My Ex Came Back, But Stonewalled Me!

How to handle women who try to come back into your life only to stonewall communication and be difficult.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email update from a viewer whose email I answered in my previous newsletter, “How Neediness & Not Acting Worthy Leads To Rejection.” His ex started contacting him again, but she started stonewalling him when he tries to communicate with her. She dumped him. He is seeing other women and she is getting upset about it, but she is the one who wants to work on herself instead.

He doesn’t want to wait or put his life on hold for her. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

You’ll see in his email, he’s still kind of got some of the same issues, some of the same approval seeking behavior. This woman rejected him. She’s saying “I can’t see you or get too serious, because I’ve got to work on myself,” and then he’s moving on with his life, and she gets upset with him. And then he’s running after her, getting all wrapped up in her emotions and her moods, when she was the one that dumped him. And as I talk about in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” the person that does the dumping, the one that messes it up, has got to be the one who fixes it. She messed it up, so she’s got to fix it. But when you see how he reacts, he’s still running after her, kind of like a little puppy dog, so it’s a bad way to go.

Also, I got demonetized on Facebook because apparently saying “women are like cats, men are like dogs” is now classified hate speech, which is absurd. So, if you like my content, and you want to continue following me, go to Rumble.com at the Coach Corey Wayne channel and follow me there, because things just seem to be getting worse and worse on social media.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach!

I’m the guy from the video newsletter: “How Neediness & Not Acting Worthy Leads To Rejection.” I followed “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” and she actually called me asking if I was dating a coworker, (my ex and I work together). I asked why was she so interested in whom I date, to which she replied, “I still have feelings for you, but I want to work on myself, and I was thinking maybe we can try again in the future.”

So, basically, she’s like, “Hey, put your life on hold because I may want to circle back to you.”

I said, “I understand that, but I’m not going to put my life on hold waiting for you.” I ended up making a date, and we had fun. She also asked if I was talking to anyone else, and I told her yes. The date ended in me kissing her and her blushing like crazy.

Well, you shouldn’t be “making dates.” You should be inviting her to your place to make dinner in the evening. You’re violating what I talk about in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” If she screwed it up, she’s got to come to you on your terms. And the reason you make dates in the evening is because a woman knows if she’s coming over to make dinner at your place in the evening that sex is on the table.

It communicates, just by the nature of the date, what you’re looking for and what you’re open to. And women that aren’t down with that – if they just want some attention and validation, maybe things aren’t going well with a new guy or somebody else that they’re seeing – they’ll try to get you to meet them out, and pick them up, and go to coffee and those things, and you just don’t do that. She’s got to earn another chance with you.

Fast forward to a week later, I was going on a date with another girl and called her after work. My ex was right behind me, so I assume she heard me talking on the phone.

Hey, her loss. She’s the one saying she’s got to work on herself. She ended the relationship. Therefore, if she wants to prevent losing you to another woman, she better get her shit together. Simple as that.

After I hung-up, my ex power-walked past me as I told her, “Bye you.” To which she kept walking and flipped me off.

Oh, boy. I’d just be ecstatic about the chance of getting back together with somebody like that. She breaks it off with you, doesn’t want to get back together or see you very much, because she’s working on herself. And then you go out on a date with another girl, and she flips you off. Don’t get caught up in her emotions.

This let me know she was pissed off, so later on in the day I texted her a meme…

Again, you’re still chasing after this girl, still trying to get her attention and validation. You just rewarded her giving you the finger at work. She broke it off. You’re communicating that you’re perturbed and your butt-hurt. When she flips you off like that, that’s the kind of thing that should make you go, “Yeah. I’m not really excited about giving her another chance with that kind of an attitude,” but instead, you go groveling to her like a little puppy dog. Come on, man.

…and she replied with a thumbs up. I asked her if everything was okay, and she left me on read.

This is why you don’t chase. This is the whole issue that led to the initial breakup, you seeking her attention and validation. I mean, she dumped you and she disrespected you at work, and yet you’re still chasing after her like a little puppy saying, “Please kick me again, your highness,”

I then looked on her Facebook and her status said, “I have feelings for you, but I’m not going to wait for you.” Basically saying, “I don’t care about you. I will not make the time for you. You only care as much as 50/50.”

You’re making all these assumptions, dude. But, at the end of the day, it’s just another way for her to give you the finger, because she knows that you’re scanning her social media and losing your shit. It doesn’t seem like you’ve learned much since the last time I answered your email. You’ve got to read the book and apply it, dude. You can’t just keep doing the same behavior that got you rejected and think things are going to change.

