Am I Just A Booty Call Or Is There A Chance For A Relationship?

How to know if you’re just a booty call or there’s a chance for a relationship.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who heard from his ex on his birthday after 10 months of no-contact. It’s only been a week, but he said it feels like they just picked up where they left off. However, he worries he’s just a booty call when he wants to get back together.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is an update on a video newsletter I did a year ago. That’d be August of 2025. It was called 3 Months Of Radio Silence. We Were Friends With Benefits Until She Moved Out, was the title of that video.

So this guy had an argument, broke up with his girlfriend, told her to move out very abruptly, which she did. He later regretted it, tried to fix it, but she’d already made up her mind and rode off into the sunset. He went into no-contact, and recently, for his birthday, she reached out, wished him a happy birthday. As the book says and the article and video 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says, he assumed she wanted to see him, so he made a date to hang out, they had fun, and they hooked up. Deep down, he really wants to get back together with her, and he’s kind of focused on that instead of just creating the next opportunity for sex to happen. So he gives us an update on what’s happened and transpired and wants to know because he’s starting to think, “Are we just hooking up or is there a chance for a relationship?”

At the end of the day, the man’s job is to create the opportunity for sex to happen. It’s the woman’s job to be in a relationship or bring up the relationship topic. In other words, when she’s ready, she’ll bring it up. In the meantime, you just hang out, you have fun, and you hook up. Well, he did end it and then he wanted to reconcile, but she wasn’t having it, so she came back, they’re hooking up. So he needs to let her do all the reaching out, 100% of the calling, texting, and pursuing the contact initiation. Then he just sets dates when she reaches out, and that way, they’ll go at her pace. As her interest goes up, they’ll see each other more and eventually she’ll bring up that talk. If you keep focusing on whether you’re a booty call or not and focus on locking her down, you’re going to more than likely ruin the sexual polarity, start acting like a girl. This is going to turn her off, cause her to get confused, say, “There’s something missing. There’s no chemistry. There’s no spark,” and then she’ll ditch him again.

So it’s important that you let her come to you at her pace without trying to force things or speed up the courtship because you’re desperate to lock her down. It’s hard to do, especially when your emotions are involved, but so far it looks like the guy is doing a good job.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

Just wanted to give you an update on a newsletter and video you did of my situation last year in August called, 3 Months Of Radio Silence. We Were Friends With Benefits Until She Moved Out.

So it seemed like they kept hanging out, having fun, and hooking up. She moved out and was over it.

Little recap of the video. Me and my girlfriend of three years had an argument and I ended up breaking up with her and told her to move out. I regretted the break up and tried to fix our friendship but she already made up her mind and she wanted out. After the breakup I really focused on myself by getting back into the gym, got a much better paying job that I’m very happy about and started dating other women.

Well, that’s what you got to do. The best way to get over a woman is to get under a new one. I’ve had several success stories in the last few weeks. The guys that came to me because they had a breakup, started reading the book, and an opportunity came along and they got underneath somebody new, and they felt a hell of a lot better.

I’m not a big social media person and would post stories from time to time and always noticed that my ex was one of the first ones to watch them.

This is why it’s important, what I talk about in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, is that this kind of gives you intel. Whatever you observe, you participate in. So if your ex is still watching all your stories and seeing what you’re doing, there’s still interest and you shouldn’t be doing the same to her because you rode off into the sunset out of sight, out of mind.

It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. If you’re trying to attract an ex back and you’re constantly texting stuff on her social media, commenting, watching everything as soon as it comes out, it doesn’t really give her the tension or the worry that you rode off into the sunset, but the fact that she left and he didn’t hear anything for 10 months, more than likely, there was probably somebody else in the picture by that point, and that’s why she was so adamant about not reconciling and just moving on. More than likely, whoever the other guy was, it didn’t work out. That’s the real reason why she reached out for his birthday, because if he doesn’t want to get back together, doesn’t want to see her again, then she can just say, “Oh, I was just wishing him a happy birthday,” but at the end of the day, she was reaching out in hopes that he would basically do what he did.

