What you should do if a woman you are dating has gone cold, become distant and says that she hasn’t been feeling it for a while.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two emails from two different guys. The first email is from a guy who is screwing up and turning off the woman he has been dating to the point she has lost her sexual attraction to him and is backing away, but the second email is a success story from a guy who had been doing things the wrong way, similar to the first guy, but after implementing what I teach, his ex came back, and he’s also dating several other women.
The second guy also details what he did to make himself more attractive to women in general, and how he became a better man. These are two great contrasting emails to learn the right way to attract and keep a woman interested and how to prevent from turning her off. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the bodies of their emails.
First Viewer’s Email:
Just a brief acknowledgement of how much I appreciate your work. Keep it up! I discovered you 3 years ago,
(Three years ago dude? Well, you didn’t follow instructions. I always say, read the book 10-15 times. There’s a reason why, and the big reason why you’re struggling is because you don’t know the material. You got a little full of yourself, had some success and figured you had it, but you weren’t able to maintain it. Your success was attainable, but it hasn’t been sustainable. You’ve got to learn the fundamentals. There are no shortcuts to success),
after my ex of 15 years decided line up a replacement for me and eventually started bringing him over to bully me into giving her the house. It was ugly! Anyway, the experience made me strong but also made me realize I was clueless about women.
To this point, I had always been the guy that took the friend approach to a woman’s heart.
(That’s a bad way to go, thinking you’re going to be platonic friends first. It doesn’t work out.)
After about a year of licking my wounds, reading your book 3 times, (I know, I know), I finally starting dating again and along the way I made contact with a girl I had a HUGE crush on in high school. Using your methods, (and a few of my own), I had this girl eating from my palm in a couple of months.
(As they say, pride cometh before the fall.)
She was doing 80 percent or more of the calling, texting, and pursuing, sex was incredible, and she would visit me once or twice a week. She lives an hour and half away.
(As I talk about in the book, the guy only really has to pursue in the beginning. Women need time and space away from you to wonder about you, to think about you and for their feelings to grow. I learned this from women. They taught me this.)
Everyone around me that saw us together mentioned to me how crazy she was about me. Then about 4 months ago, she started getting a little flaky. I did not handle this as well as I should have. I started pursuing more, looking for certainty, etc. At one point she actually said, “If you keep up with the negative assumptions, you will turn me off.”
(You were obviously needy. And why were you needy? Because deep down you didn’t think you deserved her. You didn’t think you were worthy. You were looking for some kind of certainty so you could have some peace in your life.
Well, the way to get peace as a man is to focus on your mission and purpose in life. You have to do that. That’s what’s going to attract a woman to you in the first place. If you go off track and stop focusing on your business or career to focus on her, that’s going to turn her off.)
It was then and there I realized it was time to revisit what I had learned from you. I started letting her come and go as she pleased, and things improved quickly, but not to the same level as before.
(Well, if you’re still doing 20-30% of the pursuing all these months later, it’s too much dude. Especially when a woman backs away. When she backs away, she doesn’t feel safe and comfortable, because she can tell you’re coming unglued when you don’t hear from her. That makes her feel unsure and wishy-washy.)
She still visits and contacts often, but the sex is less often, and I can just feel that she is not into me as she once was.
(The attraction has flat-lined a little bit. You’ve got to let her come back to you. Obviously, you’ve taken some corrective action and it’s gotten better. I would let her just contact you 100%, because when a woman is saying slow down, I’m not feeling it anymore, she’s not valuing you. She feels unsure about you.
Remember, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. You have to give them space. Let her come to you at her pace. You’re trying to force things. You’re looking for validation that you’re a worthy man. It has to be her idea. You’re not going to get rejected, dumped and blown off when it’s her idea to contact you. When she misses you and she’s a little unsure of herself, that’s typically when she’ll text you.)
