She Said She Doesn’t Want To Be With Me Anymore. What Now?

What you should do if your girl says she doesn’t want to be with you anymore.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who’s been married for 14 years and recently retired from the United States Marine Corps after 20 years. They have six kids. He recently found out she was on a weird fetish website and was talking to another man. He ran the dude off when he threatened to expose the little worm for hitting on his wife. She says she will give it until the end of the year, but has said she doesn’t want to stay in the relationship.

He wants to keep his family together, but she’s very cold and distant. He asks my opinion on what to do. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a viewer who has been with his wife for 14 years. He recently retired from the United States Marine Corps after 20 years, and they have six kids together. He recently found out she was on some kind of weird foot fetish website, and she was talking to another guy who happened to be married. They’ve been conversing for, I guess, about three or four months now, and he found out about it and got in touch with this guy and basically told him, “If you don’t leave my wife alone, I’m going to get in touch with your wife and let her know what you’re doing.” He ran that guy off, but after talking to his wife, she’s like, “Well, I don’t really want to be in a relationship. You basically told me, ‘Fuck my feelings,'” and he’s like, “Well, give it a chance.” She says, “I’ll give it until the end of the year,” but she’s clearly not happy. On top of that, I guess this dude that she was conversing with was not in the same city or whatever, so it was just an online thing and she’s like, “Oh, he’s just a friend.”

There’s some other red flags that he’s noticed. She stopped sharing her location and things are just not looking good, but he wants to keep his family together. He just came across my work, he read 3% Man once and he’s wondering, “What the hell should I do?” She’s kind of cold and distant, they did have sex one time after all of this happened, but she’s like an ice queen right now.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I just finished reading your book (How to be a 3% Man). First, I’ll admit it was a huge eye-opener. I’m trying to figure out how to apply some of those principles when there are extenuating circumstances.

I’ve been married for 14 years, recently retired from the Marine Corps after 20 years, and have moved on to the next chapter of our lives. My wife and I have six children, ranging from 13 to two years old.

You guys have been busy. Six kids..

Since April this year, my wife has been involved on a website called FeetFinder.com.

I didn’t even know it was a thing, but apparently there is a FeetFinder.com. Must have something to do with foot fetishes. That’s weird. People are freaks, that’s all I know.

It has escalated to the point where recently she violated some boundaries we had established by giving her number to another married guy (I looked him up), and commenced to having 30 minutes to one hour long conversations. When I confronted her about it, she stated it was platonic and just someone to vent to, something I couldn’t control.

Well, if she’s going to vent to anybody, she should be venting to the father of her children and the fact that she’s not doing that, that tells me at some point she gave up. If I was to talk to her, she would probably say, “He never listens.” So probably when she wants to talk and vent, you try to solve her problems, which is typically what most guys do. Then she just feels like he doesn’t get it, “He doesn’t understand me,” and probably when they argue, she goes, “You’re not listening.” He’s like, “What are you talking about? I’m here.” You should definitely watch the video How To Communicate With Women Effectively. It’s referenced in 3% Man. I mean, that video has got to be 12, 13, 14 years old I think at this point, but it’s very simple.

One of the things you need to do every day you come home from work or whatever it is you do is, “Hey babe, how was your day?” Just get her to talk. You got to think of talking. Getting a woman to talk is kind of like the pressure relief valve on a water heater. It lets off the steam, because if you don’t date and court your wife properly, eventually some other guy will. I mean, he’s in the Marine Corps and I’m sure he’s been deployed. If he’s there for 20 years, he was deployed for months, maybe a year at a time. I mean, that’s what she signed up for, was the fact that her husband was not going to be around because he’s in the Marine Corps. That’s just a fact of that, but if he didn’t take the time to open her up, make her feel heard and understood and he stopped dating and courting her, like even when he came back home from deployments, he wasn’t dating and courting her.

I’ve been doing this 20 years and when you’ve done thousands and thousands of phone sessions over two decades and you’re dealing with attraction issues and how to attract somebody that’s lost attraction and respect for you, you see the same patterns over and over, and every guy in long term relationships usually does the same two things: They don’t make her feel heard and understood and they stop dating and courting her.

