The truth about what really attracts women to men, despite what they think and say they really want.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a woman who says that most men she meets and goes out on dates with tend to obsess over her. They show extreme interest in her, despite the fact she is skeptical and just trying to get to know them. It’s also interesting that she mentions that it almost feels fake the way these guys behave and doesn’t feel like they would make the same effort and have high interest once they are in a relationship.
It’s a great email to discuss, because she gives some great descriptive insight into how these guys make her feel, which determines how much or how little time she is willing to spend with them. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of her email.
I’ve got an email here from a woman, and what I liked about her email is that she brings up some things that are going on in her dating life that is pretty common for a lot of guys, especially guys that are new to my work. And so, what you are going to get to see, from a woman’s perspective, is what guys are doing and saying that is turning women off. So I thought it’d be a good email to go through to point these out, because the whole idea of attracting women is to display your most attractive characteristics and personality to a woman and to stop displaying the unattractive characteristics.
This goes beyond physical characteristics. These are more emotional, mental, spiritual type of characteristics and a vibe that guys are giving off that really repulses women. And you’ll see in a second, as I go through this quote that I wrote for this particular video, and then when we get into our email, you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about, and it just totally lines up what I talk about in my first book, “How to Be A 3% Man.”
And also, one thing to mention is my second book, “Mastering Yourself,” which revolves around aligning your life with your true calling and reaching your full potential, especially for those guys that tend to be too needy. They’ve got too much time in their hands, they’re not focused on their mission and their purpose in life like they should be, and obviously they fall under what I like to call the illusion of action that I mentioned in my second book, because they feel like they have to do something to get a woman to like you more.
The reality is, as I discuss in “How To Be A 3% Man,” attraction’s not a choice. Women like you enough to go out with you and sleep with you, or they don’t. They know within three seconds. And the key is to not talk them out of liking you and feeling more attraction for you, which is unfortunately what the average guy does that doesn’t know any better.
We all have people out there that would be perfect for us. I don’t believe in one soul mate or “the one” or any of that nonsense, that load of Hollywood B.S. that they’ve been pushing for decades. I believe we have a lot of different soulmates, people that come into our lives to have experiences with.
I believe in karma. I believe in past lives. You screw somebody over one life, and in the next life, you’re the person that gets screwed over. And typically that person comes into your life so you have an opportunity to kind of right that wrong that you incurred in a past life. It’s the only thing that really makes sense to me when you study the different world’s religions and different books on spirituality that have been been written on the topic. Everybody’s got an opinion, but to me, this is what makes sense to me. This is what feels right. This is my particular truth, because it works.
So with that being said, I’m going to go through this quote and then we’ll get right into her email and the quote says, “Men who are too eager, too nice, too compliant and who try too hard to get a woman’s attention turn them off and ruin attraction, because they give off a vibe of inauthenticity, instead of being genuine, authentic and real. They give off the same vibe as a shady used car salesman who tries too hard to convince you how honest and trustworthy they are and what a great deal they will give you.”
I’m sure probably everybody watching this has had an experience where they met somebody in life who they were doing a deal with or some kind of sales transaction, and they throw in there “Oh hey, I’m a Christian.” And everybody here has probably had somebody say that to them right before they got screwed over.
So the point being is that what you’re going to see and the vibe that that these guys are giving off is one of inauthenticity, one of being fake and phony and not trustworthy. And that’s the problem, because these guys that are going out with this particular woman — obviously, she’s interested enough in them to go out with them — but the more time they spend together, the guy becomes more interested, and she becomes less interested.
And for those of you who are watching this, probably everybody I know, myself included, have had that experience, most of us many times in our lives, where we knew the girl was into us to start with. And instead of a growing over two to three dates, it gets to the point by the third date, she doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore. And that’s frustrating and depressing for guys that don’t understand why that’s happening. You’re going to see that when we go through her email, because that’s what these guys are doing. They’re turning her off. They’re displaying a lot of unattractive qualities.
“Most people understand that shady used car salesmen are fake, phony and are trying to make up for something they obviously lack. Men who have no choices or options with women are desperate and needy by nature, because they simply do not have any success and also deep down feel like they don’t deserve to have what they want. Men who have choice with women are skeptical, somewhat reserved, and have a wait and see kind of attitude towards new dating prospects. Women are more attracted to men whose attention and validation they have to work for and earn. Women are attracted to men who are popular with women, and universally turned off by men who no other women want.”
And that’s what you’re going to see. It’s the behavior that these guys are exhibiting. They’re acting like a guy that has no choice, no options with women and no women want to date. And so right away, she becomes skeptical. She starts to think something’s off with this guy. And you’ll even see as I go through this, I mean, she points it out pretty good.
Hello Coach Corey,
I love listening to your videos, (even though I’m a female). Sometimes I nod along with you, sometimes I roll my eyes, and occasionally I spit out my coffee with laughter.
Well, I’m glad you’re entertained.
