Why You Should Never Agree To Lunch Dates After Getting Dumped

Why you should never agree to lunch dates when you are trying to get her back after getting dumped.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who got dumped by his girlfriend of 3 years unexpectedly. She moved all her stuff out while he was at work and he came home to an empty house and was heartbroken. She had been complaining for some time, but he didn’t take her seriously. It appears that he is new to my work, hasn’t read 3% Man and clearly doesn’t know what he is doing and is trying to cherry pick videos and bend the rules. He’s been pursuing his ex. Calling her, doing errands for her, changing the battery in her car, going on lunch dates, but getting no romantic interest or intimacy from her. He asks what he should do now. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, Why You Should Never Agree To Lunch Dates After Getting Dumped.

So something to keep in mind. This particular guy, this emailer, he says he got dumped by his girlfriend of three years, unexpectedly. And so, just imagine you’re at work one day, and you’re like, “My life is great. At least I think it’s great. Things are okay, but not perfect in my relationship.” And you come home to a half empty house. And you realize, “Damn. While I was away at work, my girlfriend cleaned all of her shit out and left.” So if a girlfriend is doing that in the middle of the day when you’re not home, she knows you’re probably not going to react too well to it.

So after all that happened. She leaves him about a month ago. He starts hanging out, and doing lunch dates and stuff like that. And he’s getting very frustrated because it’s going nowhere. And so, for those of you that are in this situation where you’ve gotten dumped by your girl, and I mean women file for divorce 75% of the time. And most of the time they’re the ones doing the breaking up.

Typically, a woman will make things so bad that she hopes that the guy breaks it off. But if he doesn’t, and then she ends up having to break it off. Usually she does it when her feelings are mostly gone. And that’s why oftentimes a guy will have a breakup, like in this case.

Then all of a sudden, a few weeks later, she’s out with a new guy and all over him, and he’s like, he’s still licking his wounds. But it looks like the relationship meant nothing to her. And from the perspective of her feelings, the way she’s feeling at that time is, yeah. When she finally left, her feelings were mostly gone, and she was ready for something new. And most guys, it’s like, you know, in this particular case, she was complaining about things that she wanted to change, and that were an issue. And he just didn’t take her seriously. He just ignored her. He didn’t believe her.

And I see a lot of guys do that. Girls will complain about the same thing over and over, and they’re like, “No, no, yeah, yeah, next week and next week and next month. Oh, we’ll go away. We’ll do this.” And they keep promising, and then nothing changes. And eventually at some point the woman’s like, “He ain’t going to change. He’s not. He doesn’t listen to me.” And then they tap out and the guy’s like, “What happened? I didn’t see it coming. Uh oh. Hey, boo. Boo. Where’s the bud lights? In a picnic basket.”

So let’s go through his email. So as a caveat, this guy should be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. So women do most of the breaking up. And so, the philosophy is, is that she unilaterally; I mean the girl moved out in the middle of the day, and he wasn’t even there. You don’t chase after somebody that does something like that. Your attitude is like, “hey, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. If you change your mind, get in touch.” You never call. You never text for any reason. You don’t meet her out. You don’t go pick her up.

You don’t go to neutral ground. You don’t go on group dates. You don’t meet halfway. You don’t go to her house if she wants to see you. Because remember, she ended the relationship unilaterally. So therefore she’s got to fix it. She has to earn another chance with you. Not the other way around. You have to let her come to you.

And so in this case, when she’s moved out and you’re like, “Hey, what’s going on?” “Well, I don’t want to be with you.” “Okay, well, that’s pretty harsh. It would have been nice to have a conversation about this.” “But you didn’t listen. We talked about it.” I was like, “Okay, well, I’m sorry you feel that way. And it sucks that that’s the way you went about it. But, hey, you know, I wish you all the best. Good luck. I hope you find what you’re looking for. If you ever change your mind, get in touch. Have a nice life. Take care. See you later. That’s the end of the conversation.”

