How you can go from a divorce or breakup to lots of success with the kind of women you’ve always wanted and have choice with women.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers. The first email is from a fifty-six year old man who was married for thirty-two years and got divorced two years ago. He details how my work helped him to turn his life around after a painful divorce and no dating prospects, to having choice with women. He’s now dating a woman who’s a Vice President of a national company.
The second email is from a twenty-four year old guy who used my work to get to a place of abundance and choice with women. He also shares how he changed his interactions with the woman who blew him off that led him to my work, and now she keeps their dates and is sweet and submissive. These are two great success stories of guys who were frustrated and getting nowhere with women, to being in a place of abundance, power and success. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.
Let’s face it, most guys, especially when it comes to their personal life, just have lousy strategies to achieve what they want, and that’s why they’re not getting the results that they want in life. And a big part of being successful in life is finding out what is the difference that makes the difference. What information can you apply in your own life to tweak your own approach in how you show up. In other words, you can convince more people to go along with your agenda, instead of them convincing you as to why they shouldn’t go along with your agenda.
So, we’re all in sales whether we want to admit it or not. We sell ourselves to potential employers, we sell ourselves to new friends, we sell ourselves to our clients, and obviously in the relationship department, we’re selling ourselves hopefully to that person that we want to become a significant other. And vice-versa, because they’re on probation too. Just because they’re hot doesn’t mean they automatically qualify as somebody to be in a relationship with.
First Viewer’s Email:
I’m a 56-year old male that was married 32 years and divorced two years ago after both of our kids got married and left home. Like lots of middle-aged guys, I wasn’t very happy in our marriage, but felt really bad when she wanted to give up and get divorced. Part of the problems were financial, as a few financial decisions went south, and the economy under Obama really kicked my ass. For a while, I really struggled with direction in my life and finding purpose.
Well, part of being a man and being attractive to women is a man who knows what he wants, knows why he wants it and he has an action plan to make that happen, because that’s the embodiment of masculine energy. It doesn’t mean you have to be rich and successful or already achieved your goals, but you’ve got to have a vision for your life, and you’ve got to be executing on that vision with the expectation that things are eventually going to work out in your favor.
In other words, you’re participating in your own rescue. You’re doing what a man is supposed to do. You’re not sitting in the corner in the fetal position with your thumb in your mouth crying that nothing ever works out for you. You’re actually taking action to make something happen. That’s why it’s so important to have your mission and your purpose in order, because as a man if you don’t have that in order and you have no direction, you’re kind of like a ship without a rudder.
That’s what makes you attractive to women. Especially if you’re hoping to eventually settle down and have kids, and you want your girl to be a stay-at-home mom or to run the house, she’s got to feel safe and comfortable enough putting her safety, her security, her well-being in your hands and trusting your leadership. As long as you show up, you make her feel safe and comfortable, you take care of the things a man is supposed to take care of and you act like a man consistently, she will respect you, trust you, trust in your vision and become your biggest fan and cheerleader.
But if your life is a mess and you’re not doing the things you need to do, she’s going to prod you, she’s going to tend to be a little bitchier, because she doesn’t feel safe and comfortable trusting in your masculine core. This is something really super essential. A lot of people come to me and they’re not even thinking about these things. They need a pickup line or a strategy, what do I do to get the girl? It’s really about developing yourself and becoming a high value man that a high value woman would want to be with and to follow your leadership.
I dated and slept with a few women and had fun, but they were not really high value women, and I wasn’t being a high value man, if I’m honest about it. Then I stumbled across your video’s on YouTube and decided to buy your book, “How To Be A 3% Man.” I have it on my Kindle and read it every day, and I wish I could reach out to every middle-aged divorce guy and let them know about the book and that a reset, a restart in life, is possible and life is not over.
I like that he said that, because a lot of guys get older, especially a guy in his case, he’s been three decades in a marriage, had a family. Now, he’s in his mid-50s, he’s divorced and he’s single like, now what the hell do I do? I’m too old.
