Why She Must Earn Your Attention, Loyalty & Commitment

Why a woman should always earn your attention, loyalty & commitment first.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer whose previous email I answered in my video, “How To Get Her To Treat You Like A Priority Instead Of An Option”. He still has the wrong mindset of trying to earn her attention and validation and loyalty. She has lots of dudes in her orbit and sometimes appears to rub them in his face. I tell him what to focus on instead so she tries to win him over instead of him trying to win her over. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Why She Must Earn Your Attention, Loyalty & Commitment”.

Well, this particular email is actually an update to a viewer whose previous email I answered titled, “How To Get Her To Treat You Like A Priority Instead Of An Option”. And so part of his problem is he still kind of has the wrong mindset of trying to earn her attention and validation and loyalty. This woman’s got a lot of dudes in her orbit, and it appears sometimes it looks like she’s kind of rubbing them in his face. And so the thing to understand about this is your mindset and your philosophy.

Because again, as the book says, the relationship and a commitment is the woman’s department. And so she’s got to be the one to initiate that. Your job as a man is just to create the opportunity for sex to happen, to hang out, to have fun while you’re hanging out, and to hook up when the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced. Because when women go out with a guy, their attitude is, “do I like this guy? Is he good for me?” That kind of thing.

In other words, you’re on probation in her eyes, she’s not sure about you. But most guys, they look at a woman, and physically they’re like, that’s the dream girl. They haven’t even said the first word to her. Because we tend to be visual creatures and we focus on the looks before anything else. And so part of the thing you got to keep in mind is you’re vetting women. Character is destiny. You’re trying to find out, “Is she good for you? Does she keep her word? Is she honest? Was she raised right? Did her dad teach her the difference between right and wrong? Is she loyal? Did she learn family values? Or does she come from a broken home?”

Women that have lots of dudes, and especially they’re rubbing other dudes in your faces, when you see things like that, you can go, “okay, she’s probably more just a booty call, sex playmate, fuck buddy, friends with benefits. Because if things progress and she starts hinting at or talking about exclusivity, but you see that she’s got all these dudes in her life, then you’re more than likely you’re not going to be so excited about getting into a relationship with her.

And so you can be the one to say, “well, I like you. I really enjoy our time together and things that progressed. But one of the things I don’t like, because I’m not going to commit to somebody that’s got nothing but dude friends or all the guys you’re hanging out with, or you’re hanging out with, or guys that are stuck in friend zone and are basically trying to get in your pants. It’s like, I’m just not looking for that. I want a girl that’s family oriented. That’s just not going to have a bunch of thirsty guys sliding into her DMs and always giving them the green light to try to seduce them.”

So I just look at it as like, if you’ve got a lot of guy friends. I’m probably just one of the dudes you’re seeing and sleeping with. It’s like, so you put the onus back on her. If she’s bringing up or hinting at a relationship, and exclusivity. You can tell her why you don’t want to be exclusive with her or you’re not ready. Or potentially you would. But all these things would have to change first, because if those things don’t change, then friends with benefits is all you can really offer her. And then that way she has to earn it.

So let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hello Corey,

I’m writing you for an update of my situation and thank you for the video newsletter of my email, “How To Get Her To Treat You Like A Priority Instead Of An Option”.

Again, that was originally “How To Get Her To Treat You Like A Priority Instead Of An Option”. So that was the original email, so this is an update.

The girl I’m dating reached out after asking some space and told me she missed me, so I set a date and hangout, had much fun and had sex.

So what happened was he was pursuing too much. I don’t remember the specifics of what he did in that previous Newsletter, because that was a while back. But at the end of the day, he over pursued. Obviously she wanted some space. And so when a woman says, “I need space”, you just say, “hey, no problem, hit me up when you miss me terribly.” Or “hit me up when you’re free to get together”, or “hit me up when you’re able to hang out again”, and you just leave it at that.

