Why red pill nonsense can be toxic and lead to the end of your relationship.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss 2 different emails from 2 different viewers. The 1st email is from a guy who got into the red pill content about a year ago. He recently got dumped by his girlfriend after she had enough of his abusive behavior. He wants her back.
The 2nd email is a success story from a guy who had been cherry picking information from my videos for several years, but finally read my book, 3% Man, 10-15 times after getting dumped for the same reasons as his previous girlfriends dumped him. He shares how he met his current girlfriend of a year and what happened when a former ex ran into him again recently. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.
The first email is from a guy who, I guess a little over a year ago or so, he got into the Red Pill, started following it, and had some success with some of the things that he applied. But about six months in, or I should say just recently, his girlfriend dumped him and told him what a bad person he was, what a jerk he was. And you probably have heard, all of us have had friends at one point – I know I did, and I wrote about this in 3% Man – that their pickup advice or their relationship advice was “just be a dick to her.” And you could be that way for a while, but you also have to be nice.
You can be a jerk. You can call her out on her BS and put her in her place lovingly, but without being a jerk constantly. But if that’s just all you’ve got, just like the pickup artists only have a few routines, once they run out of that, the girl is like, “That’s it. Is that all you’ve got? You’ve got nothing more going on in your life than this?” and it just totally comes apart. So, if you’re looking to date and actually have a healthy relationship that’s easygoing, easy to get along with, you communicate well, you’re going to have to learn the skills to actually have a good, healthy relationship.
And so, this guy just got dumped recently. He just found my work, I think a week or so ago, so he’s about three quarters of the way through it, he realizes all the things that he’s done wrong, and he wants to turn it around. Which, I’d say, probably 80% of the guys that come to me are in this particular situation. This guy got involved in the Red Pill stuff, but most guys just display too many beta male behaviors.
And then, the second email is a success story. And what’s interesting is the success story’s from a guy who followed me for years, and he was just cherry picking from videos, he never read the book. And he just kept getting dumped for the same reasons. The reality is you’ve got to clean up your behavior, because if you don’t clean up your behavior, then you’re going to get dumped for exactly the same reasons. And that’s what this second guy realized.
And so, he finally decided after he got dumped the last time, “This is it. I’ve got to figure out what I’m doing wrong,” and he got serious. He read the book 12 times, his life got infinitely better, and he’s been a really good relationship for the last year. So, you get a good contrast from somebody that immersed themselves in the red pill, what their experience was, and then ultimately where it led. And I’ve heard this so many times now. When you go through the books that are the Rollo Tomassi stuff, it’s like, there’s no “how to” stuff in there.
What I see over and over and over again in the comments, the phone sessions, and the emails I get is it just turns guys into being bitter and jerks and blaming women for everything. And when they do that, they don’t take any accountability for how they’re showing up. It’s always the woman’s fault. And that’s what this first emailer came to realize, because it was always her fault. And now, after he’s read through my book and listened to the feedback he’s got from his now ex-girlfriend, he’s recognized that most of it was him.
As the late, great Don Shula used to say, “Strong men blame themselves, weak men blame others.” And that’s part of the problem with the Red Pill community, is there’s too many people in there that don’t know what the hell they’re doing, a bunch of dunce warriors, as Quintus Curtius call them. They don’t know what they’re doing. It’s like the blind leading the blind. And it makes it easy for guys that don’t want to take personal responsibility for their own lives, their own mistakes, just to say, “Hey, it’s not my fault. The girl’s messed up.”
But when it’s just continually happening over and over and over and over again, you start to recognize that if the same relationship happens over and over – in other words, if you keep attracting the same kind of person over and over, and the same exact thing happens over and over again – you have to admit to yourself, eventually, that, “You know what, maybe some of this is me.” As Confucius said, “Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.”
First Viewer’s Email:
Thank you for sharing your experience with all of us. I just discovered your content last Thursday on YouTube, and at first I was skeptical, thinking it was more red pill stuff.
Yeah, a lot of people in the Red Pill community try to classify me as Red Pill or part of the Manosphere, and it’s like, I have nothing to do with that. I did an interview with President Dream Johnson, who was a total gentleman, and I really enjoyed hanging out with him, getting to know him and sharing ideas, and he seems like a good dude and wants the best. And what I do like about him is that he calls out a lot of these bozos that don’t know what in the hell they’re doing.
