Why Women Say They Want A Break To Find Themselves

The real reasons why women will say they want a break to find themselves.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer in Switzerland who says his girlfriend of a year asked for a break to find herself. She said she loves him and could not imagine anyone better for her than him, but yet, she still broke things off. He’s in limbo and not sure of what to do, but he obviously wants her back.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Basically, in a nutshell, what it really means is they just want to find somebody else that’s not you, because they’ve lost attraction and respect. Women don’t dump men they’re head over heels in love with. They only dump men they’ve lost respect and attraction for. And it usually falls slowly over time. And the average guy just doesn’t see it coming. When he gets dumped, he has no idea. So because obviously this particular viewer, he’s in Switzerland, young guy, he’s 22, his girl is 20, and his girlfriend of a year asked for a break to find herself, not sure what she wants. You know, the same platitudes that all women say. No matter where they are in the world, they all say the same things. And she said she loves him, couldn’t imagine anyone better for her than him, but yet she still broke things off. So now he’s like, “What the hell do I do?”

So let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Cheers, Corey!

I’m 22 and my girl is 20. 

So, I’m in a relationship with this girl for about a year now and we love each other. She didn’t have the best time mentally lately because of work and just her lifestyle but she now quit the job and is starting something completely new.

Well, as the book says, you’re supposed to be driving the fun bus, hanging out, having fun, and hooking up. So even though her job sucks, she’s having a blast with you and your romance is going strong. You always got a date and court your girlfriend. Otherwise somebody else will.

Also, she’s going back to life at her parents’ place. 

So I wonder if that means that they were living together and she’s going back to moving with her parents. So again, that means a loss of attraction, loss of respect. I mean, it’s fine that she could be going through a difficult thing, but if she was really in love with her boyfriend and going through a difficult thing at work, she’s not going to dump her boyfriend. She’s only going to dump her boyfriend if she’s not happy at work and not really happy in the relationship.

Basically a new chapter is starting for her.

Yeah, that’s the important thing for her, well and you, obviously not by choice. It’s always better to be the dumper versus the dumpee.

Two weeks ago she wanted to talk to me and told me she fells uncertain if our relationship can be sustainable because she feels like she’s unfair towards me.

In other words, she knows you’re way more into her than she’s into you. And she probably does things and trolls you at times because she doesn’t respect you. And maybe you don’t realize it, but she feels like she’s got the upper hand and women don’t want the upper hand. They want to follow your lead.

So at the end of the day, it’s like, “You’re a great guy,” but at the end of the day, what women care about is not how great of a guy you are. What they care about is how they feel towards you. And if you’re too focused on how much you like her and not really paying attention to how much she likes you, like there’s a chapter in the book called It’s All In The Numbers, that details, here’s what a woman does when her interest is nine out of 10. When she’s in love with you, 10 out of 10. Here’s what she does when she’s about to dump you, which is around a five. So the guys can look through that and it applies at the beginning or the end or the middle of the relationship. You can always get a feeling of where you stand with her based on what she does versus what she says.

So when you’re in a long term relationship, understanding that the things the woman does when she’s in love versus as her interest drops, it’s just things she doesn’t do anymore because she doesn’t feel it. When she feels it, she does it automatically. It’s new. It’s innate. It’s intuitive. But when the attraction and respect is gone, like I said, and that’s clearly when she says that’s she’s unfair towards you. In other words, “I know you really like me,” but she’s not feeling the same way. And he didn’t realize it.

So I assume he’s maybe new here. If you’re new and you haven’t read the book, it’s free to read the in the members area of my website. Just go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, the banner is on the screen, put your name, your first name and email address, and create a password. As soon as you hit enter, it’ll open up right in your web browser and you can start reading. You can try before you buy.

She’s at a point where she feels like she doesn’t know who she really is and what she really wants to do with her life…

Well, it may be true with work, but what she really wants to do is she knows she’s not feeling like she wants to be in a relationship with you anymore because her attraction and respect has dropped.

…And this new chapter could be a kickoff to finding herself and she wants to tackle it on her own.

In other words, without you. She wants to be single so she can go and mingle with other dudes.

Still she said she loves me and she could not imagine someone better for her. 

