How to create the conditions to attract your ex back or attract someone better.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss 2 different emails from 2 different viewers. The 1st email, is from a 26 year old viewer who got dumped by his ex girlfriend for over pursuing and not being masculine and decisive. After the breakup he’s lost 25 pounds and started dating other women with what he’s learned to great success. However, he’s also attracted his ex back and wants to be exclusive again, but she’s not bringing it up. He also really likes dating and hooking with new women because he’s never had this many dating prospects. The 2nd email, is a success story from a guy who originally wanted to attract his ex back, but ended up attracting a way better quality woman for him and he shares his success story. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of their emails.
Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, How To Attract Your Ex Back Or Someone Better.
So I’d say probably 80%, maybe 85% of the guys that first come to me, it’s because they had a breakup, or a girl that they were dating. They really thought things were progressing with, all of a sudden went cold, or friends zones them, or says there’s no chemistry or spark. Basically pushes you away. And so, typically what needs to happen is, that you, as a man is you don’t focus on getting your ex back.
You focus on doing the things that I discussed in 3% Man. Which is how to become an attractive man, or your most attractive self. To exhibit the behaviors and the parts of your personality that are innate and natural to you. And most importantly, that women are naturally and innately attracted to.
And so, if you display or become the most attractive version of you that you can be, you create the conditions for where your ex will start to find you attractive again, and start to pursue you more, and to chase you and eventually want a reconciliation with you. Because in most of these cases, what’s happened is, especially guys in long term relationships, the woman didn’t feel heard and understood.
And they stopped dating and courting her properly. And oftentimes the guy gained weight, he stopped taking care of her. He stopped taking care of himself. He let a lot of things go. He displayed a lot of unattractive, effeminate behavior. And basically oftentimes acted like a woman. Instead of a man, and a teammate and a guy she could admire, respect and look up to.
And so, she lost attraction and interest because she started out dating a masculine, attractive man, and she ended up with a feminized beta male that did nothing but display completely unattractive, effeminate behaviors. In essence, they acted like a girl oftentimes. And feminine women are attracted to masculine men. They’re not attracted to feminine men.
They’re attracted to the polarized differences. It’s our differences that attract one another to each other. And so, it’s important as a man to return to the strong, masculine pull that is natural to his essence. Versus going to the other side where he’s extremely feminine. You act like a girl. Women want to date a guy that’s more masculine than they are.
And what happens oftentimes the guys just stop being the leader, stop acting like a man, and then they turn the girl into their mommy, and she loses all respect and attraction. And so, this particular email or video, I’ve got two different emails. The second one is going to be a short success story. And so, the first one, this guy is 26.
He got dumped by his ex-girlfriend. He was over pursuing. He was not being masculine and decisive. The biggest things that women are attracted to; being masculine, being confident, being decisive. That’s why they come to you. Because feminine energy is indecisive and unsure of itself, and changes its mind constantly. Feminine energy is chaos.
And you can’t be more chaotic than your girl. If you do, she’s going to leave your ass. That’s just a fact of life. And so, like in the first email, this guy came across my work. He lost 25 pounds, started dating other women, and he’s having great success. And now his ex has come back and he’s also hooking up with her as part of the girls in his rotation, if you will.
And he wants to be back with her. But he also really likes the other choices and options that he has. Because more than likely he’s never experienced this before in his life. But he’s like, “Hey, my ex is not asking me to be exclusive yet.”
And so, the second email, the success story is from a guy that was in a similar situation. Came across my work, started displaying what was in The Book. And not only did it make his ex more attracted to him, but he got a lot more choices. And what ended up happening in his case, was that he found a woman who was hotter and better for him.
And now he’s very happy. He’s on good terms with his ex, because he has a child with her. And so, he has good terms with her, because he acts like a man. He acts like the leader, he’s good at co-parenting with her, and he’s doing really great in his new relationship. And he’s much happier with the girl that he’s with.
And so, the idea behind this, and my whole philosophy of what I teach, because what I teach works. Is that, you create the conditions where not only are you going to be most attractive to your ex, but you’ll be most attractive to women in general. And women like you more if you’re popular with other women. That’s just a fact of life.
1st Viewer’s Email:
Hello Coach Corey,
I’m 26 and I’ve ran into your work about 8 months ago after I got dumped by my ex girlfriend of four years. She dumped me for the usual mistakes beta males do. Over pursuing, not being masculine and decisive, the typical package. My initial goal after that was to start from scratch on the dating scene, while not actively trying to get her back.
This is the right mindset.
We broke up for a reason after all, and that’s when I found your YouTube Channel. Since the breakup, I lost around 25 pounds and started building some muscle which boosted my confidence.