I know you mostly focus on giving advice to guys, but maybe you can help me too. Whenever I go out on a date with a guy, they really obsess over me. It almost feels fake.
And there it is, just like I talked about in the quote. So, guys go out on a date, they’re too nice, they’re too compliant, they’re too overeager to be there, they’re going to be kind of ass-kissy. In other words, it doesn’t feel real. It doesn’t feel genuine. And therefore, they’re giving off the vibe of a bad used car salesman, somebody that something just doesn’t feel right with, that you really can’t trust what they’re saying. It just doesn’t seem believable. Because if somebody is trying too hard, why would they try too hard?
People that have success are going to be calm, they’re going to be relaxed, they’re going to be sitting back in their chair, their legs are going to be spread out, they’re going to be taking up too much space. They’re going to be taking their time. They’re in no rush. They’re going to be somewhat skeptical. That’s somebody that has abundance in their life.
Somebody that’s leaning forward, that’s desperate, that’s trying too hard, that’s going out of their way to let her know that they like her, they’re spending excessive amounts of money on expensive, ridiculous dates — even though it’s only the first couple of dates — because they’re trying to impress her, everything about them is trying to make up for something that they feel they lack on the inside. Because they don’t feel that if the woman really knew who they were, that she would like them. So they’re, in essence, putting on an act, and that’s why, just like she says, it almost feels fake.
And that’s the problem, women like authentic guys that tell it like it is, that are real, that are trustworthy. Guys that have that vibe have abundance, and so they’re not trying to impress the woman. They’re just as skeptical when they’re on a date as she is. Does this woman say what she means and mean what she says? Is she trustworthy? Is she a good option for me? Would my parents like her? Would my friends like her? Do I like her? Is she a good match for me? These are the kinds of things that if you have a choice, these are going to be going through your head.
And that’s why, like I talk about in “How To Be A 3% Man,” you take measured steps because you want to see what you’re dealing with. Because when you apply what’s in the book, it’s going to bring out the best qualities in the best women, and it’s going to bring out the worst qualities in the worst women really super fast. Usually within two to three weeks you’re going to know if you’re dealing with a lunatic.
Because we want somebody that’s calm, that’s mostly rational, that takes their time, that’s discerning, not somebody that flies off the handle and gets pissed off and butt-hurt because they hadn’t heard from you in three or four days. Well, it’s not the 1950s anymore. They could pick up the phone and call you as well.
But a woman who starts bitching and complaining right away after a couple of dates, obviously, she’s needy, she’s insecure, she’s full of fear. And the more you stay involved with women like that, the more difficult they become with time, especially as their emotions become engaged, because they’re so afraid of getting hurt, because they were so wounded in their childhood.
I’m dating a Psychologist now. We have only gone out 3 times. We are both single parents. Whenever we meet, he shows extreme interest and excitement and invests a ton in me.
As I talk about in the book, it’s always better if a woman thinks that she likes you more than you like her. But obviously in this particular case with this guy, he’s going out of his way to let her know how much he really super duper likes her. And he’s a psychologist. But obviously, psychologists don’t understand or study this stuff — most of them, I should say. The good ones, they know my work and I’ve coached.
I’m not as excited as he is, though I like everything about him. I can’t seem to kiss him yet.
So on paper, he sounds perfect. She feels attraction for him, obviously, but something is off. In other words, she’s not feeling what she needs to feel in order to move things along romantically. She’s gone on three dates and still hasn’t kissed the guy.
I don’t feel sexually attracted to him YET.
“YET,” she puts in big, bold letters, because obviously she expects that over time her attraction will grow. With a guy who’s got his shit together, it will grow over time. But with this guy being too overly invested in her and trying too hard, he’s obviously trying to make up for something that he feels that he lacks on the inside, which is turning her off. Because she’s predisposed to like this guy, but he’s exhibiting really unattractive qualities that are causing her to not want to kiss him, and not feel anything sexual, and start to look to him more in a platonic sense instead of a romantic sense.
But still, she’s gone out on three dates with this guy. She’s still giving him the benefit of the doubt, even though it’s obvious he’s convinced that she’s perfect for him. Because he’s so focused on seeking her attention and her validation, he’s already made up his mind about her. But in her mind, she’s like, “Hey, you don’t even know me yet. How can you think this way? How can you feel this way? It must be fake.”
Naturally I put some guards up, because I feel like guys who are too invested and excited would most likely run away once they get bored and the excitement phase disappears.
That’s possible, but the reality is you don’t trust his masculine core. Something is off. Does this guy behave like a guy who has lots of other women vying for his attention and his time? Doesn’t sound like it. It sounds like a dude that probably hasn’t been out on any dates in the past year at all, or maybe the past couple of years. Or maybe you’re the first girl he’s gone out with since his divorce. You just, you don’t know what you don’t know.
I have two questions for you:
1) Do you think sexual attraction towards him can grow and develop if I didn’t feel the initial spark?