This pissed me off, as it was completely wrong. So, I grounded myself and sent her one last text saying, “This is one of those times where I’m trying to understand you. I can’t do that if you don’t talk to me. Your status is completely wrong. I clearly care about you and your son. Because, despite you breaking up with me and essentially throwing me away, I am still here. You are both very important to me.”

“Please pay attention to me, Mommy. Mommy, pay attention to me.” I mean, it sounds pathetic, dude. Seriously, guys in the comments, feel free to pile on. Maybe he’ll get the message. This is not what the book teaches, dude. You’re doing the opposite of it. You’re still behaving the same way that got you rejected.

She wasn’t a good communicator in our relationship, so this text was meant to try and open her up.

Come on, bro.

I know I probably shouldn’t have sent it.

You think?

But I am seeing another girl, so I’m more okay if it’s over than how I’ve ever been.

Well, that’s good, but you don’t chase after a girl, trying to seek her attention and validation when she flicks you off at work like that. She dumped you. It’s like, come on, dude. Have some self respect.

Clearly, she’s mad that I’m seeing other people.

Well, she’s mad because you’re acting like a bitch, really. She’s disgusted and repulsed by it. That’s what’s really going on. She knows how to push your buttons and, obviously, is still very capable of doing that.

But Coach, I’m so confused as to why that would cause her to post that status.

Because she knows how to push your buttons. Women are going to test a man’s strength. If they know how to make a guy lose his shit, which she obviously does, boom!

What should I do?

Nothing. You should be dating new women, moving on with your life and actually applying what it says in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” instead of reading it and bullshitting yourself into thinking, “Oh yeah, I’m following it,” and then continuing to the same behavior that got you dumped.

Also, she had invited me to her son’s birthday party in June, but should I still go if she stonewalled me? 

Thanks Coach!

Bob

I would never bring up going to her son’s birthday party. I mean, she’s flicking you off, dude, and you’re chasing after her. You’re not even together with her anymore. You’re just kind of an option for her. And yet you’re going, “What do I do about the birthday party in June?” I mean, we’re middle of May. It’s like, who cares? She’s got to be the one to convince you that it’s worth your time to go to her son’s birthday party. So, who gives a shit?

Again, you’ve got this girl on a pedestal, you’re treating her like some kind of celebrity, and you’re giving all of your power away. It’s disgusting. It makes you look like a suffocating beta male. It’s not attractive. This is not how you attract women. This is how you repulse them and cause them to lose all respect for you. It’s a bad way to go, dude.

You’ve got to follow what the book teaches and what it teaches in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” because you’re literally doing the opposite. Nothing has changed since your last email. You’re maybe holding back a little bit more and taking your time to respond, and you’re starting to date other women, but you’re still obsessed over what’s going on with this girl. You should let her do 100% of the calling, texting, and pursuing. That’s right out of “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” You don’t text her and try to get her attention and validation when she flicks you off at work. It’s like, come on, man. You need to wake the fuck up. It’s a bad way to go. I mean, it just makes you look bad. It makes you look unattractive and undesirable.

If I were you, I’d be focusing on the new girl and any other girls that you meet. The greatest gift you can give anybody is the gift of your time. She abused you and abused your time, and what do you do? You’re chasing after her, trying to give her even more of it. You don’t validate bad behavior. You validate and reward good behavior with more of your time and your presence. And so, all you’re doing is communicating to her that you want it to happen again and again, to keep abusing you again and again and again.

She should be doing 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. You make dates in the evening at your place that can lead to sex. If she doesn’t want to come over and make dinner, guess what? You don’t make a date with her, and then you spend your time with other women. If she gets butt-hurt and perturbed by other women, say, “Hey, you said you needed to work on yourself. I told you I’m not waiting around. I’ve got nice girls that are hitting on me. What am I supposed to do? I’ve got fans. I don’t want to let anybody down. I’ve got to take care of the ladies.” That should be your attitude towards it.

It’s like, who cares? Let her feel remorseful. Let her feel like, “Oh my God, I’m going to lose the best thing that ever happened to me.” Instead, all you’ve communicated is you’re still wrapped around her finger, and she can pull her pants down, Amber Heard style, and crap all over your bed. And you go, “Oh, please come over and crap on my bed again.” Come on, man, have some self respect.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.