Why and how inflexible and unreasonable women bully and intimidate weak men into complying with their wishes.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer whose previous email I answered in “Indirect Ways Women Friend-Zone Weak, Gullible and Clueless Men.” He gives an update on what has happened since then. They finally hooked up after much bullying, intimidation and manipulation on her part.
However, he’s seen some crazy behavior and many red flags he is concerned about and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
If a woman thinks you’re soft, and you’re weak, and you’re flexible, and she can get you to to change your plans to what she wants, she can basically get you to jump through your butt to please her, then obviously this is communicating weakness, because you’re not standing up for yourself to her. You’re not congruent with the things you say you want. You can tell it creates a lot of problems, and so this is kind of what you see here.
The other thing you’ve got to keep in mind – I see this all the time, and like my girlfriends I wrote about in 3% Man – you want a woman who is easygoing, easy to get along with. And so, with that in mind, as I’m going through this, does this sound like a woman who’s easygoing, easy to get along with, who’s flexible? Obviously, we’ll see that as it gets revealed.
I appreciate all the great work you’re doing and hope you are well! I wanted to share a success story and get your thoughts. I am the guy from the newsletter “Indirect Ways Women Friend-Zone Weak, Gullible & Clueless Men.” Since then, I have read the book 2 more times, and will read it 10 more times. I went into no contact, and she reached out 2 weeks later asking for her necklace back. I tried setting a dinner date at my place.
Obviously, he’s following what I talk about in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” Because if you’ve gotten dumped, if you’ve gotten friend zoned, and even if the girl is still continuing to contact you but won’t agree to do anything romantic, is adamant that you only are a friend and there’s going to be no romance and that you would agree to friends only, then you walk away and you never look back.
And the mindset is, if she pushed you away, said, “Friends only, blue balls for you, you don’t get access to my secret worlds,” you’re not interested in that. And so, she’s got to earn another chance with you to show that she’s flexible, that she’s remorseful, that she’s going to be nice to you and treat you the way you want to be treated, then you’ll let her come over to your place, and make dinner with you, and see where it goes from there.
And guys that are in this situation, oftentimes what happens is the women try to bully and intimidate the guys into meeting them for coffee or for lunches and basically doing platonic things, so they can keep the guy stuck in friend zone. Because even if the guy says, “I’m not interested in being friends” and he’s displayed a lot of weakness, like this particular guy did, she’s going to try to see, indirectly, in a hundred different ways, if she can get him to agree to being friends by doing platonic things.
And you’ll see as we go through how that plays out. The key is that it’s an issue of leverage here. You’re willing to give her a chance to win you back or get another chance with you, but it’s going to be on your terms, because you want to see that she’s flexible. That’s why you want her to come to your house in the evening to make dinner together. Because if a woman comes over to make dinner in the evening with you, then obviously, sex and romance are on the table. And if she doesn’t, then she’s not interested in that.
And so, it just cuts right through the bullshit. You’re either in or you’re out. You either want to come over and spend time with me in a romantic setting, or you’re not really seriously interested in anything romantic. But you’ll see, this guy, she successfully intimidated him. She was very, very relentless and tried a bunch of different ways until he complied, partially.
But she refused, saying she wasn’t comfortable coming over, (maybe because we haven’t slept together).
So again, he’s now trying to rationalize and make excuses and go against the things that I told him to do. And so, this “Oh, I’m not comfortable coming over,” it’s not like he just met this girl once or twice. He knew her for a long period of time before he got stuck in friend zone. And so, what she’s trying to do is to see if she can get him to comply with doing platonic things and then says, “Oh, I’m not comfortable.”
Remember, you’re doing her a favor by hearing her out. You’re willing to give her another chance to win you over, but it’s going to be on your terms, because you want flexibility. You want the woman to submit to you. And what’s happening is you’re getting the bucking bronco, here. Weakness invites aggression always. That’s why we have the war in Ukraine right now, because we have a weak President. Putin thought he could get away with it. He would have never done that with Trump. But that’s where we are. Weakness always invites aggression.
And tried multiple ways to get me to meet her out nearby my place instead.
Yeah, because she’s trying to force you to do something platonic and go against what you said, which was, “Hey, I’m only interested in romance.” And so, notice what she says next…
She said I was inflexible…
Remember, no one will ever do or say anything to you that isn’t a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves in a moment. And if you’re going to give this girl another chance, it needs to be on your terms. But you’ll see in a second, he fucking bitched out. He still got to the Promised Land, but it was pretty much on her terms.
That’s why she’s still extremely difficult, because he’s still displaying weakness. He’s saying one thing, and then all she has to do is intimidate him, and then he caves. This is what goes on constantly in a lot of married dudes lives. “I don’t want to piss off my wife. I don’t want to upset her. I don’t want her to get mad. I don’t want to lose access to the box. I’ve got to live with her, you know.”
…unreasonable and I was missing out.
