What you should do if you are struggling to find your life purpose and still have not figured what you should do.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss four different emails from four different viewers. The first email is from a viewer who sufferers from anxiety, depression, OCD and hypochondria due to growing up in a chaotic household. He asks for help to deal with stress and the fact success often feels hopeless. The second is a question from a YouTube commenter who says he doesn’t know what he loves to do, because he never stays passionate about anything for very long.
The third email is from a viewer who is getting a PhD in physics and doesn’t even know why he’s in school. The fourth email is from a guy who has an opportunity for a six-figure salary in the family business, but has to stay in a small town that doesn’t excite him, or he could take a sales job for significantly less and live anywhere he wants to. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.
Obviously, with the coronavirus and the lockdowns a lot of people around the world have had a lot of time to sit at home and think about what they really want in life. I’ve also noticed it in my phone coaching sessions. I’ve had a lot more people lately that want help with their career and their purpose. The thing that always gets in the way with all of them is how they perceive themselves, the story that they tell themselves, and getting things mixed up that they love with things that they just like.
If you’re trying to come up with a list of things you really love and enjoy to be the focus of your personal life and your professional life, you’ve got to make sure that everything you put on that list is something you’re absolutely passionate about. Because if you start including things on there that you just like, it’s going to take you in the wrong direction, and it’s going to be incredibly frustrating and take a lot longer to figure out what it is you really want to do in life. Or maybe you already knew what you want to do in life, but now things have changed as you’ve been doing it for a period of time.
This will be a great video for you guys that are kind of struggling. You’ve got to get this part of your life right, so I highly recommend those of you who feel like you’re struggling and you’ve hit the wall, or you just want to be sure, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab and book a coaching session, so I can help walk you through it.
Now at 50, I’ve been living this. I’ve been following my heart, my curiosity and my intuition. And when I got to the point where the internal enthusiasm was gone for a job or a business I had, I knew I needed to make a change, and not only that, I actually made the change and I did it pretty quickly.
If you haven’t read my second book “Mastering Yourself,” you can read it for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com. I highly encourage you to do that because I really go into the nitty gritty detail of everything I went through, how I got to where I am today and how I decided what was right for me.
First Viewer’s Email:
Hi Coach Corey,
I’m 21, from Vancouver, Canada, in my last semester of college, (full time studies), running my own business and working full time. I wanted to see if I could gain some of your wisdom about stress and task management, and if you had any experiences you’d like to share.
Well, definitely read “Mastering Yourself,” which is free to read if you subscribe to the newsletter on my website at UnderstandingRelationships.com. But the important thing to remember is, inaction breeds fear and doubt. Taking action breeds confidence and courage. Sitting around twiddling your thumbs and being idle is not good, because it puts you in a fearful state, and then it causes you to doubt and question yourself and not feel good.
In order to feel good, you’ve got to be busy taking action. What I’ve noticed over the course of my life is, usually 15-20 minutes into doing something, when you force yourself to do something, is usually the roughest part, and then thirty minutes later you’re just lost in what you’re doing. And because you’re taking action, your perception changes. So get busy taking action if you don’t feel good.
The other thing is doing things that you love and you enjoy, that you’re passionate about. It’s going to feel like playing when you involve yourself in them. That will help. That’s why it’s so critically important to make sure when you’ve made your list of all the things that you love and enjoy in life, that the things that are on your list are things that you’re passionate about. You’ve got to know what you want, and then you’ve got to know why you want it.
Emotionally compelling reasons why you want something is why you’ll sleep on your dad’s couch for four years or take that shitty part-time job that you don’t want to do, because it enables you to have more control over your schedule and to focus on what you really want. Sometimes you’ve got to do something you hate in order to do things you love.
Somebody that’s willing to go to college and suffer through it to get a degree, they suffer longer than somebody that just goes and starts working. In the real world, if you have a degree, as opposed to somebody that just works their way up, you’re going to get the opportunity. If you’re going to college, you should only be going because it’s going to get you a job that’s going to pay you very well.