If you got six kids, I know it’s kind of tough, you need at least two, maybe three times a month, you got to have a date night for just the two of you. That means you get a babysitter, you get grandma, grandpa, aunts, uncles, whoever people you trust obviously, to watch your kids while you guys go out and have a date so you can keep the romance alive. Your relationship will not survive if you don’t date and court your girl at least two to three times a month when you got kids. If you don’t have kids, then you got to have at least one date night a week. If you’re busy professionals, you just have to, because if you don’t date and court your wife, eventually some other guy is going to, and that’s obviously what’s happened here. Happens to a lot of dudes, and it’s not fun to find out.

Needless to say, that was terminated when I threatened to expose that worm to his wife. Fast-forward, the trust has been broken, and I’m doing what you describe in your book, sleeping with one eye open. While there was an apology, there was no ask for forgiveness.

Most recently, we had a conversation where she told me she felt the last 14 years revolved around, “Fuck my feelings,” and abandonment.

I can understand she feels that way, because if you’re physically away on deployment or training or whatever, it’s her and all those kids that she’s got to take care of. Any woman is naturally going to feel like you’re just not there, but you were clearly in the Marine Corps when she met you, and that’s what she signed up for, but it doesn’t excuse the fact you didn’t make her feel heard and understood. The fact she said, “Fuck her feelings” tells me she explained things, probably complained about the same thing over and over and over again and eventually she gave up because you didn’t listen, you didn’t take any corrective action, or you wanted to use logic and reason to try to solve the problem. All it communicated to her was that you just really didn’t care to understand her. That’s how it comes across to women, because if you don’t make them feel heard and understood, the legs are going to close. If they feel heard and understood, the legs are going to open.

You’re supposed to be the rock. You’re supposed to be the mountain. You’re supposed to be the guy that she can come to and invent. The fact that she’s venting with some dude she found on FeetFinder.com, I didn’t even know that was a thing, tells me that she basically gave up and kind of checked out. Just assumed that she’s not going to be able to reach you or get through to you.

Only recently did she wake up and realize she checked out of the marriage years ago. It culminated with her telling me she didn’t want to be in the relationship anymore. Like a dumb ass, and before reading your book, I asked for one last chance to make things right. She pondered the request and said she would give it until the start of the new year to determine if she still wanted to be in the relationship. I think she’s just biding time to set herself up before she pulls the trigger to leave.

So she’s threatening to end the relationship, she’s threatening to leave, she’s involved another guy in her personal life. One thing I would do if I were you, the smart thing, the prudent thing to do because you always need to know your downside risk, is to go talk to a divorce attorney and apprise him of your situation. Whatever state you happen to live in, he can advise you on what the laws are. Also, if she has access to all of your cash and all of your assets, especially if you got all your money in just a joint bank account, then I’d keep that bank account, but I would open another one and put the majority of your life savings in another bank account that she’s not on. You can open up a bank account at the same bank, but you’re the only signatory on it so she has no way to get access to it. Or you could just go to another bank, get a cashier’s check from your existing checking account, go to a different bank and open up another account and just your name there. That way she can’t just wipe you out because women in these situations, they can be pretty fucking ruthless. If they decide that they want to leave you, they won’t feel any remorse for emptying the bank accounts, starting a new bank account, and putting all your cash in there and they use that to pay their bills and attorney’s fees, get themselves an apartment and those kinds of things.

So the prudent thing to do would be, as Ronald Reagan said, “Trust but verify.” Trust that she’s going to actually make a good effort to make the marriage work for the sake of your kids. I mean, you got six fucking kids already. If she’s going to leave, she’s going to be the one that moves out, not you. A man does not leave his castle. So that way, if mom leaves, then guess what? She’s got to explain to all the children why she’s breaking the family up, and that’s obviously very painful for a woman to have to explain, that the worst thing you can do is leave your house and let her stay there, because then it looks like you left the family. So if she wants to leave, she can leave, but you’re staying in the house and you also don’t go and sleep in the guest bedroom in your house. If she wants to sleep in the guest bedroom, she can do that. If she wants to sleep in the couch, she can do that. You’re the king. Be the king of your castle. If your fair maiden is unhappy and she wants the couch or she wants the spare bedroom, she can go there, but a man does not leave his castle because his girl is upset with him.

