When To Use The Takeaway & When To Back Off & Let Her Come Back

When to use the takeaway if a woman is flaky or noncommittal & when to back off.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a new viewer who’s dating a woman he’s trying to set a second date with. She is being evasive, leaving him on read for days and talking about how busy she is. He’s unsure of when to use the takeaway and when he should just assume she is being like a cat and just wait to hear from her.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a viewer who is new to my work. He had one date with a particular woman, but he’s trying to set a second date up and it seems like she’s kind of being evasive, leading him on read for days and talking about how busy she is. He’s unsure of when to use a takeaway and when he should just assume she’s being like a cat and just wait to hear from her.

So if it was easy to make the first date and she’s telling you how busy she is, leaving you on read, not replying for 24 hours, it looks like her interest is less than it was. When a woman likes you, they make it easy to get together. When they don’t, they use roadblocks or they throw roadblocks up in your face and tell you, “Work’s crazy. I’m just so busy. My schedule’s up in the air. I don’t know.” The reality is, the interest is low because most women are not going to tell you that they’re not interested, because in this case, she might be thinking, “Well, maybe in a week or two I’ll feel different. I don’t want to completely blow it up and tell him I’m not interested. So I’m going to let him think I’m still interested because I don’t really know. I’m confused.” That’s typically what’s really going on. If you ask her to tell you, you’re not going to get a straight answer because they don’t want to hurt your feelings.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I’ve been studying How To Be A 3% Man (Fifth read; About 1.5 months ago) and your newsletters.

Well, five reads in a month and a half, good fucking job, because most guys are too fucking lazy to do that. So that’s a good start. You got to participate in your own rescue. I like that you’re doing that. So good job!

I had a situation that confused me about when to apply the takeaway versus accepting that “Women are like cats.”

I went on a first date with a woman that went great. She even skipped a friend’s birthday to see me.

Well, that means high interest or that friend she doesn’t really like, maybe they’re more frenemies than anything.

There was lots of making out and petting, but I had to end the date before it could escalate further because I had a flight to catch. That was last Saturday.

Well the other thing is, if you’re going to set up a date and the opportunity is there for sex to happen, don’t do it on a day where you got to catch a flight or do something else, because it would have been much better if you would have hooked up and the sex was good, then you would have had a much different response when trying to set the second date, but it looks like she was into you, but after the fact, her interest seemed to go down instead of up. So her interest went down instead of up.

You’ve read the book five times. My bad. Maybe you didn’t apply something properly, maybe you put your foot in your mouth, there’s an ex-boyfriend that came back in the picture, or there’s another guy she’d been out with on three or four dates, and when you went out with her, it wasn’t looking so good with that other guy. So she was really into you because you helped her get her mind off the other dude. Then the other dude came back in between you having your first date and trying to set the second. So now it looks like things are progressing with the other guy. So now she’s going to kind of put you in the back burner and keep you as a backup plan.

Those things are going to happen. You date enough, it’s going to happen. You’re going to come across a woman that’s in that situation. That’s why dating is like tennis. You hit the ball over the net and you got to wait for her to hit it back.

Since Monday, we’ve been trying to schedule a second date, but her communication has slowed down.

Usually that means the interest is low.

I proposed Friday, but she was busy catching up with the friend whose birthday she had skipped. She suggested Saturday, which I couldn’t do at first, then asked about Thursday. So she was putting in effort to work out a day. Later in the week my friend canceled Saturday plans, so when she texted again to double-check my availability, I told her I was free that evening.

I would be like, “Hey, I’m actually free Saturday now. My buddy and I had to reschedule, so I’d love to see you if you’re still available.”

That was about a 1.5 days ago, and I still haven’t heard back (Today is Friday).

Because probably the way, “Oh, I can do Saturday,” women look at that and go, “Well, I thought he had plans.” So what it looks like is you cancel plans to open your schedule up to be with her. Again, could be another guy in the picture, could be an ex, could be a guy, like I said, that it didn’t look like it was going to go anywhere with him. So she had kind of given up on him. Then she went out with you and had a good date, but since the good date, the guy came back, she had a date with him and things really progressed. So that’s why she might kind of put you off, because she doesn’t want to end things with you completely, or say that she met somebody else because she’s just not sure. So she kind of dangles a carrot to keep you interested until she can figure out what’s going on with the other dude.

That’s typically what happens. Unless, of course, the date didn’t go as well as you thought. If the date really, truly was as great as you thought and then she becomes kind of cold like this and unavailable, remember she blew off this other birthday and now she’s trying to reschedule to do something with that person.

Earlier in the week, she sent an unprompted apology for a 10-hour reply, explaining work was hectic with big events.

So this is the power of dating is like tennis. You hit the ball over the net. A day and a half went by, she hadn’t replied, which anytime a woman goes over 24 hours, that’s not good. If a woman’s into you, she’ll text within 24 hours. If she doesn’t, if it’s longer than that, that means she’s just really didn’t care.

I hadn’t said anything about her timing, the apology came from her.

Well, because again, there was silence. You did the right thing, which was you stopped moving forward and you waited to hear from her. So she knew that what she did was wrong, but what happened? The reason why the apology happened is that she didn’t want to screw things up, because in the moment when she reached out, her interest had gone up. Maybe things with the other guy weren’t looking so good in that moment, and that’s why she apologized unprompted.