The number one most attractive thing that women love about men is confidence. And if you lose weight, you look fitter, you’re more in shape, you have tighter fitting clothes you’re going to get knows more.
And my success rate with women. I’ve read and listened to your book two times, on my third iteration now. I’m still learning a lot, obviously. I am getting used to approaching the dating scene for basically the very first time in my adult life with good success so far.
After the breakup, I went no contact with my ex and sure enough she texted me after a couple of months and even if I wasn’t familiar with your work back then, I instinctively did what you teach. Hang out, have fun, and hook up. And that’s exactly what we’ve been doing since then.
Needless to say, she’s very attracted to my newfound confidence and my new looks. That brings us to where we are today: I’m currently seeing a few girls, a couple of them regularly, one of them being my ex. I need your advice on how to move forward.
Well, you are the prize my man. Just remember that. Women are designed to get our attention and validation. And so, you need to create the conditions where they can do that. Become a man of value. The simplest thing you can do, because remember, 74% of all Americans are obese or overweight.
And if you get relatively fit and in shape, “pfft”, you pretty much eliminate 75% of your competition. Just like that. [Snaps fingers.] Just by looking good, taking care of yourself. You don’t even have to be Mr. Olympia. If you just look fit, and you work out, you do some weight training. You don’t have to be big and bulky, but you got to look good. Women will notice this.
Because that’s a sign of discipline. It’s a sign that you’re a healthy organism. And biologically, men and women are both attracted to really healthy, beautiful organisms. In other words, beautiful members of the opposite sex. Just like in nature, when you look at a peacock, a male peacock. Take one where its feathers are kind of faded, and kind of ratty and messed up, and he doesn’t look too good.
Versus another male whose colors are bright. The feathers are perfectly formed. The female’s looking at the two of these males, and the female’s naturally going to be attracted to the one who looks healthier. Just biologically, because obviously it’s going to produce stronger offspring that will survive. The other one looks like it’s about to croak.
She’s not going to want to mate with that, because that’s a organism that’s falling apart, basically. And we’re all the same way. That’s why men, as they get older, are always attracted to younger women. Even older women find younger men handsome and attractive.
It’s like, hello! I mean, we’re just naturally attracted to youth and beauty, even though it fades for all of us as we get older. From a biological perspective, that’s what is driving us. We’re trying to mate with the healthiest members of the opposite sex to produce the strongest offspring. So the offspring will survive and pass our genes on.
I am pretty sure I still have feelings for my ex but at the same time I’m not sure neither of us is ready for a committed exclusive relationship. Not gonna lie, I’m having fun sleeping and dating around applying your teachings.
Well, you should keep doing that. If you’re the prize, then locking her down, or getting into a relationship doesn’t matter. Doesn’t need to matter. Shouldn’t matter. She’s the one that should be trying to win you over.
At the same time, I see my ex something like once a week and I stay over at her place one or two nights a week. It kind of feels like a relationship but with no formal attachments and I’m not sure how to move it forward.
Hang out. Have fun. Hook up. It doesn’t say hang out, have fun, hook up and try to lock up your ex. It doesn’t say that. Hang out, have fun. Hook up; that’s the formula. Your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen, hang out and have fun and hook up. That’s it.
And in this case, she’s just one of the girls that you’re hooking up with. Remember, she dumped you. It’s her duty since she ended it, to convince you to give her another chance. It takes two people that want to make something work.
And at this point, you have your ex, and you have other women. You have everything, dude. You’re at the all you can eat buffet. You are at Baskin Robbins 32 flavors. Have a sampling of all the flavors. You’re single. You’re a free agent. You can do what you want. She dumped you after all. Hello!
I’m pretty sure I am still in love with her.
Yeah, that doesn’t sound right. You care about her, but you’re not in love with her. You wouldn’t talk like that. “I’m still in love with her, Coach. I think about her every day. Every first thing; I, I wake up in the morning, she’s on my mind. When I go to bed at night, she’s the last thing on my mind.” It’s like you’re not in love with her.
And to be honest, I haven’t met anyone else with the same connection we have.
Well, it’s still early and you’re still applying the stuff. It takes time. Great things take time. Be patient. A lot of guys go back to the ex because they’re impatient and they’re scared they won’t find anybody better. And then they go back and the same things that turn them off are still there. People typically do not change. They become a better version of who they are, but they typically don’t change.
So I’d like to get back with her eventually because she could easily be the woman of my life.
Yeah, that doesn’t sound very convincing. He’s not convinced.
How would you approach this topic as a man?
Well, for you reading The Book 10 to 15 times and applying it; while you’re reading it. Not reading it twice in eight months, that’s a half ass effort. That’s a guy that’s not taking it seriously. You’re not taking your success seriously. And it’s guys like you that half ass it like that.
