You Gotta Outwait & Outwit Women

From the moment a woman makes eye contact with you, she will be judging and testing your strength to determine if you are worthy; or if you are still worthy. A woman’s testing is relentless and comes in all kinds of different types and forms of testing. Sometimes women will try to change the plans on you at the last minute just to see how you react. Sometimes they say they will call you, and then they don’t. Sometimes they will disagree with you to see if you change your opinion to match theirs.

There really is an art to the mating dance. If you come on too strongly with women, they will reject you. If you are too passive and hang back too much, they will assume you lack confidence and are therefore, unworthy. If you want to meet, seduce and date the type of women you’ve always wanted, you gotta outwait & outwit women.

When women sense weakness in a man, they back away and test. If he passes, they move towards him again. If he fails, they will back away even more and test more. The more things you do right with a woman, the more she will want to see you, and the higher her interest level will go in you. As I say in my book, the phone, texting, e-mail, etc. is for setting appointments, not giving out information. Since women are curious like cats and will stick around as long as there is something to be curious about and interested in, it’s always best to plan definite dates (fun filled romantic opportunities for sex to happen) and then get off the phone. Myself and every guy I have ever coached tends to have an “action bias” towards interacting with and attracting women. The “action bias” refers to “the illusion that doing something is always better than doing nothing.”

Women are more attracted to a man whose feelings are unclear. When a man is constantly texting, calling, e-mailing, etc. a woman he just met because he thinks constant contact will make her want him, the exact opposite will always happen. Why? He was too easy and too available. He did not give her enough space and time away from him for her feelings to develop slowly over time. He was in such a rush to try to force things or make things happen, that he was predictable and boring just like 97% of men who don’t understand women and what they emotionally respond to.

Earlier today, two different phone coaching clients of mine were struggling with this concept of outwaiting and outwitting women. One of these guys is dating a much younger woman who keeps telling him that he is too old for her and that she should find somebody younger. However, she still sleeps with him. Last week I told him to wait to hear from her. He only made it four days before he caved and texted her. On four different occasions over the past several days he has tried to make a date with her. She keeps turning him down without offering a counter offer date. I told him it may be two weeks before she finally throws in the towel and calls him again. He came on too strong and has communicated to her that he likes her more than she likes him. She knows she can have him whenever she wants. She feels overconfident that she can continue to keep my client on the side while she goes out on dates with guys her own age. He’s dating and sleeping other women, but really wants her. He simply did not wait long enough. Now because he was weak, he’s actually going to have to wait even longer.

My other client has several beautiful women who are “friends with benefits”, but there is one he is trying to move from a friend into the “friends with benefits” category. His problem? He has been over thinking things. Instead of inviting her over to his place for drinks and hors d’oeuvres like he does with the other women he’s sleeping with, he hasn’t asked her because he is afraid she will say no. You should always treat women the same no matter how much or how little you like them. He’s not being himself and asking for what he wants. She’s calling him hoping he will take the initiative. What about the other guys she is dating? Who cares, she’s calling my client, not them. What should he say when she starts talking about other men she is dating and asking what she should do about them? The Alpha male answer? The Alpha male would say, “That’s between you and them. My life is a drama free zone and all I care about is you and me.”

Women know that men are visual creatures. When a woman plays with her hair, spends two hours getting her hair done, gets her nails done, puts her “war paint” on, tries on five different outfits before your date, texts you, calls you, e-mails you, etc. she’s trying to get you to notice her. Women help you when they like you. So what do you do when a woman you like contacts you? You set up a definite date or what I like to call, a fun filled romantic opportunity for sex to happen; tell her you will see her then and get off the phone. That’s it! Don’t complicate things. Always assume that if she’s contacting you, that deep down she simply is trying to make it easy for you to take the initiative and make a date with her. Another good rule of thumb is once you have asked a woman out on two different occasions and she has turned you down with no mention of a counteroffer (a different day and time she is available), you should stop all contact and wait to hear from her. If her interest level is above 51%, eventually she will call you. If it’s below 51%, you will never hear from her again. When she does finally contact you, set a definite date up and then get off the phone.

“Impatience never commanded success.” – Edwin H. Chapin