuing dude, bro. If you watch lots of videos, you hear me say you got to learn the manual here. This video is done with the intention for other people that are watching this who know the book to help them fine tune what’s in the book and understand a real world example of a man and a woman interacting and what’s going sideways, and how to correctly apply what’s in the book.

There is no substitution for for reading the book. You got to learn the playbook first. You got to participate in your own rescue. There’s no shortcuts to success. You’re not going to be able to have sustainable success until you really get to know the book well. The videos are designed to help you tweak and fine tune your approach.

Viewer’s Email:

Coach,

I absolutely appreciate your insight and videos and everything into complex issues I can’t find insight into by myself. They have been eye opening.

That first paragraph tells me he hadn’t read the book yet. Number one, if you watch a bunch of my videos and you probably heard me say constantly, “Hey, you got to read the book 10-15 times,” for whatever reason you’re like, “Yeah, it doesn’t apply to me. I’m smart. I’m a rich guy, coach. I boss people around all day. I do million dollar deals. I’m not going to read your damn book.” Yet here you are writing to me.

I watched “She’s Feeling Overwhelmed” and it was my situation 100% spot on with the exception that it happened just before the six month mark. I know I over pursued and she basically ghosted for six weeks at the six month mark.

You can tell he’s cherry picking. I know I over-pursued and she basically ghosted me for six months or six weeks at the six month mark.

She pursued as much as I did…

No, should not be like that by this point. Six months she should be doing 95% to 100% of the pursuing. The fact is 50/50, I know you’re going to get friend-zoned. It’s as predictable as the sun coming up in the east and setting in the West.

Women need time and space away from you to wonder about you, to think about you, to miss you, to become unsure of themselves, because it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear.

Women are designed to seek our attention and validation. When a guy is doing 50/50, he’s acting too much like another girl. It ruins the sexual polarity. That’s why what’s happening is, she just has platonic feelings towards you. It makes her pussy drier than the Sahara desert, which is not good. It’s like a dusty old attic up in there.

…And then one day after a great night, just stopped cold. We never fought, argued or had less than a fun time. The sex was very good all throughout.
 
I got the, “Let’s just be friends. I’m overwhelmed. We’re too different.” (Despite a couple of weeks earlier her agreeing we’re very compatible)…

Yeah, but you got to understand, a couple of weeks earlier when she said that, it applied in that moment. What she’s saying now is that, “You basically turned me off and made my pussy drier than a abandoned house in an Arizona desert somewhere that’s been unoccupied for over 100 years. That’s how dry it is up there.”

…”Go away,” out of the blue. I told her I won’t just be friends and we kept in sparse contact texting after.

Which tells me he probably continued to text her after she tried to friend-zone him. When a woman tries to friend-zone you, and you keep contacting her through text, messaging her and seeking her attention and validation, all you’re doing is communicating to her that you accept friendship through your actions. When you say, “I’m not interested in being friends, call me if you change your mind,” then you walk away and you never look back and you go, no contact. No contact means you will never, ever reach out to her again.

Unless she reaches out to you, you’ll never, ever speak again as long as you live. That’s what no contact means. It means no birthday wishes, no greeting cards on Groundhog Day, no text to say Merry Christmas or Happy Thanksgiving or any other. It’s just you. You’re gone, you’ve walked and you’re never looking back.

After six weeks she reached out to me and asked if we could “catch up.”

Because their feelings started to return, because mostly you stayed away.

I agreed and suggested a fun activity that was distracting because I fully expected she wanted to give the final goodbye.

So he’d already given up before they even got together. As 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says, the article and video that I did, if she dumped you and ghosted you, you don’t take her on a date, you don’t meet her out, you don’t go on group dates, you don’t meet in a neutral setting. The only date that you’re going to be willing to have with her is a date at your house in the evening to make dinner together, just like 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says. So you can hang out, have fun and hook hook up. If she’s trying to give the final goodbye, she will do everything she can to avoid coming over to your house to make dinner together.

That’s why it forces the woman to shit or get off the pot and reveal her true intentions so you don’t waste your time and waste several weeks or months being stuck in limbo with your personal life, going nowhere because you’re hoping things will turn around with her.

When we got there she said she thought I was going to completely end it with her and showed a willingness to continue, initiated the touching and explained she gets really down and sad and doesn’t know why and doesn’t understand why she pushed me away.