I am having a hard time finding the balance between pursuing and contacting her,
(Well, you shouldn’t be pursuing her at this point dude. You should be pursuing your passion, your purpose and your mission in life. That’s the problem. You’re focused on “what can I do make her like me more.” This is what I call the illusion of action. I talk about that in my first book),
versus letting her come to me.
(That’s the whole point. You let her come to you. Love is allowing, and you’re not allowing it. You’re trying to force it. Remember the Thich Nhat Hanh quote, “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”)
She never ignores me, and we still get together, but it is less than before.
(Again, you’re pursuing her and you’re upset that she’s not replying fast enough. You shouldn’t be reaching out to her in the first place.)
In general, I can tell she really cares about me, but she is losing attraction.
(You’ve backed off, but not enough.)
I made the mistake of over contacting her this week. I was telling her about my day and how I was thinking about a wild kinky sex session we had when we first started to hook up. Here is how it went down:
Her: Nice. I have not had a playful mind lately, sadly. You enjoy the wicked thoughts for both of us.
(In other words, “you’re really into this, and I’m not.” That’s what she’s telling you right now.)
Me: Oh, I will.
Her: I’m sorry I have not been more attentive lately. In general.
(In other words shes saying, “I’m not really that into you, and I’m not sure why, but I’m sorry for that. I know I should like you more, but I’m just not feeling it.”)
Me: Busted! You got me. I do miss you. I mean a little… don’t let it go to your head missy!
(You puked your feelings on her. Notice she’s not saying anything like this to you. She’s acting like an indifferent guy, and you’re acting like a lovesick little puppy, like a little girl. Not attractive bro.)
Her: I know you do. I used to come every weekend. I used to be tons of fun. I just haven’t been feeling it for a while.
(In other words, you turned me off quite a while ago, and I don’t really understand why.)
You are absolutely wonderful to me…
(In other words, I’m kind of thinking of you as a friend),
so I wish I could tell my lady parts and brain to get with it.
(In other words, it’s not a mental thing. Stop trying to talk me into liking you more. Don’t force it. She’s trying to help you and communicate, but she’s not doing a very good job, because women just think differently than us.)
Again, I’m sorry. I wish I could give you everything you want and deserve.
(She knows you’re a great guy, but she ain’t feeling it.)
We had a very brief pleasant conversation after that, where I assured her everything was fine, and we joked about how Dr. Evil stole her mojo.
(The reality is, you acted like a needy, insecure jackass. You literally have been talking this girl out of liking you.)
Am I making too much of this?
(You’re over-pursuing her, which is the big problem.)
Should I back away completely?
(That’s what letting her come to you is. She needs space away from you to wonder about you, think about you and to miss you, because scarcity creates value. Right now you’re too abundant in her life. Therefore, she doesn’t value you. You’re not focused on your mission and your purpose in life.)
Please help. I really like this girl. And yes, I have started reading your book again.
(Go through “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” Just wait to hear from her, and when you do, make dates. Then get together in person, hang out, have fun and hook up. Stop seeking validation in her. You did everything right in the beginning, because she was really into you, but you tried to force things.)
Second Viewer’s Email:
You’re the fucking man. Reading your book multiple times and watching your videos has helped me to turn around my life. After being in a long-term relationship that went to shit in the end, I did everything wrong when I knew the signs of the relationship ending. I just wasn’t willing to let go of someone who wasn’t able to put the effort that I was.
(Yeah, she got turned off, and you just didn’t back away.)
After a hard breakup for both of us, I told my ex that I didn’t accept just being friends and having a platonic relationship.
(So you employed “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” This is a negotiation at this point. She’s offering platonic terms. “The Art of the Deal,” is another great book you should read by our President. Whether you love Trump or not, he’s a world-class deal-maker. You could learn a lot from him.)
I told her that you have my number if you ever change your mind. After that, I didn’t look back, I worked on improving my wardrobe and working out daily. I had a totally different attitude on life.
(In other words, you got back to focusing on your mission and purpose in life and being a fucking man, making yourself attractive.)