So like I said, that would be the first thing I would do. As soon as you got time today, tomorrow, go to the bank, transfer all your cash over to a different bank account, just leave enough in there to pay the bills so she doesn’t have access to it and she can’t clean it out. If she down the road she’s like, “Where did all the money go?” It’s like, “I put it in another bank account.” She’s like, “Why?” “I put it in another bank account, because I don’t trust you. You’re lying to me. You started an affair. An emotional affair with another man that you met on a website. On top of that, you’re giving out your phone number to other dudes, and you’re acting like you’re a free agent. You’re also telling me you don’t want to be in the relationship anymore, so I have to protect myself and our family. If you want to break our family up, everybody’s going to know that it was you that wrecked it, our children are going to know, and you’re going to have to explain to them why you’re leaving. I’m not leaving. I’m not going anywhere. I want to keep our family together, but I’m not going to try to force you to stay if you don’t want to stay. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.” That’s just the prudent thing to do, because if you let her have access to all of your cash and she decides to leave, don’t be surprised if you wake up one day and your bank account has been completely cleaned out and she opened up one somewhere else and you have no access to it.

You got to be smart. You got to be prudent, because if she does that, you don’t even have the money to hire a divorce attorney, and then she can use your cash to hire a divorce attorney and pay for it with your money, the money that you earn. I assume with that many kids, she’s probably a stay-at-home mom.

Weirdly, we are still sleeping in the same bed, have had sex at least once since this discussion and still speak to one another, but the intimacy is severely lacking, short kisses, not wanting to be touched, etc.

Well, you got to read the book 10 to 15 times. You’ve got to learn this stuff so you can clean your behavior up and stop doing all of the unattractive things that turn her off. You can put the audio-book on two-speed and listen to it on two-speed while you follow along with a digital or physical copy. That way you can get through the book in about four hours. You got to get the reads in so you can learn what you’re doing wrong. Plus, to learn the seduction process, the fact that she doesn’t want to be touched tells me that you’re touching her, trying to seduce her and initiate physical intimacy when she’s not open to it. That tells me you don’t know the book, and as he says at the end, he still really doesn’t know what the hell to do.

You should also look over 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. What you got to understand is you guys are still living the same house, you’re still sleeping in the same bed. Your family technically is still together. She hasn’t left. Don’t you dare move out of the master suite or your house because she’s butt-hurt or says she doesn’t want to be with you because then it looks like you’re the guilty one, especially to the children. This way, if mom leaves, then the kids are all going to know that mom fucked the family up and they’re gonna be like, “Mom, why are you leaving? Dad, what’s going on? Why are you breaking the family up? I don’t understand that. Why are you talking to this dude in another city or another state who’s married? What’s up with that?” I mean, what kind of value system is that? It’s also one of the discussions that you have. “What do you what do you think it’s teaching our children about honesty and loyalty?” What does Semper Fidelis mean? Always faithful. “Is that is that the way you want to teach our children? To be lying, backstabbing dirt-bags? Is that the value system you want to instill in our six children? What the hell are you thinking?”

Like I said, you got to get your affairs in order talk to a divorce attorney just so you know what the downside risk is. Don’t tell her about the fact you talked to a divorce attorney. Again, the first thing you need to do is create another bank account that only you have access to and put the majority of your cash in there and your assets so she doesn’t have access to it and just say, “I opened up another bank account,” and only deposit money in there that she needs to pay her bills or buy groceries or whatever it happens to be, but the majority of the lion’s share of your paycheck is going to go into a bank account that only you have access to. You just got to protect yourself. You got six kids and a household to worry about, but the fact that you’re still in the same house, sleeping in the same bed and you had sex once, there’s a chance to put it back together because she hasn’t left you yet.

The fact that you’re trying to seduce her and you’re getting rejected tells me that you don’t understand the seduction process. What you do to get your wife is what you do to keep her. You got to start dating and courting her again. Maybe a good thing to do is to get somebody to watch the kids over the weekend and take your wife to like a bed and breakfast, or you don’t have to spend a fortune, just someplace where you can go away for a couple of days, just the two of you. What’s the formula? Hang out, have fun while you’re hanging out and when the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced, then you reciprocate the physical contact that she’s already initiating.