There it is, yet another woman basically admitting she has no idea how attraction works. She has no idea why she feels the way she feels towards men.

She talked about doing things a year down the road with me, etc.

Again, that only applied in that moment. That’s about as useful as a daily weather report. It only applied on the time that she said it. That’s in the book, but obviously if you would have read the book, you would have known that.

For about three weeks we went back to basically one overnight each week on the weekend and then she started pulling back again for the next three weeks. I tried to roll back the text communication…

Again, she should have been doing 100% of it because she fucked it up. She blew you off. Therefore she’s got to fix it. That’s why when they come back, they have to do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing.

You simply make dates and as 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says, three dates in the evening at your house consecutively. As long as you hang out, have fun and hook up all three times, and you can meet her out, pick her up and go on dates outside the house, but she has to still do 100% of the pursuing.

This guy went right back and started doing exactly the same things that got him blown off, and it caused her to feel exactly the same feelings and exactly dry her pussy back up like a totally non-humid attic that has been drying out near the bone yards, where all our aircraft are stored in the Arizona desert. You don’t want it to get that dry up there. That’s a bad day.

…And let her do more and she did for a little while, noticeably texting more each day. She makes extra effort now to see me sometimes and then backs off the next.

Women are like cats. This is totally normal. She backs off, and this is why you got a letter B and you interrupt that process when the texting is 50/50. So when she gets a little unsure, she gets a little too familiar, she gets bored whatever her focus is on something else, you just let her be like a cat, because the cat always comes back to where the catnip is and you’re Mr. Catnip for her, in case you haven’t figured that out. Instead, you got her pussy drier than the bone yards.

We have talked and she agreed I am very laid back when it comes to getting together and communicating and at one point when I asked…

So he’s asking her for advice and she just got done telling you. “I don’t understand why I pushed you away.” He’s like, “Am I communicating with you too much?” Bro, seriously?

…If I was over communicating or she felt I was pushing too much, she said, no, she was fine with even more communication.

“Oh, just tell her how you feel and how much you like her.” Yeah…

Yet if I call or text she is 50/50 on response time to the point I don’t want to be sending three texts without a reply…

Bro, dating is like tennis. You hit the ball over the net and you wait for her to hit back. You don’t send three unanswered texts. Come on, man.

…So that confuses me a bit, her saying more.

Well, as the book says, but you don’t know because you never read it, one text and you wait for her to hear to to text back. Again, in this case, she blew you off. So she should be doing 100% of it. So you went right back to doing exactly the same behavior that turned her off the first time, and it’s now turning her off once again.

Last Thursday she cancelled weekend plans saying that the party we were supposed to go to on Saturday was “probably” going to be cancelled. I told her I was disappointed because I really wanted to see her and her “probably going to be cancelled” and no alternate plans with me didn’t sit well.

“Why don’t you like me? Want to see me? I want to see you.You’re so important to me.”

So this is the middle of the week. He’s texting her, and she just basically didn’t even reply to that because it’s disgusting and pathetic, to be honest with you. She’s already turned off. The bottom line is she didn’t want to see you. That’s why she canceled because you turned her off again.

She answered on Sunday basically, “so busy” line…

“Oh my God, it’s just things have been crazy at work. Oh my God.”

…Just feeling overwhelmed.

She did say, “Just feeling overwhelmed.” What she’s really saying is, “You’re making my pussy drier than the bone yards of Arizona.” Quite frankly, there’s not enough K-Y jelly in the world to fix that.

We also had plans for the following Tuesday and I told her just come over Tuesday, let’s hang out and have fun, which she did.

OK, you still got a chance. You’re still in the running, but she cancelled a date on you at the last minute, and she blew you off for several days. That should be a clue that you’re way over-pursuing, dude. You shouldn’t be pursuing at all.

Remember, she’s got to fix this. She fucked it up. She’s the one that ghosted you for six weeks, and you go right back to, “Thank you. May I have another Your Highness? Can I kiss your feet? Can I lick your toe jam?”

When we talked at the end, she said she is in her own mind, it’s nothing to do with me.

I got a bridge to sell you. She just doesn’t know. She has no idea.

She has said a few times she feels, “Completely lost.” We made tentative plans but not really for the upcoming weekend.

Well, that’s on you because you should be direct, decisive and make definite plans. Definite date, definite time, definite place to get together. It’s agreed to by both parties, and you didn’t do that. So you’re vague and up in the air, which shows a lack of confidence, which also is like damp bread for the vagina.

