Too Much Talking On The Phone Early On Leads To Ghosting

Why the phone is for setting dates and not getting to know someone.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss 2 different emails from 2 different viewers. The 1^st email is from a viewer whose email I answered in “Why You Shouldn’t Date Structured Women”. He’s read the book 27 times, but is struggling to apply it properly. He recently talked and texted a girl out of liking him after only 2 dates and has no idea why she lost interest and ghosted him. The 2^nd email is a success story from a guy whose previous email I answered in “Fearful The Attraction May Not Last”. He shares how he’s happily married, has a new baby and helps his friends avoid the same mistakes he used to make. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Too Much Talking On The Phone Early On Leads To Ghosting.”

Well, I got two different emails that I’m going to go through with you today from two different guys. The first one is from a guy who a few months back, I answered his previous email in, “Why You Shouldn’t Date Structured Women”. So he says he’s read 3% Man 27 times, which is quite a bit, but he’s really struggling to apply it properly. And when I go through his email, it’s like it really doesn’t look like he’s doing anything even remotely close to what The Book says.

And he doesn’t seem to even recognize that what he’s doing is the opposite of what The Book says. So, he had two dates with this girl, and he spent a lot of time talking on the phone, and the phone is for setting dates. And so he violated that principle, and he continued violating that principle. And on top of that, when he was talking on the phone, he was talking about all of her previous relationships, all the relationships that didn’t go well or didn’t end well. A lot of negative stuff.

And so you got to think about that when you’re talking to a girl. Whatever feelings you make her feel while talking to you is going to be what she associates with being with you. And so if she calls you on the phone and instead of making a definite date, definite date and definite time, definite place to get together, and then you become a emotional tampon or therapist, and you listen to her bloviate about all the exes that did her dirty and broke her heart and didn’t treat her well.

You’re eliciting negative feelings in her while you’re talking to her. And so the formula is hang out, have fun while you’re hanging out and hook up. Talking about all of her exes and her bad relationships and things that didn’t go well is not having fun together. It’s making her relive all the negative things with negative guys from the past, and the more you dwell on those things, she’s going to start to associate those feelings with being with you and talking to you.

So again, the phones for setting dates and this guy completely violated that principle on numerous occasions. And yet he’s shocked that he got ghosted. And on top of that, he almost hooked up with her. And then he left one of his gold chains in her bed that his mother gave him as a gift. And on top of that, she’s ghosted him and still has his gold chain. She promised to get it back, but she didn’t. And it doesn’t look like this girl keeps her word either. Maybe she likes the gold chain.

Maybe she’s going to give it to Chad Thunder Cock or somebody else. But this guy was really sloppy. And you know, he got burned, and now he’s got his gold chain that he can’t get back. So the second email is a success story, and I answer the email of his probably 4 or 5 years ago. And that was titled, “Fearful The Attraction May Not Last”. So he just sends in an update, just basically saying now he’s happily married to the woman of his dreams, he’s got a new baby, and he talks about how he helps his friends avoid the same mistakes that he used to make.

Because you’ll see, he kind of used to do a lot of the things that this current guy is doing. And so this first email looks like this guy’s probably read The Book a lot, but not done much applying it. And so, as Aristotle said, “Excellence is not a singular act. It’s a habit. You are what you do repeatedly.” And so if you’re just reading The Book, but not really dating or interacting with women, so you can see the things that are in The Book lining up in your own life, you’re not really getting better.

So knowledge is only potential power. It becomes power when you actually apply it. You learn. You make mistakes. You learn from your mistakes. You notice what worked, what didn’t work. And you try to get better. If you’re just reading, it’s just like a mental circle jerk. But it’s good that he read it 27 times. But if you read The Book 27 times and then you spend countless hours chit chatting on the phone, especially talking about negative topics, you’re going to notice that you’re spending way more time on the phone and very little time in person getting to know her.

And if you’re trying to meet and seduce somebody. But yet you talk on the phone all the time, it’ll end up happening, is you talk and you text the girl right out of liking you. You basically become the emotional tampon, the gay male girlfriend, and she slides you into friend zone while she goes off and hooks up with Chad Thunder Cock.

First Viewer’s Email:

What’s up Coach,

You recently did a newsletter on my structured women email, “Why You Shouldn’t Date Structured Women”.  I have read the book 27 times but am struggling to actually apply it properly. The past few months I’ve really struggled and gotten rejected for the same reasons. I tend to slightly over pursue and say too much in the moment.

Which he’s clearly still doing.

And when I’m with them and they go cold and blow me off.

So that tells me you’re doing too much talking, too much time on the phone, and you’re evaporating. All of the mystery, all the sexual anticipation. Hang out, have fun, hook up. It doesn’t say hang out on the phone for countless hours, and then maybe you’ll have fun together and eventually hook up. That’s not the formula.

