What you should do if your woman says that she wants a break and starts backing away, so you can re-attract her.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer whose girlfriend of 2 ½ years recently said she wanted a break. He was obviously shocked and had no clue anything was wrong. She came right out and told him to not see, call or text her. However, they already had several events planned together, which they both attended. He says the more he saw her, the more he needed her. He didn’t want to let go and constantly tried to change her mind.
She said there was no one else. She’s an avid liberal and cannot stand Donald Trump. He voted for Trump. Their sex life has been mostly non-existent since the election. After a week of no contact, she reached out to him saying she was thinking about him, and that he did not need to reply. He asks what he should have done, because he never replied and is now second-guessing himself. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I came across your website and videos a few days ago, and here’s my situation.
(First thing’s first, you need to start reading the book. You’ve got to learn the fundamentals. These videos are meant to help you fine-tune and tweak particular situations.)
On June 29th, my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years told me she needed a “break.” I was shocked and had no clue anything was wrong. I asked her what that meant, and she said she wanted some time to see if she would miss me and get feelings for me back.
(Remember, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. It’s that time and space away where they get to feel your strength to not be diminished or lose your shit when they’re not around.)
She requested that I not see her, call her or text her. In essence, go no contact.(She’s telling you what you need to do in order for her to start feeling more attracted to you. The question is, did you listen?)
We already had a few future events planned, so we still attended together, not telling our friends anything had changed.
(It’s none of their business anyway. If you start telling people that, then everybody’s talking about it. Women like a guy that will keep his mouth shut and doesn’t blab everything about their relationship.)
This lasted 3 weeks, until July 22nd. The more I saw her, the more I wanted/needed her.
(And that is the rub. The idea is, you get together with somebody to share your completeness, not to complete each other. That’s a bad way to go dude. She told you what to do. You need her and feel like you’re diminished when she’s not around. That’s not masculine, and it’s not attractive. It makes you look like a weak beta male. All it does is cause her to feel even more wishy-washy towards you and back away even more. When women sense weakness, they back away more and test.)
I would take her out to a fancy dinner,
(A bribe for sex and a relationship),
help her around her house, anything to be with her. I didn’t want to let go of her. I would constantly try to get her to change her mind,
(Seeking her approval),
engaging her in useless dialogue, begging, pleading and even proposing almost every day.
(This is what you see in movies all the time. If you just beg and plead, you’re obnoxious and act like a creepy stalker, eventually she’s going to fall in love with you. It works great in the movies, especially when you have feminized beta males telling you there’s no such thing as an alpha male.)I also wanted to know if there was someone else. She said no.
She told me the last 6 to 8 months has been difficult for her. Starting with the election. She is an avid liberal and cannot stand Trump, whom I voted for. Our sex life was close to nothing. She’d spend the night, and we’d fall asleep back to back.
(So you became friends with no benefits.)
She’d come over during the week and we’d just watch TV, no kissing, holding or hugging.
(A man’s job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun and hook up. Somewhere along the way, you lost your way and you stopped dating and courting her properly. You made her the center of your life. In other words, the guy that she fell in love with, you were no longer being that guy.
When I get guys that come to me that have been in long-term relationships or they’ve been married for many years, people say, “How can you help a guy with a long term relationship or a marriage?” What you do to get a woman to fall in love with you is what you’re going to do to keep her in love with you. I can help you keep a woman in love, but I can’t cause you to stay in love and want to stay with her. You’ve got to trust what you feel.
I would say 99% of the guys who come to me are already in marriage counseling, and it’s helpful, but their wives still don’t want to sleep with them. The problem is, they’re not acting like men. They’re not dating and courting the women properly, and they’re not communicating with them properly either. And even if they are communicating with them a little better, it becomes a negotiation for sex, instead of getting back to being the guy they were.
If you don’t date your wife or long-term girlfriend, eventually some other guy will. That’s just reality. If you stop dating and courting her, a woman’s going to look at your actions and think you really don’t give a fuck. It doesn’t matter what you say, how much you profess your love for her, promise to propose or whatever it happens to be. If you don’t act like a man, your woman is not going to want you.)
Also, she was disappointed that I hadn’t yet proposed to take her off the market.(You proposed over and over. You did what she said she wanted, and where did it get you?)
I also was ill for a period of time, so I didn’t work out much, which is very important to her.
(You let yourself go and stopped taking care of yourself. You became less attractive, more of you not being the guy that she fell in love with. That’s what you need to get back to, and that’s where my book can really help you.)
The last time I saw her on July 22nd, I dropped her off at her home and tried once again talking to her about changing her mind.
(You’re using logic and reason to influence a woman to change her emotions. An alpha male doesn’t seek anybody’s approval. He already knows he’s great. If somebody doesn’t see his value, it’s their loss. That’s the way he looks at it.