So that’s a simple way to do those things. So obviously she came back. And so what typically happens they don’t usually go, “hey, I’ve had time and enough space and now I’m ready to see you again.” Or “hey, let’s go out on a date.” They don’t usually do that. Usually a week or two or a few weeks later, you hear, “heyyy”, something like that, she sends you a meme. If that happens, just make the next date. As simple as that. You wait to hear from her and then you make the next date. Now I got all four of these lunatics. Fuzzy lunatics in here. So, oh, this is Momo. She’s the Amazon girl. She’s so big.

So anyways, I assume you guys can probably hear the puppies out in the living room chirpin at each other. And just like little Elon does. He does it to get attention. And so they’ll start playing with him. So he just kind of harasses and nips at them and runs away and then comes back. It’s fun to watch. Probably you guys don’t like listening to it, but hey, that’s what happens. We get noises and we get things pretty soon and a matter of weeks we’ll probably have a crying baby in here too. So we’ve got all kinds of good things happening.

Everything is going “good” there are days she is all over me, saying she couldn’t believe she met someone with qualities as I have, and that I’m in a good position with her girlfriends since she talked about me while going out with them, but other days for example she mentioned we are at a situationship.

So I mean, quite frankly, it’s just like, “Whatever.” I mean, at the end of the day, your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. It’s the woman’s job to want to be in a relationship.

Her birthday is coming so her best friend invited her to go clubbing. Earlier she sent me a screenshot of a conversation of her best friend saying that it was like high school, they going crazy clubbing, which she responded crazy? No, my husband wouldn’t allow me now, adding a photo of us she took the other day.

So she’s playfully referring to this guy as a husband. Again I wouldn’t read too much into that. It’s just like, whatever. Don’t take the bait.

I felt it was a good sign, but later that night she posted a story where her friend is recording her and she’s dancing and a guy in front of her dancing with her, she seemed serious I wouldn’t say uncomfortable but the bottom line is that she did.

In other words, after she says this, he sees a story on Instagram where she’s clearly dancing with some other dude. Ocean is around some cats, and so as soon as she comes near me, you guys can tell right away. It’s like, it’s amazing. Cat hair and my nose does not go well together.

I remained calmed and tried not feel perturbed.

Well, she’s not your girl, Dude. And again, you’re in the vetting process, and in your mind, you’ve already decided she’s going to be your girlfriend. But in reality, you look at how she behaves is like, think down the road getting into a relationship with a woman who’s kind of behaving that way, rubbing other guys in your faces, showing it on Social Media, referring to you oh my husband and one pic and then the next she’s dancing with some random guy she met in the dance floor. Clearly she’s behaving like a free agent.

Those are not the things that you want to see from a girl that you would consider becoming exclusive with. She just looks like a party girl, and you’re one of the dudes in her rotation that you’re hooking up with. That’s the way you need to look at it. Maybe an occasional booty call with her. Not really girlfriend or wife material, especially when she’s behaving this way. So these are the kind of things that happen. I mean, you’re not her boyfriend, so it doesn’t really matter. And like I said, in the vetting process, you should be paying attention to stuff like this, because these are the things that should determine whether or not she’s a good candidate for a relationship, or she’s just a party girl.

Because there’s two kinds of women, basically women for fun and fucking. And then women for relationships, and obviously fucking too. But so far, everything I’ve seen this particular girl, we would slide her into the fuck buddy, friends and benefits, sex playmate, not girlfriend category. Because if she’s trying to win you over, she’s not going to be posting herself dancing with other dudes at the club. That’s just a girl who’s just saying, “hey, look at me. I’m having a good time.” Not really family oriented, right, Oshi?

I remained calmed and tried not feel perturbed, and took it as a test, and when she reaches out to sound calmed, but also kept me wondering when is it too much to put my foot down, I couldn’t help feeling jealous right away.

Yeah. Again, you can’t be getting jealous. This is not your girlfriend. And quite frankly, there’s no evidence that she is a good candidate for being a girlfriend. Because if a girl’s doing that telling you, referring to you as a husband to one of her girlfriends, and then later that night, she’s dancing with some random dude. It’s like, you’re just one of the guys she’s fucking. It’s the way you got to look at it.

