When it’s time to let her go, so she either comes back for good or disappears forever.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who found my work a few years ago after getting dumped by his girlfriend. He read my first book, How To Be A 3% Man, twice and after he got his girlfriend back with it about seventeen months ago, he never touched the book again. She just broke up with him again because he didn’t follow the instructions in the book because he was looking for a quick fix.
Now she is moving out of their apartment and moving across the country. He said he wanted to move with her, but she told him no. He asks what he can do to potentially get her back once again. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
I’ve got an email here from a guy who unfortunately did not follow the instructions in How To Be A 3% Man, my first book. He started following me several years ago, because obviously he’s trying to get his girlfriend back, and he says he read the book twice, got her back, and then once he got her back, he’s like, “I don’t need to read this 10 to 15 times.” So, needless to say, over the course of 17 months, he kind of went back to his old ways, got kind of complacent, stopped taking care of business.
And now, his girlfriend broke up with him again. And on top of that, she is moving across the country and he says, “Oh, I’ll move with you,” and she basically told him that she didn’t want to, that she needed to do all of this on her own. So obviously, he’s trying to get her back now, I guess, for a second time.
I’ve seen quite a few phone sessions over the years I’ve done with guys that are kind of in these situations, where they just kind of let their purpose and mission go by the wayside, and then the center of their lives become their wives or their girlfriends. And then they stop paying attention to doing all of the things that made them attract her in the first place.
And obviously, in this case, this guy is ready to just chuck his life out the window and then follow her across the country, and that’s part of the reason why she’s leaving him, because he’s like a ship without a rudder. He’s a man that just lost track of his purpose and mission and kind of focused more of his life on her and what she wanted. So, he just no longer was the same guy he was before, basically doing a lot of the same behaviors that he did that got him dumped the first time around.
I found your videos and books a few years ago and had some success. I got my girlfriend back 17 months ago. Reading the book twice, I never touched the book again which was a mistake.
I say it all the time. All of the best success stories are always from guys who read the book 10 to 15 times. Guys that struggle or guys that do this, they’re cherry picking, looking for a quick fix, a quick solution, so they can get back to their lives. And as soon as they start getting some success, they say “That shaved-headed guy, I don’t need to listen to him. I’m different. I’m special. I don’t need to read it 10 to 15 times. I’ve got this. I’ll show them how much I’ve got this.”
Last week, she has yet again broken up with me because she is moving across the country/wants a fresh start without me and is not feeling it.
So, in other words, she wants a fresh start without you because she wants to break up with you and get away from you and she’s not feeling it. So, in other words, her attraction has dropped to the point where she no longer feels any romantic interest or the desire to stay with you.
Looking back, I see my mistakes. I was not fulfilling my purpose or doing things for myself.
So in other words, he stopped being a masculine man who had goals, who had dreams, who had a passion and a purpose that he was seeking to fulfill. This is what attracts feminine women to a man in the first place. They like your drive. They like your ambition, that you know what you want, where you’re going and what you want to do with your life.
And then you’ve got this girl. The woman is supposed to be the complement to your life, so instead of her becoming a complement, she became the center of your life and, in essence, she became your purpose. And women don’t want that. They want to join your purpose. And instead, you threw your purpose out the window, and she became your purpose. And it’s just a matter of time before she leaves you.
I was focusing all my time on her. We would hang out every single day, whether it was taking her out on dates or hanging out at home.
Well, you’ve still got to have your friends and your hobbies and your interests. I see this so much, especially with guys that are married. They’ve got kids in the mix, and then the woman starts complaining about that car that he’s been working on or fixing up, or that stamp collection, or a Star Wars collection, or maybe even his gun collection, or whatever it happens to be.
I had an old friend once who loved music, and his wife was always on his case about his music. And there were a couple of times over the course of their lives when they were together, because he’s since passed away, that he sold all of his guitars and gave it all up. Like, “That’s it. She’s always on my case. I’m tired of it.” He would sell almost everything and he would get down to one guitar, and then it would just absolutely torture him.
And then after a few months, he’d be at a garage sale or going in a pawn shop, he’d buy another guitar, another amp, or an electric guitar, or whatever it happened to be. “I’m going to start doing this again.” Then he would kind of keep it from her for a while, and then she’d find out and she got all pissed off again, and it just drove him nuts.
Part of the problem was this was something he loved to do. He love performing and singing. And for obvious reasons, because when he was doing those things, other women paid attention to him, and she was a little jealous and insecure about that. And because he didn’t have his life together enough, he allowed the insecure feelings of his wife to interfere with his purpose. And so, he gave it up in order to please her. And yet, she was still pissed off at him after he did that.
I used to have conversations with him about this, and then eventually he stuck with it. Although, he never reached his full potential, because she didn’t really want him doing that for a living, even though it was his true passion. He gave it up for her.
I lost track of my goals outside of work and things I really wanted to do. I would bend over backwards to do everything for her, instead of pursuing my dreams or hanging out with friends.
It’s like you, in essence, became the woman in the relationship and you followed her and her purpose. So, it was like a bait and switch from her perspective. She gets back together with a guy who’s got goals, dreams and a mission, and as soon as he gets her back, he goes right back to making her his mommy. Come on, man.
We placed a deposit and were planning to move into an apartment together. I had just moved into her place until her lease was up. Things were going well. We just visited her family in New York in February where they just bought a summer home and we had a great time. When we got back home, I could tell something was off with her but still had attraction for me. I remember one instance after vacation she was cooking for me in lingerie. Like an idiot, I just gave her a kiss and went and sat down.
