The importance of maintaining mystery in your relationship long-term, and how this helps to keep your woman interested in and curious about you, as well as sexually attracted to you.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who gives an update on all of his positive life and relationship changes since his wife left him. I discussed a previous email of his in my video newsletter titled, “Gaining Clarity & Closure.” He details how he has negotiated an amicable divorce and child custody arrangement with his ex-wife-to-be.
He also describes his new girlfriend, what their relationship is like and how much in love he is. He says she totally knocks his socks off. He asks how he can keep the mystery alive and remain a challenge to his girlfriend long-term. They have been together for five months now. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I trust that you are doing well. I’m excited about my life and wish to share that with you. This is an update. Nine months ago, I wrote to you, and you did a video on it, (“Gaining Clarity & Closure”), much to my surprise. Thank you. Rereading that email, it is funny to see the hubris that I was experiencing and the denial I was facing. (As Ayn Rand said, “We can ignore reality, but we can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.” Masculine energy grows through challenge. I try to tell you how it is, so you’ll step it up.) None of it was reality. I could not hold my shit together. She moved out a month later. The great news is, it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me! (When you go through a shitty time in life, it’s great to look back and say, “That was the best fucking thing that ever happened to me.”) Immediately after she moved out, I had dates lined up. I dated multiple women for a while and continue to apply what you teach. I looked up Doc Love as well, per your recommendation. I realized that I do not prefer dating multiple women. (The reality is, most guys don’t, but for guys who never had choices, it’s nice to finally date around and see what you want.) The new and exciting takes away from the other women, so I kept it to two women. Even then, the new one won out. Serendipity has been very fortunate to me, but then again, I’ve been working my ass off and doing my best to stay in an intuitive state. I realize now that a majority of the sting from losing the wife was withdrawal from co-dependence. If you haven’t read this book, it is amazing: “Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment.” (No, I have not read that book or heard of it, but it’s smart to study codependency, so you can be aware of it, and understand why you feel attraction for certain people. A lot of times, they are unhealthy behaviors you learned in childhood, because of your upbringing.) Of course, it doesn’t take attraction into account.
I found somebody that I never thought would be possible. She knocks my fucking socks off, (As with anything in life, unless it’s the kind of person you really aspire to be with, you won’t give it 100%), and we’ve been dating about 5 months. It’s amazing being with someone where both of your interest levels are at maximum. We have almost all of the same interests, and she is very giving, flexible, and feminine, knows what it means to be in her feminine, and is gorgeous. (Sex is only going to be a small part of the relationship, so when you’re not having sex, you want to be with someone you love hanging out with.) She also loves the psychology of relationships, and is very supportive of my purpose. (That’s really awesome. If a woman doesn’t support what you do for a living, you are with the wrong woman. You need a woman who is your biggest cheerleader — someone who’s excited for you and who helps you.) When she tells me about her past, and how she never got married, it’s because NOBODY seems to do what you teach. (As I discuss in my book, in any industry, it’s the top 3% who are making all the money and have all the toys.) Men just get slaughtered out there. It’s amazing how, when her attraction level is 9+, and consistently stays there, she will just confess of her own volition anything and everything that shows how much better or different you are and confessing anything in her life that could be potentially harmful to the relationship. You never have to say a word, just listen and be strong, following the principles from your book, and ALL the doors stay wide open. (When you’re with someone who values communication and puts a great emphasis on learning about relationships, even if the relationship runs it course, you’ll be able to have an amazing, effortless friendship with them for the the rest of your life.)
I’ve been working out, phasing out my current work, and am moving towards my purpose, which has always been to help people, as you are helping them. There is so much need for it, and yet I still have a lot to learn. Though my past weakness was always the initial attraction level, once I get past that, it has always been easy. In order to increase this, along with working out, I now have a beard! It’s insane how women pick up on your emotional state, and on being true to your masculine essence. Hell, I even had an attractive woman in her early 20’s, and I’m 35, hit on me in a store. I wasn’t even paying attention, and she started apologizing to my girlfriend, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know he was with you.” The looks I get sometimes. I swear it’s the beard, HA! (It’s partly because with you’re with a hot woman you love and don’t feel like you’re lacking or missing anything. Therefore, you’re in a peaceful and relaxed state all the time. People will be drawn to that energy.)
My marriage fell apart, because I didn’t marry someone who was a reflection of the realization of my true potential. Subsequently, I lost interest, took her for granted, opening her up to being dated by someone else, while blindly thinking she valued loyalty. (If you get into a relationship with someone who doesn’t value loyalty, and things aren’t going well, they’ll just cheat on you.) Using your material and others, I have been able to negotiate a very amicable, fair divorce, am not in a hostile situation with the ex-wife, and custody is 50/50 of our 2 year old son. (It’s not in an attorney’s interest to settle things. That’s why it’s important to discuss things with your wife and find out the outcome she wants so you don’t run up your bills.) I have reached level 2C in NSA as well, (For more information on Network Spinal Analysis, look at my article and video, “How To Become More Confident & Sure Of Your Actions.” It helps to put your physiology into a peaceful and relaxed state, which makes you more attractive), and practice heavy meditation several times a week. I’ve also cleaned up my diet, sold the house, and moved to a great location.
I am happier now than I’ve ever been in my life, will continue to push forward, and keep up the studying. I do have a question, but no response is necessary. Peppering challenge into the relationship seems difficult to gauge, at times, though it is an essential part of attraction. I don’t want to purposefully pull back, but I want to have the presence of challenge. I say no when it’s appropriate, stand my ground, and without having to say it, I’m fairly confident she knows if she pushes too much, I’ll walk. Can you give me an example or two of how you present challenge during the normal course of a week in a long-term relationship? How do you do this if you decide to live with someone, and you see them everyday? (You’re focused on being mysterious or challenging, but you’re missing the point. This tells me you probably haven’t read my book the full 10-15 times, even though everything seems to be going really well. Remember, women want your attention all of the time when they’re in love, so when you’re focused on your purpose and your mission in life, she’s going to be trying to get your attention. As long as you continue to date and court her properly, you will keep her chasing and pursuing you. Also, when a woman feels heard and understood through communication, as I discuss in my article and video, “How To Communicate With Women Effectively,” the legs open, and when she doesn’t, the legs close. If she’s pursuing you, then you’re being enough of a challenge to her.)In light,
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“In life, when one door closes, another one tends to open. The more comfortable you are with change and trying new things determines how smoothly you are able to traverse life’s challenges, setbacks and unexpected circumstances. Life is a continuous process of taking on bigger risks, challenges and dreams. Stretching beyond your comfort zone is how you expand your skills, ability and knowledge. Reaching your full potential requires you to decide what you want, why you want it and executing a plan of consistent action, learning from your mistakes, refining your approach, persisting without exception and getting better.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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