You just you got to see reality as it is. Not better than it is, or worse than it is, but as it is. You’re just one of the dudes she’s hanging out with. I don’t see any evidence of a girl that’s, like, family oriented and is trying to put her best foot forward and show you that you’re special to her, but instead she has no problem posting herself on Social Media, dancing with strange dudes at a club. Or who knows, maybe she knows the guy and it’s one of her other booty calls.

I wanted to mirror the actions and go out clubbing too today, but it might seemed obvious I’m doing it to “punish” so I’ll wait to next week and go out and do the same.

That’s just fucking stupid. Again you have prioritized this girl as a potential girlfriend and your mindset is, “how do I win her over? How do I get her to like me?” And yet you’re ignoring the fact that she might be the town bicycle. She’s like a TV. Everybody gets their turn. Or a doorknob. She’s like a doorknob. Everybody gets their turn.

Tomorrow is her birthday, and she might be inviting me, or not, to celebrate with her family since she’s told me about it several times.

Well, if it was really important, she would have made sure you were already invited. But you’re not invited, so I don’t expect to hear from her.

But hasn’t say anything yet, and a week ago I said I was planning on doing a cake for her as a present since I’m a pastry chef.

I think it’s great that you’re a pastry chef but as the book says, no gifts until she’s your girlfriend. Maybe she could come over and you could make a cake together as part of a dinner date or something like that. But don’t fucking make her a cake and give her a gift. Again, You’re way too serious about this girl, and you’re completely ignoring that she quite frankly, just treating you like one of the guys she’s fucking.

You already got her on a pedestal and are ready to put a ring on her finger and introduce her to your family. It’s your thinking. This is the wrong mindset. You’re way over your skis. You put the cart before the horse. None of your thinking has been justified by her actions. Her actions, like I said, just look like she’s a party girl getting bang left and right. I would wear a condom with her definitely.

Regardless I’ll stay focus on my mission and new project I have of my own business, post some hot photos that a friend photographer of mine took of me for a shoot, keep working out, and invest in me might get me unconsciously in the best position. How do I invest less when she’s reciprocating and responding well and practice not attachment when I’ve developed feelings for her?

Thank you for your work that has helped me a lot. 

Well, you’ve got to see reality as it is because you’re projecting your fantasy onto her and you’re completely ignoring reality. You’re responding to her as if she’s your future girlfriend, but her behavior is pissing you off. Because the reason it’s pissing you off is because she’s not acting like somebody that wants to be your future girlfriend, expects to be your girlfriend, or is doing anything to try to win you over to be her boyfriend.

I mean, you’ve got to look at her as like a booty call and one of the girls in your rotation. Because again, you’re kind of delusional the way you’re looking at this. Because again, nothing I saw in the email leads me to believe that she’s family oriented. She just probably some young hot girl that’s hanging out, having fun and hooking up and fucking whoever and doesn’t care how it looks on Social Media. Because again, if her parents were family oriented, her Dad saw her Social Media, posting random guys at the club like that. He’s going to probably say something. “Honey, this guy you’re dating, you should not be posting videos of you at the club with some random guy. That’s not cool.”

But I doubt whether the Father taught her any of these things. So if I were you, I would basically knock this girl down a couple notches in your rotation, because, again, you’re treating her like she’s your, you know, starting quarterback when in reality she should be like your fourth string quarterback. So you’ve got to pay attention to how she feels about you and how she treats you and the way she lives her life, because all you’re really doing is paying attention to how much you like her, and you’re all up in your feelings and you’re kind of blinded to reality. You got to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

If you haven’t already signed up for our Exclusive Premium Members Only Content in the video description is video there are links to join on YouTube or you can join on Spotify or our Website UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just click the “plans” tab when you get there. You can do a seven day free trial to check out what content you get for your money. And if you choose an annual plan, you can get a 25% discount for paying the whole year’s premium up front. Go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the “plans” tab, sign up for a Premium Membership today and support our Channel and our Website. And until next time, I will talk to you soon.