Like I said in the beginning of the video, one of the first immediate changes you need to make when you come home from work, “Hey, babe. How was your day?” Just get her to talk. Get her to open up. “What else? Tell me more.” Don’t try to solve or fix her problems. If you feel the urge to give advice, say, “Do you want me just to listen, or do you want my opinion?” Usually she’ll say, No. I just want you to listen.” I’d be like, “What else? Tell me more. How did that make you feel?” Just get her to talk, because this is what the dude, the little worm as you put it, was doing that was talking to your wife. She was venting to him. She should be venting to you, but she stopped venting to you because she felt like you didn’t care and it was pointless anyways. So you got to get in the habit of getting her to talk to you, to open up to you, to share your feelings, share your thoughts, share what’s going on and just be a good listener, just like I talk about in the book. Immediately I would plan a date for you and her. Again, get a babysitter, handle those things and the two of you need to get back to having fun together. Love is playful and fun after all.

Think about when you first started dating her. What did you do? You were really attracted to her, you were interested in her, you were fascinated by her, you wanted to know everything you could about her. So what did you do? You asked lots of questions. You took a sincere, authentic interest in who she was. You really wanted to know what made her tick. What were her dreams? What were her loves? What were her passions? What she loves doing for fun? These were all things that you were interested in and wanted to discover. If you think about it, you made a date, you “Hung out.” Hanging out is arranging the date and creating the opportunity for sex to happen.

On the date, what did you do on the date? You had fun. You made her laugh, you teased her and you mostly listened and at some point she started playing with her hair, exposing her neck to you, touching your arm, standing too close, bumping into you, walking down the street together and she bumps into you, her hand bumps yours. Then you gently take her hand and now you’re holding hands walking down the street and at some point you could tell because she was physically close to you where she was touching you and you can use the Kiss test that’s in the book. You just look at her lips, then into her eyes, then her lips, and then in her eyes again. If she does this when you’re doing that and looks at your lips or just looks at your lips, then kiss her, because that means she’s open to it and she’s ready to be kissed. The order is hang out, make the date, have fun while you’re on the date and when the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced, usually towards the end of the date that’s when you make the move physical. You don’t put the cart before the horse. Now, if everything was great in your relationship and you guys were fucking like rabbits all the time, you could just come home from work and start rubbing her, grab her by the pussy and start rubbing it, pull her pants down and slide on in there and give her a couple of happy finishes. You’ll have total access to the box, but because she’s shut down to you, you can’t do that.

You have to go through the process. You got to think in terms of you’re kind of restarting the courtship of your marriage, but you’re also protecting yourself because of the downside risk. As far as the opening the bank account, I wouldn’t tell her about that unless she asks about it. Then just tell her why you did that. I’d go talk to a divorce attorney just so he can advise you of whatever the laws are in your state and your city. In case it doesn’t work out, you got to protect yourself. Again, you got six kids to worry about, and you don’t want to be left with an empty bank account and be out of your house and now you got nothing. So you got to take care of those things. Then in the meantime, as far as she knows, every day you come home, “Hey, how was your day, babe?” You get her to talk, you get her to open up, she’ll slowly start talking and she’ll probably tell you things that are uncomfortable that you don’t like to hear, and you got to bite your tongue. Just take it in, because obviously she’s pretty hurt and she’s going to say things that are probably mean and not very nice.

You got to be calm because masculinity is calm, feminine energy is chaos. As you know obviously, from your time being deployed and combat experience, you got to be calm, you got to be relaxed because that’s when you’re most aware. If you’re losing your shit and you’re freaking out in combat, you get your head blown off. So in a relationship, if you lose your shit, you’re acting like another chick. You’re not acting like a stoic, masculine man who’s calm, who’s cool, who’s collected, who’s relaxed. Masculinity is calm, feminine energy is the chaotic one. She can be chaotic, she can get emotional, she can get upset, she can cry, she can have the waterworks, but you just be stoic, listen, get her to open up, get her to share and get her to talk, because as she does that, it’s like the pressure relief valve on a water heater. It will calm her down, especially when she feels like you’re actually listening and taking it in. Especially if she said something and, “Man, I really was a dick,” or if maybe she says something and she took something a certain way that was not your intent.

