How Can I Get To A Happy Place After Having My Heart Broken?

Some things to focus on to get to a happy place after getting your heart broken.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who got cheated on and abused by his ex who he found in bed with another man. 2 years later he’s read 3% Man, over 25 times and does well with women. However, he says he feels empty inside after such a traumatic and toxic relationship. He’s kind of jaded despite the fact he’s only 26 and has a lot of great things happening for him. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter in the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “How Can I Get To A Happy Place After Having My Heart Broken?“.

So this particular email is from a guy who I’ve done several emails for, and he tells us a little bit more about what happened before he came across my work. And so he’s a musician. He’s a bartender, he works at a popular place, and he’s been hooking up with a lot of women over the last year or so since he came across my work. And he’s only like 26 years old, and he’s just really beating himself up because before he came across my work about two years ago, he was getting out of a really bad relationship with a girl he really liked.

I think he met her in college, if I’m not mistaken. And she cheated on him multiple times. He even came home and found her in bed with some other dude. And, he even went to therapy about it. And even though it’s two years later, he’s still gun shy. He worries that he’ll never meet anybody that he feels that way about again. And also, he’s worried if he does feel that way, that he’ll just get dicked over the next time around.

This is why you want to read the book so it’ll help you vet women properly so you don’t get into situations with somebody that is a woman of low character. Typically, girls that behave the way his ex-girlfriend behaved come from a broken home and have a terrible relationship with their father. And that’s why they do these kinds of things.

Especially if they grew up in an environment where there’s lots of lying and lots of cheating. Mom and dad cheated on each other, cheated on their subsequent partners, especially if that girl has dated a bunch of liars and cheaters. That more than likely means that she’s probably a liar and cheater. Like attracts like. People who like the same things tend to like each other.

So let’s go through his email and see what’s going on.

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey,

I wanted to follow up an email you answered a little while back, “Am I Holding Myself Back Or Do I Need To Be More Patient?”.

Well, you definitely still need to be more patient because that was only like a month or two ago. And you’re 26, dude. The amount of success that you’re having with ladies at 26 years old blows away what I was doing. When I was your age, I was married, and I was in a marriage that I didn’t really, deep down want to be in.

So when I read your email, and quite frankly, I’m sure a lot of people watching this would be like, “Dude, you’re whining about this, really? You’ve got women coming out of the woodwork for you, and you’re crying and whining that you haven’t met your soulmate and lived happily ever after like a fucking Disney movie.” It may be a decade before you get to that point, dude. Be patient. Take your time.

Haste makes waste, as they say. You’re going to do your best work when you’re relaxed. And you’re clearly not relaxed. You’re impatient, you’re mad, you’re angry, and you want to meet somebody today. So when you are in that vibe, you’re not in a happy place, and you’re impatient and you’re going to make mistakes, you’re going to probably get involved with somebody else, because you just get goo goo gaga and drunk on your feelings and your emotions, and you don’t want to pay attention to the fact that she’s a ratchet.

I’m the guy who fronts a cool local band, bartends in New York City, and dates around a lot. I’ve read 3% Man over 25 times and have watched countless hours of your videos. I’m a tall, good looking, charismatic guy, and suffice to say, meeting and sleeping with women is pretty effortless at this point.

Well, when you’re in the flow and things are going that well and you’re not really looking for a relationship, and you’re content being single and you’re just rocking out with your cock out, then that’s when it usually happens. When you’re not really looking for a relationship, you’re open to it, but you could take it or leave it. You’re cool either way. Because when you’re impatient and then you meet somebody and they light you up on the inside because you’re impatient, you’ll fuck it up. What you fear you attract. As I talk about in the book.

I’m lucky in a lot of ways, but I worked my ass off reading and practicing what you teach.

I mean, I was a year out of college at your age, dude. It took me seven years to graduate, and I’m not a doctor, so maybe I took the short bus to school.

I’ve dated models, slept with a lot of beautiful women, and it’s become so effortless now that girls are usually pursuing me and asking me out, I’ve got a bit lazy approaching girls as a result.

So your dropping standards. So you’re being lazy. Don’t be lazy. Be open. Be the mayor. Be the fun escape from life. Be the charming guy who’s just a lot of fun to be around. Focus on the art of having fun. Life is meant to be enjoyed, so find a way to enjoy it with other like minded people. “Adversity is preparation for greatness.” As Andy Andrews so well put it.

