When I first start working with a new phone coaching client, I always encourage them to date multiple women. To not get too hung up on any one woman until she has shown through her actions, that she deserves his heart. This is really really important!
When guys first start using the techniques and strategies in my book, they simply don’t know what they don’t know. For guys who are just as horrible and inept with women as I used to be, our tendency is to project our own high level of interest onto women we like, without paying any attention to their level of interest in us. When you get hung up on women who really aren’t that into you, you set yourself up to have enormous setbacks. It’s better while a guy is still learning, that he has three or four sexual playmates, or “friends with benefits” in his life to keep him in a non-hungry state, and a sense of abundance while he is developing his skills, expertise, sensory acuity, emotional strength and maturity. What kinds of women make good playmates? Do strippers make good playmates?
Repetition is the mother of skill. In order to learn and master the information, skills, techniques and strategies in my book, you have to practice them enough and have enough successes and failures to become proficient at them. If you learn to control your emotions first, you don’t put yourself in positions where you can get your heart broken before you are 100% ready, and strong enough to be in love with a woman who is in love with you. Plan your work, and work your plan. There is no substitute for hard work and practice. Destiny favors those minds which are prepared.
I get e-mails from guys who are at all different levels of success and failure with women. Some guys are great at picking-up women, but are terrible at keeping women interested and attracted to them long-term. Other guys are terrified when initially meeting women, but do okay in relationships. Then there are other guys who are terrified of even looking at women, much less talking to them. I get e-mails from college kids who want to lose their virginity. I also get e-mails from newly single men in their 70s or 80s, after their wives of 50 or 60 years have passed away, asking me to help them find the next great loves of their lives. There are more men who are unsuccessful with women, than there are men who are successful with them. The following is a long e-mail I got from a reader whose sexual playmate also happens to be a stripper. He brings up a lot of good points and does a lot of things right, but things are going sideways and he’s not sure what to do to turn it around. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
How are you my man? (Awesome!) This is the first time in my life I’ve ever reached out to anything that resembles “self help” or “self improvement”..I’ve always been very skeptical of anything like this but after I stumbled across your video news letter about “why not to date a stripper” I felt compelled to reach out to you.
I’m going through a few major issues in my life right now and was considering therapy but don’t really have the extra cash for that, but more the lack of connection and understanding I’ve always felt whenever I’ve tried it has got me looking for alternative methods. (I have quite a few clients who have counselors or psychologists. Most counselors and psychologists encourage their clients to also get life coaches. I help you see what you can’t, and point out what you are doing to sabotage your own success so you can change your approach and get the success you want. You need to read my book. You should read it 10-15 times so you get to know the information so well you could literally give a seminar on it. That will fill in your information and knowledge gap so you can learn to recognize your mistakes and prevent them in the future. It will also teach you how to properly approach and handle your interactions wtih women. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book in under 60 seconds to your Mac, PC, Smartphone, iPad, etc. for only $9.99 by clicking here).
I have to say since watching your first video a couple of days ago, I have since checked out just about every video I could find on your you tube channel. (You sound committed to improving yourself. That’s fantastic! Good job! That’s what it takes!) You come off super genuine and honest. I also like how your not afraid to curse when appropriate, after all this is how most people speak. (I tell it like it is. I talk about adult subjects and use adult language. I don’t blow sunshine up people’s asses. That would not serve them. People that get offended at my language… that’s their problem. They can get help elsewhere that does not work, and makes them more miserable and frustrated than they already are. I teach what works. That is why I can give my best information away for free. When people start to see that it works if they are initially skeptical, this gives them the confidence to hire me once they see that the proof is in the pudding so to speak. That is the beauty of truth. It is self-evident. It simply is. I dare you to find a website with better information, self-help techniques and experts.)
The 2 biggest issues I’m having right now are with romance and my career..or lack of! I think I’d be a perfect candidate for phone coaching.. (Invest in yourself. Purchase one session to start out with. Aren’t you worth it? I will help you with romance, and help you discover and set emotionally compelling goals. I will also help you create an action plan to achieve your goals.) I have reached out to family and friends for advice on some of my issues I’m having and can’t seem to get the guidance I’m looking for.. (You should only seek advice from people who are more successful than you, or who are already successful at what you are not successful at. Leaders lead by example. The word lead means to go first.)
