Why women prefer alpha males who are genuine, authentic and who speak their truth without fear of loss or attachment.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a female viewer whose previous email I answered in my video newsletter titled, “Self Perceptions.” She provides an update on their relationship since her first email to say they have gotten married. She shares some more things she loves about him and insights she has gained, because in her opinion, he embodies what a true alpha male is.
It’s a great email to read from a woman’s perspective that is married to, and what she loves about, her alpha male husband and what continually draws her to him. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of her email.
You responded to my email back in September with your video titled “Self Perceptions.” I discussed briefly some of what I felt about my man at the time, and we have since gotten married as planned.
I continually find more things I love about him,
(So, like a fine wine, your relationship is getting better with time),
and I wanted to share an idea I’ve been having about the alpha posture, both for males and females. My husband is rooted in his masculine core, which I’ve known since the instant we met.
(You could sense it and feel it. It’s that body language, as I discuss in my book or my article and video, “Body Language That Attracts Women.” Your chest tends to be out, your shoulders tend to be rolled back, your head tends to be rolled back, your arms tend to be down at your side. You walk tall, you walk proud, you smile, you make eye contact with people, you don’t look away first.
It’s not an angry or intimidating look. It’s just one of, “I’m awesome, I know I’m awesome, I hope you’re awesome and having a great day too.” You’re looking at people with confidence. What you notice is, when you walk around like that, people that don’t have that same level of confidence tend to look away and not be able to make eye contact for very long.
It’s really interesting when you learn these things and then go out and exhibit that and see how other people respond to you. It really gives you an intuitive sixth sense where you can look at another person and read what their beliefs are, how they perceive themselves to be and how proud, or not proud, they are of themselves.)
This is why I am committed to being his wife. I know I can trust him, and I don’t have to wonder what he’s made of, like I have wondered in past relationships with other men. I don’t have to think, test, or talk myself into feeling secure with him, because he is rock solid like you often describe.
(This guy is in his masculinity so much, you’re not sensing weakness. You’re not sensing he’s not sure of himself. And therefore, you’re not testing the shit out of him, because you feel safe, comfortable and open.)
I’ve realized that the alpha quality I love so much about him is strongly based in a pattern of honesty. His actions match his words,
(When words and actions match, that is honesty in your perception. He’s authentic. He says what he means, and he means what he says. The reality is, most of the people you’re going to meet in life will talk shit, and then they’ll never back it up with any action),
because he’s not scared to say things point blank in the first place.
(Remember, be direct, decisive and get right to the fucking point. Be honest, speak your truth, and let the chips fall where they may.)
He tells me what he wants and how he feels, and does not act as though my reactions to his truth determine what he will communicate or accept.
(When he says something, he backs it up with actions. His actions and his words are totally congruent.)
His truthfulness tells me that he believes his needs are IMPORTANT, so it is easy to know how to please him, and he doesn’t put me through any guesswork whatsoever!
(That’s the importance of great communication, but in order to have great communication, you have to be with somebody you can talk to in a calm, relaxed manner, is willing to listen, hear what you have to say and try to figure out a way both of you can meet that together, without the ego games and nonsense that typically tends to happen with other people.)
I’m now seeing “alpha” as synonymous with “real/authentic.”
(I’d say you’re absolutely spot on. Because how many people you meet in life say what they mean and mean what they say? Like I talk about in my videos, not everybody’s going to like me. Not everybody is going to like the way I look, like the sound of my voice or like the things I say. They may not resonate on the same level, and that’s okay.
Not everybody is meant to be your girlfriend, your friend, your client or business partner. Not everybody is meant to be in your life. Like attracts like. People who like the same things tend to like each other. You should speak your truth without fear, and a lot times people have a real fucking problem with that.)
And he holds me to the same standard of authenticity, which tells me that he trusts me too!
(In other words, he’s got expectations too. He wants a teammate. He doesn’t want somebody he’s got to fucking drag along. He wants a woman who’s on the same level. And obviously, that’s why he married you.)
It feels amazing to be with someone who values real connection and chooses to listen to me and most of all to HIMSELF.
Just thought I’d share!
(I really appreciate you sharing. I think that’s a great perspective. Congratulations on your marriage. We all deserve the things we want to be happy in life, but first you’ve got to act like it and you’ve got to be congruent with your words. You’ve got to make your words, your actions, your life and your body language congruent with one another, and live your truth.
You need to be okay with people being pissed off at you or not liking you. Like my favorite Steve McQueen quote, “I live for myself and I answer to nobody.” I’ve got to be me, and the right people will accept me for me. Life is too short to hang out with people who bitch and complain, who think they can get you to change who you are and get you to be something that you’re not. )
“An alpha male is strong, centered, determined, focused, authentic and lives and speaks his truth, without fear of the consequences or the risk of failure. Alphas are proud of themselves, their lives, and the people in them, as well as their accomplishments. Be proud of you for what you are, where you are and for what you have the possibility and capability to become with enough effort, time and repetition. Your future possibilities are only limited by your thoughts and the actions you fail to take. The more you focus on what you want to create, the more action you take, the more you learn from your mistakes and the more you refine and improve your approach, the more likely your future reality will match your dreams.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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