That’s another version of, “You’re a really nice guy, but just not feeling it. There’s no chemistry. There’s no spark. Something’s missing. It’s not you. It’s me.” It’s just another version of that. The bottom line to take away from that is just, “Hey, my interest is so low and you don’t want to be in a relationship anymore. And I like to go meet other guys and hook up.” So that means you’re a free agent. So you need to be rocking out with your cocktail, buddy. Reading the book, hanging out, having fun, and hooking up. Your job is to create the opportunity for sex to happen and to hang out, have fun, and hook up. Never call, never text her again for any reason.

Just think about when you first met. What were you focused on? You wanted to hook up. You may have wanted a relationship down the line, but really what you want to do is you want to smash. So that’s what you’re focused on. And usually it starts with most women in the West, by the second or third date, it happens as long as you don’t talk them out of it. So it starts out casual. And at the end of the day, your job is to create the opportunity for sex to happen. To hang out, have fun, and hook up. It’s her job to try to lock you down or convince you why you shouldn’t date anybody else. So your mindset should be, “Well, I’m open to giving her another chance. But I mean, she’s got to do all the work.” She messed it up. She ended things of a year. She didn’t want you to go on this journey with her. She wanted to do it without you. So you’re going to go where you’re celebrated. Not where a girl is going, “Ehh.”

Reading the book will fill in your knowledge gap. You’ll figure out what you did wrong, what turned her off so you can cut that behavior out. In the meantime, you can be using the book to practice on new women, get some other choices and some other options because that’ll give you a little bit of swagger. And especially if she stays in contact because again, if you hear from her, invite her over and make dinner. Follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. Invite her over to make dinner. Don’t take her out. Don’t pick her up. Don’t meet her out. Don’t do group dates. All the excuses that you can give to like when she wants you to do a group date or something or meet her out, just say, “No, it’s been a long week. I just want to hang at my place and have a chill evening. If you don’t want to do that, then give me a call in a couple of weeks and maybe I’ll be up for meeting you out then,” and you do the takeaway.

So she has to come to your place at least three dates in a row. And if she does that and you hang out, you have fun, and you hook up, then when she continues to reach out after that, because again, she has to do a lot of reaching out because she messed it up, she ended it. Therefore, she’s got to be trying to get you back. It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. They like a guy that’s a challenge, and they really like you a lot more if they have to win you over. So if you don’t call, you don’t text, even if she does reach out and you hang out, you have fun, and you hook up, she’s still got to do the reaching out. She’s the one that screwed it up. She’s got to fix it. And if she reaches out, you assume she wants to see you and you just make the next date. Once you get after the first three where she comes to your house and make dinner, if she does three dates in a row where she’s reached out first, again, you’re never going to reach out again. She has to do all of it.

In the meantime, then you’re going to be meeting new women and applying what’s in the book and hanging out, having fun, and hooking up with them. And you get a couple other options. You’re not going to be so excited about taking her back or giving her another chance, because the reality is there’s a really good chance she already met somebody else and was talking to him. Maybe they were just friends. She met him at work or something, or a friend group, and maybe she’s been bloviating to him and he’s been a good listener, and so now she’s going to give him a chance. So be prepared. That might be happening.

Also again, your attitude should be like, “Who cares? Now I’m a free agent. I’m not beholden to her for anything. I’m a free agent. I’m ready to play ball, and I’m open to being convinced why I should give her another chance. But I’m down to hook up and hang out and have fun.” But other than that, she’s got to do all the work to reach out because again, she’s got to convince you why you should give her another chance after she broke up with you. That should be your mindset.

We’re now having a break so she has the time to reflect and think about everything. 

That’s why it’s important you do nothing. You want her to experience life without you. Maybe a couple days or a week or two go by and she hasn’t heard from you, and maybe one of your mutual friends is like, “Hey, Bob was out. I heard he was out on a date with this really cute girl he met online, and they really seem to be getting along well.” And if that gets back to her, she starts to worry. Maybe the guy that she thought things were going to develop with does some stupid things and like in your mind, nothing. You’re just like, “On to the next. There’s another bus every 15 minutes,” and she starts to wonder, “How can he get over me so quick? He seems so devastated when I broke up with him. He was crying and everything.” And two weeks later, he’s out with a new girl and she’s all over him. So that’s the kind of thing you don’t want her to get back to her like, “Oh, he’s crying the blues. He’s not eating. He won’t leave the house. He hasn’t gone into work. He’s calling in sick.” You don’t want to hear that shit.

