Talk To Strangers

Aug 10, 2011 by Coach Corey Wayne

Would you like to learn how to talk to anyone, anywhere, with the confidence to ask for what ever you want? Meet more women if you are a man, or more men if you are a woman? Get your dream job, start your dream business, land that big investor, etc.?

When I was younger, I used to be very shy. If you talk to people I went to high school with, they will all say how quiet and shy I was (after a few beers at the keg party’s I wouldn’t shut up). I had a lot of women I was friends with. I had a lot of girl friends, just none who wanted to date me because I was too nice. The girls I really liked, I never knew what to say when I got around them, so I usually said nothing.

I usually was very quiet, but I was always a very good listener. I usually would only speak up around people I felt very comfortable with. I remember my first day in kindergarten. I was so terrified of my teacher that I was too afraid to ask permission to go to the bathroom. So instead, I peed my pants as I walked around the room in my dark blue plaid long pants. I can still remember looking at at the bottom cuff of my pant leg and watching the little yellow drops of pee sprinkle onto the carpet around the room. I remember one of the girls saying to me in an accusatory tone “you peed your pants!” and I shot back, “I did not!”.

By the time I was 18, I had no fear of talking to employers to get the jobs I really wanted. My parents sent me to a Catholic high school. I went to school with a bunch of rich kids. Over the years, I got to know many of my friends and their parents. These rich parents appeared to me like they were just regular people who made a lot of money doing what they do for a living. I walked away thinking none of them are better or smarter than me. I knew someday I would be rich. When it came to talking to women I liked, it was a different story.

Over the years and if you have read my book “How To Be A 3% Man”, you would know I eventually learned how to overcome my shyness, fear, awkwardness and lack of understanding of women.

I got a question from a twitter follower recently. A woman from India asked me:

“I feel alone even when I am in a crowd of people. Is that strange? What can I do to change that?”

When I start coaching a guy who is shy and terrified of talking to women, or he feels like he never knows what to say to a woman, I always instruct him to go to the mall to practice his people skills. I tell him to forget about asking for phone numbers, but instead just make eye contact with people, look them in the eye and smile. Once you get comfortable with that, then just start saying hello to people as you casually walk by them in the mall. Talk to the clerks, talk to old people, talk to anybody and everybody. Why? By talking to anyone and everyone you realize that most people are very nice, warm and friendly. And the beautiful woman you are afraid of, is the same.

So what happens is these guys start talking to people everywhere they go and making small talk. They soon realize after a few hours, it’s not really a big deal. Then I get them to start talking to the women they are terrified of. Simply saying hello, how are you, etc., not asking for phone numbers. And I teach them to use the questions and techniques in my book to read her level of interest in him, and if it appears she has interest… how, and at what point to ask for her phone number. This whole process can be done in under a minute with a total stranger.

Then the guy realizes that not every woman is going to like him. Not every woman that gives him her phone number will actually go out with him. He will not hit it off with every single woman he goes out with even if she’s really beautiful. Repetition is the mother of skill. By getting guys to slowly build up their comfort level with each step of the process of talking to a woman, creating attraction, getting her contact information, calling or texting her for a date, going out on a date, going for the kiss, etc., they are able to slowly improve and progress at their own pace. Once they overcome their fear and shyness, they realize their fear was an irrational limiting belief. F.E.A.R. stands for… false evidence appearing real.

If you simply want to improve your people skills and confidence at asking and going for what you want in life, go to a mall and start talking to strangers. If it’s a job you want, a business partner you want to bring into your company, an investor you are trying to woo, person you want to date, a top producer you want to hire a way from a competitor, etc., having good people skills and not being shy or afraid to ask for what you want is essential. In any business or company you are going to have to socialize with other human beings if you wish to advance in your career or your business life.

So if you are shy now, in order to get to where you want to be, you must develop your skills at talking to strangers. If you are already successful, but you still have certain fears or reservations about talking to certain people, the only way you will reach your full potential is to lose any remaining fear you may have around talking to anyone you want, at anytime and in any kind of place or social setting. You don’t have to be great to start… but you have to start… to BE GREAT!

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“Pain is temporary, may last a min, an hour, a day or year, but it will subside. But if I QUIT, that lasts forever. So I keep fighting.”-Tony McDaniel

Published on August 10, 2011

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. No wonder we have trouble knowing how to talk to strangers. As we grew up mom always told us not to talk to strangers.

    There was a reason for this. It wasn’t to be mean to us or to others, but for our safety. Our society teaches us that strangers can hurt young people. As we grow up this belief stays with us, and unfortunately prevents us from meeting a lot of very good and caring people. However, there are things you can do to help when you are talking to strangers.

    Let Go

    First, let go of those things that mom and society has taught you about strangers. Most people are good and don’t hurt other people, so let go of the idea that strangers are bad people.

    Be Prepared

    Next, be prepared to be ignored by someone you don’t know if you try to talk to them. This will be easier to accept when you understand that other people have been taught the same thing you have about talking to strangers. Don’t take brush offs personally because it not about you as a person, but what they have been taught, just like you.

    Keep Things Basic

    When first beginning to talk to strangers keep the conversation very basic and impersonal. Talk about the weather, or about something you notice regarding your surroundings or something else that is superficial and non-threatening to talk about. It’s important to keep in mind that how you say something is much more important than what you say.

    Speaking of which, if you are talking with a stranger it’s not a very good idea to use big words to try to impress them with. In fact, this is risky because you don’t even know if the person will understand what you are talking about and misjudge you as that kind of person mom taught them about. So, keep your conversation simple and very non-personal.I like your post. I will share your blog to my friend.

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