With all of that said, I’m having a hard time getting to a happy place.

That’s why you should focus on getting to a happy place and not beating yourself up over the fact you haven’t met your soulmate or your future ex-wife yet. It’s like, dude, you’re a child. You’re a child that’s getting laid constantly. Most guys would be like, “What’s this guy bitching about?” So this is like a are you a glass half full or a glass half empty kind of person?

And quite frankly, you’re kind of focused on a glass half empty. That’s one of the things I learned at “A Date With Destiny” with Tony Robbins, was that we all have a primary question that we’re constantly asking yourself when no matter what happens in our life we get a new job, we get a raise, we meet a new girl, we get our dream car, we get our dream house.

We make a bunch of money in our stocks or covered calls or whatever you happen to be doing. And yet there’s that negative tape that’s always refocusing your brain on something negative. And what I realized was, “Why am I still not happy?” That was my primary question.

No matter what happened in my life, as soon as I got it, I was like, “Why am I still not happy?” I don’t even think about it that it was going on. It was just a thought and it was just my I was negatively focused, even though I thought I was a pretty positive, optimistic person. In other words, I presupposed that things were going to suck.

And so despite how good things were going in my life, I was always looking for reasons why my life sucked. And so when you focus on that without realizing it subconsciously, guess what? You’re constantly looking for reasons to be upset and bummed out that your life sucks. So you have to focus on the conversation that is happening between your ears. What is your self-talk like? How do you talk about yourself? How do you talk to yourself? Think of your mindset as kind of like a life coach, bro, you can do it. It’s just a matter of time. Enjoy the ride.

There’s going to come a time in your life, especially when you get in a long term relationship and you’ve been together for a few years. You get to be a dad or maybe a stepdad or whatever, and then you’re gonna be thinking, “Man, life was so much easier when I was single and rocking out with my cock out. And I’ve got all these commitments, I’ve got this, I got that. And you got a complicated life.”

And then you’re gonna miss what life was like when you were 26 and had no strings attached and were rocking out with your cock out. And everybody was jealous of you. So again, you need to think about what you’re focusing on. And it’s clear you’re focusing on the glass being half empty. You’re literally looking for reasons to be upset and unhappy. And if you look, if you seek, you’re going to find that.

You mentioned in the previous newsletter you answered, as well as many others, that you have to get to a happy place before you can get into a relationship.

It’s not before you can get into a relationship, it’s you should get to a happy place before you get into a relationship. Because if you’re unhappy and you think, “Well, once I find somebody, then I’ll be happy.” Then what happens is you attract another unhappy person. Or you attract a good person. But six months, 12 months later, after the infatuation, the honeymoon period wears off and you realize maintaining that relationship is a result of being disciplined. And then you realize that despite being disciplined, you’re still not happy.

Then guess what? Then you’re going to start neglecting your girl, and then you’re going to cause unnecessary drama and problems in your relationship because you start neglecting your girl and you make her feel like you don’t give a shit about her, and she’s not going to react too well to that.

So again, the honeymoon period, the infatuation period lasts maybe 12 months, maybe 6 to 12 months, typically on average. Then when you get really used to being with somebody, you’re not going to feel like doing all the things you used to do. You’re not going to feel like fucking like a rabbit 2 or 3 times a day, like you did when you first started dating.

Then you’ll be like before you realize it, “I’m okay with just hooking up maybe once a week or every other week when we see each other.” And that’s not good enough. And when you’re in a long term relationship, even though you don’t feel like it, you’ve got to lay the pipe properly at least 2 to 3 times a week, especially when she comes on to you and wants to hook up. “Oh, babe. I’m tired. Uh.”

Because if you apply what’s in the book, your girlfriend, or your wife is going to be wanting sex more than you. And quite frankly, you’ve got to deliver. You’ve got to beat up her pelvis because that really helps keep you close and keep the intimacy tight and keep your relationships solid. Because if you’re not fucking her brains out, then Chad Thunder Cock is going to come along and fuck her brains out properly for you.

Over the last year, I’ve become pretty successful in music, packing out cool venues in New York City, gaining some notoriety with friends and other cool artists, and hell, I’m even gonna have a song in a big TV show next month.

Well, congratulations. You’re 26 fucking years old, dude. Jeez. You’re whining. You’re on the verge of potential greatness.

