In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following me for about four years. I have done phone and email coaching off and on with him when he felt he needed my help over the years. In his latest email, he shares a success story of how not being focused on dating or relationship labels helped him facilitate meeting and seducing his latest sex playmate he met via online dating, even though she was getting over a long-term relationship with an ex, and planned on moving away to go back to school.
He is thirty-four, and she is only nineteen. She even joked that he was too old for her to date; yet she continued doing 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. He shares what he did and said to reel her in, despite their age difference, the fact she was going to be moving away and her ex still being in the background. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his/her email.
I know you get your fair share of positive testimonials, but another one never hurts. I stumbled across your work way back in 2011. I was wondering how to keep a stripper around that I had picked up as a sex playmate. You even made a video on it called, “Do Strippers Make Good Playmates?” Over the years, I have been a phone and email-coaching client of yours when experiencing different challenges in my dating life. Despite only reading your book once, applying what you’ve taught me has helped me develop many great relationships with the opposite sex over the last 4 years. I know I have to read the book another 14 times, but I’ve watched almost all of your videos since first finding you in 2011, many of them several times over when it has applied to certain situations. I wanted to give you an account of how applying what you teach bagged me a great open relationship that lasted most of this past spring and summer.
I’m 34, and I came across a blonde bombshell on the Tinder app that was 19. I direct messaged her back in February, and she replied right away. (You obviously passed the physical attraction test.) We exchanged some texts, and I tried to set the date. She agreed, but it sounded like a generic ‘yes’ she gives to a lot of guys. Despite this going against everything you teach, she still showed a genuine interest in talking to me, but wanted to do it over text. (When it comes to women who have lots of choices with men, it’s always important to extend an invitation and let it go.) Having tried the traditional methods and not getting the date, I figured I had nothing to lose. I’d be short with my replies, always wait a while to get back to her and made sure she was always reaching out to me first. (If she shoots you down on two separate occasions, you shouldn’t contact her again. You should just let it go and wait for her to reach out again.)
Fast forward a month, she started bringing up when we were going to meet for the first time. She agreed to come down to my place to hang out, and what do you know, after a couple hours of talking and laughing we hooked up! (From a negotiating perspective, you got her to come to your place.) She went home right after, and I was gone to NYC for business the next day for about a week. Throughout that time, I only heard from her once, which was a dramatic drop off from her previous pattern that had been established. (When most guys see that they freak out, but if you’re indifferent and it doesn’t bother you, your attitude will be, “she’ll get back to me when she wants.” At the end of the day, women do most of the choosing.) Instead of freaking out and becoming un-centered, I let her go and didn’t reach out at all. I knew she had recently split from her long-term ex, and because of her age, I was not surprised by the sudden lack of contact after we had sex. (That’s why you never get pissed off or send a barrage of texts. You just don’t know what’s going on in her life.) I figured she felt guilty about our hook up and went running back to him. (That’s possible.) Because of her age and the fact that she told me she was moving 5 hours away to school in the fall, I went into it having no expectations above a sex playmate or open relationship anyway. (Hang out, have fun and hook up. Just like I talk about in the book, it’s a man’s job to create an opportunity for sex to happen.)
After I returned from my trip, my phone rang, and guess who started reaching out again! We did a couple more weeks of the text thing, I know, I know, and the odd phone call. (At the end of the day, she’s still doing 100% of the pursuing so it doesn’t really matter. You just don’t want to waste too much time on the phone.) Through the course of us talking, she told me how guarded she is with guys because of previous bad relationships. I maintained the same unattached attitude that got me to this point and just let her come to me. I should also mention, I was still talking to other women throughout all of this. (So far, so good.)