I don’t know if I should address both issues in 1 email or send 2 since the topics are different..Since my intro was all ready pretty long I’ll try and be brief..and start with the more pressing of the 2 problems..
Back in July it was the long weekend and I had just been bailed on by my buddies who I was expecting to go away with..Sitting at home on a Friday night and not in the greatest mood I decided I’d go to the local strip club for a beer. Something I wouldn’t ordinary do solo but at that point I didn’t care how weird it looked. I saw a girl on stage and right away and was instantly attracted. (Men are visual creatures. Men fall in love through their eyes, women through their ears.) I know that sounds stupid because she’s a stripper and is supposed to be hot haha but I’m pretty picky. (Me too. Settling is for suckers. You should never settle for anything that is less than what you really truly want in your heart of hearts; in all areas of your life. Not just your relationships.) I ended up getting a few dances from her and I was trying to play it cool but everything about this girl was pushing all my buttons..
She said she wanted to go drink after work or eluded to something about us hanging out, took my number and gave me hers..I’m definitely pretty aware of how strippers work so I just assumed it was bullshit and she wanted to keep me as a customer.. (Do you know why it worked? You simply acted like this kind of thing happens to you all the time. Every time you meet a girl that you like, you always end up in bed with her. You had a non-hungry state about you.) When I left the club, she texted me and said she would be right out..my heart was starting to thump because I thought I might have stumbled on a fools mate..Every guy goes to a strip club hoping to pick up the girls but few can. (It’s easy once you know what to do and what women emotionally respond to in men. If a guy follows what I teach and practices these skills relentlessly, he will learn how to get any woman he likes… and… who also likes him. Instead of blowing it like most guys do.) So she runs out , sees me in my car and gets in! (Women vote with their feet. If she’s with you… it means she voted for you.) She later would say she wasn’t going to meet me but I had parked right next to her car so she felt obligated once she saw me..not sure if that was bullshit or not.. (It was probably a logical excuse she gave herself to make her feel good about, and ignore the fact that the “slut alarm” was going off in her head. She was following her heart which felt comfortable and safe around you. You made her feel confident that you are never going to do anything or trying to make her do anything that she did not feel comfortable with. You acted like a man who is successful with women and who knows how to be a discreet gentlemen, but not a doormat.)
So we went to get a coffee and we were right near my house and I suggested we go by since it was right there..I decided the way to go was to play it cool and not just start making moves on her.. (Smart man! This way you allow her to initiate touching you when she feels like it. Then you simply reciprocate slowly. Good job!) We just talked for a couple of hours and I eventually drove her home..When she got out of the car I was so tripped out at the whole experience and not wanting to blow it, I didn’t go in for a kiss.. (Mistake! Always go for the kiss at the end of the date. If she likes you romantically, she will kiss you back. If she does not, you will end up kissing her cheek because she will turn her head.) I was going away for work for a week the next day and was kicking my self the whole time thinking I blew it because I pussied out.. (Your heart was correct. You should always listen to your heart. If you would have kissed her, you would not have had to worry and wonder.) While I was gone she texted me but only a few times..I was so smitten with her she was in the back of my mind the whole week I was gone..
When I got back I attempted to set up another time to hang out but I wasn’t feeling her interest level was too high.. (Women are emotional beings. Their feelings for you fluctuate based upon their mood, and how many things you do right versus wrong with her.) I was kind of annoyed at her lack of interest and was about to delete her from my phone and move on when I got a call at 3am while I was in bed and it was her, crying , distraught and looking for a place to go.. (She trusted you and felt safe with you. If you have tons of women like her chasing you, you would simply have forgotten about her. You would have been too busy with other women to even realize you had not heard from her. Women come to you at their own pace. Allow them to and they will seduce you. Interfere or try to force things, and they will disappear.) She came by still wearing her outfit from work including the 7″ clear heels..after calming her down and talking for a bit I didn’t waste any time and started kissing her.. (Smart man!) We ended up having sex all night and in my 12 years or so of dating, this was the most passionate sex I’d ever had. (Strippers are very sexually open and free. Plus, they sometimes will bring girlfriends over and they all will seduce you together!)