This made me feel that I knew someday she was going to reach out.

Because obviously his ex was the first one to watch all of his stuff.

She always post stories and I never once watched hers after the breakup so I’m sure that ate at her.

More than likely it did.

Women are more attractive to men’s who feelings are unclear is such a strong statement from your book,

Well, it’s a scientific fact.

…And what do you know? She ended up reaching out about a year later on my birthday.

What a coinky-dink!

So I set up a dinner date at my place and told her to bring over a bottle of wine and focused on hanging out having fun and we hooked up.

See? He listened! He listened to what 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says. She had to come to him. She came to his house in the evening to make dinner.

Damn, we didn’t even finish making dinner together before making it into my bedroom, LOL.

Yep.

So it’s been about a little over a month and we get together only once a week and I focus on the 3 H’s. It literally feels like we haven’t skipped a beat and are in a relationship when together. She’s always wanting to touch bump into me and even ask if it’s OK to hold my hand.

Well, she’s seeking his attention and validation. It’s her idea. She’s pursuing him. That’s what you do.

I know not to bring up any relationship talk and to let her do that. She does have a busy schedule working two different jobs so finding time to get together has only been once a week since we started talking again. I’m probably overthinking this but how would I know if she’s just using me for a booty call by only hanging out once a week and after every time we hook up she always compliments on how good in bed I am?

So the other thing you got to take take into consideration is that, as 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says, if she comes over three times in a row and you hook up all three times, then you can meet her out, pick her up, and go on regular dates once again, but you got to let her do all the contact initiation, and he obviously wants to see her more, but she’s kind of keeping him at arm’s length and sounds like she’s using the busy schedule as the excuse to why she can’t see him.

Remember, they used to live together. So if she’s texting you at 9:00 at night, “What are you doing?” You can say, “Come over.” I mean, there should be no reason why she can’t come over, hang out, have fun, hook up, stay the night, leave, and go to work from your place in the morning. So that’s the only thing that I would see if I could change. I mean, does she reach out during the day? Is she texting you at night? Because if you’ve been hooking up for a month and she’s talking about how good you are in bed, but other than that, she’s totally cool with once a week, then that kind of looks like just a booty call.

I do want to thank you for all the videos you put out and how your books have changed my life. 

Bob

So like I said, at the end of the day, if after a month, and considering you guys used to live together, she only will be available for one date per week, it sounds like she’s just coming over. So if she’s just coming to your house once a week and you’re hooking up, yeah that’s pretty much a booty call. If you want to keep a girl in your rotation or on the practice squad, you typically don’t see her more than once a week. So that might be the case, but maybe she’s reaching out more and he’s kind of missing the signs, but he just says they’re hanging out. So I assume that means she just comes over and they hook up. So if you do that and you never go out and do anything, then eventually she’s going to figure that that’s all it is, and she’ll probably move on at some point. So I wouldn’t just like a robot, have her come over, hook up, and leave, because then that’s basically really all it is, is sex. In other words, she’s not spending the weekend with you. Granted, she has two jobs, but again, if she had two jobs and her interest was really high, she’d want to be spending more time with you, even if it’s her coming over after work and hooking up and stay in the night.

So if she is texting you at night eight, 9:00 at night, I would just invite her over. You don’t have to go out on an official date night. So after you do that for the next few weeks, I’d suggest sending in another update so we can see what actually is going on, because if that’s all it’s happening, she reaches out, you invite her over, you hook up, then she leaves, yeah it’s kind of a booty call. Doesn’t seem like she wants to spend time with you, but she does ask to hold your hand. So she’s holding your hand. I assume that means you’re going out and doing things in public, after ensuring that she comes over for at least the first three dates in a row, and it sounds like you hooked up all three dates. Again, she’s not making herself available for more than once a week. Again, she should be coming over a couple times a week. If she never wants to come over more than once a week, it would seem that it’s only a booty call. Or maybe you’re a little too focused on locking her down and getting back together with her. So you’re getting in the way of her interest going up.

So again, send us an update in a few weeks. Let us know what happens, if she’s willing to come over other than just your once a week dates.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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