I subscribed to the red pill a little over a year ago after being in a 3-month relationship with a TLP girl. So, I started being less attentive with women, (which really worked).
Well, the quickest way to get somebody else’s attention is to remove yours. And indifference makes a difference, but you can’t ignore them permanently. Ignoring a woman every time something doesn’t go well is not the one size fits all solution. It just doesn’t work that way.
My game was on top. Problem was, I started a new relationship with a girl in July 2022, (her idea, she “loved” me after 3 weeks of dating and asked where we were standing after 2 months), and it ended this Saturday.
As I was following every aspect of the red pill – growing my business, going to the gym, letting her do the texting and calling, cooking for me, washing for me…
The other thing I want to say is a lot of these guys in the Red Pill community have learned my stuff, and so they do a lot of this self development stuff, but the communication and how to understand women, it’s like they dismiss that because they expect women just to show up and be perfect. And if they can’t be the perfect girlfriend, then, “Well, she belongs to the streets.” That’s their solution to everything.
…“I can be with any girl I want, but you can’t, because you’re a woman,”…
That cracks me up, because of the attitude. It turns a lot of dudes into a narcissist like, “I’m the awesome man, you peasant women. Bow to my feet!”
…(I subscribed to all this because it works IN THE BEGINNING and because I can…
Yeah, with girls with self-esteem issues.
…according to the red pill), I’m 6’6”, own a home, cars and business, I work out, etc. –
So, according to what he’s learned from the Red Pill, he’s the top dog, “Top G” if you will. There’s only one Top G, of course.
…I didn’t know I was fucking up my relationship, because I’m not used to having one just pick up. So, I came to your content while deciding if I should dump this girl to whom I was pissed at the time and ignoring, (I ignore women every time they make something I don’t like just as learnt from the red pill). And after watching some of your videos, came to the realization that that the problem was actually me.
You’re not going to have a healthy relationship. “She did something I don’t like. Okay, I’m going to ignore her.” That makes a lot of sense. You can’t solve problems unless you can talk openly and honestly about them. And what that reminds me of is women, when there’s an issue and you confront her about it, she goes, “I don’t to talk about it.” When you hear “I don’t want to talk about it” enough, eventually, she’ll end up going down the road. Because you can’t work anything out if the woman’s trying to be passive aggressive, and stonewall you and not talk about it. So, just ignoring her, that doesn’t solve anything.
She broke up with me on Saturday, telling me I’m an asshole, misogynist, narcissist and I don’t care about her or our relationship.
That’s the important thing is women have to feel like you actually care for them.
She put up with all this because of the great sex, but she had enough. I can tell by her actions and last text she is really pissed, sad, and anxious, but she mostly missies me a lot, (she blocked me on IG and FB, but not WhatsApp).
He should be looking at “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back” and obviously getting through the book. So, if you’re new to my work and you’re trying to turn something around immediately like this guy is, the smartest thing you can do is get a physical copy or a digital, preferably the Kindle, copy of this and the Audible audiobook. You can get it on iTunes as well. But what’s nice about Audible and Kindle is their Whisper sync feature.
When you’re following along on the Kindle and you’re listening to the audiobook, you should put it on 2-speed, and then you can get through it in 3 1/2 hours. And because you’re looking at the words as they’re being spoken, it’s the most focused way you can learn something. And like I said, when you put it on 2-speed, you can get through it in half of the time, because you’ve got to get through the 10 to 12 reads.
And the reason you want to do that is so you know the pickup skills, the dating skills, and the relationship skills, and how to transition back and forth between all of them. You’re going to get some attainable success if you read the book once or twice, but you won’t be able to sustain it. And I say it all the time. Just like you’ll see with the second emailer’s success story, he didn’t listen to me, he didn’t read the book at all. He was strictly cherry picking from videos for years. And he had a lot of success, but he couldn’t maintain it.