By this time, a month had gone by since our first in-person meeting. (You are totally seeing the situation as it is, and that’s why you’re winning.) We weren’t chatting every minute of the day or anything, but every couple of days she’d reach out. I DID try to make dates, but it never seemed to get anywhere. Then everything changed after she finally came down for our second date. (Remember, when she’s reaching out, you’re only going to ask her out two times in a row, and then you stop. Then when she brings it up, then you can start asking again.) She came to my place once again, and we once again we hung out, had fun and hooked up. This time she stayed the night, and thanks to what you taught me, I could finally feel her emotional connection growing for me. By this time, it was May of this year. She began contacting me just about every day, and she did 100% of the pursuing. YES, 100%! Just as you teach, “when women like you, they help you.” She was always extremely feminine and in her submissive with me. We even had a daddy/daughter role-play thing that developed, because I was so much older then her. She’d do just what you say by jumping in my lap to talk about her problems or tell me about her day. (Look at my article and video, “Why Women Prefer To Chase Men.”) Throughout the summer, this high level of attraction and pursuing was constant. I literally had to do no pursuing or chasing, and she was coming over 3-4 times a week and sleeping over. The only thing that made this a bit different was, she was basically happy to act just like my girlfriend, but she never wanted to be exclusive. (This woman wants her freedom. If you try to force things, you will get none of this.) She did bring up the “what are we” talk that you discuss in your book, but because she was so wrapped up in her ex, she never wanted to commit to anything. She also said I was too old for her to “date.” She’d even show me all the guys blowing up her phone. None of this bothered me, because she was giving me all of her self and time. Besides, I knew she was moving away for school in September so a relationship was out of the question anyway. (You aren’t projecting an unreasonable fantasy on her.) There was even a point where she had a 2-week trip to Europe planned. She spent her last day with me before leaving, and once she returned, came to my place straight from the airport after a 14-hour flight. (That’s a high level of attraction and comfort dude.) Notice she did this with me, and not the long term ex. While she was gone, she was also reaching out over Skype and text, and asking if I missed her, etc.
Fast forward to the present, she was moving away to school. I was aware of this the whole time as I said, and I tried to be unattached to her leaving. Unfortunately, after spending months with this girl and having insane sex regularly, this was easier said then done. It didn’t help that 2 weeks before she left, she went completely cold on me. She claimed she was busy getting ready to move, but I could see her attraction had dropped. I wasn’t sure if this was a tactic to make it easy to move away, or she just got bored because of her age and how familiar things had become. (Maybe you started chasing her, because it sounds like you got a little emotionally wrapped up in her and started to pursue a little bit.) It did hurt me, and her moving was tough, but I followed exactly what I learned from you. I was authentic with the pain and spent a week feeling like shit. (You’ve got to feel it to heal it.) Then the same day she moved away, I went out with a friend to a patio bar. We were having a great time and in a non-hungry state. Because of this, we were receiving all the attention in the place from women. They would literally walk up to our table. I ended up getting the number of the hottest waitress in there, despite her telling me she had a boyfriend, and another number of a hot 20-year old Latina, who I thought was the hottest girl in the entire place.
In closing, I want to say that coming across your work has been so fucking life changing. I grew up in a fairly healthy family, but never had anyone to teach me this shit. I’ve always done well with women naturally, but keeping them around more than 4-6 months has been my problem. Now, any time I need answers or just to reaffirm something, I watch a bunch of your videos for guidance. I’m currently reading your book for the second time, and will have about 13 more readings in the future. When I first came across your work, I couldn’t have been more skeptical about paying someone from the internet that claims to be a ‘life coach’ and now, I couldn’t imagine what my life would be like without your work. The power of the Internet blows my mind with how it connects people that would have never otherwise met. I can’t express my gratitude enough to you Corey. I have family in South Florida. Maybe I can buy you a beer one day!
Keep up the great work, and keep changing people’s lives. (Thanks for the great email testimonial, and thanks for sticking around all of these years.)
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“The more romantic choices you have in life, the more you can be selective with whom you date and spend your time with. When it comes to dating, women typically have the upper hand and have their choice as to whom they date. Women are naturally more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear, mysterious, difficult to get a hold of and hard to figure out. Men should imagine and contemplate what their life would be like if they had too many choices with women and act accordingly. People who have a scarcity of romantic choices tend to try too hard, contact too much, force things, and act needy, impatient and desperate. People who have an abundance of romantic choices tend to take their time to make decisions, are in no rush and tend to sit back to see who really makes the effort to get their attention. Being able to do without someone, or being able to let them go forever unless you are treated the way you want, reclaims your power, gives you the upper hand in negotiations and helps you get what you want.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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