After dating almost 20 women over the past 8 months I’m seeing the same pattern.  

Well, if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll continue to get what you’ve always got.

I recently had a hot Albanian Attorney who has her own practice go ghost after 2 really awesome dates. I think she may have bounced back to an ex she claimed to have no respect for but wouldn’t block him as he kept sending texts even when I was with her. 

So she’s got an ex-boyfriend and she’s not completely over it, and then you’re acting like an emotional tampon on the phone all the time. You’re going to get rejected. Again, this is laid out in The Book, but you’re doing the opposite of it. So.

She was calling and texting daily for the 2 weeks we talked. 

Again, he went out on two dates, but he was talking and texting with her daily. The phone was for setting dates, so that should be really obvious. You read The Book 27 times, and yet you think it’s a good idea to call and text daily with a girl and then hardly ever go out with her in person. If she calls and she reaches out, it’s like, “hey, let’s get together.” If she’s calling it after 9 or 10:00 at night, say, “come over.” You don’t have to take her out on an official date or anything like that, but the phone is for setting dates. If she’s reaching out, you assume she wants to see you. So make a date.

Super high interest, the date was awesome and she told me she never laughed so much in her life and never had a guy ever make fun of her before. She said it was something she learned she needed after being with me. She said it was the most fun she’s ever had on a date and was all over me the whole time.  

Well, I wouldn’t say it’s so much the dates that were the problem. It was the talking and the phone. You’re giving away all of the mystery. And when you say the phone and you’re available, like every day for two weeks and the phone talking and texting, it shows you got nothing else going on with your life. And here you’re dealing with a successful Attorney, and yet you’re always available, like you got nothing going on.

She shared so many things about what I did that was different as she’s extremely successful and wealthy so usually only dates wealthy men who are older but they’re all creeps. This girl told her mother, family, and friends about me after the first date, and they all liked me a lot and thought I was extremely attractive as well. She would call me and tell me about her failed marriage at 19.

Again, these are not productive conversations. Hang out, have fun while you’re hanging out, and hook up when the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced. But instead, you’re being her therapist and emotional tampon on the phone while she’s talking about a failed marriage. Why the hell would you think that that’s a good idea after reading The Book 27 times? Come on, man.

And all the bad relationships she’s had. 

So nothing but negative feelings on the phone. Shouldn’t have done that. It’s so obvious. I’m shocked that you could read The Book 27 times and then think that that’s a good idea.

She dated her most recent ex as he was super wealthy, but she was never happy. All her siblings are married with kids and so she’s seriously looking as she just turned 30. I haven’t seen any girls yet show this immediate high interest to this extent and share as many things from the get go. But it seemed I may have been some type of rebound. 

That’s also possible. But again, you’re talking on the phone for who knows how many hours listening to her talk about all her failed relationships. Again, keep it positive. Keep it fun, keep it light. That’s right in The Book Dude. You read it 27 times you claim.

Our 2^nd date came, and we had an amazing time. She asked so many deep questions and was constantly touching me and kissing me the whole time. 

Well, was she doing 70, 80, 90% of the talking? Or were you doing most of the talking? Because again, that’s another principle that’s in The Book that it appears you may be violating. It sounds like you’re doing most of the talking on the date, which again is a mistake. So if you’re telling her your whole life story, she’s going to get bored, even if she’s super interested in you at first. And plus, if you’re talking about negative things, you’re talking about bad relationships or things that didn’t work out or the tricycle you didn’t get at six years old that you’re still really mad at your dad about. Those are just not helpful.

She invited me to a 3^rd spot by her house and things were going well. We were kissing and blowing hookah smoke into each others mouths and she invited me back. After a failed seduction as she was escalating things and then stopped me once her clothes were off, I fell asleep as it was like 2 AM. 

Well, two steps forward, one step back. So if all the clothes come off and then she stops you, it just means slow down. Not an outright denial, but that’s on you.

I almost had it and passed out.

It’s like, well, if you get right to the one yard line and then you’re [imitates sleeping with mouth open and snoring.] Like, that’s on you, bro.

In the morning she was kissing me and hugging me telling me she had fun and would tell her family about the date. Later that evening she texted me as she found my chain in the sheets that she took off. It’s an important chain to me so I asked her to do something for Valentine’s Day. 

You’ve had two dates and now you’re asking her out for Valentine’s Day. So that tells a woman that you’re more serious about her than anybody else. You had two dates, bro. And now you’re starting to treat her like a serious girlfriend. And you haven’t even had sex yet. Come on, you should know better. 27 times in The Book, I find that hard to believe. Maybe you’re speaking in hyperbole.

She said she had prescheduled something with her girls, but another day was good. She went cold after that, and I reached out a few days later asking for my chain as it was a gift and to make plans again. 