And you’re never going to call or text her again for any reason. That’s it. She left you. Don’t try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you. She must earn another chance with you. She unilaterally fucked it up. She unilaterally has to fix it. That’s why in this case, like it discusses in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. She’s got to do all the pursuing. Because you’ll see this guy starts pursuing her and going to all these lunches. And it’s frustrating him. And he’s getting nowhere.

So what’s laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. I mean, I’ve been doing this for decades, multiple decades at this point. And, you know, with the tens of thousands of dudes I’ve done phone sessions with over the years, and all countless emails and video newsletters that I’ve done, this is what works the best to put yourself in the best possible chance to either attract her back, or to find somebody better.

Viewer’s Email:

Coach,

My girlfriend of 3 years left me on 1/15 (about a month ago.)

Which you know is about a month ago. This email came in towards the end of February.

She took her stuff while I was at work and left. I have been going through a rough time ever since. I was not listening to her feelings enough and I take the blame for that.

Yeah, because women complain about the same things over and over and over again. And if you just don’t listen, eventually you’re going to realize, I mean, that’s what happened with Giselle and Tom Brady. It’s like, he wasn’t present, didn’t make her feel heard and understood. He may have been there physically, but mentally and emotionally, he was somewhere else. And after enough years together, she’s like, “he’s not going to change.”

And so, she had enough and she tapped out. And what I read was that he put a full court press on right at the end to try to fix things. And she was like, “no.” Because he had promised to fix it before and she would give him a chance, and then time would go by and he’d go right back to what he was doing. And every woman has a limit. Eventually they’re going to tap out. You can’t just ignore your partner with their complaints and keep being an ass. Keep neglecting them.

I was not listening to her feelings enough and I take the blame for that. I wanted more sex from her and was a bit rude about it.

Well, if you’re in a relationship and you’re begging your girl for sex; when guys are doing it, they have no clue how attraction works. And usually that’s the result that they stop dating and courting their girlfriend, or their wife. And they don’t feel heard and understood. And as he said, he realized he wasn’t listening to her. So she didn’t feel heard and understood. And as The Book says, when a woman feels heard and understood, the legs open, and when she doesn’t, the legs close.

And so, the legs were closed because he didn’t listen to her, and then he just wanted sex, even though he’s not listening to her. And then he gets pissed off about it. She didn’t feel safe having sex and intimacy with him. She didn’t trust his leadership. She didn’t look up to him. She did admire him. She no longer trusted him to be the leader in the relationship, and that’s why she was cutting him off from sex.

I was not empathetic enough and was being complacent, needy, and selfish. I get my mistake. The thing is this…she still will come visit me and go out to lunch and hang out. She knows I want her back and not to be just friends, I made that clear to her.

Yeah, but you’re doing things that are platonic. If you’re interested in sex and romance. That’s why in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, you are willing to hear out. You’re willing to give her a chance to spend some time with you. But if a woman is just trying to keep you in friend zone and use you for attention and validation while she looks for Chad Thunder Cock, or hooks up with Chad Thunder Cock, then you’re not going to be doing lunches. You have to create the conditions.

Because if you make plans in the evening to make dinner with your ex or a girl or friend zoned you or blew you off, that you were dating, and you thought was going to be your future ex wife. Then you don’t go to lunch. Because lunch is something you do with a friend. You don’t do group dates because group dates have cock blockers there. The the friends that are at the group date get in the way of any kind of romance or seduction happening. And if you’re interested in sex and romance and she’s like, “No, just friends,” then having a date in the evening at your place forces her to commit to come over and have dinner.

And then that means that sex is on the table. But if a woman is trying to keep you stuck in friend zone, they’re going to try to get you. In other words, they’re going to try to get you to change your mind, change your plans. And obviously that’s what this guy did. And he’s frustrated. He’s like, it’s not going anywhere. It’s like, yeah, you say you’re not interested in friends and then you go to lunch with her. That’s what a friend would do, in the middle of the day. It’s like, because if a woman is trying to keep you in friend zone, she’s going to do everything she can to get out of dinner in the evening at your place.