I’m getting paid quite a bit for it and I’m hoping it could get me to the next level. Yet I still feel empty, I realize it’s me but I’m not sure how to fix it.

Again, it’s your mindset and what are you focusing on. Maybe, just maybe, a good idea for you would be to start a gratitude journal. So in other words, have it by your nightstand or on your nightstand with a pen. So you get up every day and you come up with five reasons before your feet touch the floor of why you’re grateful for your life and all the things that are happening for you. Because whatever you tell your brain to focus on is going to expand. In other words, you’ll focus more on it, and you’ll train your brain to look for other reasons to be happy and grateful.

I did a video years ago called, “The Art Of Having Fun”. It’s one of the things that one of my best friends and I talk about every time we get together. Dude’s been retired since 98. He trades stocks. He’s an equity investor. Doesn’t have to do anything. And even despite the fact that he could just lay on the beach and fucking do nothing all day and watch his stocks go up and his net worth continue to grow, he’s a social person.

He gets out of his house and he meets with people. He goes to lunches, he goes to dinners, he hangs out with his girlfriend, and they hang out with her clients. And it’s really about the art of having fun, trying to find a way to enjoy your life. Because the reality is, it ain’t going to fucking last.

My last ex did a number on me—she was everything I wanted early on, but it slowly got fucked up. She was the love of my life at the time, but she wasn’t who I thought she was.

Yeah, because you projected your ideal fantasy of what you wanted on to her. And because you were so dopey and drunk on your feelings, you completely ignored reality. And it wasn’t until you were out of the honeymoon period and she lost interest and respect for you that her true character or low character was revealed.

We met in college at a prestigious university. She was a beautiful, smart, blonde girl with gorgeous blue eyes and a lovely smile who was so sweet at first.

They usually are. People can hide who they are for the first 90 days.

And became completely cruel later. She became abusive, cheated on me, I don’t even know how many times.

So in other words, that also illustrates something about your mindset. If you don’t feel you’re deserving of love and happiness, you’ll put up with a woman who’s cheating on you, hoping that it’s going to change. But if you love and value yourself, you’re going to throw the bitch back to the streets and say, “Fuck you, I’m moving on.” You’re not going to try to change her mind or change her behavior. You’re just going to recognize that she’s a liar and a cheater and a dirtbag, and her father did a shitty job raising her. It’s not your fault that she’s that way, but you need to recognize reality. And you tended to see reality as better than it was, not as it was.

And even brought her new boyfriend, who she cheated and monkey branches to, to our apartment two days before I moved out.

Yeah, I was her way of giving you the hairy middle finger and just being a cunt. She is not a good person. Women that do that are just assholes. And that’s why you don’t give them another chance. If they’re going to rub other men in your face like that, even after you’re broken up, it’s like, “See you, sweetheart, it’s over.”

I found her in bed with him at 2 a.m. a month after we broke up. I think she has borderline personality disorder and is a covert narcissist.

Possibly, but she was a garbage human. And that’s not your fault. But you‘ve got to see reality as it is instead of better than it is.

I even learned after we’d broken up that she had a boyfriend the first few weeks we were dating and hooking up, unbeknownst to me at the time.

It was like, yeah, once a cheater, always a cheater. This is not surprising.

That was all two years ago, I did therapy and got past a lot of it, but there’s still a voice in the back of my head that says that finding another girl I feel that way about isn’t in the cards for me.

Bro, you’re 26 years old. You haven’t even gotten started yet. Geez, if I had experienced everything that you’ve experienced at your age, it’s like I’m kind of envious. It’s like I’m envious of your success at this age. You’re way further ahead than I was at your age. And yet you’re bitching and whining like, “oh, I’m a loser. Poor me. I have a song that’s gonna be in a famous TV show. Oh, and I’m getting paid a lot of money.” Life is so hard. It’s like, come on, bro. Come on, man. As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or you can’t, either way you are right.”

I’m sure that’s not true, I’m only 26, but I still feel heartbroken from that betrayal.

Well that’s okay. It’s okay to feel that way. You got to feel it, to heal it. It will pass.

She emasculated me and reiterated often that no girl would put up with a lot of my behaviors, that I didn’t deserve her, that I was a bad, cruel person.

Remember, no one will ever do or say anything to you that isn’t a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves in a moment. So what she’s really saying is a good man, a strong man would never put up with her bullshit and all of her crappy behaviors, and that she doesn’t deserve a good guy because she’s a garbage human and she knows that deep down. She knows she’s a bad, cruel person. That’s what she admitted to you.

