The Freedom Of Having Options

How going from feeling like you are trapped and have no options or few good options in your romantic life, to the feeling of freedom you get from knowing you have unlimited options changes your perception, behavior, life, career, business and lifestyle choices.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers. The first email is from a viewer in Bosnia, Europe. He has been married for fifteen years and has two kids with his wife. They are no longer having sex, and she refuses to talk and work things out. She suggests they would be better off apart. He is just now starting to take his power back, after jumping through hoops for the past few years, in an attempt to make her happy, but all he has done is make himself miserable in the process. He is taking excellent care of himself, working out, building his business, and women are noticing him and expressing their desire for him. However, he feels stuck in limbo, because his marriage situation is still unresolved. He asks what he should focus on.

The second email is from a guy in his fifties who has read my book four times and has been getting women twenty years younger than him grabbing his ass and giving him attention. He’s becoming awake and aware of the fact he has options. He shares his simple success story of how my work has helped him see his own value and cause women to notice him for it. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of their emails.

First Viewer’s Email:

Hi Coach,

I am sending this email from Bosnia, Europe, and like you said, I would not have contacted you if I could deal with this myself. This is my situation: I am 39 years old, married with two kids, 10 and 12, and having problems with my spouse. We have been married for 15 years and did not have issues until 2 years ago. I have been in the Middle East supporting US forces, working as safety coordinator for 3 years. That was the agreement we made before I left Bosnia, to come back after 3 years. I have bought a house and a big flat in downtown Sarajevo, moved there, left all my friends and saved $50k for the transition period. We have been told that we will have issues adapting to our family life when we come back and to take it easy. I have been earning big money since we were married, but when I came back, it was a struggle to find a good paying job or start something, since I was not informed and around to collect ideas. However, I did find one after 6 months, when suddenly, she started talking about how she wants to go to Afghanistan. I was shocked. I told her it was not the place for females, and if I need to go again, I will. She told me with an angry attitude, I should stay with the boys to understand how it is to deal with the kids. (It’s understandable why your wife would feel like she was on her own, and it’s important to let her know you appreciate her being the sole caregiver and parent of the kids while you were away.) The tone of her voice sounded like she was bitter and tired of caring for the kids! (You should review my article and video, “How To Communicate With Women Effectively,” where I discuss how it’s important to get her to talk and open up. Women need to feel like they are heard and understood.) I said, if that is the case, sure go, but don’t blame me for issues you face over there.

I found a better job, but it had long hours and she started crying, because the boys were home without parents all day, and she asked me to leave the job. (As a man, you’ve got to have a mission and a purpose in life you are proud of. The reason you should stay home with the kids is if it’s what you want to do. You shouldn’t sacrifice your career just to please your wife. It’s not attractive to be a pleaser.) She was okay for the first year, and then she started asking me to go to the sand box again. I have tried, but I could not make it. I started a car washing business, and it did pretty well, but she was not happy. She wanted more!!

Our sex life was always great. I had no problems with women. I could talk to amazon beasts that no other guy would, because I did not care to fuck them anyhow. I loved my wife, and we had a good sex life. I noticed since the beginning that she does not easily say I love you, cuddle or show emotion, but I took it for granted, as she was not jealous or holding me down, and when I initiated sex, she would be happy and satisfied. We never had fights! (You were doing what you felt was right before. You didn’t start running into trouble until you started trying to pacify her and please her. You should focus on helping her create an interesting life, full of friends, family and people that make her happy as well, instead of sacrificing yourself to become what she says she wants from you.) We were very connected, but I have seen her a couple of times very angry and acting like a loony, which told me that she is holding back her anger. (That sounds like you haven’t done a good job of opening her up and getting her to talk about things.)

My job was to teach and lead people since I was 19. I had no problem dealing with males. If shit hit the fan, I was the one to organize folks and unplug the fan when everybody acted lost, and these were some serious life threatening situations. (You’re obviously and alpha male, but if you lose touch with that, you become a beta male who’s trying to please her, and you are no longer the same dude who is certain of himself and comfortable in his own skin that she fell in love with and married.) However, I usually had problems claiming the top of the hill, because I have learned early that it is very windy up there, and it is better to be lower down the chain to have less drama — my bad. (That is not the right mindset to have. It’s lonely at the top, because most people don’t make it there. You are thinking if you shrink back, your problems will go away.) I could lead, but could serve also if the boss was right. I’ve been through 2 wars and have no fear of authority.

