How you can use the power of words to your advantage, so you can influence others to see you in a positive light, win them over, influence them to do what you want and to create sexual attraction in potential lovers towards you.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers. The first email is from a viewer who says he has been on the dating website Match.com for two years, and he never gets any responses back. He shares his atrociously bad dating profile, and I critique and explain what each one of his sentences is actually communicating to women about him, to illustrate how his misuse of words and language is sabotaging his success and preventing him from getting dates.
The second email is a success story from a viewer who started following me about two years ago when trying, unsuccessfully, to get his ex-girlfriend to take him back after being too nice and becoming her doormat. He shares the night and day differences of his current relationship from the former bad one that led him to find my work. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the bodies of their emails.
First Viewer’s Email:
I have been on Match.com for 2 years and never get responses back. (I have two articles and videos you should look at, “How To Create The Ultimate Dating Profile,” and “Tinder, Match and Online Dating.”)
Hello everyone,I am in search of true love, kindness, open mindedness and loyalty. If you cannot provide this, please STOP here. (That makes you sound jaded, especially when you start using capitals.) I also wanted to say that I am genuine, not superficial, and a MAN OF MY WORD. (There’s a tone of you seeking approval. If you really are great and awesome, you don’t have to explain that to anybody. Truth needs no explanation. It’s not necessary.) If I promise something, I will commit to it or die. (Again, you’re saying, “Please notice me. See what a great guy I am.”) I may not be a celebrity, but my body odor smells nice… well, that’s what others say. (Most women will skip to the next profile when they read this. It’s not funny, and it’s a little weird.) I like to go out for wine/beer with friends and walks in my spare time. Every time I have fallen in life, I dusted myself, (What you probably meant to say was, you dusted yourself off. Proofread your work. Don’t have incomplete thoughts or sentences. It makes you look like an idiot), checked my wounds and got up. To me, success means enjoying what I desire and spending time with you. (You’re already presupposing the woman reading this is going to want to have a relationship with you. However, you should never start from there. It should always be the woman’s idea to start a relationship. This will make you look like you don’t have much experience with women. It makes you look needy, clingy and like you’re trying to lock her down to a commitment, and that’s going to scare her away.) I want to be that pillar of support you want in a man. (This is more of you pounding your chest and trying to prove yourself to a woman, and it’s more approval-seeking behavior.) It does not matter to me how much you make or what you drive, just that you will be there for me in my worst times. (That is a bad statement dude. You’re basically communicating you’re weak and you’re looking for a mommy or a therapist.)
People say that I have a big smile; that’s not the only thing I have big:) (A woman’s going to read that and think you’re still a virgin.) The women I have been with have always told me that I am a great kisser. I am in search of a partner in crime who has a beautiful heart, because in the end, our love will sustain due to this factor. (You’re communicating you’re a bit of an idealist and you don’t have much experience with women.) Honesty and kindness is a must. Our relationship should be based on love, not money. (While that’s a nice ideal, it does not belong in a dating profile. You haven’t even met this girl and you’re already talking about your relationship. You put the cart before the horse.) I would like you to kiss me unexpectedly or vice versa. (Men who really understand women know when that’s coming.) I would like the way you fall into my arms when you want to hug me or cuddle. (This is too gushy.) A woman who says she loves me and I can see it in her eyes. I want someone with whom I can go to different events with, travel the globe, go for fitness with and we should be compatible each other. (I think you should put in “with” each other.) If you can bear with me till now, I must be something. Me plus You = Perfect couple. (Again, you haven’t even met this woman yet, and you’re already talking about being exclusive with her. You just need to hang out, have fun and hook up.) Let’s make others envy us. (You need to read my book 10-15 times ASAP.) I don’t consider myself a player, but the girls I have been with have mentioned that I was better than their previous boyfriends in intimacy and arousal, and they were surprised at how I put a smile to their face so fast. (Women will laugh when they read this dude.) One of them called me “The Master of Kama Sutra,” to which I burst out laughing. I am also an excellent storyteller 🙂 in those moments… (You’re basically saying you’re really great in bed, so if she dates you, you’ll have great sex. You sound like a guy who has no success and is trying to brag and make this stuff up. What you should put on here is a description of what you’re looking for, because you’re presupposing every girl who reads this is qualified to be your lover, wife or significant other. Guys who have choices and options don’t talk like this. You have a total scarcity mindset. Again, look at my article and video, “How To Create The Ultimate Dating Profile.” Model your profile after that, and follow the protocol on when to email and when it’s appropriate to send your phone number or ask for hers.)
