I Over Pursue & Chase Women Away I Really Like Because I Can’t Control Myself

Some tips on how to exercise self control so you don’t chase women away.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 44-year-old viewer who likes younger women and does well with them at first. However, after a few months of dating he becomes hooked and dopey. He starts over pursuing because he refuses to control himself and chases them right out of his life.

I tell him what he needs to do to turn things around. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

So in this particular email, this guy is 44. He likes younger women. Who doesn’t? He says he does well with them at first. However, after a few months of dating, he becomes hooked, starts getting dopey and clingy, he over-pursues, which he realizes he does, yet he does it anyways. So he’s not exercising self control, and it’s pretty clear that he treats women that he really likes completely different than the ones he’s not that into. The ones that he’s not that into are all over him. The ones that he really likes, they’re hot for him at first, but again, after a month or two of dating, they lose interest.

So it’s clear that his behavior changes, especially the more he starts to like these girls. He probably becomes softer. He becomes more compliant. He becomes a little too nice. He pays attention only to how much he likes them. Then he completely ignores the fact that their interest is mediocre, staying the same, or it looks like, in most cases, is actually dropping. So as their interest drops, his tends to go up and he continues to pursue. He doesn’t control himself. I don’t think he’s read the book yet and that would really help him.

This is why I say you got to read the book 10 to 15 times, because when you’re dating a woman that knocks your socks off and you’re not used to it, you’re typically going to screw it up because you’re driven by fear. Your fear of loss, your fear she’s not going to love you. Then you just start to pursue too much, and it’s hard to pull back because you don’t really know which way is up. At the end of the day, human beings, we tend to make our decisions based upon our emotions, and then we use logic and reason to justify those decisions.

So if you knew the book backwards and forwards, when he’s having those moments where he’s freaking out emotionally, he could just lean back, lean into the techniques and just follow what the book teaches, but since he doesn’t know what the book teaches, and it really looks like he’s been consuming a lot of red pill stuff because he uses the nomenclature here that he doesn’t really have any game, because again, he’s mostly looks like he’s learning from incompetent guys that don’t know what they’re doing, and he makes excuses because he’s worried about Chad Thundercock or better looking guys or guys with more money, that kind of thing.

That’s what you see a lot with in the red pill community. Those are the excuses for why the women didn’t want them. It’s better looking guys, guys with money because that’s all women want. He’s learning from a bunch of amateurs and that’s why he’s not able to maintain anything.

Viewer Email:

Dear Coach Corey Wayne,

I’m 44, divorced with a kid, and I usually date women in their early 20s to late 30s. I’ve slept with about 90-100 since my divorce three years ago, but only around 10 of them were solid eights or above in looks. With sixes and sevens, I hold their interest fine (Though my own interest is often just lukewarm).

Well, this is why I say you got to treat them all the same, and you’re clearly not. You’re doing everything right with the women you have lukewarm interest in. When you date somebody you really like, you’re completely different. Your behavior changes. You’re less willing to speak up for yourself. You’re more likely to be a people-pleaser and go along with things that you don’t like. In time, women start to notice that they can kind of push you around, and when they back off, because women are like cats, you tend to freak out because by then you’re emotionally hooked and you fall under what I call the illusion of action in the book. So you chase and you pursue more.

The problem hits with the truly beautiful ones (8+): I spark initial attraction, often by being sexually aggressive and direct, and things start super passionate and intense. We have lots of sex early, but after a few months max, it always fizzles.

So this is why you should read the book, because you want to take measured steps. What’s happening is you don’t really have a plan. You don’t have a process. You don’t really have any game. As soon as you date somebody you really like, it just completely comes apart.

