Why Being Delusional About Women & Life Brings Unnecessary Pain

Why being delusional about women & life causes avoidable pain.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email update from a viewer who struggles with being disciplined and accepting the reality of his situation and relationship with his ex. He violated the restraining order against him and it got extended. As a result, he barely sees his son. On top of that, he’s still desperate to get his ex back.

I tell him what to do instead that will solve all of his problems and make his life better than ever. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, as a very wise man once told me, “When you fail to accept reality, you’re gonna experience pain. You’re going to suffer.”

So this particular email, I did a video newsletter almost a year ago. He had a restraining order taken out by his ex-girlfriend and baby mama. At some point, they were in contact and he thought they were going to potentially get back together. Then he says she used that against him. So now the restraining order got extended, and he hardly ever sees his son as a result. She’s basically trying to make his life hell the same way that her mother did to this woman’s father, she wouldn’t let the father see the kids. So she’s kind of repeating the pattern.

In his case, because the law is involved, you gotta accept reality as it is, otherwise you’re going to suffer, because he’s making mistakes and putting himself in legal jeopardy. On top of that, he’s still like, “I still want her back. How do I do that?”

So let’s go through his email, because this guy is definitely delusional. He’s not accepting reality. As Ayn Rand said, “You can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.”

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

I hope all is well!

I reached out last August and you answered my email in a video titled, No Contact, Restraining Orders & Child Custody Issues. I want to first say thank you for taking the time to answer and produce that video. I appreciate it. 

To sum up, my ex and I, both now 33, were together for nine-and-a-half, almost 10 years. We share a three-and-a-half-year-old. We have been separated since January 2025. My ex had a restraining order filed against me for one year that was set to expire in January 2026. However, in short, in September of last year, I thought I started to notice some signs that maybe I could potentially talk, get through to her and patch things up…

So this is approval-seeking behavior. You should not be thinking that way. She’s got a restraining order against you. She has to do everything, she’s got to do all the reaching out. I’m sure your legal counsel would have said, “Just stay away from her.” I don’t know, because it was set to expire in January, I don’t know if she can go to court and say, “Hey, we patched things up. I want to get it removed,” but she has to do all that. She’s got to fix it. If a woman goes and takes a restraining order out, you don’t continue pursuing her and thinking you’re making progress. Especially if she’s prone to use it against you and definitely not if her mother did the same thing to her father. We’ll get to that part in a second.

…How we always used to do during minor break ups or rough patches. Unfortunately, that was not the case. 

She used that against me, extended the restraining order and further limited the custody time our son and I have together. In a sense, she continued to weaponize the restraining order in hopes of gaining leverage in court. There was nothing egregious or violent about anything I did. 

Well, at the end of the day, you violated the restraining order and she used it against you. If you were with this woman for 10 years, you have to know by now that she’s prone to do that. At the end of the day, I’m sure your legal counsel would have advised you to just leave her the hell alone, because the only way a reconciliation could happen is, number one, the restraining order is gone, and then she’s got to be doing the pursuing, just like 7 Principles to Get an Ex Back says, she’s got to be doing all the reaching out. In the meantime, you should be reading the book and, quite frankly, rocking out with your cock out, because at the end of the day, with the limited time you have with your son, what he really needs is a healthy relationship between you and your significant other. That’s what he needs, a good example, because he clearly ain’t getting a good example from mom and where mom is right now, your ex doesn’t want anything to do with you.

So it would behoove you to learn the book, apply it, get better, have a good time, and move on with your life. As much as it sucks that you can barely see your kid, you gotta follow the law, dude. That’s the way it is. We’re a nation of laws and you gotta follow them. So whatever time you do have, you should cherish, and make sure you’re in a peak state when you’re around him. Other than that, you gotta live your life and kind of compartmentalize it. You see him when you can see him. Being upset about it is not going to help you any more than complaining about the weather not matching what you want.

Since September, I have had limited custody time with our son. I have submitted two very reasonable custody proposals, in her favor, and she has denied both.

Well, that’s just part of the court process, and I’m sure her legal counsel is just trying to annoy the hell out of you and drag it out as long as possible so he can continue billing her so you eventually just give in. That’s how it works in court.

