Heating Up Leftovers…

Aug 29, 2011 by Coach Corey Wayne

Going back to old girlfriends when the relationship is over is like heating up leftovers
Moving on after the end of long-term relationships can be very hard. Women tend to get over relationships faster than men do. I believe it is because women are more in touch with their emotions and therefore, they hurt, cry, talk with their girlfriends, etc. and feel the pain which frees them from their suffering.

You have to feel it to heal it. Women have no problem doing that usually. Men on the other hand, will think about it and contemplate on it, hold everything in and not deal with the pain or emotions. So it simply takes men 2 to 3 times longer to get over a breakup and move on.

As I have discussed before, people don’t change. They will become a better version of themselves, but at the end of the day, if they have been unfaithful in the past with you or other lovers, there’s almost a 100% chance they will do it again in the future if they become unhappy in their relationship again. Guys that think they are different are deluding themselves. I found that out the hard way myself.

As I discussed in my article how to deal with a breakup, and my article how to overcome getting dumped by your girl for another guy, I discuss how the best way to get over being cheated on or a breakup is to get right back on the horse as soon as you have authentically dealt with your suffering and pain by accepting your emotions, the way you feel and the reality of it being over with this other person. Go out and start meeting and dating new women right way. Especially when you don’t feel like it. Just like you will feel better after working out when you had to force yourself to go to the gym, every time you meet a new chick you really like, you get a phone number, you go out on a date and have a great make out session, you get laid, etc. you will feel better.

The following is an e-mail I got from a reader who has been separated from his wife of 15 years for six months. They have two small children. He contemplates getting back together with her even though she cheated on him and it appears she has moved on and is enjoying her life. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:

Hi Mr. Wayne,
 
I want to thank you for all the ideas that you share with us to help better our lives and become balance human beings (your welcome, feel free to hit my tip jar anytime you feel I have added value to your life by clicking the “PayPal Donate” button located on bottom right hand side of the “Wibiya” toolbar along the bottom of this webpage). Let me get straight to the point with this email. I have been married for 15 years and we have 2 kids, a boy of 12 years old and my baby girl of 5 years. We have been separated for 6 months and I have my own place and the kids stay with me for 5 days out of the week. When the kids stay with their mom I call and check on them to see how they are doing and recently it seems that she has been going out with her single female and male friends and does not come home till next day. She lives with her parents so she just leaves the kids there with them. (sounds like she has moved on and is looking to have some fun. Women just wanna have fun. They want to be with men and women who celebrate who they are, accept and love them as they are and who root for their success and happiness).
 
My question to you is this. I get upset and maybe a little jealous that she is having fun and I not (don’t be pissed at her for moving on when you have not yourself. You not moving on is your fault. She’s the mother of your children. You should want the best for her. I love all my ex-girlfriends and still am friends with most of them today. Just because we are no longer together does not mean I don’t want the best for them. They are all awesome women and deserve to be happy!). I do not tell her anything because I don’t want to pick a fight with her and I don’t want her to know how I am feeling (men who understand women don’t argue with them, EVER! Go back and re-read my book). I want to hold on a little longer till I go out with friends (that’s ok, just don’t fault your wife for moving on and trying to have some fun. She probably went a long time without having any fun. Be happy for her). I am putting myself together by fixing myself and working on myself. What are your thoughts regarding this matter and what would you do if you were in this situation (I would be working on myself to become a better man and I would be meeting and dating other women. Why? I want to have fun and enjoy my life… and… playing naked twister with a hot girl is a great way to spend an evening!)
 
I am not sure now that I want to get back with her because she cheated on me once before (smart. Because if she did it to you once, she will do it to you again. Only have open relationships with women who have a hard time being faithful. That way nobody gets hurt) and I feel that she is sleeping around now days (chicks like sex just a much as we do. If they find someone they click with, you bet she is going to go for it!). Please help with some ideas that may help me ease my jealousy (accept the fact the jealousy is YOUR ISSUE and not hers). By the way I am working on my insecurity and confidence because I understand that this is why jealousy starts (as Master Yoda says… “fear of loss is a path to the dark side”).
 
Thank you and have a great day!
 
Eddie P.

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Published on August 29, 2011

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. “As I have discussed before, people don’t change. They will become a better version of themselves, but at the end of the day, if they have been unfaithful in the past with you or other lovers, there’s almost a 100% chance they will do it again in the future if they become unhappy in their relationship again. Guys that think they are different are deluding themselves. I found that out the hard way myself.”

    BULLSHIT, depends on the guy, the original reason and the power of their resolve. There is never a 100% chance of repeat. Yes, past behaviour can indicate future behaviour.

    I cheated once in my life, and I know now that I will not tolerate poor behaviour or maltreatment from anyone.

    Not all women are fully emotional, there are women out there that have their shit together and have emotional intelligence to communicate clearly and directly – if a women throws a hissy fit over something trivial, there’s the door – I’m not your daddy, and don’t you dare attribute your feelings to me; If you can’t understand your own emotions and the stimulus for them, you need to go learn emotional intelligence and learn to use your big boy or girl words.

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