In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a female viewer who is bisexual and dates both men and women. She is currently in love with a woman she has been dating. Her girlfriend was all over her at first, and she was mostly indifferent and aloof. However, once she started to care, she started over-pursuing, and without realizing it, she became more feminine, instead of remaining masculine, which is what attracted her girlfriend to her in the first place.
Her girlfriend is slow to return phone calls and texts. She incorrectly believes they are both feminine, and neither one of them is more masculine or feminine in the relationship. This is the root cause of her current troubles. It’s a great topic to discuss since all heterosexual, lesbian and gay relationship partners will be repulsed and lose attraction when their partner does not behave in ways that are consistent with their dominant sexual essence. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of her email.
Congratulations on your work. I discovered your book, and I’m in the process of reading it 10-15 times. I love it. You are a genius. However, many of the things I read, I don’t know how to apply them to my case. I’m a bisexual woman, currently in a lesbian relationship with another woman. Both of us are femme. We are really feminine and successful; we both wear dresses and heels, are emotional and also love to talk a lot. (Every man and every woman, and it doesn’t matter what their sexual orientation is, has both masculine and feminine qualities, but there is always one of part of that essence that is more dominant. When you don’t understand yourself, you’re going to run into trouble like this.) Both of us are pretty and have a lot of men and women flirting with us, but we ended up falling in love with each other. I would say neither of us is more “manly” than the other; we just change, and sometimes one is more active for some things than the other the other one. The only thing I would say is, she tends to act in a more bitchy style and I’m more chill, (Look at my article and video, “Men: Beware Of The Bitchy Woman.” When a woman is not happy her partner is not in his masculine, natural essence, she’s going to become bitchy. This is because, when he acts more like a woman, it forces her to move more into her masculine essence, which is not her natural essence, and she doesn’t like it. If you say you’re more chill, that tells me you are the more masculine one. The key to maintaining sexual polarity in a relationship like this is to be consistent. What happened is, you became more feminine when you started caring), prefer to avoid trouble and focus on the good things and loving her. (When you interact with your girlfriend, you really are like the man in the relationship in that you are the leader.)
We were in a lesbian club when we first met. She spent the night following me around, and even if I noticed she was doing that from the beginning, I acted cold, as If I didn’t notice her, as I always do, (That sounds like the behavior of a man. My articles, “How To Get Women To Approach You First,” and “Body Language That Attracts Women,” both discuss this. You were the rock, the mountain, just hanging out and having a good time. What happens? A pretty girl with a feminine essence wants to get your attention), and I continued dancing with other girls. (You don’t even realize you behave more like a dude, with a masculine essence.) When the night was ending, I went to the bathroom, and she suddenly appeared out of nowhere and got the courage to ask me for my number. I gave her my number, and she texted me nonstop from that day. (That shows high attraction, and it also sounds needy and insecure, which can be annoying.) She asked me for a date, we had lunch, and as soon as it was over she asked me, “When can I have a second date?” (That definitely comes off as being needy, and a little controlling as well.) She looked very interested. After 2 dates, she called me out of the blue and asked me to take a cab to her house, because she wanted to see me. (She’s totally acting like a woman would act. You can see, you were acting mostly like a man would act. Guys only have to pursue for the first few weeks, but once the woman starts reaching out, the guy doesn’t have to pursue anymore. He just makes the next date when he hears from her. That way the relationship progresses at the woman’s pace.) I went, and we had some drinks in the neighborhood, not her house, but she said she wanted me to be her girlfriend. (That was pretty quick. She was acting pretty consistent with her feminine energy.) I said yes, and we suddenly blushed and became so shy. After that day, I suddenly saw her on the street another day, and I ended up in a bar with her friends, where she introduced me as “her girlfriend” and gave me our first kiss. (You became exclusive before your first kiss? That’s way too fast, too soon. It definitely shows your girlfriend is insecure, needy and desperate to lock you down. However, you went along with it.)
However, in all of these dates, she has been acting weird at times. She was receiving so many calls and talking to her friends, instead of focusing on the date with me. (That’s what happens when you drop everything to be at someone’s beck and call. You acted like there was nothing else going on in your personal life, therefore your presence and your time is an abundant resource in her life. When it’s overly abundant and you were already exclusive, she is going to take you for granted. It’s the time away from each other that builds attraction.) And also, since I have fallen in love with her deeply and started acting more romantically, expressing feelings, writing her poems, etc., (That’s too much too soon. Another thing is, you’re not noticing how much is being reciprocated from your girlfriend, and I talk about this in my book. You want to wait to hear from her, and then make the next date when you do), and also since I’m out of the country for 7 months, she has become totally cold. (I wouldn’t call or text her. If you do hear from her, make a Skype video date. She should come visit you. Otherwise, it’s not much of a relationship.) I’m out of the country, and our relationship is long distance now. She sometimes takes a day to reply to my text and answers with a simple sentence. (That shows me her attraction level has dropped, and you’re pursuing her. You were acting like a man initially, and now you’re acting like a woman. However, she’s attracted to masculine energy in a woman. You are both acting feminine now, and she’s just not into you.) I want her to be as she was in the beginning, pursuing me with that passion in her eyes, but I don’t know how. (The quickest way to get someone’s attention is to remove yours. That’s why you need to let her do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing from now on, and you need to act like a man behaves, as I discuss in my book. Wait to hear from her, and then when you do, make a date. When you make the date, make her wait a few days to hear from you by making the date three or four days in the future. That way, she has to wait and wonder about you. Take your time responding to her texts.) I even had plans to pay for her to fly here, and invited her to live in my house for some time, because I want to get to know her better. We only spent a month together. I know she is in a tough financial situation, but I don’t want to project myself as a pleaser. (When you’re talking to her on Skype, ask her when she’s coming to visit you, and that you’ll send her a ticket. If she acts unsure, tell her to figure out her schedule and then get back to you. You should also follow what I teach in my article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” If she rejects you twice for Skype video dates, then stop asking and just wait to hear from her. After that, you will know if you’ve completely turned her off by over-pursuing her.) She didn’t treat me very politely the last days I was in her country. It’s hard to fix the situation with this distance and only text messages available to fix it though. (Notice the language. That sounds like how a logically brained guy would think.)
This topic might be slightly different than the others that are proposed to you. I hope it’s interesting. (It doesn’t matter what your sexual orientation is. If you don’t act natural with your dominant sexual essence, you’re going to get rejected. That’s the root of the issue. It’s all about knowing yourself, understanding who you are and what you want and being consistent with that.)
Thank you so much in advance,
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Knowing yourself and who you are is essential to having happy and balanced friendships and sexual relationships. When you are unsure of yourself and tend to vacillate back and forth between being masculine or feminine, instead of acting consistent with your dominant natural sexual essence, you will instantly turn off your lover and they will lose sexual attraction for you. Masculine energy tends to be certain, bold, courageous, willing to take risks, indifferent to chaos or things that are disconcerting, and similar to a rock or a mountain. Feminine energy tends to be at times unsure of itself, soft, submissive, emotional, focused on bonding, connecting, relationships, etc., and similar to the unpredictability of mother nature.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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