Over the break, I hung out with old friends and did the things I loved to do, such as skiing, biking, and hiking, and I started dating multiple women.
(You got back to being the guy you were before you turned off your ex.)
Here’s where the story gets even better. My ex blocked me on all social media to try to forget about me/move on due to not wanting to see me interacting with other women and enjoying my life. After she heard from her girlfriends that I was dating and hooking up with multiple women, that really got to her.
(The reality is, women find you more attractive when they know other women find you attractive and desirable. You created the perception in your life that you had lots of great things going on. Remember, scarcity creates value. There’s only one of you, and lots of ladies are vying for your attention.)
Out of the blue, she texted me wanting to meet up and talk, so I decided to set a time to meet up and catch up.
(I hope you made her come to you, because she’s the one who blew you off. She’s got to earn another chance with you, not the other way around. And what I say is to invite her over to to your place to make dinner together.)
We ended up having a great time catching up. She started to ask me questions about all these girls I’ve been seeing, to which I had a great James Bond comeback.
(Yeah, gentlemen don’t kiss and tell. Trust me, don’t talk about the other women you’re dating. Whatever you tell her, eventually in the future she’ll use it against you.)
After the meet up, she texted me a couple of days later wanting to get food. I responded back with, “How about we cook dinner at my place,” to which she flirted back saying, “Depends on what we’re making.”
Since reading your book many times, I knew exactly what to say. I said we’re going to make salmon, and I set a direct date and time. She responded back saying, “Damn, when did you turn into a time block planner? You’re sounding like me. Are you feeling okay?”
(You probably didn’t make plans in the past, and now you’re being direct, decisive and getting to the point. In other words, she’s offering you an indirect compliment.)
I ended the conversation with, “Wouldn’t you like to know, ha. See you on Thursday.” Again, a great comeback I’ve learned from you’re teachings.
(Good job there dude.)
I met her at her place on campus.
(Ideally, you want the woman coming to you, but she did call you. It was her idea.)
She came out wearing a sexy outfit and had her hair and makeup done. AKA, that’s a clue she was interested.
(Yeah, she’s seeking your approval this time. It’s much better this way.)
We went to the grocery store and picked out all the ingredients, which I had printed out beforehand.
(That’s part of being a man, being the leader. You’ve got to plan.)
It went so smooth. We ended up back at my place, where I had a bottle of wine for us to enjoy for the night.
Dinner was smooth, and as you can guess, we ended up making out during dinner, which led to her saying, “Let’s go to your room.” Of course, you can guess what happened next. The best session of indoor Olympics I’ve had with this girl.
Corey, your book and videos have helped me turn my life around. I lost 40 pounds, and now I am ripped with abs, which impressed the ex.
I am still dating multiple women, and now my ex is back in my life.
(Yeah, you’re not sure about her yet. She’s got to earn another chance with you. Remember, she blew you off, so you’re entertaining multiple offers. You’re negotiating from a position of strength. In other words, it’s her idea to get you all to herself, so she’s interested in knocking off her competition by being just so fucking awesome that you don’t want to be with anybody else. You have to let her earn you. If she earns you, she’s going to value you a hell of a lot more the second time around.)
I am living every day in the present, not dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. You’re the fucking man. Thanks.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“A feminine woman is sexually attracted to a man’s masculine drive to succeed, achieve, accomplish and become all that he is capable of being. A man focused first and foremost on his purpose and mission in life is a man she can trust, lean on and feel safe and comfortable around, because of his leadership energy. A man who is focused on locking a woman down to a commitment, overanalyzing their interactions, seeking her approval and validation, over contacting her, etc., is a man who doesn’t know how to be a man and makes her feel unsafe and uncomfortable. A man who does not trust in his own value and worthiness will be unable to make a woman feel safe and comfortable enough to trust him with her heart. A man must have his vision, life, purpose and mission in order before he’ll be able to win a woman’s heart and keep it.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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