Why do so many men struggle with this area of their lives? Some men are great at meeting and attracting women, but when they get into relationships with them, they are short-lived and full of arguments. Other guys are shy and terrified to even talk to women. They don’t know what to say or when they try to talk to a woman they really like, they feel a tightness inside of their chests and an overwhelming sense of fear and panic. Instead of talking to her, they walk away feeling ashamed of themselves. Her face may have even lit up when it appeared he was going to approach and talk to her. Other guys do much better in relationships, but their confidence and lack of people skills makes it hard for them to start conversations or figure out what to say to get the ball rolling.
In a nutshell: fear, lack of knowledge of what to actually do or say to a woman to create attraction or both, are the two primary reasons why men fail with women. In a perfect world, men and women would notice each other, feel the mutual attraction to each other and then come together to talk and explore what the meaning, significance and possibilities of their mutual connection is. However, in our corrupt, morally bankrupt and politically correct world full of people, media, corporations, religions, governments and other institutions or organizations that have yet to change, grow and evolve into a heart-centered, healthy, balanced and enlightened way of living, being and interacting with other human beings as the Lord intended, progress will be slow, gradual and difficult for those of us who seek to become the best version of ourselves. That’s something to think about.
As the world awakes from its long slumber and lets go of ways of living, being and thinking that no longer serves humanity, people more and more will become aware of their own divinity and latent talents, skills and gifts; therefore, they will pursue learning about and working in something that is emotionally compelling and exciting to them. When you learn to understand women, how their minds think and how to properly, confidently and maturely interact with them, your relationships become effortless cooperation with one another. As it is now, most guys are in the dark about what a woman really wants and emotionally responds to in relationships.
Of the guys who realize, acknowledge and accept that there is something they are not doing right that is causing the success with women that they seek to remain elusive, most are uncomfortable or unwilling to make the changes in their lives they know they need to make. So they sit back and take what they can get, which is usually nothing, hoping and bullshitting themselves into not taking any action to make a change.
Did you know that only 1 out of every 250 Americans makes over $250k per year? Why is that? Like the great basketball coach Bobby Night once famously said… “most have the will to win, few have the will to prepare to win.” Like the Buddha said… “faith without action is meaningless.”
When I was a Platinum Partner of Tony Robbins, he shared that out of every 100 people who purchased his famously successful 30 day audio program “30 Days to Personal Power”, something like only 50% even took the shrink-wrap off the CD’s once they got them. Only about 10% listened to the first CD. Only about 3 people would actually finish the whole course. Only 1 or 2 would actually apply what they learned and get results. Pretty sad numbers.
So if you are reading this, you are 90 times more likely than the average person on the street to be or become someone who chases and accomplishes their dreams.
The following email is from a coaching client of mine. As you can read from his words, he is struggling to learn and then apply what he learns. He beats himself up quite a bit and most of the time he fails to give himself credit for the fact he is growing and learning. Progress is slow and hard for him. Why? He’s had a lifetime to build up many different limiting beliefs and personal stories he uses to bullshit himself into not doing what he knows he needs to. As they come up and we destroy them together, he inches forward. The more he learns, the more his perspective changes. Like Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at, change.” My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his email:
Great email with a ton of good stuff to comprehend/absorb (thanks man). However, I wanted to mention that I appear to be beneath the wheel so to say or behind the pack (perception is reality. That maybe how you look at it, but its not the reality. The reality is, most guys who need my help are too chicken shit to make the effort to read or apply what I teach. I will never hear from them. You are a man of action. When you do something for 30 days that is good for you, you’ll do it for six months. If you do it for six months, you will do it for two years. I’ve been coaching you for over six months now. How many times have you brought up quitting or mentioned it in your emails? A few. How many times did you want to quit in boot camp? Several times a day. Yet something inside you compelled you to keep persevering and you made it through it. You are making it through turning your life around, your progress my be slow to you, but its still progress. The effort you are making to identify your weaknesses and then overcome them is paying off. As you shed them, they no longer hold you back. You are a tough SOB. You are willing and able to endure things that would cause most men to quit or quit before they even try). Any emails or articles I read other than my ?`s or whiny crap, are written by dudes that are currently in relationships or something else (yep, I got about a dozen clients who I write about on a regular basis. That way everyone can also see their progress over the weeks and months. Some like you send emails every week. Others every other month or so. I also answer questions from twitter, facebook or email when the person asking is sincere in their desire for help, and takes the time to write a few paragraphs about what they need help with and what they think their challenges are. If its a good topic and good detailed email, I will use it in an article. What I love about guys like you, is even though you may struggle more than most, you also write about it more than most. People that read your emails in my articles can really feel the pain you are suffering at times. It helps them to relate to you and learn from your situation. You make it hard on yourself, but you are mellowing out little by little).