You have to put the time in. There are no shortcuts to success. Again, I reiterate what Don Shula said, “Strong men blame themselves, weak men blame others.” If you’re one of those guys that doesn’t want to take personal responsibility for your own life and everything that’s in it, including the good and the bad, my channel is the wrong place for you. There are 51 million other channels that you can follow. Men take accountability for their own actions and their own mistakes. Everything’s in our lives because we either attracted it or we allowed it in our life. And pointing the finger and saying, “Oh, all women are like this,” or “It’s all her fault,” you can’t fix anything with that kind of an attitude.
I texted her on Monday BEFORE I finished the first read of your book, apologizing and telling her that if she wanted to talk, I’m open to it. After she gave me a loooong list of the stuff she didn’t like, she told me maybe this weekend. But since I hadn’t read your book yet, I didn’t set a specific time and place, (facepalm).
I know I fucked up. I thought I was doing everything right. I hope I can fix this, and I wanted to share this to serve as an example to your followers of how a man should behave and properly take care of his woman.
This is the beginning of a change, and I’m really grateful to you! I just finished reading your book for the first time. Also, sorry for the terrible English, it’s not my first language.
So, the key is you should be making a date to have dinner together. And when she comes over, get her to talk. You should be watching the video, “How To Communicate With Women Effectively.” And so, that particular video and learning to understand and talk to women, the guys in Red Pill community dismiss that and say, “You’re catering to women, Corey. You’re catering!”
It’s like, you’ve got to communicate. You can’t be an asshole to your mother or your sisters and expect them to still like you. Or be an asshole to all the women that you work with. That doesn’t work. And listening to what a bunch of idiotic narcissists that don’t know their asshole from a hole in the ground, quite frankly, is not going to get you anywhere.
Second Viewer’s Email:
Dear Coach Corey,
I have a success story that I hope will inspire your followers and encourage them to read your book 10-15 times, as well as implementing the advice and practicing regularly. Like many others, I had cherry picked your videos for years leading to several needy, weak behaviors and failed relationships – many of which started off promisingly before my feminine and needy qualities would take over.
After the last failed relationship, where I acted like a woman and was given the “let’s be friends” speech, I already knew enough to say, “I’m not interested in friendship, but I wish you well for the future. If you change your mind, let me know.”
Because at that point, she’s had enough. She’s dumping you. And whoever the dumper is is the one who has to fix the relationship. And just like the first guy, he was the one that got dumped, so it’s up to his girlfriend to give him an opportunity, or I should say, give them an opportunity to work out their differences.
But at that point, when she’s pushed you away and doesn’t want to be with you anymore, it’s pointless and counterproductive to continue chasing her. That’s why you tell her, like he said, “I’m sorry I’ve acted this way or that way” or whatever, “but let’s get together and talk about it.” Because, again, you can’t solve problems unless you can talk openly and honestly about them.
My ex said she was sad and jealous that I was going to move on and date others, but she still didn’t want to be with me.
I decided ENOUGH IS ENOUGH…
So, he finally got to the point where he was just like, “Alright, I tried it my way. I’ve tried not listening to Corey for years. Constantly in his videos he says, read the book 10 to 15 times.” And obviously the beta male is complaining, “Oh, nobody needs to read a book 10 to 15 times. That’s stupid.” Well, you’re only going to retain about 7-8% of the book when you go through it. You’re just not going to be successful with only learning 7-8% of the book. That’s just a fact of life.
…and read your book 12 times, as well as getting out dating several women in my hometown and further afield. I realized that I was largely to blame for my relationship failures…
See, as Don Shula said, “Strong men blame themselves. Weak men blame others.“
…accepted reality as it was, and resolved to learn the skills I needed to attract a great woman into my life. I made several mistakes at first, but I was able to spot my mistakes by continuing to read the book and get out in the evenings to bars, meeting women and engaging them in flirty conversations.
I also applied the technique of walking around a bar, going up to groups of women and saying, “Hey, how’s it going? You guys having a good night?”, bantering a little before saying, “Gotta run, you guys have a great night”. I found that women would naturally approach me afterwards, leading to several successful dates. I was amazed at how a change in mindset could lead to such success.
I also cleaned up my diet, paid more attention to my clothes and applied myself to my career. I was already a moderately successful piano player, but since applying this new mindset…
Everything in your life boils down to mindset.
