Would you like to learn how to talk to anyone, anywhere, with the confidence to ask for what ever you want? Meet more women if you are a man, or more men if you are a woman? Get your dream job, start your dream business, land that big investor, etc.?
When I was younger, I used to be very shy. If you talk to people I went to high school with, they will all say how quiet and shy I was (after a few beers at the keg party’s I wouldn’t shut up). I had a lot of women I was friends with. I had a lot of girl friends, just none who wanted to date me because I was too nice. The girls I really liked, I never knew what to say when I got around them, so I usually said nothing.
I usually was very quiet, but I was always a very good listener. I usually would only speak up around people I felt very comfortable with. I remember my first day in kindergarten. I was so terrified of my teacher that I was too afraid to ask permission to go to the bathroom. So instead, I peed my pants as I walked around the room in my dark blue plaid long pants. I can still remember looking at at the bottom cuff of my pant leg and watching the little yellow drops of pee sprinkle onto the carpet around the room. I remember one of the girls saying to me in an accusatory tone “you peed your pants!” and I shot back, “I did not!”.
By the time I was 18, I had no fear of talking to employers to get the jobs I really wanted. My parents sent me to a Catholic high school. I went to school with a bunch of rich kids. Over the years, I got to know many of my friends and their parents. These rich parents appeared to me like they were just regular people who made a lot of money doing what they do for a living. I walked away thinking none of them are better or smarter than me. I knew someday I would be rich. When it came to talking to women I liked, it was a different story.
Over the years and if you have read my book “How To Be A 3% Man”, you would know I eventually learned how to overcome my shyness, fear, awkwardness and lack of understanding of women.
I got a question from a twitter follower recently. A woman from India asked me:
“I feel alone even when I am in a crowd of people. Is that strange? What can I do to change that?”
When I start coaching a guy who is shy and terrified of talking to women, or he feels like he never knows what to say to a woman, I always instruct him to go to the mall to practice his people skills. I tell him to forget about asking for phone numbers, but instead just make eye contact with people, look them in the eye and smile. Once you get comfortable with that, then just start saying hello to people as you casually walk by them in the mall. Talk to the clerks, talk to old people, talk to anybody and everybody. Why? By talking to anyone and everyone you realize that most people are very nice, warm and friendly. And the beautiful woman you are afraid of, is the same.
So what happens is these guys start talking to people everywhere they go and making small talk. They soon realize after a few hours, it’s not really a big deal. Then I get them to start talking to the women they are terrified of. Simply saying hello, how are you, etc., not asking for phone numbers. And I teach them to use the questions and techniques in my book to read her level of interest in him, and if it appears she has interest… how, and at what point to ask for her phone number. This whole process can be done in under a minute with a total stranger.
Then the guy realizes that not every woman is going to like him. Not every woman that gives him her phone number will actually go out with him. He will not hit it off with every single woman he goes out with even if she’s really beautiful. Repetition is the mother of skill. By getting guys to slowly build up their comfort level with each step of the process of talking to a woman, creating attraction, getting her contact information, calling or texting her for a date, going out on a date, going for the kiss, etc., they are able to slowly improve and progress at their own pace. Once they overcome their fear and shyness, they realize their fear was an irrational limiting belief. F.E.A.R. stands for… false evidence appearing real.
If you simply want to improve your people skills and confidence at asking and going for what you want in life, go to a mall and start talking to strangers. If it’s a job you want, a business partner you want to bring into your company, an investor you are trying to woo, person you want to date, a top producer you want to hire a way from a competitor, etc., having good people skills and not being shy or afraid to ask for what you want is essential. In any business or company you are going to have to socialize with other human beings if you wish to advance in your career or your business life.
So if you are shy now, in order to get to where you want to be, you must develop your skills at talking to strangers. If you are already successful, but you still have certain fears or reservations about talking to certain people, the only way you will reach your full potential is to lose any remaining fear you may have around talking to anyone you want, at anytime and in any kind of place or social setting. You don’t have to be great to start… but you have to start… to BE GREAT!
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Pain is temporary, may last a min, an hour, a day or year, but it will subside. But if I QUIT, that lasts forever. So I keep fighting.”-Tony McDaniel