Am I actually expressing what other fuckers are only thinking? (absolutely. I write about all kinds of situations and guys who are having varying degrees of success in their relationships and interactions with women. The idea is to expose you to a lot of different attraction, dating, relationship and pickup situations and circumstances so you can understand and learn from how other guys are doing it). Honestly, I can`t believe I`m sitting here day after day year after year just trying to get a hold on things (It will never end. You can never stop evolving or growing. There is always more you can become. More you can do. More that you are capable of giving, etc.). How many people could possibly think of the lame shit I ask? (How is the stuff you ask any more lame than the shit I thought and felt that I wrote about in my book? How is your suffering better or more superior to the suffering I went through?) All about meeting women!!! I believe it`s called over-thinking and over-analyzing, as most folks already know this stuff or don`t have to worry about all the particulars (I can tell you for a fact. Most guys do not know this shit. Only about 3% do. Hence the 3% used in the title of my book… “How To Be A 3% Man”). They been batting 1000 since they were young and it`s all natural for them (Most have not. Only the guys who grew up in happy and emotionally healthy families and relationships. Again, its small numbers… only 3% are the best of the best).
I kind of feel like a fucking dumbass for asking so much, really (there’s no such thing as a dumb question). Ya gotta be laughing at me thru all this and thinking what a slag (dude, I did the same shit as you. Every guy does. We should all laugh at ourselves. You will eventually once you overcome it or CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE ABOUT WHAT IT MEANS to you). It only makes sense to me. I`m gonna put a few thousand more miles on my RoadKing and it`s gone (cool, happy trails). I don`t care about the money or finances issue, it`s just that I find it incredibly sad and insulting that only fatty’s are wanting to hop on the back of it. Ugh. Fucking vile! I`m on my 4th bike. That`s fucked up! Imagine being really goodlooking and single… on a Harley! (its easy to imagine that and to also understand that story of yours is not going to change until you learn the material in my book and audio CD’s so well you could literally give a seminar on it. Once you learn the material you will see the patterns and trends in what women do. They will become predictable when you know how they think. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.)
I`m unbelievably bummed about everything right now and angry as well, so if ya would, put me 3 weeks out from the 28th (done-I sent the new appointment under separate email), I guess that`d be fine. Again, this shit is insane! It ought not to be so complex (its only complex because you still do not know the material). It`s like the proverbial dog chasing it`s damn tail (the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result). I see tons of people together while I`m on the road and wonder why them and not me (learn the material, then apply it relentlessly and it will be you. Then some other dude driving by will say… why him and not me?). I truly don`t think it`s even remotely normal to ask this many questions about relationships and women (you are sincere and you love to learn, that is why you ask questions). Well, it`s NOT normal at all (I’m a coach, its totally normal for a guy who is determined to get better, learn and succeed). Would you call it reading-too-much into things? (yep, you beat yourself up because the “Bible-Nazi’s” you had for parents engrained it into you to feel ashamed for who you are and what you want. You were conditioned to feel shame and guilt when it came to your desires. However, you are overcoming that negative programming).
Look man, I just wanna be normal, and have as many women as I want without question (you deserve it and they want you, but you have to learn to understand them and how properly interact with them so they pursue you. Its hanging back enough to allow them to feel comfortable and safe enough to dance into your world), just like any of these dudes I see when I`m out working or otherwise. That`s all mostly in a nutshell. If it would be to your benefit to dump me as a client (I’m not a quitter, neither are you. Besides, you’ve already made it six months. I know you will make it two years), then so be it. I`m one of those that just can`t get with the damn program for some reason, no shit (see, you’re beating yourself up here again and feeling guilty that things are not different than they are in your life. It is what it is bro, you know what to do. Make it happen).
Talk to you later.
So what’s the key to learning how to understand women? Read my book. You can read it for FREE by entering your name and email in the signup box in the upper right hand margin of this page. You can also find the links to download the Amazon.com Kindle version of my eBook to your Smartphone, Mac, PC or iPad for only 99 cents located underneath the email sign up box.
Once you’ve read my book, start reading it again. You need to read it 10-15 times to the point that you know the material so well, that you could give a seminar on it. Why? If you don’t know the material you won’t obtain the knowledge or sensory acuity you need in order to make any sense of what a woman does or says. If you know what to expect and the signs to look for, you will spend all day at the mall just people watching and observing the predictable behavior patterns of men and women and the meaning of what both of them are saying and doing to one another. You can tell who has the power in the relationship, who’s confident, who’s insecure and unsure about themselves, etc. Then you will realize that most people are emotionally messed up to some degree and understand there is no reason to feel bad about where you are or what you have to do to get better. Why? Most guys aren’t willing to do anything to help themselves.
Did you know that 95% of the self-help books on dating and relationships are bought and read by women? Only 5% by men. Why? Us guys tend to be too ego-centric and unwilling to admit we have a problem in this area that needs our attention. To many, to admit they need help means its a personal failure as a man. Its the same reason why guys won’t ask for directions. Most would rather continue to fail than admit their weaknesses.
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Nothing can sabotage winning, except for fear of losing. Success usually lies just beyond failure.” Cortes