You get into a relationship and then a year later you’re like, “I got dumped.” And then you go back through the book again. You’re like, “Shit. I completely reverted back to the way I used to be.” You have to learn the material. You got to get to know it so well, you can literally teach it.
That’s why there are so many dudes teaching this stuff now. It’s like every time I go on, whether it’s YouTube or Instagram or TikTok, there’s a dozen dudes that sound just like me. And almost 100% of them never mentioned where they learned this stuff from. They pass it off as they learned it all themselves. Which is not cool. But that’s life.
How would you approach this topic as a man? I know the exclusivity talk has to come from the woman but I’m not sure she’ll ever bring it up.
She’s not bringing it up because she’s not in love with you. Simple as that.
She’s always been awfully bad at communicating her intentions in that sense.
Yeah. She doesn’t have a burning desire. She’s not head over heels in love with you. If she was, she’d be trying to lock you down. But, the reality is, it just sounds like you guys are fuck buddies, friends with benefits. And it’s, hey, it’s once or twice a week and then you got other girls.
Does the “women need to ask about being exclusive” thing still apply to old relationships rebounding?
Well, absolutely it does. These are core principles from The Book. And if you’ve been through 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, it’s laid out in there. There’s an article and video on it. What he’s trying to do is twist and bend himself into a pretzel to try to lock her down.
Am I just supposed to increase her interest level so much until she falls back in love and just wants to get back together officially?
Well, you’re not going to do anything. You’re not the one that makes her interest go up. Her interest goes up because of your behavior. Because you give her the time and space away from you to wonder about you, to think about you and to miss you. And plus, you’ve got these other girls. You’ve got to think of them as like the practice squad on your NFL team.
You’re constantly churning the practice squad, trying to find somebody better. You know, if you’re hooking up with three different girls, one of them happens to be your ex. Well, there’s a fourth one that’s out there that might be better than all three of the ones you’re with. Or maybe better than the other two that you’re hooking up with, but not still not better than your ex.
It takes time to find somebody you really click with. Don’t become impatient and desperate, and then just get back into a relationship because you’re scared you won’t find anybody better. It’s only been a few months and you’re still new to this stuff.
And as you get more fit, and as you get more confident, and you get a little more swagger, the quality of the women that you’re going to approach and be able to keep interested in you, and keep from turning them off is going to grow. Just like you’ll see with the second emailer.
I’m not really sure what else I am supposed to do to push her into the exclusivity talk.
So, your whole mindset is fucked. This is totally wrong. This is the opposite of what The Book teaches. Your whole mindset is, “How do I get her to like me? How do I lock her down?” You’re thinking like a woman. That’s not how men think. You should just be creating an opportunity for sex to happen. The last thing you should want is to become exclusive, especially with the way she’s acting towards you.
You’re just a guy she’s sleeping with. And you might be part of her rotation as well, and you don’t even realize it. But there’s no deep, passionate love in her towards you. And so, to think that you’re going to lock her down with she’s only seeing you once or twice a week. Just, hey, it’s a friends with benefits thing. It’s not that big a deal.
Oh, he’s theorizing now, even though he has, like, almost no experience.
My theory is that even though she’s highly attracted to me and maybe is falling back in love with me.
He’s rationalizing and making things up. You’re projecting your fantasy onto her, so you’re emotionally invested in it. And so, you’re making things up that make illogical sense. You’re deluding yourself.
She’s refraining from talking about exclusivity because either, 1. She expects me to do that.
2. She’s afraid I will just fall back into my old ways and if we get back into a relationship, I will eventually go back to being the beta male she dumped months ago. Probably the latter. What would you suggest me to do?
Change your thinking because you’re still thinking like that same beta male. You’re still thinking like the guy that she dumped. That’s part of the problem. You’ve changed enough of your behavior to be attractive enough to her, to where she’ll sleep with you. But not to where she’s got burning deep desire, and head over heels in love with you.
Because if you were really exhibiting the behaviors that are in The Book, you wouldn’t just be seeing her once a week. She wouldn’t be okay with that. She’d be calling and texting you all, “Oh, I want to miss you. I want to see you. What are you doing later? Hey, I want to come by.”
When a woman really likes you, they constantly come up with reasons to put themselves in the orbit and be around you. And she’s not doing that. She’s just like, “Ehh”, she’s going along with it. She’s having sex. But you got this irrational fantasy and you’re projecting it onto her, and you’re literally acting the opposite of what the book teaches.
Thank you very much for your work and I appreciate your honesty and down to earth approach.
So like I said, I would be applying what’s in The Book. But you got to look at the fact that she’s not that into it. And that’s why you got to keep trying to improve the other girls on your practice squad. Do things to put yourself into positions where you can meet more of the kind of women that you like. Adjust your social life if you have to, what you do for fun, or go do more things for fun.