They pull away, and I suspect stronger competition…

So you can tell he’s consuming red pill stuff because he feels intimidated by these other guys, because he doesn’t know things that these other guys don’t know. Again, this is what you see a lot in the red pill community, because I see on my comments all the time, guys are going, “Oh, it’s just money and looks.” Money and looks. That’s their excuse for why they lost the girl. Therefore, they don’t have to take any personal responsibility for the fact that it’s their own behavior. Therefore, they stay the same and they keep turning women off for exactly the same reasons. Then they continue consuming the red pill stuff, which is a bunch of cope, typically coming from Rollo Tomassi, who settled for a mediocre woman, and I guess a single mom in her 40s, and he talks about what a boring marriage it is. Imagine being that woman being married to that guy, and he’s telling the world how boring their marriage is. Amazing she puts up with that…

…(Taller, higher-status guys) sweeps in after the initial excitement fades.

Well again, if you knew the book backwards and forwards, you wouldn’t be worrying about this. So you got to learn how attraction works because you clearly don’t understand it.

At 5’9”, even with strong fitness, career, and game, I feel like my SMV (Sexual Market Value) is capped at a 7-8 overall in today’s market.

Again, this is the limiting beliefs of the people’s work that you’re studying. This stuff’s a lot of rage bait. What it does, it’s a lot of cope because that’s what Rollo Tomassi’s work is. It’s cope for the fact that he’s a mediocre man. He doesn’t want responsibility. He doesn’t want responsibility for what’s happening. He’d rather just blame other people, blame women, blame the good looking guys, the guys with money, that kind of thing. So people follow his work and they go, “Oh, it’s not my fault,” because that’s a much easier pill to swallow that it’s not your fault. It’s modern women or guys with money and looks. At the end of the day, if money and looks was all you needed, Tom Brady would have never gotten left.

This height limitation, plus being honest and direct about being divorced with a child, while dating much younger women, probably adds complications to the dynamic.

No. Quite frankly, dude, you don’t know the book and you don’t have any game even though you think you do. You are probably great at meeting and picking up women initially. Maybe you studied some pickup artists. Other than that, you don’t understand how attraction works and you’re unable to grow it. So what happens is, long term, you end up talking and texting women out of liking you.

My biggest issue is I can’t fake disinterest or pull back…

Well, it’s not that you can’t pull back. You don’t pull back. You refuse to pull back. You won’t do it because you won’t control yourself. Part of being a man, especially at your age, 44 years old, you have to be able to control your behavior and your actions. Again, if you read the book 10 to 15 times, you get to know it so well you could teach a class on it, when you feel the urge to freak out and lose your shit on a woman, you won’t because you’ll just lean on the strategies. If you don’t know the strategies and you’re just consuming a bunch of red pill stuff, it looks like you’re starting to consume my videos now, it’s just not going to get any better. The same pattern repeats itself over and over again, and if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you will continue to get what you’ve always got. So that’s on you.

You got to participate in your own rescue. Just saying, “Oh, I can’t control myself,” like no, you refuse to control yourself because you’re driven by fear, and you don’t have any techniques or strategies to fall back on, because again, you don’t understand how attraction works and you clearly don’t understand women. You have to give women the time and space away from you to wonder about you, to think about you, and to miss you, and you’re just simply not doing that. You’re just basically becoming emotionally hijacked, man, and you lose your shit and you keep chasing them away for the same reasons.

…I over-pursue and am probably overly complimentary out of fear that “Chad Thundercock” will steal her the moment I’m not paying attention (And I’m pretty sure it happens whether I pursue or not).

Well again, this is what happens when you study red pill retardation from incompetent people that have no idea what they’re doing. You become just like them. It just seems like a mystery. “Oh, no matter what I do, it’s not going to work!”

Your teachings on mystery, outcome independence, and letting her come to you make sense, but insecurity and fear of loss make it hard to apply.

Well, something that would help you is to do the Consciousness Exercises Stages One through 12, which are on the home page of my YouTube channel. So what you’re going to want to do is if you scroll to the bottom, it’s stages one through 12 demonstrated by Doctor D’Anna. So I would suggest three days a week, you spend an hour, hour-and-a-half doing all 12 stages in front of your TV, and you get some hobbies, interests, and some other things to do with your life instead of obsessing over what a 20-year-old chick is doing when you’re 44 years old.