Having this work load, in addition to the pandemic and maintaining a small apartment with no support and a dirty roommate, puts me in survival mode 24/7.
Anything that you can do to add peace, and ease and delight to your life is a great way to go about it — maybe getting a different roommate, maybe getting a little efficiency apartment, maybe getting a part-time job so you don’t have to have a roommate. Something simple like that, instead of coming home and being pissed off that your roommate’s a fucking slob.
It’s a double-edged sword, because I have money and I can work from home, I have a business in what I love, I’m becoming a master in my field, (which is music). I built this lifestyle with the best of intentions for myself. Sometimes I forget I’m only 21, but I had to man up at a young age and take care of myself.
Yeah dude, get used to it. Sometimes life just fucking sucks. And sometimes it sucks for extended periods of time. That’s just the way it’s going to be. Shit just happens. You’re going to have to learn to deal with it. Suffering is part of life. You’re never not going to suffer. It’s not all going to be sunshine and roses. You’re not going to get someplace where you sit on a beach somewhere, and you’re successful, you meditate and you’re in a constant state of bliss. That’s reality. Problems are a sign of life. Problems are a sign you’ve got shit to work on and improve.
Just to be honest, I suffered from anxiety, OCD, depression and hypochondria for years from an abusive and chaotic household(s). I sought help and committed to a change and have grown out of most of it.
Good for you dude. You recognized you had a problem, and you solved it. That’s what high achievers do. They recognize that there’s a knowledge gap or something they need to get better at, and they just make it happen.
But it just seems like lately my life is a chaotic shit show that is allowing some of those old limiting beliefs to resurface.
I call that refinement. In other words, you’re refining your ability to deal with stressful things. It’s just like working out. You built some emotional muscle to deal with stress. You got through that stressful period, things were going well for awhile, and then stress comes back. Well, you refine your ability to deal with that.
The reality is you being 21, as you grow, you take on more responsibility whether it’s in your work, or maybe you have you’re own business someday. The challenges that you’re dealing with today are a joke when you compare them to the ones you’re dealing with in ten years. They’re going to be bigger and they’re going to be harder. But as you go through life, you get challenged more and more, and that enables your capacity to overcome these things.
Just remember, it’s a process. Success is a process. Commit to taking the action you need to take right now, because that process of taking action will eventually get you to where you want to be. That’s why it’s so critically important, even when you feel like shit, you’ve got to take action to move yourself forward.
The only way out is through, so I just thought that perhaps you could give me and others like me something to keep in mind while on this rocky journey toward financial freedom and life mastery.
Thank you in advance, God bless.
Sometimes your best laid plans, it doesn’t matter. Shit’s gonna happen. That’s life. Get over it. Nobody cares. We all have fucking problems. You’ve got to just pursue your dreams without exception.
Second Viewer’s YouTube comment on my recent video “I Don’t Like What I Do Professionally”:
I don’t truly love doing anything. I get passionate about things in waves. I will be inspired for months or a year+ but then poof, it’s gone!
I’m currently going to school to become a network administrator and simultaneously pursuing a network security degree while working full time. I have always been passionate about computers,
That’s the important thing: “I’ve always been passionate about computers.” You should highlight that.
but at the half-way point of this program, I’m noticing I’m already getting tired of it. There seems to be nothing I “love.”
Also, I just turned 30, so I’m going to school later in life. What do I do?
Here’s the important thing, and I go into detail in “Mastering Yourself” about this. I worked a lot of different jobs to gain experience. I was excited for a period of time, and then when I felt like I had vacuumed up all the knowledge that came from the people I was working for, my enthusiasm just fucking evaporated, and I got to the point where I hated going to work.
It didn’t mean I hated the industry, it just meant I hated what I was doing in that particular job and got to the point where I wasn’t enjoying working for that particular group of people anymore because I needed to grow. I wanted to more. I was hungry, and so I moved on.