And so, if she agrees to dinner in the evening at your place, sex is on the table, romance is potentially on the table. And it forces women to shit or get off the pot. In other words, come over potentially for sex and romance, or to not waste your time. And unfortunately, this guy is not listening and therefore he’s getting very frustrated and this girl is wasting his time because he doesn’t have the balls to stand up to her and tell her no.

We have met up about three times now after she left…

She still will only give me hugs and not kisses when she comes to visit. I finally got a peck on the lips the second time we met, but had to coax her somewhat.

Yes. You’re still not getting it, bro.

She will let me hold hands.

It’s like, that tells me you’re touching her first, instead of letting her come to you.

And I try to remain the best version on myself when I do see her. 

Well, it’s not your job or what you do for a living that makes her attracted to you. It’s you acting like a man and grabbing her hand and touching her when she’s not ready to be touched. That tells me you have zero sensory acuity. And you’re only focused on the fact that you want to fuck. And you’re not even looking for any signs that she’s attracted. Because the formula is hang out. In other words, create a date, in the evening that can lead to sex.

And then when she comes over during your date, you’re going to have fun. That means she’s going to be doing 70, 80, 90% of the talking. And you shouldn’t be trying to get her back or talk about what happened in the past. It’s just, “Hey, how you been? What’ve you been up to? Oh.” And you get her to do most of the talking, making her feel heard and understood. If she wants to talk about the past, you can let her talk about it. But it should be positive. It should be upbeat. It should be light.

Just like it was on your first few dates when you started dating her. Let her do most of the talking. What happens? She feels heard and understood. She starts playing with her hair. She gets close. She starts touching your arm. She bumps into you when you’re making dinner together. And the whole thing is designed, 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, to facilitate physical interactions.

And when she’s bumping into you and she’s touching you playfully or punching your arm playfully, when you’re breaking her balls a little bit, that’s when you can pull her in, kiss her, start making out, and if she pulls away, you let her go. Two steps forward, one step back. It’s all laid out in The Book.

It’s all laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. And the script is there for a reason. The game plan is there for a reason. You guys have no fucking idea what I went through. You have no idea the fucking hell that I went through for many, many years to learn and to figure out this stuff. Because every mistake that you can make when you’re trying to get an ex back, I made them and then some. I know it works, and I know it doesn’t work.

And so, when I see guys that study my work and then they do the opposite and they’re going, “I don’t understand why I’m getting blue balls, Coach. It doesn’t make any sense.” It’s yeah. I’m going to break your balls a little bit. And I’m going to shock you a little bit. It’s what we call in life coaching a pattern interrupt. It’s something so shocking. He’s like, “What did he just call me, a pussy? Well, uh, I don’t want to be a pussy. What do I do to look like a pussy?” So back to our regularly scheduled email.

She did mention that she is proud of me and noticed my growth.

You’re such a good little boy. You’re so good to. Meanwhile, her pussy is still drier than a bucket of sand.

The other day her battery died in the town she lives in now about an hour from me. I bought her a new one and installed it for her.

Oh, Harry Honda, you’re so sweet. Here’s a little peck on the cheek for you. And then she has Chad Thunder Cock come over and have a date with her, and they have sex in the car and she blows out the springs in the car. Then you get to fix those.

She was very grateful.

Yeah. You did it for free. Like a good little boy.

I still love her more than anything. I’m trying to play my cards right by giving her space, but also trying to see her regularly to slowly.

No. No, no, no fucking way. Dude. This is not what I teach. You can’t cherry pick from The Book, get dumped for smothering a girl, and then think pursuing her and smothering her some more is going to make her want to fall in love with you again. That’s not how it works.

But also trying to see her regularly to slowly get her to take the walls down that she built around herself from me and fall back in love with me, and ultimately move back in with me.

Dude, your mindset is the exact opposite of what I teach. She fucked up. She unilaterally ended your relationship. Therefore it’s 100% on her to fix it. That means 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing from here on out is up to her. You must wait to hear from her. And then when you do, you make the next date what you have done, even though you claim you’re not interested in friendship, is you’re you’ve turned into Harry Honda.