Second Viewer’s Email:
I’m just another Bob here that wants to share his success story with you. About two and a half years ago, I realized I wanted a girlfriend. I was at the time 27 years old, and before that I just didn’t have time for chicks. I just wasn’t that interested, as I though there was more interesting things in life. (Well, women definitely make things more interesting.) I was, at that time, one of the 0.5% best online gamers in the world, earning money on playing computer games and also had a normal job with a decent income, but my life purpose at the time was my dog. So, I registered on an online dating website, because I was a pussy and a total newbie to dating. After a while, I met a girl through this website, and we fell for one another. However, after two months, I had to send my dog to heaven, sadly. She was my purpose. I used to train her for hours doing agility and other stuff. (Sorry to hear you dog has passed.)I then lost my will to play computer games. I got depressed and became obsessed with being the best boyfriend to this girl that I could be, because she was everything to me. (This is why I talk about having friends, interests and a mission and purpose in life. A lot of guys get in this situation.) I barely had any friends, as before I didn’t have the time to have that many, nor have any close ones, as they were dead in a car crash a few years before that. I attended to her every need. I was too nice, so nice that people in our surroundings thought I was bending my very soul for this girl, and eventually, as she pulled away I became a doormat, and she started to abuse me. After a while, it left me devastated, not knowing what had happened. I had lost my purpose and my girl. We were together for 9 months. (You should realize the power of language. I listen very carefully to what people say by listening to their self-talk, how they view themselves or how much confidence they have. Most people don’t realize how that seeps out when they speak. Successful people tend to be optimistic and talk about what they learned from tough experiences and how it helped them grow.)
I then started to study your work after half a year of trying everything I could to re-attract her. At the same time I started dating, to get rid of my bad feelings, I ran for about an hour every day and became really slim, even really skinny. I started doing ridiculous things, like buying an expensive guitar, even though I didn’t know how to play one. I went to try Muja Thai. It was a lot of fun, and I got beaten up every time. I even took dancing lessons. The point is, I think in this half year, I tried almost everything that I’ve thought of trying out during my whole life. (You got focused back on yourself instead of your girlfriend.)
I dated a lot of girls through different websites. One day I registered to a new one, and I immediately, after registering, got a message from a cute blonde with blue eyes, 8 years younger than me. I’m now 29, and she’s 22. I was at this point kind of “meh,” so I just replied immediately, “Hi! I’m not here to make friends. I’m here to meet my partner in crime, so if you want to meet up somewhere, let’s go!” We met up at a salad bar during the day. I know, lunches are for friends, but at this point, I really didn’t care. I managed to get her home, and we had a nice Olympian parade after that lunch, ha-ha. It really is like you say: when you don’t care, results come! (This is a reference to one of my most popular articles and videos, “When You Stop Caring, Results Come.”) During this time, I also found a new purpose, rock climbing! I also got a personal trainer to help me work out even more. I got a lot of new friends, which now I find really close, just by trying out these many things. (In the process of doing things you enjoy, you’ll meet new people and make new friends, and potentially you could meet people you can date.)
She was recently dumped by her young ex, who was also 22. She was a bit back and forth with me, and every time she pulled away, I did as well, making her the one having to contact me when she did this. She broke it off two times, and I told her both times, “I wish you the best of luck. I only want to see you happy, but I’m not going to wait around, and I’m not going to be your gay male girlfriend, so when you make up your mind, call me. I love you!” (It sounds like she was bouncing back and forth between you and another guy, but that can happen, and you handled it appropriately. That’s when you say, “Give me a call if it doesn’t work out.”) Both times she called me the second day and came over for pizza and sex.
We have now been dating for almost a year, and have been together for about 3 months. She begs to move in with me, (It’s still too soon dude) she wants us to make a baby, and she even asked me to marry her, which I said no to, as I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of thing yet. (The important thing is you spoke up for yourself and you spoke your truth.) I have not said yes to her moving in ether, but it feels like she already did since she’s here most of the time and wants my attention 99% of the time. (When women are happy and in love, they want your attention all the time.) I’m still discovering things about her, but I’m not sure we are a perfect match yet, (Make sure you trust that feeling), since she didn’t even read my text on the dating website. She went purely on looks, *Face palms,* but we have a lot of fun together, and I plan dates as soon as she responds, following your book as a guideline. (When you understand the principles in my book, you can go to lunch and seduce a girl in the middle of the day, but when the average guy who’s just discovering my work does that, he’s going to get friend-zoned.)
I’m really happy now, and I want to thank you! You have made me understand how women work internally, so that I can purely by being myself, attract them effortlessly, and make them fall for me hard. This might seem creepy, but I have put a photograph right next to our bed on the wall with your pretty face on it, so I can always remember, when doing our nightly exercises, who made this possible! (Come on man! That’s like having a picture of your parents next to your bed when you’re banging your girl.) If you ever come to Sweden, come visit us! I want to treat you for dinner and thank you!
One of your random Bobs out there!
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Most people are not aware of how their negative self-talk, self-perceptions and limiting beliefs influence their body language, voice tone and the words they say. People who hold a negative worldview tend to put themselves down, express doubts about their capabilities, talk like they expect to fail and communicate they lack confidence when talking about themselves to other people. Successful people assume and presuppose things will always work out for them in the long run. They also believe failure, challenges and setbacks are simply obstacles to be overcome, instead of impediments to their success. You should always talk about yourself in an optimistic and hopeful manner, even if you are fearful and uncertain of your outcomes. Successful people even talk about their flaws, failures, faults and shortcomings as being positive, character building and something they are proud to have overcome. Unsuccessful people tend to be defined by their failures and flaws. Successful people tend to be defined by what they have overcome and become.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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