Two years ago, she came home for RR and started acting unhappy, wanted more from life, wanted to move to the US and whatnot. (The only way you should move to the US is if it’s also what you want. Find out why she is not happy and what she’s lacking, and get her to express herself.) She even wanted to get a gun license, as I have one. I have tried to reason with her, but I have noticed that I could not influence her opinion any more, which was not the case before. She did not want to settle down for less than normal money, started to force me to do whatever to get money, literally anything. If needs be steal. I was like, WTF was wrong with her? She lost all humanity and moral values. (It influences a lot of people when they go to war. If people don’t have a strong moral compass and a strong worldview, when they go over and see those situations, it makes them question everything. A lot of people come back with PTSD and have a really difficult time with it.) I did not know what to say to that and acted like a stunned idiot, but this whole time we traveled, spent like crazy, and the kids had all the toys they asked for. She was under lots of stress I KNOW, been there, done it, and being sorry for her, I forgot about my needs. Then we stopped having sex, and she would really hurt me, wishing I was dead, did not respect me or my parents anymore, told me I was not earning enough money, and forgot that I bought all our stuff and paid for travels around the world. Sadly, I am a gentleman and did not hurt her back — to really live in present time as you said. She wanted me to be the provider, and told me to get a better job and then we will talk — no love or emotions. (It sounds like at that point she pretty much checked out of the relationship. You can’t salvage a relationship, unless the other person participates.) I was confused and lost.

Finally, I opened a PlayStation Lounge and Café, working 20 hours a day to refocus, but I have lost all will to get back together with her, because it felt like life under blackmail. (You sacrificed your needs, wants and desires to satisfy her. Now, you need to get refocused on your purpose and mission, and doing something you love and have a passion for.) Now she’s turned to religion, learning Arabic and whatnot. I am religious too, but all that talk about earning money over “dead bodies” turned me off, and I don’t trust her JUDGEMENT. (It sounds like she may be suffering from some PTSD and could use some counseling.) I did not have sex with her or outside of the marriage for 17 months. (Your needs aren’t getting met, you’ve changed your life around to please her, and all you’ve done is make yourself miserable.) I feel like shit, and like I lost so much in this relationship. (It’s a loveless, sexless relationship at this point. You’re basically roommates.) People were jealous of us before. I am 6’ 2,” 194 lbs., good looking, I’m working out, running and dressing to impress, and she gained weight, not too much, but she does not put makeup on or comb her hair properly. (She lost herself in this relationship.) She never likes to dress sexy. She’s almost not smiling at all, which was her best feature when I was her man. I made her laugh all the time. She even told me that she has nobody in her life, but it would be great if I left them for good. I was like, hold on girl. We need to slow down and talk like we are adults WITH KIDS. She didn’t want to talk. (There’s not a lot you can do to save the relationship if she doesn’t want to talk about it.)

I have turned the page, gotten my head out of the sand and started to think of my needs and my life, then I talk to other ladies, just to check my alpha status, and have had great responses from women, younger and my age. (You have realized you have options.) They are very interested, but I am hesitant, as I am married. Since I did not resolve my situation, I have to end these encounters while in shallow waters, and I feel like shit after that, because I burst their bubble. I’ve still got it, but I feel something is missing. I REALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I FEEL LIKE MY KIDS ARE SHOCKED TO SEE THIS CHANGE IN OUR BEHAVIOR. (You need to get back to taking care of you. If your wife doesn’t want to talk or work things out, there’s no reason to stay married. It takes mutual effort.) I AM TRYING TO TEACH THEM WHAT YOU PREACH WHILE I CAN, SO THEY DON’T END UP IN BETA WORLD. SHE IS TRYING TO TEACH THEM TO BE WOMEN’S SLAVES, AS I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE. (You are waking up and taking your power back.) I will stop typing. It is way too long, as I was trying to give you enough info so you can tell me what to do next. I would like to thank you for all you do. It is good stuff, as I have been around enough alpha males to recognize similarities with your work. (Focus on you. Sit down with her, tell her what you expect and ask her if she wants to work on the relationship or not. If not, you have to figure out how you will part ways. Then you need to get focused on your mission and purpose in life. Move on with your life, and make yourself happy. Then you can be the father your kids need you to be. They need you to be the alpha male leader that you are, and not the beta male pleaser you became over the course of your relationship. Now that you have my book and videos, you can apply it, because you have options.)