You’re the guy that fixes things when she needs help. You’re the guy that will listen to her on the phone when she wants to bitch about Chad Thunder Cock and what a jerk he is to her. And then you go to lunches and you waste money on her, and then you walk away from that with blue balls and a kiss on the cheek. It’s like you’re not going to attract her back successfully behaving this way.

I know chances are slim that an ex comes back, but I never officially broke up with her and she still comes over.

Well, if you apply what I teach. If you apply what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. It’s going to give you the best possible chance to make that happen. But I promise you, if you keep doing what you’re doing, you’re eventually going to find out she’s fucking some other guy. And then she’s going to get serious with him, and then she’s not even going to be calling you anymore to be Harry Honda, because Chad Thunder Cock or whoever her new boyfriend is will be fixing her blown out springs or replacing her battery.

I’m tired of head games, but will strategically fight to get her back until I know for a fact there if no chance.

No, no, Dude, you’re not. You’re not going to do any of this. You are going to spend your time with new women who are excited to see you. And if your ex reaches out, you assume she wants to see you. You make a date in the evening to make dinner at your place. No more fucking lunches, no more replacing her batteries. No more calling in to check on her. You’ve got to stop this. It’s not fucking working. And she’s not your girlfriend anymore. You’re not having sex. You’re her friend.

All of your interactions are platonic. To think that she’s still your girlfriend and to do strictly platonic things. And you go, I’m not interested in being friends. You say that, but all of your actions communicate that you’re okay to being friends. And women are clever. She’s testing your strength. She’s testing your compliance levels. She’s testing to see if you’re a bitch. And quite frankly, you are a bitch to her. That’s why you have blue balls and you’re only doing platonic things with her.

She says no promises, but yet hangs out with me when I invite her over. When I put her battery in her car for her, she was very appreciative. I want to be her Rock once again…

Well, being Harry Honda is not going to work. Harry Honda’s get blue balls and an empty bank account. And then they get to hear about Chad Thunder Cock beating up her pelvis. And when he’s such a jerk. I wish she could be nice to me like you are. But she’s sleeping with the jerk and you get the blue balls.

I guess my question to you reading this is… Have you ever had your ex that left you come back again?

And didn’t you fucking claim that you read my book? Hello, Dude seriously.

Did you stay in no contact? Did they reach out?

Again? That’s all in The Book. It’s all detailed in The Book. And so, that tells me you’re probably bullshitting me about The Book. Maybe you thumbed through it. You didn’t take it seriously. So I didn’t at first, but I recognized that No Contact didn’t work, or, I mean, I recognized continuing to contact her didn’t work. And so, even when I went no contact after over pursuing and she continued reaching out.

Then I would try to set dates, she would make dates, and then eventually I stopped asking her to make dates. I detailed everything and how all the dots got connected and the lights went off. And again, didn’t he say, let me go back. Didn’t he say he read The Book a couple times? Uh. Nope. I do not see any indication that he read The Book. Okay, so he hasn’t read The Book. So that’s part of your problem. You’re not going to be successful just trying to cherry pick things in videos. And yes, they did reach out.

I’m trying to give her space.

No you’re not. You’re half assed in it and you’re cherry picking.

But not let too much time pass, it’s tricky.

You cannot pursue a woman that has blown you off and doesn’t want to date you. This is why you’re stuck in limbo. You’re literally doing the opposite of what The Book teaches. Again, you haven’t read it yet, so my bad for calling you out for not reading it. But I mean, you shouldn’t be this far down the road and still haven’t read The Book and then just be shocked that it’s going nowhere with this girl. You’ve got to participate in your own rescue man. And you got a serious knowledge gap, and you have a complete misunderstanding of how attraction works. And what turns women on and what turns them off. Because what you’re doing is mostly turning your ex off.

Should I not contact her anymore and wait to see if she reaches out?