I have improved my career and am now making up to $10k a month, sometimes more, which is a lot for a musician playing the music that I play. I recently did a command performance for the Royal Family of Monaco, have been engaged to do private performances for Gucci, and I am almost at the end of my journey of immigrating to the USA.
Well, I appreciate the fact that you are doing it legally. We are a nation of laws, by the way, and on the outside of the Supreme Court building, (the Supreme Court of the United States), it says “Equal justice under law.” You’ve got to follow the law.
Once my immigration is approved, I will be able to open an online store and begin my online workshop series.
I learned in real time that having great relationships with women is a byproduct of having a fulfilling life.
Yep. Say it all the time. If you’re not very successful, women focus on creating a great life and lifestyle, and then meeting women will just be part of living your life and having fun.
One night after a show, I saw a hot bartender at the venue I was performing at. I could tell she liked me, and we bantered throughout the evening. As I was about to leave, I said, “I’d like to see you again.” She wanted to make a date on the spot, but I had to go away on business for a few days and I said I’d call her when I got back. I handed her my phone and she put her number in.
That’s right out of the book. See how easy and effortless this interaction goes. These little things here, this is like textbook, right from the book. And when you read it 10 to 15 times, you can already see it in your mind how it’s supposed to go. When you read it once or twice, you get little bits and pieces of it, but you’re not getting the whole thing. And that’s why guys fumble all over themselves. That’s why this guy was not able to maintain anything, even though he was cherry picking from my videos and got a lot of useful tips.
But you’ve got to learn the fundamentals. There’s just no getting around it. There are no shortcuts to success. I don’t care if you’re worth hundreds of millions of dollars, or you’re super smart, or you’re the valedictorian of your class, it doesn’t matter. You’ve still got to put the time in.
Nobody is smart enough to read the book just one time and they totally get it. And the ones that think they are there, they end up on the phone sessions with me. And then, I’ve got to get through the BS because they’ve had “so much success in their life,” they’re worth hundreds of millions of dollars, and it’s like, “What does this coach know?” because they’re used to pushing people around. I lower the boom on them, because it doesn’t serve anybody to blow sunshine up their asses.
We set up a date, which lasted for 5 hours and ended with lots of kissing and making out. At the end of every date, I’d kiss her goodnight, and she would often call 2-3 days later. Then, I would ask her when she was free and set up the next date.
Again, this is exactly like I teach in the book. And again, if you haven’t read it 10 to 15 times, you don’t pick up all the little subtle nuances, and the objections, and the different ways women come at you or how they respond.
It went like clockwork, once a week for 2-3 months, and often she’d invite me over to her place in between for sex.
I’m sure that’s fun.
We were also seeing others at the time before she said, “I am too busy dating you to see anyone else.” When I asked her “what do you mean?” she said “I don’t want to date others.” I told her I felt the same way and from then on, we became exclusive. We have now been dating a year and are very much in love. She is 24, I am 37. The sex is awesome; we are staying over at each other’s’ place most nights and have never had any problems.
If you make a good choice with a good woman who’s easygoing, easy to get along with and you understand this, it’s like butter.
I have particularly appreciated the section of your book detailing relationship maintenance and how the courtship never ends.
My ex has since returned to town on a few times and we have run into each other once in a while.
That’s always good for your ego. A nice little ego boost, because she can’t have you now.
The last time she walked up to me, tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Hi, how are you? Are you around today?”
So, in other words, she wanted to hang out, have fun, and probably hook up.
I replied with, “I’m busy today.” I had many tunes to practice, as well as a date with my girl in the evening. My ex appeared annoyed and then ignored me for the rest of her trip, but I did not let this affect me. I realized that I had changed, and by embracing reality as it is, the good and the bad, I am able to now live a happy and fulfilling life. I wish her well.
Thank you, Corey. If you are ever in Austin, Texas, it would be an honor to buy you a beer and take you to some of the best music spots in town.
So, you see how easy and effortless things can be when you follow instructions, and you see how difficult it can be when you don’t. Like this second guy had a success after many years of failing, and not listening to me, and just trying to cherry pick from videos. Then, when he finally did what I told him to do, when he finally followed the instructions, it became like butter. And then, the first guy tried it the Red Pill way, and where is he? He’s here now, learning things. Hopefully, if he becomes a good student like the second guy, then his life with women will be like butter.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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