The way to apologize say, “I’m sorry that what I did made you feel that way. It was not my intent at all. Baby, I’m really sorry about that. That was not my intent at all. I absolutely adore you. We have six kids together. We have a beautiful family, and we need to think about them and not be so selfish. Yeah, we both have fucked up in our marriage, but it’s not the end of the world. It’s not unfixable, but we both have to participate in the rescue of our family. I’m willing to do that and you should be willing to do that. I would think our six kids, at least you got to give it the old college try for the next several months, because what do you think is going to happen to the children if we split up, especially if you’re the one packing your bags and leaving? They’re all going to be pissed off at you because you broke up our beautiful family. I don’t think that’s something that you’re excited about. To talk to some other dude who’s married? Come on, we have too much beautiful love and children in this beautiful house that we built together just to piss it away because you’re big mad at me. Granted, I’m sure I’ve made lots of mistakes and done a lot of fucking up, but let’s work together to fix this so I can meet your needs, you can meet mine and we can continue to raise these beautiful humans of ours so someday we can grow up and be like, ‘Man, my kids are everything.’ The proudest achievement I have is my children. The best thing I ever did was this beautiful family.” That should be a collective goal for the both of you to focus on.

Again hang out, have fun while you’re hanging out and hook up. If every day you come home, you open her up, you’re teasing her playfully, you’re joking around the way you used to do, you got to think about how were you when you guys, those first few months, that first year or so, that you guys were together and dating. You were doing everything right. What you did to get her is what you got to do to keep her. At some point in the marriage, the courtship stopped, you stopped listening to her, you stopped opening her up. Every woman has a breaking point. Now based upon character, character being destiny, a woman who just really had enough is going to leave and take some time to heal, get her own place, get re-established, and when she’s ready, then she’ll start dating. A woman with low character is just going to try to monkey branch and basically kind of behave like your wife is behaving.

I guess I’m trying to figure out how I’m supposed to practice this art of withdrawing to get her to come back if we are living under the same roof.

It’s not about withdrawing. You’re not in a situation where you’re in no contact. You still live together, you’re still sleeping in the same bed. The problem is, she doesn’t feel intimacy with you. She doesn’t feel like you care about her. That’s why I said a good thing to start doing today is, “Hey, babe, how was your day?” As soon as you come home and get her to talk. Even if it’s just an hour. If she says things that tell you, maybe she shares a few things that she’s upset at you about. “OK well, tell me more about that. Why do you feel that way? What did I do to make you feel that way?” And then just let her talk, let her emote. “What else? What do you mean?” If you don’t understand something, don’t assume. Just say, “What do you mean? I’m not sure where you’re coming from.”

Would withdrawing and backing off (Says she felt smothered) feed into the excuse of feeling abandoned?

Well, if she says she feels smothered, that means that you’re calling too much, you’re texting too much, you’re spending too much time with her. You’re worried and you stink of fear, basically. You’re afraid that you’re going to lose your wife and your family. You have to let women come to you at their pace. Again, the first thing you do when you come home is, “Hey babe, how was your day?” The fact that you’re getting rejected when you try to initiate intimacy tells me that you’re not recognizing the signs. Again, reading the book once is not going to fix this. You got to read it 10 to 15 times so you can learn to clean up your behavior, because each time you go through the book, you’re going to learn a little bit more, you’re going to remember a little bit more, you’re going to connect a few more of the dots and you go, “Oh OK, now I get it.” Each time you go through the book, you’re going to get maybe 7%, 8% of it. That’s it. You got to put the time in with it. I mean, you were a dedicated dude. You spent 20 years in the Marine Corps. That tells me you’re extremely disciplined. If you’re disciplined, be disciplined about the book and learning the materials so you can keep your family together, because it’s definitely salvageable if that’s what you want to do, which it sounds like.

Again, if you were deployed and gone all the time, feeling abandoned, meaning even though you were in the house physically, you weren’t taking the time to open her up. So you’re kind of a stranger. You’re like roommates.