So again, if you’re talking on the phone and you asked her out, and she says, “oh, I got plans on Valentine’s Day.” “Well, what else are you available?” The phone is for setting dates, but you were sloppy. You weren’t direct. You weren’t decisive. You didn’t get to the point. And then a few days later, you call her back. Now you’re pursuing her to get your chain back.

She ignored the invite for a date and said she’d get the chain back to me safe and sound. I said get in touch when ready to make plans and got no response. So she kept the chain when she could have mailed it and went ghost after calling and texting nonstop for 2 weeks. 

That’s because you talked and texted her out of liking you. You violated a lot of principles in The Book, dude. So this is as predictable as the Sun coming up in the East and setting in the West. Again this stuff is laid out in The Book for a reason. But if you want to try to reinvent the wheel and do all the things that you’re not supposed to, then don’t be surprised when you get ghosted by a girl who’s got your chain.

I think I came on too strong and shared too many feelings.

So that tells me he was, you know, telling her how much he liked her and how he saw a future with her. And again, he’s asking her out for Valentine’s Day. So in her mind, he’s pretty much ready to be exclusive after two dates. Bad way to go, dude.

I think I came on too strong and shared too many feelings despite her sharing these things first. 

Again, you had two dates. You weren’t sleeping together. It tells you in The Book not to do this, but you’re doing it anyways. And then you’re kind of stunned that you got blown off.

I haven’t heard from her in a week and really need to get my chain back as it was a gift from my mother. I thought I had it with me when I left. 

Well, that’s kind of again, you were just sloppy. The whole thing was sloppy.

Do you think my slight over pursuing.

Bro.

Do you think my slight over pursuing and doing too much pushed her back to the ex that she claimed to have no respect for? 

It’s a good chance. But you talked and texted her out of liking you. You were an emotional tampon on the phone. You weren’t fun on the phone. You were talking about yourself. You’re talking about your feelings. And again, these are all things that The Book says don’t do. Especially when you haven’t even slept with the girl yet. You treated her like she was your long term girlfriend. So what do you expect is going to happen? It tells you this. I mean, I had enough stories from my own life when I did all these kinds of stupid things. So you should have picked up on that. 27 times? Maybe it was two times that he read it.

I left the door open but she didn’t send me the chain. I do need to get it back but refuse to force and interaction and believe she’ll use it as a method to contact me in the future. Where did I go wrong?

Well, I kind of laid it out through the whole Video, but if I were you, I would just give it 30 days. If you don’t hear from her in 30 days, just text her and say, “hey. Are you around? Can I come by and get my chain? It’s really important to me. It was a gift from my mother.” And that’s all you need to say. “Hey, I’m in the area. Can I stop by and get my chain? When can I get it? I need to get that back because my mom saw me and she noticed that I didn’t have it on, and she’s like, where’s the chain I got you?”

It’s like, “Ah. I left it at a girl’s house. I met Ma, she’s pissed at me. So now my mom’s upset. She thinks I don’t care about the gift she gave me. So I’d really appreciate it if you let me know when you’re home, I can come by and get my chain.” I would only do that after 30 days. Because after 30 days, if you don’t hear from her, you’re probably not going to. And quite frankly, if she doesn’t give you her chain back, well, she’s a fucking ratchet. Especially if you don’t hear from her for 30 days.

And then you reach out and she’s uncooperative. It’s like, well, that’s on you, bro. Again, it’s like you can’t do the opposite of what The Book teaches and then be scratching your head going, “gee, I don’t know, coach. I don’t understand why she ghosted me.” Like it’s so obvious you were heading down that road. So let’s go through the email success story that we’ve got, because this guy was able to exercise self-control and actually did apply what was in The Book. And he’s living happily ever after.

Second Viewer’s Email:

Hi Coach!

I just wanted to update you 4 years later that I am married to girl of my dreams (the one you helped me with in previous email titled, “Fearful The Attraction May Not Last”, we have a beautiful seven month daughter and life is amazing, a lot of this is because of your advice, videos and of course book, that I have read countless times already.

The frame you give, just helps in everything, not only girls but career and life in general, right now I am a very successful business manager, life is great. Recently I have been kind of coaching and helping a friend with a girl situation and I directed him to you, he is improving but making rookie mistakes, it is very funny how we all screw up the same way: pursue too much, text too much, be too available.

Anyway coach just wanted to say hi and I am sure you love these success stories.

Wishing you all the best.

Which is exactly what the first emailer is doing. Calling too much, texting too much, talking on the phone too much. Being too available. I mean, again, you know, the first emailer was like, he said, for two weeks, the girl was calling and texting him every day, but he only made two dates with her. So you violate those principles, you get burned. This guy was once just like you, just like me. And he overcame it. You can too. But you know, The Book is not going to help you if you do the opposite of it.

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