Well, if he starts acting attractive, the answer would be yes, but obviously you’ve gone out on three dates, and it doesn’t seem like it’s getting any better, because he’s continually acting unattractive and undesirable and like he has no other success with women. It’s not your job to teach him how to be a man. I mean, you could say, hey, you should read this book and apply it, but typically, most guys in that situation will get butt-hurt, because we tend to be egocentric.
And you know, think about it from the guy’s perspective. Men who are egocentric and don’t want to admit that they don’t know what they’re doing — especially when it comes to women — and then you give him a book like mine. He’s going to be like “Oh, this is great. Well, I’m going to use this on you totally, and you’re going to be mine.” I don’t think so.
2) How do I know if he really wants me for the long term when he acts so excited and overly invests in seeing and being with me?
So, notice how she’s perceiving this. “Oh, it just means that he will be overly excited in the beginning. And once he’s got me, then he’ll disappear.” Maybe there’s other guys in your life who behave that way. And so, you’re kind of painting him with that brush or judging him based upon your previous relationship experiences. And that obviously is not fair to him.
But the reality is you’re not trusting his masculine core, because if you felt a spark, if you felt something for him, you wouldn’t even be saying this. But obviously something is missing, and you’re looking for the reasons why that is.
I feel like he might lose it as quickly as it came. (Btw, he did say he is looking for a long term relationship.)
So he came right out and said, “Hey, I’m looking for a long term relationship,” but she doesn’t believe him. And why wouldn’t she believe him? Because he’s not acting trustworthy. He’s not acting like a guy that’s coming from a place of integrity, because he’s putting on an act. He’s putting on an act in hopes that she’ll buy it and want to date and sleep and have a relationship with him. So she’s a very skeptical buyer, if you will, and he’s not really doing anything to convince her otherwise. Because again, he’s trying too hard. He’s coming off as needy and desperate and really unattractive.
You see how this works? Do you see how that’s having a negative effect on how she feels about this guy? She’s looking for logical reasons as to why she feels this way, but it all boils back down to what she said in the beginning, “It almost feels fake.” So she doesn’t believe him, she doesn’t trust anything he says. I believe he is looking for a long term relationship, but the point being is he’s displaying all these unattractive qualities which are obviously turning you off.
And at the end of the day, it’s not your job to fix this guy. It’s not your job to turn him into the man he could be. You could be totally honest with him and say, “Look, I mean, you seem like a nice guy, but you’re acting way more invested in me, and I’m just trying to get to know you. I think you need to kind of slow down a little bit. I’ve got a great book that I definitely think you should read that would help. If you want a chance to continue things to me, I think you should read Corey Wayne’s book “How to Be A 3% Man.” ”
See how open he is to it. Maybe he’ll say, “Hey, you know what, I’ll check that out.” Or maybe he gets butt-hurt. Either way, it doesn’t matter if he’s not willing to improve himself, or to at least look at his behavior and do something about it. You’re not his mommy. You’re looking for a teammate. You’re looking for an equal, some guy that’s already done the work on himself to get to the point where he knows how to display his best self, not some fake, phony version that he’s hoping to impress you with. But again, being overly excited on the date, spending lots of money on the date, these are all signs that he’s trying to make up for something. He doesn’t sound and he doesn’t act like a guy who has choices and options with women.
So I would say, suggest the book to him. See if he’s open to read it. If he’s open to read it and actually discusses some of the things with you, and you actually see an improvement, I’d say give him a chance. But if he gets butt-hurt and upset and doesn’t want to hear about it, I wouldn’t waste my time.
If you’ve been following me for awhile, there’s plenty of emails I read where guys are like, this changed my life and all my friends are amazed, and yet I give them a copy of your book, and they don’t even want to read it. They don’t even crack the book open until they get dumped.
So, it may take you blowing him off or friend zoning him for him to recognize that his approach isn’t working. And he might just get butt-hurt, and go on down the road, and then just continue behaving the same way and getting the same results. It’s like guys don’t come to my work when things are going well. They come to my work when they finally hit the wall and they recognize that their approach is flawed and they need to do something better.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Men who are too eager, too nice, too compliant and who try too hard to get a woman’s attention turn them off and ruin attraction, because they give off a vibe of inauthenticity instead of being genuine, authentic and real. They give off the same vibe as a shady used car salesman who tries too hard to convince you how honest and trustworthy they are and what a great deal they will give you. Most people understand that shady used car salesmen are fake, phony and are trying to make up for something they obviously lack. Men who have no choices or options with women are desperate and needy by nature, because they simply do not have any success, and also deep down feel like they don’t deserve to have what they want. Men who have choice with women are skeptical, somewhat reserved and have a wait and see kind of attitude towards new dating prospects. Women are more attracted to men whose attention and validation they have to work for and earn. Women are attracted to men who are popular with women and universally turned off by men who no other women want.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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