What if you do have mutual friends in common? What you want to hear is that people ask you what happened. It’s like, “Oh, we just ran its course. Hey, we weren’t really compatible. We love each other and I wish her all the best. Man, I go on online dating and there’s so many thirsty women out there. I don’t know what I’m gonna do. There’s too many. I’m gonna have a good time. What have you been up to?” And then you just change the subject and it just seems like, “Man, he’s having a great time.” Like, he’s almost glad that it’s over now. He’s having more fun without her now that you’re trying to rub it in her face. But if it seems like you’re just having a good time, and then the days and the weeks go by and she hasn’t heard anything, and then she starts to worry, “What did I do? He’s the best thing that ever happened to me.” And then she reaches back out. “Hey, I miss you. Have you been thinking about me?” “Hey, you! Well, I’ve been thinking about you naked in my bed. Why don’t you get your cute little ass over here and let’s make some dinner? Pop a bottle of wine and catch up. I want to see you. When are you available?” And just invite her over. Make the date, hang out, have fun, and hook up.

I’m kinda in a weird situation. On one hand I miss her and I see that we love each other and our relationship is going well so why should we end it?

Because it wasn’t going well. And she may love you as a person, but she’s no longer in love. In other words, her feelings are not strong enough to want to stay in the relationship because her attraction is dropped.

Again, reading the book will make all the light bulbs go off and you go, “Ah, now I get what I did,” plus it’s free. So if you think I’m totally full of shit, if you read what’s in my books, you’ll get better results than you were getting and you’ll get the cheat codes to life. You get 3% Man, you get Mastering Yourself, you can even read my first quotes book in there.

On the other hand I want to respect her decision if she wants to tackle it on her own since I just want the best for her. I’m also at a point where I have to make some decisions in life but from my side I would love to tackle our journeys together as I think it’s one of the most beautiful things in life to grow together. 

Well that’s great and that’s a nice Hallmark card and everything, but at the end of the day, your girlfriend dumped you because she doesn’t see herself in a Hallmark card ending at the present time with you. Or I should say she doesn’t feel it. Therefore, you’re going to go feel it with other women and practice what’s in the book. Because if she comes back and you got swagger and you’re like, nothing ever bothered you, and now she has to really work to try to convince you to give her another shot, then she’s going to be eating out of your hand. And it feels much better to be in that position, especially if you got a couple other girls and be like, “This other girl is like blowing my phone up,” and you go, “Why would I want to spend time with the ex?” Especially if she broke up with me and because she met somebody else, it’s like, “Screw you. You can try. I’ll give you a chance. We can get together. But I can’t promise I’ll want to be in a relationship with you, so you have to win me over. You got a lot of work to do, sweetheart. You really fucked up.

So at the end of the day, you need to go live where you want to live that’s going to help you and your career and assume it’s over and you’ll never hear from her again. You need to do what makes you happy, and you’ll meet another girl in the process that more jives with your values and your goals in life.

I would love to hear your thoughts about it, sir. Do I just need to give her some time or should I try to convince again that she’s doesn’t have to feel unfair towards me if she doesn’t know how she will develop yet. 

If it won’t work out it won’t work out but why not try it.

Appreciate you. Greetings from Switzerland!

Bob

Well, she knows you like her more than you like her, and the real reason that she really wants to be apart from you is to see if her feelings change. And that’s why, in the meantime, you should be filling in your knowledge gap with the book. So if she does reach back out, she finds a cockier, more confident, more attractive version of you that’s no longer making all the mistakes that cause her to dump you in the first place. Because again, women never dump men they’re in love with. They dump men they’ve lost respect and attraction for. And that’s what’s happened here.

So she needs to get the gift of missing you and seeing what life is like without you. And that’s why, again, you need to focus on making yourself happy and meeting some new girls. Quickest way to get over an old girl is to get under a new one. Pretty simple. That’ll be the best thing. And then if she does come back now, you’re a lot cockier, you’re like, “Ah, I’ll take my time. We’ll see. We can hang out. I still love you, but I can’t promise anything. I can’t promise that I want to be your boyfriend again. I mean, you really got to do some serious sucking up for that to happen.”

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.

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