Whatever limiting beliefs he’s got running around his head, those are going to affect his behavior and the actions that he takes or fails to take. And if you don’t know what to do, and you don’t have a good strategy, it’s going to be really hard to move forward and feel good about yourself. If you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s going to be really hard to convince a woman to feel good about you and being with you. You’ve got to take care of you first. Like Jim Rohn said, “I’ll take care of me for you, if you take care of you for me.”
Looking back, I can see that I wasn’t centered and was a nice guy in my marriage, and that was partly responsible for our divorce.
This is so common. When you think in our society what you see in the media, what you see on the television shows and movies is, the nice guy, extra-accommodating, doesn’t want to piss off his wife or girlfriend, and he goes along with whatever she wants, trying to please her and make her happy. On TV and in the movies, it works, but that’s not the real world. In the real world, you’ve got to have your shit together.
Around our 25th anniversary some shit happened in our marriage, and I did not have the courage to call bullshit on it, and demand that we get help.
You knew there was a problem and you should do something about it, but you didn’t. Why? Probably because you were afraid of pissing her off. Don’t wanna rock the boat. Don’t wanna upset the misses.
With the help of what you teach in your book, I first worked on myself and getting my shit together to become a high value man. While that’s not a short and easy process, I owned up to my mistakes, learned from them and have moved on. I signed up for a few Internet dating sites, and with your advice on dating site profiles, I have women reaching out to me.
My friends can’t believe it when they see me with different beautiful women all the time. I tried to explain to them the abundance mentality, but they don’t get it. I’ve actually broken it off with several women after 3-4 dates, because they are not high enough value for me.
How many guys really get to experience rejecting women and turning women down? I know when it first started happening to me when I was in my early 30s, I felt guilty. I felt weird because I knew what it was like to be on the other side being blown off, or ghosted or “I only think of you as a friend” — that kind of stuff. It was demoralizing as hell.
Especially for somebody who’s an older guy, that’s a whole new world to be able to say, “Hey, you’re really great, but I want to see what else is out there. I want to stay single and searching.” It’s hard for a lot of guys to do that and stand up for themselves. But if you have choice and abundance, you’ve got to decide.
Just like most women are in a situation in today’s day and age, they have lots of choices with guys, especially when they’re on the dating sites. So they’ve got to figure out and test and determine right away, or as quickly as possible, who the guys are that are high value and they want to spend time with, and which guys to blow off.
I also learned about how women test men and can see the shit my wife did for years to test me and how I failed those tests, trying to be a good nice husband. I’m now dating a beautiful, successful woman that is crazy about me and started pursing me after our first meeting for drinks.
She’s actually a Vice President of a big National Company, a strong and independent woman, and tests me regularly. Thanks to your book, I recognize those tests and use techniques in the book to respond to each test. It seems when I pass these tests and don’t just cave in to her, it makes her even more crazy for me.
I’m still a work in progress and plan to never stop learning to be a better, high value man. I just bought your other book “Mastering Yourself” and will start it as soon as I finish this pass through “3% Man.”
I even tell my married friends who have a shitty, no-sex marriage to buy “3% Man” because I believe it could help married guys to revive great relationships with their wives.
I do a lot of phone sessions with guys that are in that kind of situation. The wife doesn’t want to have sex with them. They’re in marriage and couples therapy and counseling, and you’ve got the therapist that’s begging, please have sex with your husband, because they don’t really understand attraction and how to teach that stuff to a man. And without it, if you don’t know how to create attraction, you’re just not going to be able to keep a girl interested.
Thank you for all that you have done to help guys get their life and relationships back on track.
Second Viewer’s Email:
Just wanted to send you an email to say thanks bro you’re a f*****g legend. I’m a 24-year old from England, currently slaying thanks to you. I have about 4 girls ‘putting themselves in my orbit’ that I could invite to mine to play indoor Olympics anytime thanks to your methods. For young guys that say your methods regarding texting, etc. don’t work for younger people, that’s a load of s***.
I’ve gotten quite a few comments on my YouTube channel over the years, especially the last several years from young guys that are just learning this stuff like, “Oh Corey, you don’t understand. You’ve got to spend time texting with a girl a lot. Things are different for my generation.” It’s like, yeah right. If that was really working for you, you wouldn’t even be on my YouTube channel right now.