I mean, you look at what’s going on with Trump and the mullahs there. It just like keeps going on and on in circles. You got different factions and they’re fighting each other. The leaders will agree to something. Then the military will come out and issue a public statement going, “No, we don’t agree to this,” but that’s part of the negotiating process. They’re just figuring they’ll wear him down. They’re very good at it. Very, very great negotiators, the Iranians.

So you have to look at it this way: She’s just trying to wear you out. So you have to practice infinite patience. You can’t be attached to anything. Follow the law, do your thing, but make a great life for yourself and the limited time you have with your son, so he can see you happy and in love and with a great girl. As far as the ex, we’ll get to that in a second.

Unfortunately, due to the court process and scheduling, we have had very little change in the status quo over the last six months.

Well, it’s the way it is. The wheels of justice turn ever so slowly.

The status quo has been very detrimental to our son and has affected him greatly.

That’s why you got to be in a peak state when you’re around him, so he has an absolute blast with you, because at some point your son’s going to get old enough to realize, “Oh, dad wasn’t the problem. It was mom.” Then when he’s that old, he’s going to probably want to come live with you anyways and this stuff will have all blown over by then.

This entire situation is more of a control issue with her than anything even to the extent of parental alienation I would argue on some levels. For instance, we have FaceTime calls in addition to our custody.

Well I mean, it was just reporting the news. Look what Angelina Jolie did. She had six kids with Brad Pitt and she didn’t have a good relationship with her father, which is very well known. So her kids have like a non-existent relationship with Brad Pitt. Basically, what I read, what was reported, is that all the kids hate him. So if you get into a relationship with a woman that’s got a bad relationship with her father and you have kids with her, well you shouldn’t be surprised how things turn out.

On some of the calls, I will be staring at the wall or ceiling the entire call and she will do nothing to adjust the device so I can see our son. She will purposely make it tough for me to speak to him.

Well, that happens a lot. She’s raking you over the coals. She’s clearly pissed off at you and trying to get revenge.

She will attempt to keep him away from me at his events. When he sees me for custody, he runs up in to my arms and tells me I’m his best friend. There is so much love and joy in that boys heart when we are together but more often than not, around her, he treats me like a stranger.

Well, he’s having to put on an act, probably because she’d give him a give him shit after you’re gone, so he doesn’t want to deal with her wrath.

In my opinion, these tactics are in hopes that I would say or do something to further violate the restraining order. As an aside, she illegally wiretapped me during our relationship. While she was doing this, she would attempt to bait me into saying or doing something while secretly recording. It is a felony in our state. This type of baiting behavior is still present to this day and now our son is in the middle.

Well, look at it like Amber Heard. She took a dump in Johnny Depp’s bed and they didn’t have any kids together, and he won that case. I heard that he was just offered like $300 million to come back as Captain Jack Sparrow. That would be cool.

As you have said, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. So, in the past when she was trying to bait me, I feel like that attitude of trying to “get me” is still present. 

Well, people are consistent with who they are, man. They typically don’t change.

1. Is there any way I could, either through my counsel or other, get her to see how wrong this is to our son?

Well, you’re still trying. Do you have the mindset and the mentality of, you need to prove yourself to her, you need to win your argument? At the end of the day, you’re just trying to make sure, the most important thing is that you have enough custody with your son, because again, when he gets to be a teenager, he’s going to probably want to come live with you anyways, especially if your ex is kind of a nut.

For example, our son and I have spent 1.5% of time together in 2025 and around 2% in 2026 to her 98%. I’m not a perfect person but I’m a good, loving father that is here and will do anything to take care of our son.

Well at the end of the day, dude, you’re stuck in the legal system and you know your attorney is the one you need to talk to about that. Just don’t make it worse for yourself. Even if she tries to bait you and act like she wants you back until that restraining order is gone, you mysteriously won’t be able to get a boner around her or thinking about her. It’s just not good. She gets nothing until the restraining order is gone. At the end of the day, women like a challenge.

There’s a lot of fathers that don’t give a shit and walk away. I have not tucked him into bed since December 31, 2024. I have cried every night without him.

Well, dude, you’re just going to have to accept that that’s the reality. You’re going to spend 2% of his life with him for the foreseeable future. In the meantime, you should be focusing on reaching your full potential and finding a hot younger woman who came from a good family and who loves her dad. They make the best partners to have kids with and a family.