Yes. Your pursuit is over forever, bro. You’re never, ever going to call her a text her again for any reason. If her battery’s dead and she’s an hour away, you’re like, “oh, I’m sorry, I can’t make it. But hey, you know, if you want to get together for dinner, I’d love to see you. What’s your schedule like?” And invite her over to make dinner at your place. Once somebody else fixes her car battery.

I do not want to over pursue and chase her further away.

Well, you’re pursuing somebody you shouldn’t be pursuing at all. You should be making zero effort to call and text her. And since you’re not following what I teach, that’s why you’re stuck in limbo.

Have you ever been in my position?

Yeah, but not for very long. Because I got a clue. I figured it out. But again, it’s all laid out in The Book. And I know I’m being a smart ass, but again, I’m trying to shake you to wake you the fuck up. Because if you don’t get this right with her, the next girl that comes along, you’re going to chase her out of your life for the same exact reasons. And so, for me, I learned this shit because this happened so many times when I was a teenager, in my early 20’s, really, even throughout my 20’s.

That eventually I was like, right around the time I was 30, 31, I was just like, I’m going to do the opposite what I’ve always done. And that’s when things really got interesting. But again, it’s all laid out in The Book. But I promise you, if you keep doing what you’re doing and keep pursuing somebody, every time you contact her, you’re telling her you’re okay with being friends. Because the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. And at this point, you haven’t walked away. You’re still calling. You’re still texting.

You’re still, in essence, begging a woman to give you attention and validation who has stuck you in friend zone. She’s not fucking you. She’s probably fucking somebody else, quite frankly. That’s why you get pecks in the cheek, because she’s whoever she is fucking. That’s why she doesn’t kiss you on the lips. So you need to pull your head out of your ass and take this seriously. If you want to have any chances of actually getting this girl back to where she wants to date and sleep with you and getting back together, you know, as The Book lays out, that’s not your job to lock a woman down to a commitment.

It’s your job to create an opportunity for sex to happen, to hang out, to have fun, to hook up. All relationships start out as being casual that way, and once her feelings return to that point, then she will ask you to be her boyfriend. Or she’ll say, “where is this going? Do you see us getting back together?” She’ll hint in a roundabout way and then you can say, “What do you mean? You say you want to be boyfriend girlfriend again. You want to be exclusive. What’s on your mind? What are you thinking? What’s in your heart?” And get her to tell you.

And then as far as moving in, it’s like if you apply what’s in The Book, what you will notice is as you date a woman and especially when she falls in love, she just starts leaving more and more crap at your house. It’s makeup, it’s lipstick. It’s different feminine products, maybe her contact lenses, and then her blow dryer shows up, her curling iron shows up, and then you notice that she’s got a little spot in your closet. It just gets bigger and bigger and bigger. And then the next thing you know, you can’t even find your shit in your own closet.

You can’t even find your shoes because their shit’s everywhere and she’s living with you. So it’s not like, why don’t you move in with me? It’s like women. When they love you, they will nest. They will be stuck to you like a sucker fish. They will be on you like white on rice. You must let women come to you at their pace. And that’s where you’re continually going wrong. You’re chasing after somebody that doesn’t want to date and sleep with you, instead of letting her do all the pursuing and win you back.

Because again, she unilaterally ended the relationship. It wasn’t you didn’t end it. She ended it. And you’re not in a relationship with her anymore. Though we didn’t actually break up, I was like, you’re not fucking anymore. And she moved out. She dumped you, and she’s probably telling you what you want to hear, and you’re too gullible and naive, and you probably don’t really want to hear the truth, so you’re deluding yourself a little bit.

Any different perspectives may help…

Bob

So please, please, please read The Book, Dude. You can read it for free on my website UnderstandingRelationships.Com. Just subscribe to the email newsletter and as soon as you put your name and your email in and hit submit, it’ll open up in your browser and you can read it. It cost you nothing to read The Book, but if you want to have any possible chance of getting her back, you’re going to have to do that.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.