If you listen to these feminized beta males from Hollywood trying to tell you, if you just act like a girl, a woman’s going to go bananas over you, then yeah. Here’s a real-world example of a guy’s who’s doing everything that Hollywood says you’re supposed to do to romance a woman, and she’s not interested.)
It was very late. She became this cold-hearted, angry person, and I left in a huff and walked away.
(Why? Because you were forcing her into her masculine, and that’s not her natural essence. She resents the fuck out of it, because you’re not acting like a man.)
It’s been 2 weeks since then, and I have gone total no contact.
(Now you’re finally doing what she said she wanted, which is to let her fucking be. She tried to help you in the beginning dude.)
She texted me a week ago saying, “I often think of you. Wondering how you’re doing. I hope you’re not upset with me. I never meant to hurt you. I’m hurting too. You don’t have to respond. I just wanted you to know how I feel.”
(Now she’s pursuing you, as I discuss in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” Now she’s reaching out to you and starting to miss you. She’s had some time, and you finally let her go. That’s when you say, “Hey, it’s great to hear from you. I’d love to see you. Why don’t you come over, bring a bottle of wine and we’ll make dinner together.” Hang out, have fun and hook up. Get back to doing what you did to get her to fall in love with you. Something that would also be helpful is to watch the video I did several years ago, “How To Communicate With Women Effectively,” in addition to reading the book. You have to start acting like a man in every area of your life.
The whole purpose of no contact is to let her go to feel your strength to resist her, to feel your strength to not be diminished and lose your shit because you don’t know what she’s doing or what she’s up to. Her feelings started to creep back up, she started to miss you, and she reached out. And you should have set a date.)
I read your no contact success story, and my question is, should I have responded to her text and broken no contact?
(No contact doesn’t mean you fucking ignore her when she reaches out. It means you give her the space she wanted. When she misses you, then you set a date, but that was a missed opportunity.
She also said, “You don’t have to respond.” Think about it from this perspective dude. You need to undergo a mindset shift. In other words, she needs to earn another chance with you, not the other way around. She’s the one who pushed you away. She’s the one who wasn’t interested in sex. If you’re taking time apart, and you’ve got all these amazing women that want to date you because they think you’re single, are you going to be in such a rush to go back to somebody that’s been pushing you away, not wanting to have sex with you and hating on you because you supported Donald Trump? No. What if you met somebody who had the same political beliefs as you and who is all over you, blowing up your phone?
The point being, it was a missed opportunity. I don’t teach men to ignore women. What do you expect is going to happen? A lot of guys think, “Oh, she’s going to call and apologize.” Then, “Well, she didn’t apologize, so I’m not going to do anything.” This is your girlfriend of 2 1/2 years. If you really care about her, if you care about saving this, invest in the information that’s in my book. It costs you nothing dude. You’re making it harder on yourself than it needs to be.)
I didn’t know your info then. If so, since it’s been 6 days, is it too late to respond? Or is it too soon?
(I would just let it go. You’ve already waited 6 days. Remember, as I teach in my book, if a woman reaches out, you assume she wants to see you, and you make a date. You definitely also need to review the article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” and learn that. As Confucius said, “Success depends upon previous preparation, and without such preparation, there is sure to be failure.” You are failing to prepare properly.
All the information is right there for you. Stop being fucking lazy, get off your ass, man up, go join a gym again and start taking care of yourself. Focus on your mission and purpose in life, and get serious. And you’ll either get her back, or you’ll get somebody better. Either way, you win. But you’ve got to participate in your own rescue dude.)
By the way, I’m 60 and she is 51. She looks amazing, at least 10 years younger. I don’t want to lose her.
(So take care of you. Like Jim Rohn said, “I’ll take care of me for you, and you take care of you for me.” That’s a big part of the problem in your relationship. You stopped taking care of you. You stopped being the guy she fell in love with. Start reading my book. You need to undergo a radical transformation, and fill in your knowledge gap. It’s all there. If you just do the work, you’ll get the results you want.)
Thank you in advance for your help.
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
If you feel I have added value to your life, you can show your appreciation by doing one of the following three things:
From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“When women sense weakness in their men, especially when they act needy and insecure, they typically will back away and often become unsure of their feelings. If they ask for space, this means they are feeling smothered and like they are losing their freedom. If a woman pushes you away and does not want to see or hear from you, you should let her go so she can feel your strength to not be diminished without her, and so her feelings can grow for you again. Chasing after women who push you away only serves to make you look weak and undesirable, and confirms their decision that not being with you is the right choice. Scarcity creates value. When someone fails to recognize your value, give him or her the gift of missing you. If they don’t come back, then you know where you stand.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
Click Anywhere on Today’s Instagram Image Below & You’ll Be Taken To My Instagram Page. When you get to my Instagram page, click the “Follow” Button so you can follow me on Instagram. I upload several new Instagram photos per week.