I totally killed the vibe and upset her, which is what I think led to our demise, (apart from being around her 24/7).
Well, that may have been the final straw, but that wasn’t the event. It was your lack of having a purpose and a mission that she could be a part of. You made her your purpose in mission, and that’s not why she got involved with you. You were supposedly a guy who had his act together, and then you became something you’re not. She may have even said, “I don’t feel like I don’t even know you anymore.”
She wanted me, and I totally turned her off. I was not being flirty or having fun with her. It became a formality of being together instead of having fun.
You became roommates. You stopped hanging out, having fun and hooking up. Instead, it sounds like you became her live-in butler, her live-in man servant. That’s not attractive at all, dude.
A few weeks later, she said I am too perfect and that I can find someone better than her.
That’s kind of like another version of the “it’s not you, it’s me.”
Instead of immediately walking away at that point like I should have, we tried for a few more weeks. I gave her space, and she came back to me and kept telling me she loved me. We continued to hang out like normal again every day until she went for a weekend trip to see her parents. I picked her up from the airport. We had a great conversation, but I could tell something felt off. The next day she told me she was moving to New York and wanted a fresh start. I told her I wanted to come with her and wanted a fresh start too.
“Mommy, I’ll follow you anywhere. Just tell me what to do.” Not attractive, dude, not attractive at all.
All she could say was you can move out there too, but it will not be with me.
Ouch. Yeah, I’ve seen situations, I’ve done phone sessions where guys have literally sold their houses, liquidated all their stuff, put a little bit in storage and moved from one country to another to be with a woman. And literally days or weeks after they get there, she’s she’s spending time at work, not much time with him, and then she dumps the guy. Or literally, as soon as he moves in and gets settled, she dumps him. And he’s thinking, “I gave up my whole life to be here with her.”
And that’s part of the problem. Men should never move somewhere unless it’s because they really want to live there. But in this case, this guy thinks, “Oh, I saved my relationship by just moving with her.” Again, no purpose, no mission, no direction, no focus. All the things that are masculine energy that women crave in a man, you’re not displaying them. You’re acting like a submissive, feminine woman that wants to follow her man across the country.
You completely got the roles reversed and the sexual polarities totally reversed. That’s the real problem in your relationship. Even though you never seduced her when she was in the lingerie, that was just part of the vibe, the vibe you were giving off was that she was the man in the relationship, and you were just her butler, basically.
She said “Maybe down the road we will cross paths again and we can get back together, but I need to do this for myself and prove I can do it on my own.”
In other words, “prove that I don’t need you and I’m not really that into you anymore.” That’s what she’s really saying.
Is it too late to build her attraction up for me again?
Maybe, dude. It’s possible.
I have gotten my own place and am working on myself again, but what is the best course of action in terms of my ex?
Well, you’re falling under the illusion of action. You think you have to do something to get her back. And that’s your problem, dude. You’ve been doing too much for her. You became her butler and you completely lost sight of who you were as a man. You had no focus, no direction, no mission, no purpose. You had no life to get excited about, because you weren’t excited about your own life. You were more excited about her life and becoming a part of it than her becoming a part of your life.
And so, therefore, now you’re out the door because you basically acted like a woman and you ruined sexual polarity. So at this point, it’s like, “Hey, if you want to come back and see me, that would be awesome. Otherwise, I wish you all the best. Enjoy your new life in New York. Bye, bye. Call me if you change your mind,” and that’s it. You never call or text her again for any reason. She’s leaving you. She moved out. She kicked you out.
She’s packing up shop and going to another state to escape. So, you have to focus on your mission, your purpose. That’s the most important thing. Focusing on her is not going to get her back. Focusing on getting back to the guy you were, that she fell in love with, that’s what’s going to turn her on. And I would never call her again for any reason. If she reaches out, assume she wants to see you, invite her over. Hang out, have fun, and hook up.
Stop trying to get back together. Stop trying to “fix” your relationship. Just simply look at her as another potential dating prospect who now, unfortunately, is going to be long distance for you. So, you should assume that it’s over and it’s never going to get put back together again. And you should be working to get back to who you were before you met her, who you were when you got her back 17 months ago, and continue being that guy. That’s what’s going to create attraction, not only potentially with her, but with other women, so you can get some other prospects in there.
You should be following the script from “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” and stick with that. Your whole vibe is you’re still trying to be the girl, you still want to chase after a guy. And you’re a guy yourself, but this is a woman. And so, the sexual polarity, it’s like you’re not acting like a man. You’re acting like a woman. That’s why she’s so turned off to the point where she’s literally moving out of state. Your attitude should be “She’ll be back. If not, I’ll find somebody hotter and better and more suited to me.”
But you need to be reading “How To Be A 3% Man” 10 to 15 times, as well as “Mastering Yourself,” getting to know it. Get focused on your mission and purpose and become an attractive man again, because right now you’re an unattractive chick without any kind of direction in your life. It’s not attractive, bro. That’s not what a man’s all about.
So, maybe you’ve got a similar situation and you’d like to get my help. Go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“A man’s purpose, mission and life’s work should be the center of his focus. Men who are chasing emotionally compelling dreams embody the essence of masculine energy. Feminine energy is naturally drawn to strong men who know what they want, why they want it and are relentlessly pursuing it. The right woman will be your biggest cheerleader and fan and will help you to accomplish your grandest goals and dreams. The wrong woman won’t. Love is freedom. Therefore, men should create the conditions where a woman can either choose to become a big part of your life and future or a part of your past.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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