Just wanted to share a success story I had after reading your book. I’m on my 5th read at the moment. Before I discovered your work, I met this girl at university who fucking knocked my socks off. She is so cute and feminine. I went out on a few dates, got a kiss or two and basically started spewing a load of s**t at her telling her how she’s the best thing I’ve ever met, how beautiful she is and how I’ve never connected with anyone like her, etc.
Obviously, a lot of guys think, you’ve got to be extra nice to a girl. You’ve got to compliment the shit out of her. You’ve got to tell her how much you like her. And if she knows that you really super-duper like her, she’s going to like you more. This guy tried that, and it wasn’t working for him.
Needless to say, she started backing off big time to the point she’d take 2 days to respond to my messages, and she became constantly ‘busy’.
So, why is that? Why would she back off like that? Well, if you think about it from her perspective, because women are much more emotional beings, and obviously in this case, he’s feeling emotions and feeling more invested in her than she is in him. So he’s already starting to act like, “You’re going to be my girlfriend and we’re going to be in a relationship,” and she’s probably still just trying to think “Is this guy good for me? Is he a good match? Should I really be dating him?” That’s why it’s so important to slow your roll.
Like I talk about in my book, it’s letting the woman do most of the calling, texting and pursuing, and therefore it allows the relationship to evolve at her pace as she feels safe and comfortable. As she starts to feel more attraction, she’s going to bond and connect and move things along quicker.
What typically happens with these guys is that they don’t know any better, and they try too hard, they call too much. And especially like in this case, he’s puking his feelings all over her, and it’s turning her off, because she’s not at the same place emotionally that he is communicating to her. In other words, he knows that she’s way more into her than she is into him. And you typically get, “Oh, I’m confused. I’m not sure.” That’s the kind of thing that typically comes up in these situations.
I watched some of your videos, pulled back to create attraction and went no contact.
Think about it from this perspective. If she’s taking you for granted, if you’re trying to get together with dates and she’s kind of like, “ehh” — she’s not really excited about it — you’ve got to match and mirror that behavior. Because guys get too overzealous, the woman backs away, and they think, like the Illusion of Action in my book, “I’ve got to do more, I’ve got to say more. I’ve got to call her more. I’ve got to make sure she really super-duper knows that I like her.”
If you ask most female girlfriends of yours, they’ll typically say something along the lines of, “Oh yeah, you really need to let her know how you really feel, that you really like her.” And the guys go and do that, and what happens? They get the opposite result, even though a woman was the one giving them advice. Because logically, it sounds legit. At the end of the day, women care about how they feel about you. They don’t really give a shit about how you feel about them, especially in the beginning.
During this time, I read your book twice! After 2 weeks, I received a text from her saying ‘Hi’.
Notice, he’s matching and mirroring her now.
I took my time to respond and chatted a bit, then arranged a date. She texted me a few hours before we were due to meet saying she’d had a blood test this morning, her arm was hurting and she’d try her best to make it for the date tonight.
So in other words, that’s her excuse. “If I get a better offer from a more confident guy, I’m going to go hang out with him and not hang out with you.” What she’s basically communicating is, “I’m thinking about making you a low priority and a backup.” And because he read the book a couple of times, he recognized what she was doing. She’s basically communicating to him, “I don’t really value what you’re bringing to the the table very much.”
I told her if she wasn’t sure she could make it we would just do it another time. She replied ‘okay’. At this point I was really pissed off, I just thought you can get f****d and I went no contact again.
Remember, this was a woman he had already kind of screwed up with. She had already kind of formed an impression of him that he just wasn’t that great of a guy, and she’d always probably call and tell him “Hey, let’s get together.” If a woman really likes you and wants to see you, but she just needs to see what you’re made of, and you do the withdrawal, she’s like “No, no, no. I still want to keep the date.” But obviously, in this case her interest was low. Therefore, she was like “Ehh, okay. No big deal.” She’s basically communicating she doesn’t value his time.