The pain is indescribable. To refresh your memory, she didn’t have the best childhood growing up, her parents were divorced, her mother kept her and her brother away from her dad and her dad committed suicide.

So that’s just how the women are in that family. So they’re consistent. Like I said, people don’t change who they are. They may become a better version, but they typically don’t change.

I feel like some of this is history rhyming. She saw how her mom was with her dad and she is treating me in a similar fashion, potentially.

Yeah, I’m shocked.

Or there is profound hurt there that I would do anything to remedy for her. 

2. Would you do anything, if legally possible, about the illegal wiretapping from the past and how that behavior is a perfect example of the current behavior?

Well, talk to your attorney about that. You’re just trying to finish this legal process so you can see your kid more. That’s the most important thing. The quickest, easiest way to do that without fighting, without arguing is, again, your legal counsel is going to tell you what you can and can’t do and what you’re entitled to. Don’t do anything to throw a grenade into the relationship because all that’s going to do is piss her off and she’ll be more vindictive and drag it out longer.

My worry and hesitation is that if I’m more aggressive in the legal realm or specifically with that, although there isn’t much of a bridge left, that would completely burn the bridge between her and I.

Dude, it’s kind of burned already. She got a restraining order against you and won’t let you see your kid. That’s ultimate betrayal. That’s not being a good mom. I mean, if you were a shit-bird father, that’d be a different story, but I’m assuming you’re a good dude and a good dad. You just been undisciplined and you’ve lacked self-control.

What I mean by that, is deep down I want nothing more for our son than to have his family back together.

Well, it takes the participation of your ex, and you have a restraining order, so that’s not in the cards. The only way that even could be potential is if the restraining order is gone or lifted at some point, and then it’s all on her. She’s got to make the effort.

I hope that we can find peace and a happier future.

You’ll find peace in a happier future with a different woman, bro.

I know that no matter what, I can’t chase somebody that doesn’t currently want me. Is the best course of action peace through war? In terms of in court.

No. Your goal should be to wrap it up so you can spend as much time with your kid as possible. As far as you know her, again, the restraining order has to get lifted. Until that’s lifted, she’s not a possibility.

Especially when she has been very unreasonable regarding reaching a healthy custody plan for our son. 

Again, that was the example her mother taught her. So that’s just the way it is.

3. You always say that the person that ended the relationship, it’s their job to fix it. I agree with that in most cases, but I lost my cool and hurt her in the process.

Well, that’s a you problem at the end of the day, but what creates attraction is what creates attraction. You have a restraining order, so there’s nothing you can do. She knows you want her back. You know, as part of 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, she has to participate. Right now, she’s taking out restraining orders against you, dude. Get a fucking clue. Pull your head out of your butt.

What originally led to the restraining order. I feel like I owe her, although she has put me and our son through hell, the respect to own up to my wrongs.

Again, it doesn’t matter at this point.

I would want our son to practice the same.

Great. That’s why you should go get a new woman and be a better example.

Do I still just practice that no matter what, that it’s on her to come around and fix it, the relationship and family I mean, if she wants to?

Yep. Otherwise you’re gonna end up in jail.

I feel like simply getting across how bad I feel…

Women don’t fucking care. They don’t care about your feelings, dude. They don’t care about how sorry you are. They don’t care what a great dude you are. What a great father you are. How handsome you are. How much money you have. They only care about how they feel about you. Right now, she doesn’t feel like she wants anything to do with you. That’s why you should go get somebody younger, hotter, who was raised right, date her, and have a spectacular relationship, and then she can be like, “Damn!” Someday she’ll regret that she lost a good one. Especially when your son, when he’s old enough to see that his mom is probably not got her shit together, he’s going to want to come live with you anyways. So in the long run, you’re gonna win.

So follow along, listen to your attorney and quit being stupid. You got to be disciplined and you got to be patient. Again, resolve this as quickly and as effortlessly, as painlessly as possible without any dust-ups that are unnecessary just so you can spend as much time with your kid as possible and move on.

…About having hurt her may help heal a lot of past hurt. 

4. Let’s say we get past all this legal nonsense, is there any shot at repairing things between us or is the damage done? 

As always, I appreciate your time and advice greatly.

Thanks so much Coach!

Bob

It’s on her, but by the time that even is a possibility, you should be getting your dick blown by somebody way hotter, and who has a better attitude and who loves her dad because this shit would be a non-issue.

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