I’m so lost and don’t know how I should act or what I should do. I have already expressed that I am not a roommate. 

Other red flag behaviors:

• Privacy screen protector.
• Turned off location sharing on phone.
• Have no idea who she’s talking to now.
• Claims it’s her body, her choice and what she chooses to share.
• Doesn’t see an issue with having male “friends.”

Please help me. 

Sincerely,

Bob

Sounds like she’s got a little bit of the feminism virus, but it’s not OK to be hanging out with male dudes unless they’re gay and say, “Oh, it’s only a friend.” If there’s a guy that’s wanting to talk to your wife and he’s single, he’s not talking to her because he wants to be your pal. He’s talking to her because he wants to fuck her. So you need to tell her, “Look, we’re still together. We have six children. You said you’re going to give it until the end of the year. So if you’re going to give it until the end of the year, I’m working on my marriage. ‘I’m giving my husband a chance.’ We got six kids together, so you need to respect that. Let us work on this. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll get in touch with you, but you going and sharing the intimate details of our relationship or ‘venting?’ You should be venting to me. You got to make a sincere, authentic effort to keep the family together. You did commit to do it through the end of the year, and I’m willing to look past the things that you’ve done, these transgressions, which this is disloyal behavior and you’ve been unfaithful to me and our children. You haven’t been the wife you promised to be, and you haven’t been the mother you need to be to our children. You got to think about how this is going to affect them if we split up, and you have to explain to them that you were cheating on their father with another man who, happened to be married it looks like?”

Granted, it looks like it was only emotional cheating and they were just chatting. It didn’t get to the point where they were having sex yet, but the fact that she’s hiding her phone, that’s not a good look. You could tell her, “If you’re wanting me to trust you and continue to invest in our marriage and our family, you can’t be hiding things from me. You can’t have the location sharing turned off and then just disappear because that looks like you’re cheating. If you’re cheating and you’re fucking another guy, I’m not going to stay with you. The kids are all going to know that you were disloyal, you were a liar and you were a cheater, and you’re going to have to explain that to our two-year-old and our 13-year-old and the rest of our kids. I don’t think you want to probably have that kind of conversation. So you need to pull your head out of your ass and think about what you’re doing and how you’re showing up, because this is not OK behavior. I’m willing to give things a chance, but you’ve got to make the effort. You should turn back on sharing your location. That shows me that you’re being loyal, and it’s worth my time, my energy and my money investing in us. If you just want to hide that, that tells me you got another life going on and you’re expecting me just to sit around with my thumbs up my ass while my wife disappears for hours on end and I have no idea where she’s at or who she’s with, and I’m supposed to just trust her? I don’t think so. Make a sincere effort. Aren’t our six kids worth it? Fourteen years is not worth just giving 90 days? Come on. You really want to tell the children, ‘Yeah after 14 years, I don’t think any of you are worth me giving the family another 90 days to make our family work?’ That’s what you want to explain to the children? Come on.”

“Her body, her choice.” I don’t know if that’s what she says when you’re trying to seduce her or if she’s saying she can share it with whoever she wants, I don’t really understand how you’ve ordered this, but having male friends? Again, these are not male friends. These are men that are hoping to fuck your wife. That is, if they’re not gay. These are dudes that are hoping to fuck your wife, “So they need to step aside and you need to tell them to leave you alone because you already committed to give it until the end of the year. So let’s do that. It’s 90 days. I promise to be the best husband that I can be. I’ll make the effort. I’ll take the time to let you vent. I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you. I’m sorry I made you feel like I was abandoning you. It wasn’t my intent at all. I got caught up. I didn’t really understand where you’re coming from, and that’s my fault, but here we are. We still live under the same roof. We’re still sleeping in the same bed. Let’s figure this out. Let’s have some fun together. We got six kids. Let’s make it work. If after 90 days it doesn’t work, then you can pack your shit and go and I wish you all the best. What we’ve built is worth 90 days. It’s worth giving it until the end of the year. Again, you told me you were going to do this. It’s not a good look for a woman to say one thing and do another. It’s not a good example or a healthy example to set for our children. I don’t want our kids to grow up and be lying, cheating fucking dirt-bags. That would mean that we were failures as parents, and that’s not a standard that I want to instill into my kids. It’s not the kind of value system that I want them to have, and I don’t think you want them to have that either. How would you feel?” I assume you guys have a son or two, or maybe they’re all girls, “But how would you feel if we had a son and he married somebody like you, and she cheated on him left and right, and come to find out, when they split up, some of the kids weren’t even his?” Because that’s the value system that you’re basically saying you’re considering to start teaching our children. You’re not. You’re in the mindset of, ‘You don’t really care about keeping a family together and being loyal and faithful and honoring your marriage vows.’ So if you don’t honor your marriage vows, what do you think that’s teaching the kids? We can’t do that. Let’s give it 90 days and we can make it work again.”