At some point you’re going to have to grow up and you’re going to have to start acting like a man. My suggestion is to stop consuming the red pill retardation content, because it clearly ain’t working for you, because again, all you’re doing is adopting their limiting beliefs and their fear based mentality and the “It’s not my fault” type of vibe that all those guys tend to give off. “It’s modern women! Social media has ruined women!” That’s their excuse.

Am I doomed to lose interest from women above my attractiveness level?

Again, it’s not that they’re above your attractiveness level, because attraction is not a choice. Mother nature handles that. Again, this is in the book. This is why I can tell you haven’t read it yet or you didn’t take seriously reading it.

So attraction is not a choice. They like you, but the problem is you’re talking them out of liking you with your unattractive behavior, because again, you’re modeling other men that are incompetent, that are unattractive, and who blame women for their lack of success with them. So when it’s not your fault, there’s nothing to fix, and if there’s nothing to fix, you’re not open to learning anything new, because again, you’ve already convinced yourself that it’s not your fault.

What mindset shifts or practical steps can help me sustain passion beyond the initial aggressive/hookup phase, manage competition fears, and stop over-pursuing?

Well, at the end of the day, if you knew what was in the book, you wouldn’t feel like you had any competition.

Again, a big part of it is taking the time, taking me seriously when I say read it 10 to 15 times, because you’ve tried it your way, you’ve tried it with the red pill retardation stuff and it’s clearly not working. So learn what actually does work. Again, my books, you can read it for free. None of those red pill retards allow you to read their books for free. They make you pay for it in their classes and their coaching packages and everything else that are clearly not working for you.

Any specific tweaks for my situation would be huge.

Thanks for your time and wisdom.

Bob

Well, as the book says, your job is to create the opportunity for sex to happen, and there’s just not enough time and space away from the women for them to wonder about you, to think about you, and for you to appear mysterious to them, because again, you’re driven by fear. You’re acting needy. You’re acting neurotic. You’re acting clingy and you’re mostly consuming content of people that’s their whole worldview and their reality filter. Whatever you do often, you do best. Whatever you observe you’re going to participate in.

So if you’re mostly consuming that stuff, you’re going to be just as incompetent and as frustrated as they are, and you’ll just say, “Oh, Chad Thundercock stole my girl!” If you really knew the stuff that was in my book, you’d be laughing at Chad Thundercock. You’d never feel threatened if you had a high character woman you were dating. You would watch her get hit on and be amused at the guys that go down in flames. It’s really fun when you get to see that because you don’t have any fear. At the end of the day, you could be the best boyfriend in the world and do everything right in the book, but if you’re dating a ratchet or a low character woman, she’s going to cheat on you. There’s nothing you can do about it. That’s why knowing the book will help you avoid low quality women who are low in the character department.

So I would do the Consciousness Exercises three times a week, and if you could swing it and you can afford it, I highly recommend you hop on a plane and go to Orlando and stay in Winter Park, where Doctor Dominic D’Anna’s office is. Obviously call ahead and make sure he’s going to be in town, but get worked on for about two weeks. Go in the morning and go in the afternoon. Get one entrainment a day every day that his office is open for two weeks and that will really help change your physiology and get you out of that fear-based state and help change your reality filter so it’s easier to apply the things that are in my book.

You’re going to have to participate in your own rescue. You’re going to have to change your approach because you’ve tried it your way. You’ve tried it with this red pill stuff. It just doesn’t work as simple as that. You’re going to learn from incompetent people. You’re going to get the same incompetent results, and then you’re going to be a 44-year-old man saying that the reason why 20-year-olds who started out fucking your brains out and lose interest is because Chad Thundercock and somebody with better looks and money came along, but in the world that we live, in the real world, you look at guys like Tom Brady, they have all that, yet he’s still got left and replaced by the jiu-jitsu instructor. Something to think about.

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