And so you’re taking ownership for something she was projecting, which is nonsense. That’s her story. She told you her story and her character. She’s a bad, cruel person. That’s why she was fucking her new boyfriend in your bed and made sure she was there when you came home. Because she did it on purpose. Because she’s a garbage human. There are bad people in this world. It’s not all sunshine and roses.

If you import people from the Third World that are fucking animals and don’t share the same culture and values as you, they’re going to act like animals in your society. Europe is finding that out. And the United States, we’re on our way to finding that out too. But the liberals like, “Oh, let’s all hold hands together and we’ll just celebrate and have peace and we’ll have a golden age together, and it’ll just be wonderful.”

Which I think was her projecting because she felt she didn’t deserve me.

Well, there you go. So again, there’s no reason to feel bad. This woman admitted what she was. Deep down, she knew she didn’t deserve you. And eventually you moved on.

I was acting like a bitch often; I felt beat down by her yelling and abuse and internalized it.

Again, if you don’t think you’re worthy and valuable and you don’t love yourself, that’s why you put up with it, because you told yourself you couldn’t do any better. And when she projected her garbage onto you, you accepted it. As the Buddha said, “when someone gives you a gift, in other words, their crap and you don’t accept it, to whom does the gift belong?“ So don’t take ownership of something that’s not yours. That’s her story.

So enough of beating yourself up over the fact that she basically confessed that she’s a garbage human, and a terrible person and of low character. And she doesn’t deserve you because she knows she didn’t deserve you. And that’s why she’s not in your life anymore. Her life is just going to be one train wreck after another. Whereas you’re literally on the verge of greatness, potentially. It’s like you’re 26 years old, dude.

I had my head so far up my ass coach, I can’t believe I didn’t leave her sooner. This relationship is still haunting me to this day.

Well, you can stop it just like that.

And I’m not sure how to reset my brain to feel like I actually deserve the type of girl I want to have.

You‘ve got to monitor your self-talk, and when you catch yourself beating yourself up or saying stupid shit like that, then you say, “Wait a minute, what’s good about my life? What reasons do I have to be grateful that everything’s about to take off and get even better than it already is?” What you focus on is going to expand. Garbage in, garbage out. Good things in, good things out.

At some point I want someone I can feel is the next love of my life, but I’m becoming more jaded the more things don’t pan out the way I expect.

Well, as the old joke says, life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. God has a sense of humor. When you tell him your plans, he’s like, “oh really? Well, how about this?“

How can I fix this?

You’ve got to think about your self-talk and a gratitude journal. Doing that every day before you let your feet touch the floor would be a good idea. Because then you start every day being grateful. Again, your brain is like a computer. Whatever you focus on, you’re going to get more of it. And if you’re feeling like shit, well, make a conscious choice to focus on good things. Decide ahead of time that you’re going to be happy. And as Rumi said, “Sell your cleverness and purchase bewilderment.”

Be bewildered at the fact that you have all these great things going on. You’re in a band. You’re getting laid left and right. You got a song coming out. Good things are happening. You have zero reason to be upset. Think about it this way, you’re not in a trench in Ukraine. Either a Russian or Ukrainian being chased by a killer drone that’s trying to blow you up. You don’t have any fucking problems, okay? You really don’t have any problems like those guys have. So again, life is what you make of it.

Success isn’t making me happy, sleeping around so much isn’t helping, I’m not quite sure how to approach this.

Thanks for everything Coach.

Best,

Bob

Again, you’ve got to think about what you’re focusing on, what your self-talk is, and when you find yourself beating yourself up. “Oh, I’m so stupid. You know, life never gets better for me.” The same thing keeps happening. “I’m never going to meet anybody else.” Just think about it from this perspective. Reframe it in this way. “Wouldn’t it be nice if eventually five, maybe ten years from now or two years from now, the most awesome woman I’ve ever met comes into my life at exactly the right time, and it’s easy and effortless, and we’re just always together after that.

That sure would be nice. Wouldn’t it be nice if my band really took off and I had a bunch of hit songs, and all these great artists from around the world wanted to come and make music with me. Wouldn’t that be nice if that happened?” So the question to ask yourself, “Wouldn’t it be nice if…” And then add whatever you want to add to it. “Wouldn’t it be nice if, blah blah blah blah blah.” Think about it from that perspective.

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