I like what you’re doing. You’re bouncing around to different things here. Computers is the one thing. If you and I were doing a phone session, we could really drill down on all the other things you’re passionate about. But the key here is, you’re not really enjoying what you’re doing currently for work. Maybe in your program there’s some kind of a specialty you could switch to.
The point being is, every time you learn something and you develop your talents, you develop as what Scott Adams says, “your talent stack.” So we know you have a passion for computers, but we don’t necessarily know what specialty you want to go into. So that’s why it’s so important to go after the things you’re curious about and you have intuition. If your overall degree is going to help you get multiple potential jobs and multiple potential career paths in computers, that’s fine.
It’s important to recognize when something’s not fun, and then keep looking. What else can I learn? Where can I go? Talk to the people you look for. Maybe there are other jobs or opportunities in that company to learn something you don’t know that you’re curious about. And if there is not opportunity, go somewhere that has the specialty the other company doesn’t offer.
The important thing in all of this is, when the passion’s gone, you need to make a fucking change. Most people go wrong because they get comfortable, they’ve got bills to pay, they’re earning a steady paycheck, whatever it happens to be.
Third Viewer’s Email:
Last fall I made a decision that has sort of upended my life and in the process, brought me to you. I’m a physics PhD student, but I decided that I wanted to drop out after I got my masters and go do something new. This decision to go somewhere new and try something new brought a great deal of stress into, and ultimately ended, my relationship at the time. That’s how I found you.
I don’t know how I ended up in grad school for physics. I like science, but I was never really passionate about being a scientist. I studied it to challenge myself (maybe even to prove myself), but I think I stayed in it because I was too afraid to start a real career.
That’s what a lot of people do. Remember, fear of success, fear of failure, fear that we’re not enough, fear that we don’t have what it takes, fear that we won’t be loved and accepted by our friends, family or peer group, this is something that all of us have a problem with. What you resist persists, and what you look at disappears.
In other words, if you’re too afraid to start a real career, then you need to get out and start working. It doesn’t mean that you’ve got to stay in that job for the rest of your life, but it means you need to get out there and experience the real world. Because you can always go back to school and continue your education if need be.
I didn’t know what I wanted to do, so staying in school was sort of safe, and I convinced myself that a post-graduate degree in physics would look good enough on my resume to go along with it.
At the end of the day, who cares about how good it looks on your resume? If it’s not going to help you get a great paying job doing something you’re excited about, how valuable is it really? It’s a sense of accomplishment, but a college degree should be part of what’s going to help you get that dream career that you want. And if a college degree is not necessary, then why waste your money, and especially some of you that are going into debt. It’s just not a good way to go.
After deciding to move on from physics, I thought maybe I should go to law school.
Well, you should only go to law school if you really want to be a fucking lawyer.
Well, after a lot of applications, too many rejections, and plenty of time to reflect, I’m starting to think that maybe this too was an effort to stay in school and avoid starting a real career, as well as to attain some superficial status by attending a fancy school instead of finding actual, fulfilling work. I’ve been afraid to make a career decision, because I’m still not sure what I want to do, and I’m afraid of getting stuck in the wrong career.
Again, if the job sucks, you can quit and go do something else once you’ve lined up a different job. You’re kind of suffering from the paralysis of analysis.
I’ve taken steps to find what I enjoy. I made a list of the things I like and find rewarding,
Well, it shouldn’t be things that you like. It should be things that you love.
but I haven’t hit upon anything concrete. Is fear keeping me from finding what I actually want to do?
I would say you’re using fear as the excuse to do nothing. Inaction breeds fear and doubt. Taking action breeds confidence and courage. So you’re afraid, and therefore you avoid it and do nothing. The reality is, you’re going to go work at jobs, and they might be cool for a little bit, but after a while you’re like, this sucks. I need to do something else.When you recognize that, that’s when it’s time for you to move on and try something else.
Or have I just not had enough life experience yet to know what I’m truly passionate about?
Yeah, because as you get busy working in things, you see opportunities. “What else is exciting in the industry that I can do?” A career is not one thing, one label. It doesn’t stay that way. You can specialize in pretty much any career. You’ve got to work at something to know whether you really like that.