I got up the next morning, on 2hr sleep (Poor baby.) to go to work and was on cloud 9!! I couldn’t believe what went down the night before..the funny thing was when I got home from work she was still laying in my bed..She ended up not leaving my place for the rest of the week.. (You made her feel safe and comfortable. She ran to you like she would run to her father when she was a little girl. Now that she is a sexually active adult, she runs to the man who makes her feel the most safe, comfortable and loved.)
I know getting wrapped up with a stripper was a bad idea..I did my best to play it cool, let her chase me and just take it day by day..I figured I was single, was insanely attracted to her and why not just keep it casual and have fun, after all it was summer. (Now you’re talking!) So fast forward 2 months we had hung out A LOT. I rarely had to reach out to her, she was always popping by after work or making excuses to come by even came to my parents place and hung with my family all day!.. (If she is chasing you, she can’t be getting rid of you. You should always make sure you let women chase and pursue you 70 to 80% of the time. If you do not, eventually they will get bored and leave.) Unfortunately, her daddy issues and drug problems eventually came out. (Not surprising at all. Dating strippers can be a double-edged sword.) The weird thing was instead of ending it when I saw the red flags, I just kept rolling with the punches because I was so incredibly attracted to her I either ignored the bad things or just didn’t care. (You simply were projecting your own high interest level on to her and not paying attention to her actions.) And I have dated or slept with quite a few gorgeous girls so it’s not like this was new to me..but everything about her pushed all my buttons just right..it was the first time in my life I’d have sex with a girl and after it was over would sit there admiring her body and still wanted to touch her and be close.. (Women are amazing!)
Eventually the other shoe did drop and things started to go down hill in October..She stopped calling and texting as much as before and eventually things died right out..It was such a shock because I always let her lead,as in I was careful not to be too needy or say too much..I guess I did show my hand somewhat because she would bug me sometimes saying “you always answer when I call ” or “your like me so much huh?”. (Women help you when they like you. She was telling you that you were being too easy and too available. You were not being enough of a challenge for a woman like her who obviously has many choices with men.) It bothered me because she said and did so many crazy things that could have turned me off or used against her but I was so into her I didn’t care. I actually liked it because I knew she was really into me.. (She’s a bad girl. Wild, crazy and sexy as hell. Feminine dynamite! Feminine women are irresistible to masculine men.)
Anyway its got to the point where I haven’t seen her in a month and never hear from her but she will still randomly call me every 2 weeks, ask how I am, and other formalities..then ask if I have went by her work to see if her car is there..but then abruptly say “I have to go ill call you back” and I won’t hear from her.. (Mistake! When she calls you, instead simply invite her to come over and hang out. You are communicating that you want nothing to do with her. She calls you because you do not chase her. When she does get in contact with you, she’s doing it in hopes that you bring up getting together, you make her feel like you are not interested.)
It’s taken every bit of strength to not call or text her and tell her I want to see her..but that’s always what I would do in the past if I felt like I was losing someone I cared about so I was determined not to make the same mistakes.. (Be direct. When she contacts you, invite her over. Don’t complicate things.)
My question to you Mr. Wayne is this..How do I play this? Do I have any leverage at all? From your experience do you think she will come back into my life? (Next time she calls you, invite her to come over. She is giving you an opportunity to say yes to her. You can’t expect her to do everything. You are backing off too much by not bringing up seeing her. If she always brought up getting together in the past, but she doesn’t now when she calls, she’s probably doing it on purpose. Why? She may be testing to see if you really care for her, or are just using her for sex. If she calls you or texts you, and then you invite her over and tell her you’d love to see her, you will pass her test.) It’s not like this is a girl I expect to marry, but I was really into just seeing her casually and enjoying the passion..
Now I’ve been so distraught and upset , this girl was a huge part of my life for 3 months then things just did a complete 180.. If you have any insight please help me. (Whatever you were doing right in the beginning, you stopped doing. You started doing more things that made you appear weak and needy, therefore, she got bored and left. When she did not hear from you, she came back. Women can not walk away from a man who they can’t have their way with. Make sure you read my book, and I am sure the other mistakes you are making will become apparent to you so you can fix them.)
Many thanks in advance.
Ps I know this was REALLY long but once I got going it just poured out of me.
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
If you feel I have added value to your life, you can show your appreciation by doing one of the following three things:
From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“If you’re bored with life, if you don’t get up every morning with a burning desire to do things – you don’t have enough goals.”-Lou Holtz