At the same time, in the two mornings since my last text, she’s been posting on her public influencer Instagram story. I haven’t chased or followed up and won’t unless she responds.

So the apology happened before she left you hanging. So now a couple days have gone by when you tried to set a date and she hasn’t done anything, so she apologizes for a 10-hour reply. What happens then? She leaves you waiting for two days. Women will often do this on purpose just to see if you blow your top or again, maybe things once again look like they’re going well with the other guy. So that’s why she’s not responding.

Her interest seems to have dropped, though I keep wondering if I should have applied a takeaway earlier by saying, “Let’s try another weekend when your schedule clears up,” instead of going back and forth on logistics.

Again, if I was a betting man, I would say there’s probably another dude in the picture. That’s probably what’s going on. She doesn’t want to commit to you yet until she gets a better read or feel what’s going to happen with the other guy.

I re-read your newsletter, The Takeaway Is A Vibe Check For Difficult & Disrespectful Women, and I understand the principle: If a woman is being disrespectful, flaky, or lukewarm, you withdraw the offer and let her decide if she wants to step up.

Well, the reason you use a takeaway is if you’re trying to set a date and she’s like, “Oh, I’m not sure,” or you make a date and she’s like, “OK well, let’s tentatively planned for it, but let’s talk the day of just to nail things down and confirm.” In other words, you’re willing to block out time to see somebody, but if they’re not sure, they can make that appointment. That’s when you do the takeaway, because you don’t want to accept a “maybe” date, because if you accept a maybe date, 99% of the time, you won’t have your date. They’ll just blow you off, reject you or cancel at the last minute.

So when you do the takeaway, when you get a maybe date or a non-committal answer for a specific day with her saying, “Oh, let me get back to you,” or “I’m not sure if you ask her when she’s available,” and she’s like, “I don’t know. I gotta check my schedule,” then just say, “Hey, great! Figure out your schedule and get back to me. I’d love to see you.” Then that’s you hitting the ball over the net, and now you get to wait for her to reach back out. When she does reach back out, normally she’s going to send a meme or go, “Hey, how are you? How’s your day?” She’s not going to say, “Hey, I figured out my schedule. Here’s the days I’m open.” Most of the time they won’t do that. So it’s your job to refocus her on the task at hand, which is setting the appointment and making a date happen. Definite day, definite time, definite place to get together.

At the same time, you often say women are like cats. They’ll sometimes pull away, then come back when they feel like it, and a man should remain centered, not chase.

My confusion is this: When a woman goes quiet, how do I know whether to calmly use the takeaway versus just staying centered  and accepting the “cat” behavior?

Well, except the cat-like behavior. Assume there’s probably another guy in the picture. Again, you hit the ball over the net and now you’re waiting for her to respond. The only time she’s going to respond is if things don’t look good with the other guy. Then she’ll probably be back and go, “Oh, I’m so sorry. Work’s crazy. I didn’t get back to you. It’s really rude. I’ll make it up to you,” whatever.

And if she eventually gets back to me, should I use a lighter takeaway like, “It looks like you’re busy, so when your schedule clears up just get in touch with me and we’ll plan something then…”

No. Again, if she reaches back out, assume she knows her schedule and just be like, “Hey you! What’s your schedule like? I want to see you.” Be direct. Be decisive. Get to the point. Don’t send 15, “Hey, how’s your day?” My day’s going great.” “What are you doing?” “I’m at work. What are you doing?” “Oh, I’m at work, too.” Don’t do any of that stupidity. Be direct. Be decisive. Get to the point.

Assume the reason she’s reaching out is she’s now ready to set a date and is aware of her schedule. So just as soon as she reaches out, say she sends you a meme, heart the meme and say, “Ha, that was funny” or whatever, or “Hey, I’d love to see you. What’s your schedule like?” Just get right to it. Don’t send a bunch of bullshit texts back and forth, because more often than not, she’ll just stop replying and you’ll get nowhere. Then it’ll be a couple of days before you hear from her again. It looks like this girl’s interest is not really super high, but like I said, it really looks like there’s another dude in the picture just based on her behavior.

…Or a more direct one like the example in your newsletter, “Hey, I’d really like to see you again, but I like spending my time with people who are excited to see me, and I’m not getting that vibe. Take care?”

No. “Take care” means “Have a nice life.” I wouldn’t send that either. Just assume she’s reaching out because Chad Thundercock is unavailable, and now you got a chance to get in there and give her the meat missile.

Thanks for all your work. Your material has helped me a lot, and I’d appreciate your insight on how to balance these two ideas in practice.

Best,


Bob

Well again, like I said, what’s really going on here is it just looks like there’s another dude in the picture. That’s why her behavior now is squirrely and noncommittal, because it does look like you had a good date and you just had to dip to catch a flight, which can be good because if it frustrates her, she was down to hook up. Maybe she was really bummed that night because she was upset over the other guy disappearing or leaving her hanging or whatever, but since you went on your trip and then came back, the guy came back in the picture. So things currently look good with him, and that’s why you have to be patient, not to get upset. There’s no need to use a takeaway here because again, you’re waiting for her to get back to you on her availability. When she does get back, assume she knows her availability and you need to ask her for it so you can nail her down to a definite date, definite time, definite place to get together.

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