The attitude should be like, “No, you’re missing out. I’m willing to give you another shot at winning me over, but you’re being difficult. I want a girl that’s easygoing, easy to get along with, and you’re just being difficult.”
I gave the “It’s been a long week”…
“I’m just in the mood to hang at my place. If you don’t want to come over and give me a call in a couple of weeks and maybe I’ll be up for meeting you out then.” That’s the response to that. Because the idea is that the only distance that you’re going to be willing to travel to see them is the distance it takes to go from wherever you are in your house to your front door to let them in.
And so, you see the way this guy justified it. He says, “maybe because we haven’t slept together.” This woman is not a stranger to this guy. He’s known her for, I don’t remember how long. His previous newsletter was many months ago. But the bottom line is it’s not somebody he just met on Tinder last week. This a girl he’s known for a while. And so, he’s displayed a lot of weakness, and he had no idea what was going on. You can tell he’s afraid to stand up for himself, and so that’s why the wheels are turning. He’s thinking about caving.
…and stood my ground.
She wouldn’t come over. Remember, the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it.
I then went away for 3 weeks on holiday. I let her do 100% of the pursuing and finally got a date set up at a bar near my place.
So, now he’s agreeing to go to a bar someplace outside of his house, because now he’s doubting himself. And he’s doing things on her terms. He’s giving up leverage. He’s giving up power, whether he realizes it or not. And so, what happens here, by agreeing to meet at a bar instead of being congruent with her coming over to his house, there’s a chink in the armor, and she’s just relentless. She’s not going to stop, because she senses the weakness.
She senses he’s still the same pussy that he was a few months ago and that she can just get him to comply with friend zone. And if he does, then he gets to continue his case of blue balls. And so, this is what happens. It just sets the gauntlet down, if you will. “You’re either in, or you’re out. You either are interested in coming over to my place in the evening to make dinner together, or you’re not. If you don’t feel comfortable after all this time of knowing each other to come over and make dinner together, then go do something else. Go hang out with somebody else.”
It shows that she’s not serious. It shows that she’s inflexible. All the things she accused him of, she is. She’s inflexible, unreasonable, and she’s missing out on him. But these are the kind of things, women, especially like this, know how to intimidate these weak guys. And the weak guys just comply, because they don’t know any better. They are too afraid to stand up for themselves.
A day before the date, the bar had to close so I booked another venue. She then tried to change the plans to meet her where she lived instead. I then did the takeaway. She then turned a little crazy, saying I was unreasonable, I was all over the place…
Which is obviously more her. She’s projecting more. She’s the one that’s all over the place. Her emotions are all over the place. Again, because he’s displaying intermittent weakness.
…(not true, I was direct and to the point), even after she asked me out multiple times, (also not true)…
She obviously exaggerates a lot, so that’s illustrating a lack of integrity.
…and I should just go with someone else.
So, now she’s doing the take away on him.
I called her out saying I had fixed a time, date, booked a venue and she was the one trying to change the plans last minute. Then she softened, asking if she could call me. She called, I barely spoke for a minute, and then she said, “I’ll let you go to bed because it’s late.” Then she changed, asking why I am giving her an attitude. I asked her, “What do you mean?” and tried calling her back, but she hung up on me.
So, he’s enabled a tyrant. This is what happened. You give her an inch, she’s going to take a mile. You’ve displayed all this weakness in the past, and now you’re trying to jump through your butt to accommodate her. And so, instead of only having her come over to make dinner together, then you agree to to go do something outside, which shows now you’re moving the line again.
Then, when you want to change the venue, she wants to make you come someplace closer to her, and then she becomes a tyrant. If it was me on the receiving end of this, I’d be like, “I’m not dealing with that.” But a desperate guy’s willing to put up with this kind of nonsense.
The next morning, she changed her tone saying she really wanted to see me and asked if I was free by any chance tomorrow. She thanked me for being accommodating.
So, I don’t know. I guess that means they changed the date.
She also clarified she doesn’t mind traveling anywhere, as long as she sees me and likes the venue. I then set the next date.
This is the day before. So, the date ends up getting canceled to a different day and date. That’s why “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back” is the way it is. This is what you get. You get hell on wheels when you allow a woman to do these things. You give her an inch, and she’s trying to take a mile. It’s like a constant negotiation there, and he’s kind of a piss poor negotiator.
I was calm and cool throughout. We then met, had an awesome time, went back to her place and participated rigorously in the indoor Olympics. While doing the deed, she called my name many times and even said “I love you.” She was very affectionate and even thanked me after when we were cuddling. I am amused, and here come more red flags…
“Male best friend” – She was texting him until 5 am, even when we were in bed together!
Does this sound like a man that she respects? She’s literally laying in bed naked and texting her male “best friend.” Sure. Until 5:00 am, by the way. I’m sure he’s “just a friend.” If I’ve got a female friend texting me at 4:00 or 5:00 in the morning, I’m sleeping. That just tells you that she’s got this other guy on a leash too.