I read your book a few more times, and she texted a few more times just saying hi.
In this case, she basically cancelled a date for a bullshit reason and blew him off. Like I talk about in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” why would you really be in much of a rush to try to make another date with a girl who had a date and had the opportunity to spend the time with you, and was like “Ehh.” So instead, he’s not going to bring it up again. Unless she says she wants to get together, he’s not going to ask her out. He doesn’t care if she keeps texting him. It forces her to show more effort.
I kept the conversation short and said I was busy and to keep in touch.
So what happened was, she continued to text him, because typically women, especially if they’re beautiful, they usually have two or three other dudes, male orbiters, that they can go out with at any particular time. Therefore, he’s not asking her to get together anymore.
Why would he do that? He either lost interest, he’s bored or maybe he’s fucking somebody else. So she’s expecting when she reaches out he’s going to try and make a date. Well, they had a date set, and she basically fucking blew him off like he was nothing. So what is he doing? He’s mirroring this behavior back to her. Therefore, he’s not going to ask her for a date, because she already had the opportunity to get the greatest gift he could give anybody, which is the gift of his time, and her response was “ehh.”
In other words, she’s going to have to really be super interested and really go out of her way to let him know that she wants to spend time with him. I mean, think about it. Do you really want to ask a girl out that blew you off at the last minute? And she keeps texting you. But hey, she had the opportunity and she fucking blew it, so she’s got to make an extra effort.
After she’d made contact a few more times, she messaged to say she missed me and really wanted to see me.
Isn’t that interesting how that works? After a couple of weeks, she reaches out and now he’s not even trying to set a date. It’s like he’s not interested. And obviously, in her mind she’s like, “Why isn’t he asking me out?” The other guys she’s talking to are probably asking her out. Now she’s like, “I really want to see you.” So now she’s bringing it up. She’s bringing up getting together again.
So we arranged a date. She didn’t flake this time ha-ha.
Isn’t that interesting? He communicated his value. In other words, he communicated on some level that he really didn’t give a fuck anymore. He’s nice and respectful. He’s happy to talk to her. But he isn’t trying to get together. Why? Because she already wasted his time once before.
You’re only going to want to go out with somebody who’s like, “Hell yeah! I’d love to go out with you.” And in this case, she’s bringing it up. And when they’re bringing it up like this, you don’t have to worry about getting rejected. She’s, in essence, asking you out. She’s putting herself into your orbit and saying, “Hey, I’d like to see you.”
We went out for dinner, and she constantly tested, just like you talk about in your book. At one point when we’d left the restaurant, she said stop vaping, you’ve had enough tonight. My response was ‘shut up. I do what I want’. She then got really angry and started shouting at me, but I knew it was a test, so I blew vape in her face. When I did this, she went back to being sweet and laughed and said, I’m loving all this confidence.
So in other words, she huffed, she puffed, “I’ll blow your house down,” and he blew a bunch of smoke in her face. He was totally masculine in a playful and funny way. He’s not diminished by her.
I took her back to mine that night and the rest is history.
Isn’t that an amazing turn of events. A small little difference in how you show up and how you carry yourself, and you let her know that you’re simply not going to be jerked around.
Thanks Corey for your work your changing lives brother. Doesn’t matter what age, religion, ethnicity, etc., your s**t works. Keep it up bro
You’ve changed my life.
Well, congratulations dude on your success. You’re a good student. You read the book, you were prepared, you prepared yourself ahead of time, and when a girl reached out, you knew exactly what to do. She simply opened the door at the end there, and all you had to do was walk through it.
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Everyone has value they can offer to the world if they take the time to invest in and develop themselves. Everyone loves being around successful, happy people who know how to get what they want in life. Being around people who make you feel good can inspire you to become more and reach your full potential. The word “lead” means to go first. Successful people spend the time to learn what they don’t know and to become better at things they are not very good at. What really separates the winners from the losers in life is simply being willing to be a beginner again and most importantly, being willing to take consistent action to grow, refine and improve on a daily basis.”
~ Coach Corey Wayne
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