Hang out, have fun and hook up. That’s a simple formula. If you get her to talk, if you get her to open up, she’ll feel like you’re making an effort. Go out and date and have some fun. You know what? If she refuses to take off the location sharing, you say, “Well, if you’re not going to share your location, then that tells me you’re doing things and you’re spending time with people that I wouldn’t be happy we’re spending time with. That tells me you’re not really giving our marriage a sincere effort to make it work. It sounds like you’re just trying to line up your next boyfriend. Then when you find somebody that looks like it’s going to work out with, you’re going to dip. That’s not OK. If that’s how you want to operate, then you’re going to have to explain that to our children in a way that they can understand, and they’re probably not going to like hearing what you’ve been up to. How do you think that’s going to make the kids feel when they know what you’ve been doing? What do you think our 13-year-old is going to think? ‘Oh yeah, mom met some dude on FeetFinder.com who was married and was chatting with him.’ What do you think our oldest is going to think about that? Do you think they’re going to look at you and go, ‘Who the hell is my mother?’ Or ‘I have the best mom in the world?’ What do you think? How does that look? It’s not a good look. We can do better as parents and we should do better. It’s 90 days. Let’s make it work.”

Again, I’m giving you a bunch of different scenarios and how to approach this, but you got to get back to dating and courting her and you got to open her up. That needs to happen every day because slowly, what you’ll see if you start doing this is that even if she doesn’t turn on the location sharing and you know the male friend thing doesn’t stop, you say, “Well, that tells me that you’re not really trying to make things work. You’re making a half-assed effort. You expect me just to buy all this bullshit while you go out and date and act like you’re single, and I’m being loyal and faithful? Does that mean that I can go and start fucking girls that are 10, 15 years younger? Would you not have a problem with that? I’m going to give this 90 days. Whatever you do, I’ll make my decision in 90 days. If I see you make a sincere effort and you make an effort to keep our family together, then we’ll stay together. If in 90 days all this behavior is still continuing, I’m going to throw your ass out in the street, you can go live somewhere else and you can explain to the children why you’re breaking the family up and why you’re leaving because I’m not going anywhere. This is the family home. If you don’t want to be a part of our family, then you’re going to be the one that leaves. I’m not moving out. I’m not leaving. This is my house. We built this together. If you don’t want to be a part of it anymore, then everybody’s going to know it was you that fucked up.” That’s what I would do if I were you.

Obviously got to read the book. I would highly suggest you book a phone session with me so we can talk about this in depth. You can book it on the website UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just click the “products” tab at the top of your screen.

For the rest of you guys that are watching, if you haven’t already signed up for the paying Members Only content on my website, in the video description of this video, there are links to join on YouTube, to join on Spotify and preferably on our website. You can do a 7-day free trial, so you can check out what content you get for your money and choose a monthly plan or an annual plan. If you choose an annual plan at the end of the 7-day free trial, you get a 25% discount for paying the whole year up front. You get six additional paid video coaching newsletters, like this one, per week, you get the 3% Man Weekly Study Group podcast, the Mastering Yourself Weekly Study Group podcasts where we literally go page-by-page in both the books and answer viewer questions. We have discussions on the book. It’s like an ongoing weekly class to help you learn and master what’s in the book. We also have the Viewer Questions podcast that we do. Those are the shorter viewer questions that people typically submit through Instagram a few times a year. We put those out and any special videos or interviews, those will also be available to the paying Members Only.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.