Thanks, and sorry for the long email. If I can, I will book a Skype session.

Bob

Second Viewer’s Email:

Hi Coach CW,

I’m a big fan of your work and am reading your book for the 4th time. Every time I read it I’m like, how did I miss that before? (I say that in the book. As human beings, when we read something, we will only retain about 8-10% of it.) I’ve cleaned up years of beta behavior and still have a long way to go. Like you say, “read my book it at least 10-15 times.”

I wanted to share a small success story as a result of following your advice and reading your book, which I purchased. I was recently out with a group of friends at a sports bar, hanging out playing pool and other games… just having fun. I’ve read your body language tips and maintain an awareness of demonstrating alpha body posture. (He’s referring to my article and video called, “Body Language That Attracts Women.” You should also check out my article “How To Get Women To Approach You First.” If you go out and apply those, you will be amazed with your results.) For the record, I’m in my fifties, but look much younger and stay in exceptional shape. As I’m standing there with shoulders back, drink at my side, you know the drill, I hear a female voice in my right ear say, “cute.” It didn’t register for a few seconds, as she was passing behind me with a group of friends. I looked to my left, wondering if I had heard her correctly. I saw this cute, young girl looking back over her shoulder, about 25-30 years younger than I am, and giving me this look to let me know she was talking to me. She was with a group of guy and girl friends, and I’m assuming you don’t go chasing after her? But it doesn’t end there. An hour later, standing, talking with a female friend of mine, and with the same body language of course, I get slapped on the butt by one of three females on their way out the door! (Be playful. That’s an invitation. When you start applying the things from my book, and these things start happening, it’s going to build your self-esteem and self confidence. You’re giving off a vibe that’s completely different than 99% of the guys women will encounter in public. That’s why you really don’t have any competition.) They were probably 15-20 years younger. I know, I know, a little too old, but what the heck. This is all a result of your work, because there’s no way anyone is getting that kind reaction holding their drink up by their chest with their shoulders slumped. (Somebody who’s slumped over like that is not proud of themselves.)

At any rate, I just wanted to say thanks and for not being full of crap like every other dating coach out there on the web who promises to give you advice, then makes you read 5 minutes of garbage and asks you to buy a program to get what they promised for free! Happy mid adult couple embracing and looking at each other. (Well, that’s a marketing ploy they use to get your attention. I give all of my best stuff away for free, because I know my stuff works and people will come back when they need email or phone coaching.) You’re all content, no bullshit and no sifting through page after page to find one nugget of information. When I’m ready to take it to the next level, I’ll be in touch for some one on one coaching. Thanks bro. (You’re starting to see you have choices. The quickest way to get over a breakup is to find somebody better. Do the work on yourself and apply the things I teach, and you will see they work for you.)

Best Regards,

Bob

“Most people you encounter in life are making romantic, career, business, life, personal, friendship, health and lifestyle choices from a position of scarcity, fear, lack and poverty. People who believe and act this way are detrimental and dangerous to your success and happiness, because their desire to avoid fear, pain and uncertainty is so overwhelming, they need validation for their scarcity mindset and poor choices by trying to sabotage you, so they don’t feel bad about themselves, and to justify their continued mediocre lives. This is the exact opposite of your true divine nature of abundance, unlimited choices and options. When you have awakened to the fact you are an unlimited being with unlimited potential and options, you realize you can be, do and have anything your mind can conceive. Patience, persistence, perseverance, non-attachment and energy can eventually overcome any obstacle, limited worldview and thinking with enough time.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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