She also texted him during the date when I went to the toilet.
This is, again, why you don’t go to her. You get this undesirable behavior. It may have taken a week or two or a couple more weeks before she finally threw in the towel and came over to your place, but you wouldn’t be dealing with all of this bullshit, because she would have been on her best behavior. So, you’re basically enabling a tyrant, dude. And this is all on you, because you didn’t follow instructions.
She has made comments in the past like, “I think he’s in love with me.”
This is the male best friend, “I think he’s in love with me.” Yeah, if he’s up at 5:00 in the morning, texting her while she’s sleeping with another guy, yeah, he’s thirsty. He’s after her, and she knows it.
He has a girlfriend but has tried in the past to make a move on her, (e.g., skipping his girlfriend’s birthday to join her on holiday, but she refused).
Yeah, so she’s got a bunch of weak guys like this, guys that are compliant that she can just lead around by the nose. They’re all enabling her behavior, and so is this guy that wrote the email.
“Mostly guy friends” – She has many male “best friends,” talks and hangs out with them a lot. Not many female friends.
All of these guy friends are dudes that are hoping to get their shot. That’s the bottom line. It’s obvious what kind of woman this is.
“Often talks about guys hitting on her” – This comes up all the time.
Probably because she’s constantly inviting male attention.
Once, she even went alone to a guy’s bachelor party, was the only girl there and got really wasted. She said everyone loved her.
Of course. It’s a bachelor party with a bunch of thirsty dudes. And you’re the only girl there? Duh.
“No father, tough mum” – Grew up without a dad, her single mum never had a boyfriend, always busy working. She also mentioned her mum is also very independent/tough…
Oh, I wonder where she gets that from.
…doesn’t show typical love like doing her laundry, cooking for her, etc. She works in a male-dominated industry and has said she always has to be strong.
Well, she basically became a man. She moved into her masculine because there was no dad around. And so, that’s why she’s so difficult, and being with her is like being with a dude. Weakness only invites more aggression.
What do you think about the constant changing attitude/emotions and the other red flags, Coach? Love to get your thoughts on this.
You’re enabling it, dude. I told you what to do and you didn’t listen. You went to her and went to her house. You did the opposite of what I told you to do, because you were afraid you weren’t going to get another shot. And yeah, you got laid, but look what you’re having to deal with.
I’ve been doing this long time, man – two decades, tens of thousands of phone sessions, countless times with guys implementing “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” And guys like you that come along that are super soft and super compliant, because you’re desperate and you’re needy, this is what you get. You get women that act like total tyrants. It’s not fun being with somebody like this. They just make your life hell. And as soon as things are going good, they’ll stir shit up and cause problems, just to make things a little more exciting.
So, what I would tell you to do is what “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back” says. I wouldn’t be going out and picking her up, and meeting her, and all of that stuff. Make her come to your place to make dinner for the next three dates in a row. And if she throws a temper tantrum, just say, “Look, don’t talk to me this way. You’re being mentally, and verbally, and emotionally abusive, and I don’t like it. All I do is ask you to come over for dinner, and you give me a hard time, you call me names. I don’t want to deal with that.”
It’s like, “You need to treat me with respect, you need to talk to me with respect, or you can call your other beta male orbiters and give them your time and attention. Because I want a girl who’s easygoing, easy to get along with, who’s nice to me and is not hanging out with a bunch of dudes that are trying to get in her pants and saying they’re “best friends” and “I think he’s in love with me.” It’s like, no thanks. We can be friends with benefits.”
This girl is a friends with benefits, fuck buddy, sex playmate. I wouldn’t get into a relationship with this girl. She’s a tyrant. Plus, she obviously doesn’t get along with other women, probably because she tries to steal their boyfriends or their husbands or flirts with their boyfriends or their husbands. And all of these guy “friends,” what it is, is she’s constantly inviting attention from other men that want to get in her pants.
I mean, obviously the one guy, the “male best friend” she knows wants to get in her pants. The guy has a girlfriend and is willing to cheat on his girlfriend with her. So, what does that tell you about this girl’s integrity level? I don’t think she has any. I would proceed with caution. Like I said, just from what I’ve seen here, I personally would not give a woman like this the time of day. But you do you, boo boo. Whatever makes you happy. But it’s like you’re creating a monster and a tyrant by being too afraid to stand up for yourself and just say no to this girl.
So, like I said, I’d make her come to your place on your terms. And as long as she’s got a good attitude and you hook up all three times in a row, then you can meet her out and pick her up. But I’d let her do 100% of the pursuing always, and follow what’s in there. You can see, when you do the things I tell you to do, they work. And when you don’t or you half-ass it, it’s like you’re still dealing with a tyrant here, and that’s not fun. I wouldn’t want to do it, but it’s your life. You do what you want.
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