How To Get Her To Chase You Instead Of Chasing Her Away

How to get women to chase you instead of chasing them out of your life.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who met a woman he really liked. He made the common mistake like he says he does with all women he likes which is coming on too strong. They went on two dates over three weeks and he was in almost constant contact with her. Eventually she broke things off and said they were not aligned enough for a long-term relationship to last.

He wonders what he did wrong. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a guy who met a woman he really liked, and he made the common mistake that he says he does with all women and he likes, which is he tends to come on too strong. So they went on two dates over three weeks, and the problem was he didn’t use the phone for setting dates. He was using it to get to know this particular woman.

So what ends up happening when you do that is you typically get screened out by the girl. You tell her your whole life story, then it destroys all the mystery. There’s no anticipation. She becomes bored, knows everything about you, and usually you get dumped or friend-zoned. So eventually she broke things off and basically said that they were not aligned enough for a long-term relationship to last, and now he’s wondering like, “What the hell did I do wrong?”

Viewer Email:

Hello Corey,

I am having troubles and I am seeking your advice. I recently met this woman and we were talking for three weeks. We went on two dates and everything seemed to be going well and I really connected with this girl. We spoke and texted everyday after our first date, which was mutual as sometimes she initiated.

He already pursuing way too much. He’s calling and he’s texting too much, not to set dates, but just to chit-chat with her. Probably because he’s constantly trying to figure out where he stands with her, trying to make sure that she’s still into him because he feared she wasn’t, what you tend to fear you also will attract, because you’ll act in ways that basically bring about more disconcerting circumstances that make you fearful. So he’s clearly calling and texting too much and not using the phone for setting dates. He’s trying to get to know somebody.

Again, I think every guy on the planet has done this when they didn’t know any better, and they have girls that again, I wrote about in the book, I used to do the same shit. You have girls that start out really super into you and over about three weeks, they just don’t want anything to do with you afterwards. I’ve talked about this a lot in the podcast with the girls and we answer these questions. They’ve had countless times where they’ll meet a guy and they’ll think he’s great, he’s perfect, exactly what they’re looking for, but then three weeks later, the guy totally talked them out of liking them and being interested in them, and then they don’t want to date him anymore.

Our conversations seemed so mutual and effortless.

Well, she was probably just doing a lot of listening to him.

I thought her interest level was high. After our second date, she said she had a really great time and I was pacing myself as sometimes I come on too strong to girls and build physical chemistry, but not a deep emotional bond.

Well, what ends up happening is you just end up coming off as needy, clingy, neurotic. As Thich Nhat Hanh said, “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” So what would happen is these women didn’t feel free to come and go. You’d start to smother them and you’d act too much like a girl. You cared too much about them. You cared typically more than they cared about you and you didn’t notice it. The reality is, women like you a lot more if they think that they’re way more into you than you are into them. So he clearly communicated or, I should say, over communicated that he was way more into her than she was into him.

So her interest started out high, but instead of it going higher in her falling in love and wanting to be exclusive, she lost interest and backed away, and he continued to chase and pursue more. What I call the illusion of action from the book. If you’re new, you can read it for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the email newsletter.

So he falls under the illusion of action, calls and texts too much, trying to force himself into real life, trying to keep conversations going as it fades away, and he just basically bored the piss out of this woman to where she didn’t want to see him anymore.

This time I slowed it down. After our second date, we spoke the whole weekend…

Yeah, it’s like you’re going to get dumped 100% of the time when you do this.

…And on Monday she asked me how my day was going. By the evening, she told me it was nice getting to know me, but I gave her a familiar feeling of her past relationship that didn’t go well.

Remember, I say it all the time. Women only care about how they feel about you. Not what a great guy you are, or the fact that you were attentive and you were chit-chatting the whole weekend. They care about how you make them feel. So he clearly reminded her probably of a past needy, clingy boyfriend who probably became a little controlling because he couldn’t pin her down, lock her down or nail her down. So she didn’t feel free and she dipped on him. This guy that wrote the email made her feel the same way, and that’s why she says, “You basically reminded me of this guy that I broke up with.”

And the dynamic between us made her feel that while there is comfort, we are not aligned for something long lasting. I was confused and tried to talk to her, but eventually accepted her decision.

What did I do wrong?

You use the phone as a substitute for getting to know someone, and this is one of the ways that women screen guys out. You basically talk and text her right out of liking you, because the idea is you sell her on liking you in person, just like anybody that’s been in sales. You want to get your prospect face-to-face so you can get them to sign on the dotted line. In this case, you want to get your dating prospects face-to-face so you can do kissy-poo, because the more you spend talking and texting on the phone, the less time you’re going to spend in person.

So over three weeks, he only had two dates with her, but he was in constant contact with her. She started out really into him, and by the end of three weeks, she didn’t want anything to do with him. That’s what happened. It’s as predictable as the sun coming up in the east and setting in the west. That’s just the way it is. That’s how women are. They don’t care about what a great guy you are, how big your bank account is, how nice your car is or how handsome you are. They only care about how you make them feel. When you dry them up, you turn them off, you chase and you pursue, and you act like an emotional tampon and therapist on the phone, this is what happens. It’s as predictable as the sun come up in the east and setting in the west.

I gave her three weeks of space until I ran into her at the gym where we talked again. I made the mistake of reach out and we still talked smoothly.

Yeah, you should have never reached out to her because she ended it. Therefore, she’s got to fix it. So if you see her in the gym, you’re just like, “Hey, hit me up. I’d love to see you sometime,” and you never call or text, but you basically did. What you always do is you started to do more pursuing, which is what got you dumped in the first place.

You don’t try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you. It was her idea to dump you and it’s got to be her idea to try to win you over and get another chance with you, but when you start pursuing somebody again after you got dumped, you’ll get nowhere.

After that, I tried asking her to catch up and she went silent.

Please advise me on what to do.

Bob

So she just completely ghosted him. She wasn’t interested. She doesn’t fucking care. When a woman just stops replying, she don’t give a fuck. You wouldn’t even be able to get her to piss in your mouth if your teeth were on fire. So she’s not into it. Again, that’s why you don’t chase, you don’t pursue, ever. Your pursuits are over with this girl forever and ever and ever. So she’s gotta do all the reaching out. Just follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. If she does reach out, assume she wants to see you. Invite her over to your place to make dinner in the evening, hang out, have fun and hook up. Don’t meet her out. Don’t go pick her up. She’s got to come to your house and all the potential objections that she could have to coming over and making dinner are handled in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, the article and video I did. So make sure you get familiar with it, continue to read the book and clean your game up. The phone is for setting dates.

This is why you don’t do these things. I assume you probably came to me after this all happened. So going forward, you want to not. Oh, I think I missed a sentence here: “By the evening, she told me it was nice getting to know me, but I gave her a familiar feeling of her past relationship that didn’t go well.” So like I said, at this point, you’re in no-contact. You wait to hear from her. She reaches out, try to make a date, hang out, have fun and hook up. Really simple. I’d chalked this. Charge it to the game. The good news, this is probably what prompted you to find my work. The book is for you to read at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the email newsletter and fill in your knowledge gap, because if she does reach back out, you got to cut out because the phone calling and using the phone to get to know somebody is just one of the mistakes you’re probably making. There’s probably a whole host of other things that once you go through the book, you’ll realize that you’re doing those things too, because say she does come back and you don’t take the time to read the book. You’ll start making those other mistakes and you’ll turn her off as well, and then you’ll end up right back where you started, which is her blowing you off.

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