Kinds of activities that you love and enjoy. Because when you’re having fun, you’re going to smile a lot. You’re going to be a lot more confident. You’re going to be more outgoing. You’re going to be much more likely to talk and engage other people in conversation, because you’re surrounded by people that are into the same thing.
Versus, hoping to bump into the next great love of your life randomly in the street. So, if you think about, “Where do I fish, what kind of fish do I like to catch? What kinds of things do I like to do for fun?” And go lose yourself in your hobbies, and your interests and the fun things, even if it’s just hanging out with your friends and your family.
Going to barbecues or watching football games or basketball games together or playoffs, whatever it happens to be on the weekends. It’s just go hang out with people you love and who love you and who like having you around. The best relationships, all of my closest relationships I’ve had all throughout my life, came as a side effect of my social circle.
Just bumping into people that knew other people that I knew. That’s because, like, attracts like. People that like the same things, tend to like each other. And that’s why losing yourself in your hobbies and your interests is the best way to meet women. Because when you’re having fun doing things you love most, you’ll meet other guys that you can befriend, that love doing the same things.
And plus as a side effect, you’ll meet other women that love doing the same things. But if your social life sucks, you’re not really doing anything, then you’re going to kind of feel scarcity, and you’re going to feel like, “I got to settle for this girl.”
Because, you know, like he’s saying, he’s kind of talking himself into really liking this ex of his, but he just hasn’t found anybody that he likes better. But he’s got to get more competent, and more proficient at applying what’s in The Book and do something to get himself some more choice, because he doesn’t have enough choices yet.
So let’s go through the second email. And so, this guy was in the same boat, but he had a little different outcome. He didn’t get back together with his ex, but it dramatically helped his relationship with his ex because they co-parent together.
2nd Viewer’s Email:
First of all, I just wanted to thank you for all your work and help you give us men.
I actually found your YouTube Channel and at first I saw a couple of videos and later got your book. And to be honest, I’ve only read it 3 times but I’m still reading. At first, I wanted to get my ex back, we had a wonderful relationship for four years, and two years of hell, until she broke up with me and found another man.
I read your book and started to follow your principals, I developed myself to be a better man, etc. I started dating other women and didn’t really concentrate on my ex. A couple months have passed, and one of the women I am dating has a totally high level of interest, she can’t get enough of me.
But I am still using stuff from the book, I keep courting her, I keep being mysterious. And just like you said, hang out, have fun, and hook up. At this point, I am much happier than ever with this new woman than I was with my ex.
She has everything I am looking for from my list. So, thank you again Coach. You have showed me that I have been looking in the wrong places before.
Remember what I just got done talking about your social circle and what you do for fun.
And showed me the way to look in the right direction. I have totally let go of my ex and we now have a really good friendship and co-parenting arrangement. And I have a new woman which is a lot better than my ex. Don’t worry I’ll ready your book at least 15 times or even more.
Just wanted to tell you thank you, and keep up the good work.
Well, Bob. Thanks for sharing that short and sweet email. Because like I said, the guy applied what’s in The Book. He created the conditions where he could potentially attract his ex back, but in his case, he found somebody way better.
And that’s why I always say, you’ll either get your ex back or you will find somebody better. If you apply what’s in The Book and the evidence is all over.
If I was full of shit, it would be everywhere. Go look at the reviews of My Books. There’s Reddit forums out there. The stuff that I teach works. That’s why so many people are ripping it off, and passing it off as their own on the internet, and giving me no credit.
I think the only one I’ve seen that actually gives me credit is Logan, who you guys may Logan Long Duk Dong, as I like to call him. He came, I don’t know, six, eight months ago. Spent time with us and he’s doing well. That’s Logan Dong. Duong I think. Pretty sharp young guy.
He’s doing well, and we did a bunch of videos together. But you see him a lot and a lot of these interviews, especially talking to other dudes in the Red pill community. He’s been on the “Whatever Podcast.” And, some of his videos blew up. And he’s one of the few dudes that’s learned my work, and actually recommends it and acknowledges where he learned his stuff from.
And I appreciate that. I appreciate people like that because that’s the right thing to do. That’s what I do in my book. Guys like Doc Love, Tony Robbins, Wayne Dyer, all these people that I’ve been studying my whole life and applying the things I learned from them and getting results, that all that information went in there.
And that’s why I refer you to guys. That’s why even though Doc Love has passed away, you can still buy his book, and that money goes to his family. And so, that’s a good thing you should do that.
You should always let people know where you came from, and how you got there, and help the people that helped you get there. Instead of ripping them off. Something to think about.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.
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