Just like dating that hot girl you really want to date, after you date her for awhile, or you work that job for awhile that you thought was amazing, eventually you might get bored. You might realize, I want something else. I want to be challenged in another way. Then you’ve got to seek that opportunity and go make it happen.
I know I’m capable of success, but I feel like fear of failure is keeping me from finding my purpose.
Definitely get out and start working. And if you’re still struggling, if you’ve got things on your list you like versus love, then I would highly recommend you book a coaching session with yours truly. I know they’re expensive, but if you get this part of your life proper and correct and you get your list correct, now you’ve got your road map to build your life around. That is so critically important.
Go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab and book a coaching session. Also, “Mastering Yourself,” you can read it for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com. All you’ve got to do is subscribe to the newsletter. The whole path that I followed is in there. Learn from my mistakes and learn from what I did, because it works. Eventually, if you follow the path that’s in my book, your life is going to be the same way. And it’s way better than how most people live their lives.
Fourth Viewer’s Email:
Hi Coach Wayne,
I have a hard decision in my life to make. I am 22 years old and just graduated from college today. My family owns a large manufacturing business that does well.
I have been proposed two options from my family to take within the business. The first option is to work in sales and make around a 40k salary with no commission, BUT live wherever I want. Or take a senior executive position and make a 100k or more, BUT I live back home of a town of 4,000 people, no stoplights, and I am not very content with the town.
I feel almost that I need to take the senior executive role, as I am next in line for my family’s business, but I don’t want to regret not getting out of my hometown and going anywhere I want. I also feel like it would be hard to find a wife and settle with a family here. At the same time, I could invest so much money off that 100k salary or more into somewhere and be very well off by the time I am 35.
I would love to hear your thoughts. They would mean the world to me. Thank you so much.
Here’s the way I look at it. You’ve got an entry level opportunity in the family business. One pays you $100k and keeps you in a city you don’t want to be in. Another pays you $40k, and you can live anywhere. If it was me, just from what you wrote, you don’t want to live in the small town. You like the cash, but again you shouldn’t chase things because of the money. You should chase things because it’s exciting.
So if you can make $40k a year in sales and live anywhere, then go live somewhere that’s really exciting, really compelling and see how you like it. Because if you don’t have to live anywhere, you can sign a six-month lease or maybe you do Airbnb and check it out. Check out the night life, check out the scene, check out the social scene. If it sucks, guess what? You can move.
I would highly recommend, especially in this environment now with the coronavirus thing, that you’ll probably get a lot of Airbnbs for fucking cheap compared to how it normally is when there’s lots of people competing for them. So make a list of about five places where you’d want to live and work, and go there. Get your feet wet and learn the basics of being in sales from your family.
If you’re in sales, you want to maximize your income, but who cares? This is an entry level job, it allows you to get the fuck out of your city, and you’ve got a stable salary that pays you where you can live anywhere. Go find the town where you want to live and where you want to raise your family. It doesn’t mean you’ve got to work for your family the rest of your life.
Once you have some experience under your belt, find a job that pays more than you’re family is paying you. Use the negotiation tactics that are in my book to negotiate a better salary from your family or a commission type of job from your family down the road. And if they don’t want to give it to you, get a job and an opportunity that will pay you that. All that stuff is detailed in “Mastering Yourself.”
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“We work hardest at things we love and enjoy. Loving what you do causes you to obsess over it and put in the extra time required to become exceptional at it. When you become exceptional at doing things you love and enjoy, other people will notice. Exceptional people create their own luck, because opportunities find them due to the fact they are better at their job than all others who simply like their job or do it because it pays the bills. Accomplishing your grandest goals and dreams is a process that is the result of a life’s work that lights you up on the inside with a fire to succeed. In professional sports, the best players are the ones who are the most obsessed with improving and outperforming their peers, despite the fact everyone they compete against has talent. Learning to trust your intuition, heart, and curiosity and most importantly, acting upon them, is what enables you to accomplish your purpose and reach your full potential.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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