I know I over-pursued early on…

No bro, you’re still over-pursuing. You shouldn’t be pursuing at all. You’re not following what I teach.

…But we had agreed to be exclusive and I felt all along the one or maybe two days a week was a good pace as she was always happy to see me because if we went five or six days without seeing each other she would say it was too long and would make plans. 

Well, the reason why you’re only seeing each other one or two days a week is because you’re constantly pursuing to the point, and you never give her time and space away from you to wonder about you, to think about you, for her feelings to grow because you’re too neurotic and needy, blowing up her phone.

It’s like the analogy that’s in the book, again, which you haven’t read, which is like baking a cake in the oven. If you’re trying to bake a cake and it says, leave it in the oven for an hour, and every five minutes you’re opening the door going, “Is it done yet?” It shows that it’s like letting all the hot air out of the oven. You’re totally dissipating all the sexual anticipation. You want her to question herself, to be unsure of where she stands with you.

Twice now, it’s been like one day she would say and her actions showed me she wants to see me more and then the very next day takes clear steps to avoid me.

Well, you keep doing things to turn her off, and things are the opposite of what’s in the book, but obviously you haven’t read it yet because you’re cherry picking and videos.

You’re not going to be able to copy and paste the perfect solution for every issue you have from videos, because you don’t even understand the philosophy in the book. It’s like trying to throw darts in a blizzard, bro. Women are like cats. That’s why one day she’s super excited and the next day she’s like a cat.

I have asked her fairly directly about it and she just says doesn’t know how to explain but she just shuts down.

She just gets turned off. That’s what’s happening. You’re turning her off because you’re over-pursuing her and you’re too lazy to read the book. At least so far, hopefully you will, after the roasting that I’ve given you in this video.

Any of you other dudes that are about to contact me that haven’t read the book, at least read it once you’re going to book a phone session, at least get through it one time before we get on the phone. I want you to get the best value for your money, and it’s really a drag when I do phone sessions with guys, and you haven’t even cracked the book yet. Especially guys that have been following me for like seven, eight years. Come on, bro, and you’re surprised things aren’t going well.

It seems so out of character because when we are together, I am pretty tuned in to little signals to see if she is rejecting me but I see deep interest. When we are apart, she avoids for a while then let’s me back in.

Because women are like cats. That’s just how they are. Don’t chase the kitty cat after it jumps out of your lap. Just let it be and eventually it’ll be back. She’ll be back.

At this point, do I just stop pursuing entirely?

Yeah, that’s what 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, says and read the book, and it’s free. It’s free on my website. If you subscribe to the email newsletter, you put your first name and your email, poof! It’ll open right up in your browser. You can you can suck all the information in totally for free, and then go and buy an audio book when you’re like, “Damn, I should have done this sooner.”

Do I ask to schedule dates or wait for her?

Assumes she wants to see you, and then make a date again. That’s right out of the book. Again, if a woman is reaching out, you’re assuming the reason she’s reaching out, she wants to get together, but it’s up to you to be the appointment setter and make a date happen by being direct and decisive, getting to the point and then getting the hell off the phone.

It just feels like after about eight months now, I gave her plenty of outs but she has done just enough to keep me around.

That’s because you’re pursuing as 50/50. You cannot pursue that much as the book says, you never want to do more than 20-30%. If you can get away with it, 95-100% will be done by most girls. Makes it really easy. They’ll be crazy about you.

It’s feels to me like maybe she sees a future with me, just not now so I am not really ready to move on.

Dude, your job is not about the future with her. Your job is just simply to create the next opportunity for sex to happen, to hang out, to have fun, to hook up and let her come to you. Because love is allowing. You’re talking this girl out of loving you instead of allowing her to come to you at her pace and love you at her pace. You’re trying to act like a girl too much and it ruins the sexual polarity. That’s why her stomach turns and she’s like, “I don’t understand.”

It’s one thing if she just left for good the first time but she came back to avoid me for a long time again and that confuses me.

Well, that’s why you should read the book. This video probably has a record for the number of times I’ve said, “Read the book, read the book, read the book.” “I get a gold star for that? Thank you.”

Any advice on how to handle it would be greatly appreciated.

Bob

Do nothing. Wait for her to come to you. Make the next date. Don’t overthink it. Read the book, read 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back and watch the video.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.